My gf wanted to join me for a bicycle ride, however, she refused to wear a helmet, said she never needed one before. I told her I’m not comfortable with this and that there is always risk for head injuries, and we should always take preventative measures when possible. She refuses. So I said I won’t be going with her. AITA?
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My gf wanted to join me for a bicycle ride, however, she refused to wear a helmet, said she never needed one before. I told her I’m not comfortable with this and that there is always risk for head injuries, and we should always take preventative measures when possible. She refuses. So I said I won’t be going with her. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) Telling gf to wear a helmet for bike ride.
2.) Refusing to go for a bike rid, if gf will not wear a helmet
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
nta
that’s how my mom’s cousin died
NTA. You’re not demanding she wear a helmet for her ride, you’re choosing not to ride with her if she’s not taking what you see as a basic safety precaution. That’s not controlling, that’s setting a boundary for your own comfort. It’s totally fair to say, “I’m not okay participating in something that feels unsafe to me.”
You’re not stopping her from biking, just from involving you in a situation you’re not comfortable with. Head injuries are serious, and helmets are a simple way to reduce risk. It’s okay to want your partner to prioritize safety, especially when you’d be out biking together.
If she doesn’t want to wear one, that’s her choice. But you also get to choose what you’re okay being part of. That’s not being an asshole, that’s being responsible.
YTA.
Not wearing a helmet is a risk, sure, but as adults we’re able to decide what risks we’re happy to take on for ourselves. You’re policing her behaviour in the way you would a child.
NTA.
You are setting a boundary: You will not go biking with someone who refuses to wear a helment.
She can choose to not wear a helment – in which case you do not go biking together. Or she can wear a helment and you go biking together. The choice is hers.
I also do not like doing potentially dangerous activities without the basic safety equipment; I’ve seen too many injuries and taken too many first-aid classes to know what could happen.
NTA, you want keep your gf safe, which is completely understandable. Wearing a helmet is really important because you never know what might happen. I did this once and ended up with a bruise on my face, luckily it wasn’t my head.
Are you doofey?
How fast are you planning on going?
YTA because your trying to control her behavior. It would be different if she was doing something to endanger you.
Assuming your gf is an adult (if she’s not, I have other questions), YTA. It is her choice whether she wears a helmet or not. She is aware of the risks.
NTA. Nobody needs a helmet until the day they need one. Then they really need one. (ETA) Why does she feel the need to not wear one? It’s not going to hurt her, and could save her life – and save you a whole heap of upset and worry.
NTA
I bike and ride horses. Two concussions and 3 broken ribs. Literally demolished 2 top rated equestrian helmets and one biking helmet.
I’d be dead now, if I wasn’t wearing a one.
NTA
No, she’s NOT the only one at risk not wearing a helmet. Sure, by wearing a helmet we mostly care about our own safety but our potential death affects other people involved in the situation, too.
Her partner will be traumatised for life if she’ll die or will have more serious injuries because she’s not wearing a helmet. Especially given that he’d be right next to her during an accident. Imagine your loved one dying basically in your arms and blaming yourself for next X years because “if I had pushed more, maybe…”
If she’ll get into an accident and die, the other person (i.e. car driver) may get higher sentence/punishment even if the accident wasn’t their fault.
Not wearing a helmet is almost purely a vanity thing. Okay, sometimes they can be abit uncomfortable, but still, what’s more important, life or slight discomfort?
Info: Where is the bike ride going to be taking place? Here in the Netherlands, wearing a helmet is exceptionally, but the bike paths are also relatively very safe compared to some other countries (although bike helmet are still officially advised). Are there any of these cultural differences between you two? I take a lot of bike rides here without helmet, but would probably wear a helmet when biking in the average US city, because it is far more car-centric and dangerous for cyclists. But that’s my personal take, I would suggest discussing this issue more in dept with your gf if possible.
YTA. she never does it and biking with you isn’t more dangerous than any other time. You also won’t be there to “save” her whenever she bikes alone. You can’t decide this for her. You would be way too controlling.
NTA. Look, where I live it’s illegal to ride without one. However, if people ever suggest it when travelling, I just give a detailed and graphic description of what it will be like to have the emergency services scrape their brains off the side of the road.
Hubris does not magically protect you from misadventure.
NTA. It isn’t about how good she is at biking, b/c anything can happen (cars, road debris, etc.) and change her life in an instant. I have medical professionals in my family so helmets have always been a must b/c of the gnarly and heart wrenching head injuries they’ve seen. Sure, your gf can go biking if she doesn’t want to wear a helmet, but it doesn’t need to be with you. You stated that you weren’t comfortable with it and that’s ok. You could potentially witness something traumatizing if she doesn’t wear a helmet so why put yourself in that position? She can bike helmet-less on her own time.
Ideally you’d explain your concerns to her about head injury risk and you could show her some medical data about helmet use, but she sounds pretty stubborn.
NTA
You set a boundary for yourself, not for her. However, depending on how the conversation went with her, you might have sounded a bit patronizing. If this conversation ended in a fight, maybe check up and clear the air. You’re concerned about her well-being because you care. No one should be mad about that.
My uncle is a retired surgeon.
He has a saying:
”You know what we call patients who don’t wear helmets? Cadavers.”
NTA.
NTA
NTA. you’re not telling her what to do, you’re setting a boundary for your peace of mind. it’s thoughtful that you care about her safety, even if she brushes it off. it’s not controlling, it’s protective. she can still ride, just not with you if she won’t take the risk seriously. that’s fair.
NTA
A friend of mine was an athlete and loved to skateboard. He skateboarder without a helmet when he was 21. He can no longer speak nor stand on his own.
NTA.
I don’t understand people like your girlfriend. What’s her noggin worth to her?
I’ve crashed on my bike on several occasions, never even had any car involved. Helmet definitely protected my head.
The last time, I was only going about 5-7 mph.
NTA. My husband has a co-worker who’s only alive because he was wearing a bike helmet. He got knocked off his bike and skidded along on his head, and the helmet almost wore through.
Even with the helmet he suffered brain damage and will never be 100% the same.
YTA – this is her decision, and the proof on the benefits of helmets is not set in stone (tests show cars take more risks with cyclists who wear helmets). If this is a leisurely cycle in an area where cars are used to cyclists, this is rather controlling
You should find out why she doesn’t want to wear one. She probably just doesn’t want to look silly or mess up her hair or something that could be solved by getting her a nice helmet that she likes and some reassurance.
NTA. Her not wanting to wear a helmet is her choice. You not wanting to see her get injured is yours.
YTA. You sound annoying.
NTA. Safety first, always! Helmets are not a preference, they’re a necessity.
NTA, as others have said, you aren’t trying to control her, you are just avoiding a situation your are not comfortable with.
That said, and I know this might be an unpopular comment, I would really think closely about staying in a relationship with someone like this. If you are young and just having fun, then I don’t see much harm, but if you are trying to build a life with this person I would consider this a major red flag.
It is one thing to make unhealthy/unsafe life choices, but it is another thing entirely to do so forcefully when someone who cares about you asks you not to. I would want to build a life with someone who doesn’t put in the effort to keep themselves alive. Sounds dramatic, but this isn’t that far off from not wanting to be with an IV drug user, or someone who routinely drinks and drives.