In December my girlfriend and I booked a holiday abroad for the end of April/beginning of May. My mum has been ill since last summer but she seemed to be responding to treatment and while she wasn’t as healthy as she was a year ago, she still seemed to be doing well.
This changed rapidly this month and my mum deteriorated quickly over the space of a week. At the weekend she was her normal self and there didn’t seem to be any issues with her and then overnight she went to barely being able to speak and then a few days later she passed away.
I was really close to my mum and while I didn’t visit as much as I should have due to us living in different cities and public transport near me being unreliable, we would speak on the phone multiple times a day.
This has obviously devastated me and I mentioned to my gf this weekend that we’ll have to cancel the holiday. She looked shocked at this and said we should still go and that it would be good to take my mind off things.
I just said again that I didn’t want to go and that I wouldn’t enjoy it as all I’d be thinking about is my mum. I said she could sell my ticket to a friend if she wants to take someone else and still go but I would not be going.
She again tried to talk me into it and said we should still go but I told her to stop pressuring me and that I wouldn’t be going away.
She got annoyed and said we’ve been excited for the trip for months and I just told her that yeah we have but after what has happened, I don’t want to go away.
She just said I was wrong for completely refusing instead of being open to it but just told her to stop pressuring me to go away just so she can get a holiday.
AITA for not going on a holiday we planned?
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In December my girlfriend and I booked a holiday abroad for the end of April/beginning of May. My mum has been ill since last summer but she seemed to be responding to treatment and while she wasn’t as healthy as she was a year ago, she still seemed to be doing well.
This changed rapidly this month and my mum deteriorated quickly over the space of a week. At the weekend she was her normal self and there didn’t seem to be any issues with her and then overnight she went to barely being able to speak and then a few days later she passed away.
I was really close to my mum and while I didn’t visit as much as I should have due to us living in different cities and public transport near me being unreliable, we would speak on the phone multiple times a day.
This has obviously devastated me and I mentioned to my gf this weekend that we’ll have to cancel the holiday. She looked shocked at this and said we should still go and that it would be good to take my mind off things.
I just said again that I didn’t want to go and that I wouldn’t enjoy it as all I’d be thinking about is my mum. I said she could sell my ticket to a friend if she wants to take someone else and still go but I would not be going.
She again tried to talk me into it and said we should still go but I told her to stop pressuring me and that I wouldn’t be going away.
She got annoyed and said we’ve been excited for the trip for months and I just told her that yeah we have but after what has happened, I don’t want to go away.
She just said I was wrong for completely refusing instead of being open to it but just told her to stop pressuring me to go away just so she can get a holiday.
AITA for not going on a holiday we planned?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Refused to go in a holiday I had planned after my mum passed
My partner said I shouldn’t be cancelling and that I should still be going to take my mind off things. She said I was wrong for refusing to consider it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I’m very sorry for your loss, it must have been an awful shck.
I think this is a NAH situation, . Do you have travel instuance? It may be worth checking to see whether you have cover and could rearrange the holiday to a later date in the uear when you might be bettter able to go.
NTA. Dude, your mom just passed away, and you’re in the middle of grieving. It’s totally understandable that the idea of a holiday right now feels impossible. Your girlfriend should be supporting you, not trying to convince you to go. It’s a lot, and honestly, if she cared about your feelings, she’d drop the whole “let’s still go” thing and focus on being there for you. It’s not about the trip anymore, it’s about you needing space to process your loss. If she can’t understand that, it’s a bigger issue than a holiday. You’re not wrong for prioritizing your emotional well-being right now.
I am sorry with all my heart. I’ve been there and I’m still grieving 2 years later. I could go on a trip now, but not during trigger times: Thanksgiving, Christmas, my dad’s birthday and Father’s Day.
This is what was true for me (and was supported by what I read about grieving). People think it’s their job to help you get over your grief. Changing the subject, trying to make you laugh, and yes, taking trips. This is what also was true for me. What you need is someone who is comfortable just sitting with you and your grief.
This is such a difficult situation. You wish others “got it” then again, you would never wish this pain on anyone so they could “get it.” For me, I never knew grief could be so lonely. Grief counseling and grief support groups made me feel less alone.
ETA: most definitely NTA. Don’t judge yourself now. Give yourself grace.
I mean, people deal with things differently. I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole, kinda depends on your delivery when talking about it. I can see why she’d be upset though, especially if you’ve been anticipating it and taken off work. Does sound like you were approaching her with “this is final no questions asked” kind of energy, which isn’t fair cause it’s not only you who’s affected by it. We all know girlfriends don’t want to just go alone or with a friend they want to go with You. Could’ve had her own special surprise planned for yall as well. Maybe wouldn’t feel as safe going without you, all these factors add up to selling your ticket m still going or going with another friend as not an end all solution. Also she’s a woman you’re a man, traveling is different for you both, especially abroad. I wouldn’t want my woman traveling abroad without me there to protect, would make me paranoid. Trafficking very common in those situations. Doesn’t sound like a bad idea to go still. Not like staying home n being sad will bring her back(sorry for your loss). Personally I’d rather be sad while touring Europe than sad while sitting at home eating junk n watching tv. Not to be insensitive but realistic life does have to go on, n death is a part of that… would your mom want you to still go n try your best to have a great time while keeping her memory in your heart or grieve at home? “Stop pressuring me” is definitely not open to any feedback which isn’t fair, even though you’re going through something big n need a minute that shouldn’t override everyone else. If it was a friend group I’d say that’s different vibe n canceling wouldn’t matter as much, though I’d still say it’s probably good to still go.. at least you’d be building good memories around this tough time and it would lessen the blow a bit n make it a bit more butter sweet.. in my opinion.
Why do you keep creating accounts to post this?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1jnzikw/aitah_for_not_going_on_a_holiday_that_my/?rdt=51486
NTA
Very sorry for your loss. It might be good to get away for a bit, but in the end it is your decision.
If she wants to go, she can go on our own or with a friend, like you offered. Perhaps she could look into ways to rebook things on a later date.
NTA; you’re in mourning.
WTF your mom just died and she’s annoyed you aren’t up to going on the trip? She’s selfish and she should be wanting to stay home with you and not caring about the trip.
NTA. Not wanting to go on vacation a few weeks after the person who birthed you suddenly passed is TOTALLY fine. But you REALLY need to ditch your girlfriend. The only gift that you get from this situation is that your (hopefully soon to be ex) GF has shown her true colors. And when someone shows you their true colors, believe them the first time.
NTA – I’m sorry for your loss. You’re gf is heartless is her only concern is going on a vacation instead of being there for you during your time of loss. You can always take a trip but you only have one mother.
Maybe spend some you time to grieve and reassess your gf situation because it doesn’t sound like it’s a healthy relationship.
You need to take the time you need to grieve your Mama. I lost two old good friends this year. My big bros 30yr anniversary was in February. My mom died on her 41st birthday & it was 41 years ago on 3/23/25. My phone & identity were hacked, like everything. Oh , I’m also trying to leave my abusive marriage.
I didn’t realize how depressed I was & literally couldn’t get out of bed for a lil over 2 weeks. I needed to NOT. Just Not. I understand & I’m sorry for the loss of your Mom. You are absolutely allowed & encouraged to do what you need & take all the time it takes. Write a song or poem about her. 🙏🏻❤️