I (M22) have a girlfriend (20F). She’s the love of my life, and I intend to spend the rest of mine with her. We’ve been together for two years, and we’re very committed to each other. It’s definitely not a casual encounter anymore. However, I have an issue with her family.
Her family is attending a vacation in the Caribbean, which they do yearly to visit some friends who lives in the area. They offered to invite me along and pay for my expenses, however, this is based on the condition that I sleep in a separate room and separate bed from my girlfriend.
I can’t agree to these requests. I’m either willing to go, and sleep in the same bed as my girlfriend, or not go at all. I feel like my girlfriend’s parents are trying to force their religious beliefs onto me, and I’m unwilling to tolerate this crossing of boundaries that I’ve so clearly set.
My original plan was to agree to their demands and just sleep in her room anyway, but my girlfriend has refused this as she doesn’t want to disrespect her parents. I think it’s disrespectful of them to push their ideologies onto me.
My girlfriend thinks I should just tolerate her parents so that I can go on vacation with her, but I disagree. Her family generally all agrees with her stance, though her brother has told me privately that he thinks his parents are controlling. Her family has threatened to not invite me along unless I am willing to conform, and are complaining about me on Facebook, so I don’t know.
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I (M22) have a girlfriend (20F). She’s the love of my life, and I intend to spend the rest of mine with her. We’ve been together for two years, and we’re very committed to each other. It’s definitely not a casual encounter anymore. However, I have an issue with her family.
Her family is attending a vacation in the Caribbean, which they do yearly to visit some friends who lives in the area. They offered to invite me along and pay for my expenses, however, this is based on the condition that I sleep in a separate room and separate bed from my girlfriend.
I can’t agree to these requests. I’m either willing to go, and sleep in the same bed as my girlfriend, or not go at all. I feel like my girlfriend’s parents are trying to force their religious beliefs onto me, and I’m unwilling to tolerate this crossing of boundaries that I’ve so clearly set.
My original plan was to agree to their demands and just sleep in her room anyway, but my girlfriend has refused this as she doesn’t want to disrespect her parents. I think it’s disrespectful of them to push their ideologies onto me.
My girlfriend thinks I should just tolerate her parents so that I can go on vacation with her, but I disagree. Her family generally all agrees with her stance, though her brother has told me privately that he thinks his parents are controlling. Her family has threatened to not invite me along unless I am willing to conform, and are complaining about me on Facebook, so I don’t know.
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> I was stubborn about not allowing my girlfriend’s family to pressure me into a dynamic I am uncomfortable with, which might make me the asshole because I am not just acceding to keep the peace.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
This seems like a weird hill to die on. You’re both relatively young, and unmarried, and her parents are not comfortable with you sleeping in the same bed on a vacation they are inviting you to? And you’ve decided that’s just the final straw, you’re holding your ground on this one?
YTA, you’re being childish, which just proves their point.
Yes you are. You have no tact. You were just going to let them pay your way and deliberately break their conditions for doing so? I hope your girlfriend finds better.
YTA because you’re also trying to be controlling here.
Instead of fighting for control against her parents, maybe you should consider that your girlfriend wants you with her on vacation. If the only time you’d have to spend away from her is while you are sleeping, I really don’t see the issue. Especially since they’re offering to pay for everything.
Your gf needs to stop putting herself around people who care more about control than about what’s really important
YTA. You’re being ridiculous and rude.
Think about what you’re doing. Do you really want to create an unnecessary problem with your girlfriend’s parents so that they may not want you around in future? When the people closest to your girlfriend are telling her they don’t like you and don’t want you around, when they’re noticing every mistake you make and making sure she knows about it, then your relationship is going to suffer.
Suck it up. Thank them profusely for their generosity. Show that you can stop thinking about your **** for long enough to have fun with the family. Go, have fun, abide by their rules. It isn’t for long. It will make your life and your girlfriend’s life easier. This would be the respectful, constructive thing to do.
INFO: What boundary have you set here? ime, a boundary is something you decide to do or not do, like “I will not go to church, even if invited,” not a limit on someone else’s actions, “You’re not allowed to invite me to church.”
You are allowed to set limits (boundaries) on your own actions, but as soon as you try to step over someone else’s, you become t a.
I think it’s fine to have the ultimatum of either you sleep with your gf or you don’t go on vacation, but you haven’t said if YOU want to go on this vacation or not–and the family has invited you and offered to pay. This is your call, but insisting that you sleep with your gf on her family’s bill would make you an asshole here.
NAH, YTA this is a really childish choice on your part. What’s your boundary, that wherever you go with your gf, you tell your hosts what your sleeping arrangements will be or you won’t go? You mention that their objection is based on their religion, but some parents just don’t want to hear or think about their children having sex in the next room. But hey, stick to your guns even if your gf thinks you’re making a bad choice, if it makes you feel better.Edited to change my judgment after reading OP’s responses.
YTA
They have boundaries and you are going at their expense. If you don’t like the conditions, you could always pay for your own hotel room.
YTA. You’re giving up a free nice vacation and probably causing an unnecessary rift between your girlfriend and her parents.
YTA
You only think you are fighting a battle against her parents’ strictness when actually you are sending your girlfriend a message that you get so entrenched in your positions that you would rather not be with her than give in, and that you value sleeping with her over being with her.
A person needs to pick their battles carefully, and you are choosing poorly.
NTA. Y’all sleep together all the time, being on vacation with her family shouldn’t make it any different. Her parents can grow up
Do you live together? I assume the answer is no.
Their money, their rules. I don’t think this is a hill worth dying on with your future in laws. Are there younger kids in the family that will be around? Religion aside, it’s not uncommon for parents to not want their young adult children cohabitating when the younger ones are around, it sends the wrong message.
YTA – you want to go behind their back and you’re assuming they’re forcing their religion on you, because they don’t want you sharing a bed on vacation.
YTA for planning to break their rules. I think their rules are NBD and quite common, to be honest, but if they’re a dealbreaker for you, it’s fair for you to simply not go on the trip. They’re assholes for taking to Facebook to badmouth you, however. People who do that suck in all kinds of ways.
You seem really obsessed with the idea that Christianity = not having sex and Atheism = having sex. I know you’re young, but the world is a much more complex and nuanced place.
Also, YTA because you are throwing a fit about conditions for a free trip to the Caribbean. Politely turn it down like a normal person if you don’t want to go.
To be clear, they’re not asking you to sleep on a bunk in the kids’ room and look after 3 year old triplets, right? They’ve committed the crime of offering to pay for a Caribbean vacation and their only condition is you sleep in your own room they are paying for and not with their 20 year old daughter.
YTA and not all that bright either. I hope they rescind their invitation.
NAH.
They have the right to ask you to sleep separately, while you have the right to say no thanks.
It’s kind of silly to give up a free vacation over this, though.
YTA
If the genders were reversed, Reddit would say man had to stand up against parents to defend partner. So doesn’t GF have to stand up against parents to protect partner? I’m so confused.
Aside from that, just don’t go, man. You’re not gonna have fun anyway.
You better believe her family is going to try to get her to drop your ass now. YTA.
YTA
YTA!
This is a very common arrangement for adult children who aren’t married when staying with parents.
They are paying for the trip, just go and have a good time, you will be fine in a separate bed for a few days.
hahaha
you deserve every bit of this
YTA- they’re not trying to convert you or anything they are setting a boundary within their belief system. They’re not dragging you to a church and forcing you to be baptized. 🙄
You can refuse to go, but that’s frankly immature and a terrible way to start things with your future in-laws. Your girlfriend respects her parents so it would benefit you to do the same and earn their respect in return. My advice is to accept this VERY generous gift and go have a fantastic vacation. When it comes time to get engaged you’re going to want their blessing. If you don’t have it, she may hesitate to say yes.
NAH. The parents can do whatever they want especially if theyre paying for you. But if youre not happy with the arrangement that’s also fine and you don’t need to go. Though if i were you i’d just go anyways since it’s a free vacation and it’s just a few days. no big deal. But if you make it a bigger problem then YWBTA.
YTA – sorry. Yes her parents are being ridiculous. But if you intend to spend your life with her then these people will be a part of your life. They aren’t asking you to sleep in a tent outside. Pick your battles. This isn’t the hill to die on.
YTA.
Because you are taking something that is very common and turning it into some ridiculous hill to die on
I’d say YTA, but mostly to yourself. You’re disappointing your girlfriend and creating a rift between yourself and her family. They’re offering to pay for you to join them on an expensive family vacation that is also an important tradition to them, and instead of seeing that for what it is; a confirmation that they’ve come to view you as family (a GREAT sign if you’re serious about spending your lives together), you’re focusing on a perceived insult.
Your girlfriend will spend her holiday knowing that you could’ve been there, making memories with her, but viewed the principle of sleeping in the same bed as more important. Can YOU afford these kind of vacations for the two of you? If you can’t even offer her an equivalent experience for just the two of you, I can see why this would really hurt her feelings.
Look, at your age is it a bit silly to split you up? Sure. But the fact is this is their trip, their money, their rules. Obviously you don’t have to go, but personally this isn’t a hill I’d die on over a free vacation!
YTA
I mean, if you’re not willing to tolerate her family for a free vacation, how do you think you will tolerate bigger things that happen in life?
Kind of embarrassing that you can’t *not sleep with* your girlfriend for a few days and you decide you can’t tolerate it.
NAH. They are allowed to have rules when they pay for the trip. You have the right to not go. It isn’t an unreasonable ask.
I do think it’s weird of them to try and do that, especially the Facebook garbage, but i would decide what’s right based on whose house youre in. If they’re paying, I’d agree to the terms even if they are undesirable. When you’re not in their home, you do what you will.
YTA. Nobody’s forcing you to go. If you can’t bear being out of grabbing distance of your beloved for a few hours a day, stay home and be unable to touch her for a week or two.
YTA. It’s a free trip. Just do as they say.
INFO do you guys live together?
>pay for my expenses
You let them pay, you follow their rules. If you don’t want to follow their rules don’t go, or pony up the money yourself.
>My original plan was to agree to their demands and just sleep in her room anyway
I’d say NTA as long as you don’t do this. You can say no to their rules by not going on the trip. You wouldn’t be an asshole for that, but your girlfriend will probably think you are. And, making that decision will most likely negatively impact your relationship, so choose wisely whether or not this is the hill you want to see your relationship die on or not.
I’m really surprised at all of the people here that are supporting the parents being so weirdly controlling of an adult woman.
YTA. A free trip to the Caribbean but you can’t abide by their very simple, very normal rule? I hope for your sake you stick to your guns, so the parents decide to invite her ex who is still a “friend of the family” and they end up getting back together.
YTA. How hard is it to not sleep in the bed of your to be spouse to please your future parents in law when they are around. So entitled. Grow up.
You’re being a total AH. Grow up. This is not a hill you should die on and if you truly care about this relationship, making waves with the parents is not the move you should make.
YTA. If you’re really as committed to her as you say you are you should probably try and get along with her family, no? You should also be aware that you fighting with her parents over anything at all will bring her anguish. You’re being childish.
I’m from an atheist family and my family had the same rules when I was that age. This isn’t always a religious thing and YTA. Either go on a free vacation or don’t. Stop causing drama.
I can understand thinking it’s ridiculous (because it is) but it isn’t worth driving a wedge in the relationships you all have with each other. Your age/lack of maturity level is showing here. If she’s truly the love of your life, suck it up on your less than favorable sleeping situation and spend quality time with her and her family and their generosity to bring you along.
Yta. You’re both kids still and it’s under their roof/generosity. Follow their rules. Also LOML, relax you’re 22. Maybe but maybe not. Is this the hill to die on? It’s likely not religion, it’s respect. And also maybe appearances if she has younger siblings.
LMFAO. your age is showing. this is soooo immature. how dumb do you have to be to give up a free caribbean vacation because you want to be stubborn and disrespect her parents? you don’t HAVE to go on vacation, but i hope this is a wake up call for your girlfriend. i think YTA for being purposefully stubborn, immature, and dense – missing a vacation with your gf, and leaving a bad impression on her family. let me know how that works out for you🤣🤣🤣
YTA, and also you’re not using the word boundary correctly. Boundaries are something you set for yourself, not for other people. “My gf’s parents are not allowed to ask something of me” is not a real boundary.
YTA
This has nothing to do with religion. Even if they were not religious, no parent wants to listen to their 20 year old daughter hooking up in the next room. Which is exactly why you are pushing back.
This isn’t a religious thing, or a logic thing.
It’s an immaturity thing.
You’re just being obtuse because you were not raised with any kind of respect for other people’s households
You’re not married
You’re not even really an adult yet. Because if you were an adult, you could afford your own vacation without having someone’s mommy and daddy pay for it.
You were offered a free vacation and you won’t accept because you don’t have any respect for her family at all
Says a lot about how you were raised and about your level of maturity
So don’t go. They can save some money
You gotta ask yourself, is this going to matter a year from now? It shouldn’t. I understand that you are an adult and you want to be treated like an adult. I’m guessing it’s more about the principle than anything else.
But I’m telling you, this is not the hill worth dying on
YTA for sure. They are willing to include you on their trip and cover your expenses. If you don’t want to abide by that, just don’t go. But the fact that you were planning to disregard that and sleep with her anyway is beyond the pale. You’re acting like a two year old who isn’t getting what you want. Grow up.
NAH.
They are allowed to set a boundary that they are only comfortable funding your attendance on the vacation if you are not sleeping in the same bed, which it sounds like they consider a sin. It’s totally valid for them to want not to take part in funding that.
You are also allowed to set a boundary that if you can’t sleep in your girlfriend’s bed, then you will choose not to attend the vacation. That is your right. Doesn’t make either of you an asshole though.
Your body your choice.
Their money their choice.
(TBH it does make it look like you care way more about fucking your girlfriend than about spending quality time with her and her family though…NGL.)
>”They offered to invite me along and pay for my expenses, however, this is based on the condition that I sleep in a separate room and separate bed from my girlfriend.”
If they are willing to pay the added expense of getting you a separate room there is little you can do.
FWIW, my brother had to do this until he married his GF / Now Wife. My parents are pretty conservative and believe the couple should not sleep together until marriage. Their rules so anytime we visited their home, we had to abide.
Their trip, they are paying, their rules. Abide or don’t.
YTA, and a disprespectful brat. Wait til you have a daughter and then you’ll understand. The audacity to be this disrespectful when they are willing to pay your way with one minor stipulation. You’re still a child, even at 22. It’s has nothing to do with “beliefs”, it’s just basic respect. I wouldn’t want my daughter sleeping with another man next to my room either, especially if i’m paying for the place. You wanna make the rules then make your own money and go on your own vacation. Until then shut the f up and learn your place little brat.
NTA. They’re acting like you’re teenagers.
YTA Grow up.
Your girlfriend has also asked you to abide by her parents’ rule on this trip. They have generously offered you a paid vacation, and you are making demands on it. This is not a scenario where you have grounds to dictate how things will go. Either abide by the terms that they and your girlfriend have offered, or you can decline their invitation. Also, making demands doesn’t obligate people to do what you want just because you call them boundaries.
I think this type of religious horseshit is dumb and annoying. I have a family member who literally lived with her boyfriend/fiancé for years, they owned a house together, and her parents still forced them to sleep in separate rooms when they visited until the literal day they got married. Ridiculous goofball stuff.
That being said: they’re paying for you to go on a trip to the Caribbean (score!), and sleeping in your own bed is really not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. I used to be stubborn like you, especially when it came to ethical/religious disagreements, but you learn to pick your battles as you grow up. And especially if you love this chick and see a future with her, you want to be in good graces with her family.
YTA. Go on the trip, do what they ask, have a good time, and be gracious and thankful to her family (and enjoy a nice big bed to yourself – which, as a person who’s shared a bed with my boyfriend and a dog for many years, honestly sounds like a treat).
YTA. She is your girlfriend, not your wife and her family is paying your expenses on the trip. This is a really stupid hill to die on. If it means that much to you to share a bed with her, than you and her should go on your own separate trip that you pay for…
yeesh, yta. is sleeping in the same bed really worth a free vacation and a decent relationship with your gfs family? sure you can consider it controlling or whatever, but its certainly not uncommon, whether its due to faith, culture, or personal beliefs. just seems like a weird hill for you to die on.
YTA. Dont throw it in their face that you’re fucking their daughter. Amazingly generous of them to invite you. Grow up before you ruin everything.
YTA I think it’s extremely disrespectful of you to be acting this way toward her and her family.
Sleeping in the same bed together is such a small thing that I don’t see why you’re acting like this at all.
They have invited you on holiday and are paying for it yet you can’t follow one rule do you sleep in her bedroom at her parents house if not YTA.
This is the wrong hill to die on. FYI if you’re spending the rest of your life with her, her parents will be there too. Maybe suck it up and enjoy your free vacation.
YTA
NTA for not going. People in the comments are picking weird hills to die on, like whether the parents are religious or not. Firstly, I don’t think it really matters and secondly, I’m going to assume that you know whether they’re religious or not, considering you know them and are dating their daughter. I think I personally wouldn’t be willing to travel with them once it got to the point, where they were posting about me on facebook.
YWBTA if you went and slept with her anyway. They have the right to set conditions when they’re paying. You have the right to not go.
I had the same issue as a young woman. And while I also thought the whole thing was silly, those
Men never did last- mostly because they were outwardly combative with my mother, which in turn made them look controlling. It became my boyfriend against my parents and I felt like neither cared about me at all! If you truly love her, you’ll suck it up and play nice for a vacation. For her, the love of your life.
Bro, based on your comments im guessing she is brown.
You gotta respect her culture. Parents are worried you might be getting busy each night with them around. + they dont want their fam talking crap.
U wanna share a bed with her, put a ring on it and sleep together.
Otherwise respect her fam wishes and it will help you solidify your respect with her and her fam.
YTA. Their money, their rules. You want to set the rules and not be treated like a child? Pay for yourself.
I’m willing to bet they’re only inviting you to be nice and because she wants you to go, and they don’t actually want you to go. You won’t hurt their feelings or prove a point by not going. She’s young and they probably see that she still has a lot of time to meet plenty of guys and they don’t care if you like it or not.
The fact that your plan was to accept the trip and break the rules makes YTA.
If you don’t want to follow the rules, don’t go.
It doesn’t have to be a religious thing to not want to hear your daughter getting it on while you are on vacay.
YTA, they don’t want you fornicating on a trip they are funding, and casual or not, a lot of parents wouldn’t be cool with that. It’s not pushing ideologies, it’s them trying to include you in a way that is comfortable for their boundaries too. My parents were engaged and had to sleep in separate rooms at her mom’s house. It’s not that deep. You’re being a brat.
YTA
You’re on their turf, they’re paying your way, you play by their rules. It would be the same if you were staying at their house for a few days for Christmas.
This is not about religion for you, I call bullshit on that. This is about your ego and you not wanting to be ordered around. You feel pushed so you’re pushing back because you need to win.
Forever is a long time. Learn which pissing contests with her family are worth it and which ones are not. Some will be. This one’s not.
OP to the parents:
“She’s the love of my life, and I intend to spend the rest of mine with her. We’ve been together for two years, and we’re very committed to each other. It’s definitely not a casual encounter anymore.”
Parents to OP:
“Put a ring on it or STFU.”
Religious or not, the “I don’t care what you do when you’re not here but in my house you don’t sleep together unless you’re married” isn’t THAT uncommon an attitude and maybe isn’t the hill you want to die on.
YTA.
NTA but your stance/decision might have negative consequences for your relationship with your girlfriend and definitely for your relationship with her family. Her brother may agree that they’re controlling, but in this scenario where they’re paying for your trip, they do kinda get to control things. My parents didn’t allow BF/GF to sleep in the same room or bed until we were married and it wasn’t specifically for religious reasons – more so that they’re old fashioned. I think that’s a pretty common boundary for parents to draw.
I completely understand that you want to be treated like an adult and this is frustrating, but if you want to continue a relationship with this girl, this may not be the hill to die on.
YTA
What boundary are you talking about? There is no boundary, you got invited to the Caribbean for free, and you have been her boyfriend since she was 18 years old and now she is 20. What great loss or made-up line in your immature headspace are her parents crossing that personally insults you? How does your twenty-two years of life equate entitlement to their daughter on a free vacation? What is your stake in the game? Being an ass before you are married? Claiming breeding rights on the parent’s coin? You are being told you need to tolerate her parent’s boundaries but no one is telling you why the parent’s need to take you a disrespectful begging twit who thinks he is owed anything. Find out who sold you the bill of sale on the girl, then swat them. You are not owed anything.
YTA, why do you think you get a say in a free vacation?! How entitled.
yes you are the AH and a really big one!
YTA. Get engaged and married if you want to sleep with her on vacation. It’s not religious extremism for a family to have these boundaries. It’s a little conservative, but sleeping it the same bed as your girlfriend is not some kind of inalienable right.
Is there a double standard with the men of the family? It sounds like you are the one disrespecting their culture, and rubbing in their faces that you sleep with their daughter before marriage and want to do it on their dime as well.
Yes you the AH, like every parent I know had these rules and they are paying for you. I think you can survive a few days without sleeping together since I assume you don’t live together (even if you did). You can go and have a wonderfully fine and free vacation making memories w your gf and it will be fine.
Or miss out and throw a tantrum bc you have to sleep solo
YTA – You’re their guest. They have every right to ask you two not to sleep in the same room and you have every right to decline their invitation. But you’re clearly trying to force the issue. They’re not pushing their ideologies onto you, again.. THEIR TRIP. And this is coming from someone who is not remotely religious and I have no issue with premarital sex.
Honestly, you two are sooo young, the chances you actually end up married are slim. But, assume you get married and are married for a long time. This is the tone you want to set for your relationship with the parents of the “love of your life”??
The host gets to set the rules. Good news: Someday, you might be married with kids. When the in-laws come to visit, YOU get to be the host and make the rules.
I get your frustration. You are used to sleeping together, and you will miss it. But, you will survive. You can make it. You will get credit from the family for showing respect. Your gf will be happy you were willing to compromise to keep the peace, and you two will have a great vacation together.
YTA. They are being extremely generous and you’re fighting them over the very normal boundaries they set up?
This vacation is partially to get to know you. You WANT to be on good terms with the in laws. It makes life a lot easier.
Your libido can wait a few days.
this is wild. everyone saying Y T A are bananas. i’f hold the same boundary at your age, her parents are in denial and being controlling. i just wouldn’t go. NTA.
Sometimes you have to choose your battles. You can not go and upset your girlfriend or you can go and follow her parents’ demands. It depends which is more important to you: Accepting a short-term situation or upsetting your girl. Because, let’s be honest: she will be upset if you don’t go.
KTA (Kinda The Asshole)
YTA – they’re not “forcing” anything on you. Their house, their rules and they have given you a choice. That’s a far cry from forcing.
You’re the one that’s choosing to die on this hill instead of looking at the big picture…. a PAID vacation in the Caribbean. You seriously can’t go one week without sleeping in the same bed as your GF for a free trip to the Caribbean? You do you.
YTA, but only slightly. My guess is that they’re religious. Not my bag, but totally understandable. Some people just aren’t comfortable with their unmarried kids sleeping in the same bed as a romantic partner. It’s old fashioned and a little too traditional, but that’s the way my parents were too. I wouldn’t give up an all expenses paid trip to the Caribbean over it, but that part is up to you.
YTA. They aren’t ‘forcing their beliefs’ – they’re holding a boundary. If a boundary for you is rejecting a fully paid for vacation bc you can’t sleep next to your gf, then that’s YOUR boundary. Just because you don’t like a boundary doesn’t mean they’re shoving ideology down your throat. Face value – don’t sleep in bed w your gf, our daughter. Face value – gf doesn’t want to disrespect her parents. Face value – you don’t want to be controlled. ALL are fair.
You’re setting yourself up for failure by not willing to work with her family this early on. This is not an outrageous request from her family.
YTA.
They are going to pay for you but you insist? Dude, keep your punk ass at home, hopefully she will meet someone on vacation that can at least pretend to be respectful. YTA.
YTA. It would be different if they were the ones tagging along on your vacation and trying to dictate where you sleep, but you’re being invited along on their vacation and they’re paying for it, so what they say goes. You can live sleeping a few nights in a different bed from your gf
YTA. You’re not paying, you don’t get to make decisions about accommodations.
If you want to spend the rest of your life with this girl, these people are going to be in your life too. Why not join them, respectfully adhere to what they’ve asked, and use it as a chance to get to know them better? Maybe they’ll be so impressed with how respectful you are that next year they’ll change their minds about sleeping arrangements.
As someone else stated, you set boundaries for YOURSELF and what you will tolerate from others. They are going on this vacation with or without you. They’re not your boundaries to set, friend.
Again, if you’re going to be with this girl for a long time, you’re going to look like a royal prick for throwing a hissy fit about sleeping arrangements. They’ll remember it.
YTA. And you’re the idiot. You’re turning down an all expenses paid vacation because you can’t sleep in your GFs bed for the duration? Guess what, if she goes without you, you will also not be sleeping in her bed for the duration of the vacation. But I also think this is likely rage bait the minute I saw they complained about you on Facebook. Like they’d care so much that you weren’t going, and be so sad they didn’t have to pay thousands of dollars for your travel.
Y.T.A
Their house so to speak, their rules.
You are being extremely immature.
And cutting off your nose to spite your face.
She will love you all the more if you respect her parents wishes.
If you really loved her like you say, you would find it easy.
If you can’t see this after some thought, maybe do her a favor and end the relationship.
You sound like a five year old.
YYA and have already likely ruined your relationship with your GF in the long term and have definitely ruined it with her family. Their house their rules. I even slept separately from my fiancé at the time as that is what his parents wished. I had no issues following and respecting their rules.
Free vacation, y’all can still smash, then… You have your own room to crash?
YTA.
Bend on this. It’s their money, their rules. Your boundaries are properly set in the realm of things you buy and you control.
YTA. You just sound super needy. There’s no reason two independent adults can’t sleep in separate beds for a couple nights. Good grief. What a dumb reason to miss out on a vacation.
YTA. Very immature…you want to win her family over if you plan to be with her for the long haul. This is not how to do it. If anything, you’re driving a wedge. This will hurt your relationship with your girlfriend at the end. Also, I don’t think it’s outlandish for them to ask for you two to sleep in separate beds. You aren’t married. Their trip, their rules.
nta if you dont want that you dont have to – but your gf could be soon an ex gf ….
NTA. This is very conservative. I moved to a different country alone when I was your girlfriend’s age and would find it annoying if anyone tried to tell me what to do. However, I would probably go because it’s free! Not a bad deal and surely there will be time to hang alone just you two and not just family time 24/7 and if you don’t go you might miss out on some beautiful romantic memories together.
YTA. The same scenario happened with my friend when she wanted to invite her boyfriend to a family vacation. Her parents are not religious in any way and felt uncomfortable having their daughter share a bed with her boyfriend.
All of us knew the only reason why he was upset about not being able to share a bed at night with her was because he couldn’t fool around under the sheets.
I’m going to assume you’re the same; young, dumb, and horny. You passed over an amazing time you could have spent with your girlfriend because you didn’t think with your upper brain and tried to reassure yourself it was because her parents are “trying to push their beliefs on you”.
YTA: “My original plan was to agree to their demands and just sleep in her room anyway”
For someone talking about boundaries, you seemed keen to disregard someone else’s.
Your options are to attend the free trip with the conditions they set, or you don’t go.
Their trip, their money, their values which need to be followed.
You’re cutting off your nose to spite your face here…
Her parents have made a generous offer, and you want to renegotiate the terms. Of course it’s up to you if you choose not to attend, but it seems like a missed opportunity.
You’re setting the stage here for an awkward relationship with the parents of the love of your life.
YTA
YTA. They are not crossing your boundary, you are wanting to cross theirs. The invitation includes conditions, you either accept them or say no thanks. You do not get to impose yourself upon their hospitality and ignore their conditions. (Think like bringing children to a child free wedding, or bringing a girlfriend to a guy’s only weekend, or bringing an uninvited guest or dog.) You will also be TA if you try to keep your girlfriend from going on a trip with her parents that you chose to forgo because you don’t like the terms of the weekend (just like you wouldn’t want her to put the kibash on a guy’s weekend she doesn’t want to attend.)
YTA. You are invited for what could be a once in a lifetime trip. Can’t you keep it in your pants for a few weeks?
YTA. You need to grow up. Her parents are taking you on an all-expenses paid trip to the Caribbean. You’ll be staying in THEIR space, on THEIR time, on THEIR dime. You need to respect their rules.
You keep accusing THEM of being disrespectful, but you’re incredibly disrespectful to THEM. YOU’RE the one not respecting boundaries. AND you’re disrespectful to your GF! SHE wants to respect her parents’ wishes… and you insist that you won’t. You’re going to be a big baby and throw a tantrum because you can’t keep it in your pants for a few days.
You’re being incredibly selfish. Because you’ll have to go a few days without sex, you’re manipulating your GF and encouraging her to disobey her parents and potentially destroy her relationship with them. Do you have any idea what you’re doing?
No wonder her family is complaining about you on Facebook. You’re being a total ass.
You honestly don’t sound mature enough to be in a relationship at all.
Also – they aren’t “forcing their religion” on you. Not wanting to hear their daughter get banged by her BF on a family vacation is a pretty normal request? Even for non-religious people. This has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with basic human decency.
YTA. It’s not only your girlfriend’s parents that seems to have set this boundary, she has also agreed with her parent’s boundary. You say they are pushing their ‘beliefs’ on you, but sounds like you want to push your ‘beliefs’ onto them (and your girlfriend.) It’s not your vacation, it’s their vacation.
You probably won’t have a girlfriend after refusing.
NTA – They have made their choice, you can make yours.
Personally, I wouldn’t want to be on a vacation with people that have these beliefs. I no doubt would feel trapped and uncomfortable, which would be the bigger reason for me not to go.
Nothing wrong with standing by what you believe. But don’t make this any bigger of an issue than it is. If you cannot sincerely wish your girlfriend a good time, while you stay home, then you need to reflect on why this bothers you.
Good luck with whatever you decide works for you.
YTA. This seems like a silly hill to die on especially if you plan on being with her for the rest of your life.
YTA – ffs, these people just want to have a fun family vacation without having to visualize you turning their daughter inside out. Even if this is contrary to your normal routine. Eat your pride and go have a fun vacation getting to know her family on their terms.
YTA this is such a dumb reason to refuse a wonderful family vacation where you could still spend excellent quality time with your gf.
You can have sex with her another time.
YTA. First- it’s extremely generous of them to even invite you, let alone pay for you.
And second, oh no, you guys can’t make whoopie for like, two weeks! The horror!
If she really was ‘the one’ you would take this vacation as a way to show her parents you respect their wishes, gaining their respect in turn. If youll be together forever, married and everything, whats the big deal of a couple weeks not in the same bed?
YTA they’re being incredibly generous and you’re fighting them because they don’t want to hear you and their daughter going at it?? Crazy.
What it really comes down to is if you really want to go or not. Yes, their rules are annoying. But are you willing to miss out on the whole vacation and time with gf?
Kids have found a quick 5 to fool around behind their parents backs for all of time. You could do it in the carribian or not at all. It’s kind of wild to think they are pressing “morals” of “don’t obviously fuck our daughter on our dime” on your poor righteous self.
Adapt and overcome
YTA as a boyfriend. She told you she’s not comfortable sleeping with you and wants to respect her parents. She wants you to come and it’s free. You could get to know her family, but your way or the highway is a really bad indicator of how you will compromise and respect her choices in this relationship
Why aren’t you respecting her boundaries?
NTA. My (now husband)’s mother tried to pull this before we got married and I’m in my late 40s with a child in her 20s. She didn’t pay for anything, my husband just wanted to save money, I guess. I was highly offended that it would even be asked of a woman my age and we stayed in a hotel. I’m still salty over it though. I absolutely do NOT share their gross conservative religious beliefs and it was insulting as hell.
That being said, I do pay my own way and have a higher net worth than his mother and when I was your age, I’d probably just have gone along with it, but why?
Why is it okay for someone my age to be offended and not okay for you? It’s not right for someone to push their beliefs on you at any age and it’s insulting af.
Not the ah. Ignore the other comments.
YTA. The rules are the rules! My (now) husband spent many a night on the sofa when we first met (I was 19, he was 24. We are now 36 and 41!) because my parents didn’t want us to share a bed in their house until it was more serious.
If you truly want to marry her, show respect now and reap the benefits later on!
YTA – They are paying for the trip. Their money their rules, they set up a boundary. They will pay for you to go as long as you have separate rooms/sleeping arrangements. Your choice to accept or decline. I was engaged and went to visit my friends parents – their rule unmarried partners couldn’t sleep together under their roof. Guess what, I went had a wonderful week sleeping apart. The week wasn’t a big deal, they opened their house and I respected their rule. regardless of if its for religious reasons, they don’t want you sleeping with their daughter under the roof they are providing. Respect it/them or don’t go, but if you think this is a long term relationship I’d rethink it.
This is standard respectful conduct around your gfs parents at your age. Go, stay in separate rooms, be grateful for the opportunity. You’ll still be able to hang out and probably sneak away to get your dick wet from time to time.
YTA
oh buddy, YTA here
It’s their trip, their money, their rules. If you wanna sleep in the same bed, then you & the girlfriend will need to pay for your own trip.
YTA if you accept the gift but break the rules. It’s annoying but also totally normal. If you don’t like it then go on your own vacation where you set the rules.
The truth is if you plan to be part of this family then you have to think strategically. Don’t lose the war by fighting a battle that you won’t even care about in a few years.
YTA – this is very common in the south where I’m from where the parents enforce separate rooms on trips and do not want kids living with spouses before marriage. It is their belief they are not asking you to also believe this way, they are asking you to respect them on a trip they are treating you to. Just sleep in a separate room and let it go.
Yeah YTA , ain’t unreasonable from their end. Not like they’re controlling your living space, they’re going above and to make their daughter happy with you being the direct beneficiary. You can’t budge an inch, to make the woman you call the love of your life, have stress-free time when her parents are financing you being included on something special for her and her family? This is the tone you want to set for the trip and what you want to be a lifelong relationship with her family? You already dug deep enough by complaining to the point where it’s a thing, let it go now before it’s too late.
YTA
YTA 🤣 I’m almost forty and married. If I have to sleep separated from my husband in exchange of holidays in the Caribbean… I won’t blink twice and go to separate rooms
YTA but mostly to yourself. Just be cool.
Listen buddy: while I agree with what you’re saying, you are looking at this from an immature, selfish perspective (sorry, you just are). You know how I know? I’ve been where you are.
You need to think long and hard before getting in a feud with your partner’s family. Because you may think she’s the love of your life etc, but you both are still very young. Even if she has issues with her family, they’re still her family and, newsflash, if it’s you or them, the choice is not you.
You’re getting a free trip to a desired location, on one condition. You aren’t paying for this, so you don’t get to set the rules. You’re essentially throwing a fit because you can’t sleep with your gf. Like, look at that in isolation. And again, I agree with your personal viewpoint – it is conservative, religious etc – but, and you’re gonna find this out, you need to make sacrifices to ensure at least some form of relationship with her family. IT DOESNT END WELL IF YOU FEUD. It puts a lot of pressure on her. Think of anyone but yourself here and agree to their conditions and respect their beliefs, even if you don’t agree with them. YTA.
YTA. So, instead of going on a free vacation and sleeping separately from your girlfriend, you’re going to NOT go on the vacation and…sleep separately from your girlfriend. Smart one you are. Also, it’s not a religious thing, it’s a typical parent thing. My very ANTI-religion dad had the same rule for me 🤷
YTA. Omg your dumb. Go have fun!
YTA. Show some respect.
YTA if they are paying your way you have to respect their rules. It isn’t just a religious think, I know many people who are in no way religious but who will not allow their daughter’s boyfriend to sleep with her while they are present.
Yta. It’s a small ask
Absolutely YTA
You’re being offered a free Caribbean vacation trip, gifted by your potential in-laws. It’s their right to make conditions. You’re going to spend all your time with your girlfriend, except when sleeping. You’ll most likely be able to find private time together.
Stop being stupid. You may have a relationship with these people for decades. It’s time to grow up and behave as an adult. Or you can stay home and pout like a teenager who doesn’t get his way. Your choice.
YTA- you come off as whiny and entitled based on you worded things. Poor baby boy can’t sleep without his girlfriend for a few nights while enjoying an incredible vacation for free? I hope she dumps your ass for being entitled and inflexible
YTA
Her parents now know where they stand with you. If you think that she is “the one”, you have just set up a major obstacle to a lifetime with “the one”. Whether you go and violate their conditions, or say I can’t respect that condition and won’t go, you have told them everything that they need to know.
Good luck at life!
YTA especially if she is close to her family. They are offering to pay all your expenses but just don’t want you sleeping in the same bed? They aren’t forcing you into their beliefs or ideologies, they are simply expecting you to respect theirs in this instance. How you react to her family could very much affect your relationship long term. Partner families can be difficult, my in laws are really quite lousy, so I definitely get it. But they are also important. This is a silly hill to die on. You of course don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but there’s a very good chance it is going to reflect on your relationship with them going forward.
I mean… I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we voluntarily have different beds and rooms because we prefer it that way lol. We sleep better apart. YTA.
YTA. It’s a perfectly reasonable request. No one on this planet wants to even think about their kid (adult or not) potentially having s** in the next room. Suck it up and keep it in your pants for a few days.