I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend “Mark” (35M). One of his close friends “Chris” (34M) is marrying “Sophie” (35F). I know them, but not very closely. About six months ago, Chris personally invited me to their wedding.
The plan was:
civil ceremony for everyone,
family + best man/maid of honor + their plus-ones invited to a dinner afterwards, then after 8pm a bigger party where more people join.
So basically, I was invited as my boyfriend’s +1 to the witness dinner, and I planned around that. I even bought a (not cheap) dress and prepared a sentimental gift for them.
This week, on Tuesday night (the wedding is Saturday), I suddenly get a Facebook message from Chris. It basically said: “Don’t come to the family dinner after the ceremony, just join later in the evening for the party. Don’t take it personally.”
I was… shocked. This was never presented as optional before. It felt like getting “half uninvited” at the last minute. And honestly, it was embarrassing – like being told I’m welcome for the fun, but not for the serious part.
I told my boyfriend, and he said I shouldn’t take it as disrespect. He argued that Chris and Sophie have a very complicated family situation (conservative relatives + they are left-wing activists, so lots of tension) and that it’s not malice, just disorganization. I get it – but it still hurts. They had six months to figure this out, and now I’m the one who looks like an afterthought.
I told my boyfriend I didn’t need him to be Chris’s lawyer, I needed him to understand why it stung and maybe push back a little for me. Because if the roles were reversed, I’d never allow someone to treat him like that. He knew about this on Sunday (when he last saw Chris), and didn’t say anything until I asked.
Now I’m debating: should I just skip the whole thing without an explanation? Part of me wants to show up just to see the chaos unfold (it sounds like a messy mix of people already), but another part of me feels like I’d be humiliating myself by going after being so obviously downgraded.
So Reddit, AITA if I don’t show up to the wedding at all without offering them an explanation
Comments
Yeah I wouldn’t go NTA!
Go, or they’ll say nastiness about you. You don’t have to stay long, or give them the original gift.
I wouldn’t go and would return the not cheap dress. No need to explain to anybody why.
NTA for sure but something else is going on. The entire thing with the chaotic family and the disorganization, but they have time to single you out and tell you not to come, interesting? I would skip the entire thing and be happy with the decision. Also your bf is an ass because his first reaction was to defend his friend and not you.
Also the “don’t take it personally” is a slap in the face and disrespectful to the max
YTA. It is not your wedding. Is it rude? Absolutely. You are NTA for feeling hurt but I would not do anything stupid. Return the gift and either don’t go to any or it or look absolutely HOT at the part you are invited too. If anyone asks, just say that you heard the bride was jealous and so you were uninvited to the other parts of the wedding.
I would go, but return the gift.
NTA but expecting your boyfriend to push back seems odd. He is not the decision maker. He can return this favor in the future when you both get married. Don’t invite them to the ceremony and if they get upset say it’s nothing personal we invited the people that we important to both of us as a couple.
stay home. return the dress if you can
Don’t go they sound like the A holes. You don’t invite someone personally and than uninvite them screw them. Your bf should be on your side.
Chris is disorganized and in conflict. You are understanding and hurt.
And both of you seem to be leaning into your weaknesses.
Chris is negotiating the politics of his family (and probably venue size) and was clumbsy about it. You understand that.
YWBTA if you cater to your hurt rather then exercise your understanding.
Wedding’s are usually stressful no matter how much you try to make it low key. Chris probably made assumptions that they hadn’t discussed in full yet. Then when they started going over numbers etc she probably said we didn’t agree on a plus1. I honestly don’t think it’s personal against you. It just sounds like he screwed up and had to tell you. Total cop out that he sent a fb message instead of calling and giving you the details. I would be angrier at my bf for knowing since Sunday and not saying anything to you. He knows what is going on behind the scenes and he chose to let Chris be the bad guy. So definitely not going at all is an option. But I would absolutely give them the special wedding present you had planned because it will make them look bad.
Yes it would make you the AH
That said, Chris made quite a dick move aswell so I can understand where you are coming from. You certainly deserve an explanation and apology.
However, don’t ruin what should be one of the most memorable days of their lifes just bcause Chris was a dick and you feel (understandably) hurt. Consider talking it out after their wedding and just doing as they ask until then, since it must be pretty chaotic for them already.
So far, you are the only person that didn’t seem to behave like an AH in your story. Please, don’t let it come to that, you are better than that.
edit: it wouldn’t “ruin” their wedding day, some commenters rightly pointed out. Also, If OP tells Chris and Sophie she doesn’t feel welcome to the wedding and won’t be joining, I wouldn’t consider OP an AH for that.
I’m curious if your bf is invited to the entire thing, dinner included. If so, since you’re supposed to be the plus one if he isn’t standing up for you I’d sit this one out. Let your bf explain to everyone where you are. I also wonder if all plus ones have now been excluded. If that’s the case I might say,mom it’s everyone and go to the party. This may also be money related but it’s beyond rude to let it go this late.
NTA so long as you don’t try to go to the dinner whichever you choose for the rest.
If the bride or groom asks why you didn’t go, just say,’Don’t take it personally, I just did feel like it.’
Isn’t the ceremony the important part?
YTA It’s not about you. He was feeling good and probably invited a lot of people they couldn’t accommodate. How can it be personal when you barely know the people? You don’t say how long you’ve been dating, but I would say go to the party and enjoy it. Don’t make this a “him or me” thing with your BF. He’s right. it’s not personal. You’re making it personal.
I wouldn’t go and I’d make it very clear to my partner that these people would not be invited to my own wedding. If it escalated to a break up then so be it, it was inevitable anyway.
Skip it , Don’t go and take the wedding gift back. Don’t worry about your BF showing up without a Gift either that is all on him to figure out.
You don’t dump someone like this at the last minute after being invited. You spend a lot of money and were looking forward to it.
I would not want to hang out with them either after this. Tell your BF to pick his battles but he chose them for the wedding be if he is smart he will chose you now. And kick them to the curb.
Totally rude.
ESH if you didn’t go:
Chris for being inconsiderate and changing things last minute
you for being petty and not going to the party part
Your bf’s stuff averages out to neutrons: he’s an A for only taking Chris’s side without showing understanding of your frustration, but also he’s an anti-A for trying to explain what’s going on.
IMO just go to the fun part, and be the better person.
NTA for being hurt. They did a dick move. They’ve told your BF he can’t have a plus one anymore and really given you no explanation as to why. Maybe he explained it better to your bf. I probably wouldn’t go at all, return the gift and the dress. They likely won’t notice your absence at the big party later. If they ask later, just say you were uninvited(which is true).
NTA but do what the groom asked and only go to the after party, if even for the littlest time, this is a moment to be the bigger person. But I’d have a talk with boyfriend about why he didn’t talk to you Sunday and let you find out via fb messenger.
Updateme
Updateme!
NTA.
As they have said that it isnt personal, they shouldn’t take it personally when you decide to skip the event. No need to announce it or make a scene, just let your BF know that you wont be going, return the dress and do something for yourself that weekend.
NTA how long have you been dating? I wouldn’t go. A wedding invitation is not a command performance. You don’t have to go and you don’t have to give an explanation why
INFO ; is your boyfriend the best man? Is the maid of honor getting her plus one at the dinner? Maybe they figured out they couldn’t afford all these people for dinner? If you’re invited to the ceremony and the after party, I honestly don’t think it’s so weird that they would say not to come to the fancy dinner.I get that it hurts, but I don’t know that it’s malicious unless the maid of honor is getting her +1.
It’d be helpful if people could just talk like adults.
It almost seems as if, yeah he knew since Sunday great. But there’s no context else than that.
How do we know there wasn’t a conversation that took place of your boyfriend telling Chris to sort it out because he’s grown.
Chris could have said something on the spot but chose to put his friend, your boyfriend in the middle of it.
Weddings tend to create chaos. I would go. Keep the dress for yourself and wear it to the event, but do the gift anyways. Kill them with kindness. If there really is a problem with you, which I really don’t think there is.
Woman to woman
You’re overthinking it.
And tbh? If their outside life is unstable, they’re trying to keep the peace so no one fights on their day. Like why set yourself up for failure on your wedding? Husband and I decided on courthouse and a dinner with a few because we knew God damn good and well our families do not mix. We didn’t get married for them. We got married for US. None of your feelings, yours included matter In this situation and that’s what you have to understand, it’s not to be mean or rude when that’s said either. You’re in a situation where none of this is your choice and I understand that also might be hard to accept, but it’s not your day.
If you don’t wanna go then your risking your own relationship too by creating hostility that doesn’t exist solely because you’re taking this personal. Then you’re going to just have him upset with you because you can’t be there with him due to your stance on it. No one wants to go to a wedding alone and then have to make shit up why their other half isn’t there. If you’re not there because of dramatic reasons on their part, that’s one thing but if you’re not there because you chose not to be and for no reasons at all, then YTA
If your boyfriend is aware of their messy lives, he’s not gonna bat an eye because chances are he’s used to it and doesn’t phase him, best thing he could do as a young man is be supportive and be there for Chris if they’re close like that.
Like I said. Its not about you.
NTA – why didn’t Chris offer an apology or explanation? Also, your boyfriend seems a tad invalidating. Why didn’t he mention it Sunday -did Chris want to communicate it himself and if so, why didn’t he do it Sunday? So many little things wrong, but I’d still go and maybe they’ll offer an apology. If not, it’s OK to hold the grudge as long as you want.
If your boyfriend attends the family dinner, then you should not go, and neither should your boyfriend unless he is family. They should treat you like they treat him if you have a serious relationship.
I know this will be unpopular, but I’m not sure you should be super offended. It was actually kinda weird that you’d be invited to such an intimate event when you don’t really know them. You were just a +1 for your bf, and it sounds like it may be complicated.
(For example, it’s hard to tell your close family they’re not invited because space is limited, but then your friend’s girlfriend got an invite.)
You’re still NTA and they’re still TA for rescinding an invite after it was issued. I’m just not sure I’d make a huge deal of it.
NTA. If you don’t want to go don’t go.
If you don’t know them well I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they’re just bad planners. Or they’re suddenly trying to find room for unexpected family arriving. Or something else happened.
I wouldn’t take it personally. It reflects on them not you.
I also wouldn’t give bf a hard time about not pushing back. I don’t think it’s ever appropriate for a guest to push back on the invite/uninvite. Even if the hosts are being rude – and they are. Edit to add – BF is an AH for not telling you when he found out though.
Updateme!
I would not assume the worst. Organizing a wedding with tons of ornery people and several different events is insanely difficult, and things get mixed up (like how many folks will fit in a venue). I’d just go to whatever I was invited to and not take it personally, honestly. or make a gentle excuse (not feeling well, etc.) and skip it all without starting any fights.
I was at a wedding once where I ended up ‘uninvited’ to the post-ceremony dinner on the spot because of poor planning, and the officiant turned out to not have a license to marry anyone (which turned out useful when they separated a year later: nobody had gotten around to filing the marriage, so it wasn’t legal).
I’d also like to touch basis on the roles reversed comment
If it were me I would have defended him..
Yes. As you should
However when it’s between two men, it’s a very different vibe. It is literally best to let the men sort it out and if they fall out, you stand by his side and not talk to them out of respect for him as most men would ask their girlfriends or wives in that situation.
NTA return the dress and present and don’t go. If they ask why you didn’t go let them know why.
“Don’t take it personally”
Whilst you’re being personally singled out. Your boyfriends needs to shut up and listen.
Yeah, NTA. Your feelings are valid, and I personally wouldn’t attend the wedding either.
Skip the whole thing, plan a spa day for yourself. Do not accompany your bf to any of the events associated with this wedding. There is no reason to subject yourself to the company of this couple in the future, you do not have to attend, anniversary events, gender reveals,, showers and birthday parties. You do not have to buy gifts or participate in any way.
You may reconsider if the bride and groom ply you with abject apologies, flowers and gifts.
PS: I hope you can return or sell the dress!
NTA and definitely don’t go at all. Tell them not to take it personally and fully remove yourself from whatever fallout
NTA – it is fair you thought you were invited to the whole thing and are now an evening party. I’d tell them you are no longer attending so they don’t over cater. Two wrongs don’t make a right and flaking on a wedding would place you at fault.
Come back to Earth moment – I think you are in your own head a little about your relevance here – you’d need to be relevant to others in order for to be humiliated by them, and frankly, they seemingly don’t know you and won’t care if you are there or not.
So, instead of being in your own head, live in his a second. That poor oaf just had to show his ass and his fucked up family dynamics with this change. He’s probably embarrassed as hell and angry about it too.
You have two options here. You can add to the stress level for the guy in what is clearly already a shit show moment, or you can give a bit of grace that’ll likely be forever remembered, even if he can’t say it out loud.
I get being upset. But that little bit of grace would buy a LOT of future gratitude is my bet And it is what I would do.
Never explain why you are refusing an invitation. Just say that you regret not being able to attend—leave unsaid that you regret that the host is an ass.
NTA.
You don’t say how long you’ve been dating, but anyway, this guy does not have your back.
Do with that information, what you will.
Im gonna against the grain here. Weddings are complicated messy family affairs. It very much sounds like it has nothing to do with you they maybe had planning/seating issues. Give them some grace, you are nta for being stung. However be the cool girl and enjoy the party. Dont add stress to a stressful situation
Hmmm…so your BF is the best man & has a plus 1 to attend the dinner…but he’s now not supposed to bring a plus one?
Need a little more info…are they not allowing other plus ones or just specifically you?
If plans changed to rule out the other plus one’s, then that’s their choice & plans change (albeit sloppily), but if you are specifically excluded with no legit explanation or reasoning…then fuck em, return the dress & gift (if you contributed anything), splurge on yourself, & forget about them & their tacky etiquette.
Echoing everyone else – NTA and don’t you dare show up! I could never uninvite someone last minute like that. Return the dress – at the very least it deserves to be worn in a non-chaotic dysfunctional setting.
Don’t go. If it’s chaotic then they shouldn’t care. And your boyfriend doesn’t either if he knew Sunday and didn’t tell you. I don’t understand it though. You had a seat for the dinner for months but now you don’t. Who is sitting next to your boyfriend instead?
Just go to the party wear your new dress 👗! It sounds very complicated! This way you can find out what is going on! I’m sure you are not the only one who was excluded! Keep us updated!
You’re NAH, but is it really that big of a deal? Families are complicated and weddings only add to it – there could be a number of reasons for this – none that are about you. Let them be disorganized and tactless. Maybe skip the ceremony but go for the party? Idk seems like maybe you’re overreacting a bit.
This isn’t about you. This isn’t even about the couple getting married. This is about you showing kindness to your boyfriend when things don’t go your way. Which you didn’t. So yes, YTA
I’m swimming against the tide here, but I think you should go. However, first, you should check and see if the maid of honor still gets to have a plus-one. If she doesn’t, I’d assume that Chris and Sophie werebeen lackadaisical about the budget until the last minute. OR it could be that Great-Aunt Edna threw a fit that she wasn’t invited to the dinner, and adding her meant someone else had to go. Your boyfriend should maybe ask Chris what’s up, but it would be rude for him to push Chris to allow you to go.
it all sounds incredibly awkward and poorly handled, but I think you should attend the “big party” and watch the chaos unfold in between dances with your boyfriend. Make a reservation at an upscale restaurant (which your bf should cover, since his friends screwed up) or have a lovely meal delivered to your home or hotel room (again, bf pays). If you don’t attend, your bf will be partying with whoever. Go and have a great time.
The whole thing sounds complex and weird. Everyone is invited to the ceremony and the big party, but only a few people are invited to the dinner in between. Where tf are people supposed to go in the meantime?
Skip it and find a new BF. Nta.
NTA, but you’re looking at it wrong.
You get to skip the boring part.
Ok, it sucks of them, but it’s their wedding. Being mad at them will add absolutely nothing to your life.
They clearly just planned poorly and you are taking it personally despite the maid of honor also not getting a plus one. It’s really not that serious especially since you admittedly don’t know them very well. The sentimental gift was probably too much anyway, return it, but go to the party.
NTA. But also overthinking it. It’s their wedding and they’re already stressed with whatever is going on with family… go and enjoy the night or don’t… but leave this alone. It does not matter at all.
NTA for not going and return the gift. I witnessed heavy slight and being completely ignored at an event before. I personally am not attending any event where I’m not wanted or welcomed all the way.
Imagine bringing your partner to a wedding or any event for the matter, where no one interacts with them besides a basic hello as courtesy, respect, and cordial. Your partner is just sitting alone at the table and watching everyone else mingling. Or your partner is literally connected to you at the hip, and no one is acknowledging them, but smiling and talking to you. While EVERYONE else knows that the bride and groom, or host/guests, didn’t want them there. Don’t let alcohol get involved because sometimes people will say and do things to really let you know and blame it on being intoxicated.
I’ve witnessed this on several occasions, and it’s honestly sad to watch.
Yta. It isn’t about you. It’s about weird family dynamics. Don’t make this a big deal. Just go to the public parts and support your boyfriend.
NTA but why skip a party? I’d say go, wear the dress, and take advantage of the open bar. Sounds like some messy family dynamics that your boyfriend isn’t explaining well. If you find the right cousin at the after party, you will get fantastic tea.
I had a wedding like this. The groom’s dad’s third wife found me and my god I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a long time.
NTA
You don’t know them well, so there really is no harm in not attending at all. What will be illuminating will be your boyfriend’s reaction to your decision.
Yes, overreacting. Whether or not you are offended by their choice, it is still their wedding. Even if they change their mind or waited last minute to tell you, why are you taking it personally? They’ve only known you for 6 months, (only because you are dating his best friend) and would reasonably not consider you a special person in their hearts. A wedding is one of the most exciting events in someone’s life. What obligation do they have to invite you in the first place? Their only obligation is to Mark and he seems fine with it. Mike is obligated to you only in the ways that a 6 month relationship is due. He probably respects it as ultimately, the couple’s decision.
So your boyfriend knew but didn’t tell you???
You need to reconsider this relationship. He doesn’t have your back
NTA… but It sounds more like there’s fsmily politics happening… I can easily imagine this happening because there are some nightmare +1’s in their fsmily who they don’t want to attend, so they didnt invite them and have now had to disinvite the bridal party +1’s because things are blowing up.
Eh, kinda YTA. You left out of your post that you were not, in fact, the only one excluded. The other plus one was also rescinded, and it sounds like an issue with their family. You don’t have to go, obviously, but it’s obviously not a personal slight, and you know that.
NTA
I don’t necessarily blame your boyfriend for not pushing back: it’s not his wedding, and as a close friend he may know even more details behind the decision that he’s not sharing. I don’t agree with him saying you shouldn’t see as disrespect because what else would you call rescinding an invitation last minute?
Skip the wedding, return the gift and the dress (I know you said you wore it around the house but it’s still worth a shot), send nothing or just a 99¢ congrats card, and enjoy your night alone.
Tuesday night is… now. So this happened today?
I’d say Chris stop being cheap lol
Don’t go .. plus your boyfriend is not standing up for you . These are the times that you really find out what type of man your partner is 😭!!!
You said someone else (the maid of honors plus one) was also uninvited. This is not about YOU. I don’t know why you are taking it so personal. Clearly someone messed up with the headcount or whoever is paying for the dinner told them to cut back. Sure, Chris could have said it better and your BF could have acknowledged why you felt upset-but it doesn’t have anything to directly do with you, you don’t know these people that well, so why not just go to the party and have fun with your BF? It’s not like you can’t still wear the dress. Had you went to dinner, you’d have the dress on for the party, so wear it and have fun! Also to say “it’s not like it’s expensive” bc it is “only” $25/$30 pp, you don’t know the persons financial position that is paying for the dinner. Not everyone has extra money laying around.
I would address the boyfriend not telling you upfront. He’s the issue here, the couple clearly have bigger issues at hand, but he knew for a while and didn’t tell you, why?
YTA.
Wow, how self centred. It’s someone’s wedding, you’re admittedly not close to them and you’re wanting your boyfriend AKA best man to make drama on your behalf? And only considering going so you can enjoy their discomfort if it goes tits up?
It’s not your wedding. Take it on the chin and be happy to spend a fun evening with your boyfriend instead of ruining his day too.
Nta, but I wouldn’t take it as personally as you are either. Shit happens, humans are gonna human, which occasionally (often) means stupid. If they have complicated and ridiculous family, this could mean other people are kicking up foolishness, and it makes sense to consider family ties and relationships over and above a casual friend.
Nta for being upset. YTA for skipping the whole thing. It sounds like they have a lot of family drama going on. It’s not about you. For all you know, others were uninvited as well.
Yeah, I would go in my new dress and sit back to watch the chaos.
I understand you’re hurt by the whole situation but when it comes to other people’s special events, like a wedding, it really isn’t about you. Your feelings are valid. I just wouldn’t let it ruin the party.
Depending on how long you’ve been dating your BF is really the asshole if he goes without you. If he doesn’t have your back around his best friends and family now he won’t have your back around them after you get married either.
If my wife was ever un invited or not invited to any wedding event I was there is no way I’d show up without her. Even if I was the best man… Fuck that. My wife and I are ONE.
Your very first statement is that you know them but not closely. I don’t think it was exactly tactful of him to half uninvite you but I also think you are reading WAY deeper in this than you need to. You also stated that the family is a bit of a mess so chances are good that it’s something with that and he just doesn’t want to air family problems with someone he is not that close with.
I’d be more annoyed with the bf because he knew, however did Chris ask him to let him tell you himself?
Does it kinda sting? Sure. It would be a huge blow if this were someone you were actually close to, and whose family you were close to, but the way you talk about them seems like you think this is going to go down like a Jerry Springer episode 🤷
If you want to go wear your dress, dance and have fun with your boyfriend at the party then go. If you feel slighted and don’t then don’t . ESH
It’s their wedding. Uninviting you last minute sucks, but it’s still their event. Your feelings are valid and it’s still their choice how they want to operate. I don’t think how they uninvited you was cool. That quote was cold and borderline rude. I also don’t think feeling like your bf should “push back” on them is appropriate for the situation. I’d save the dress for another event and still send the gift and move on. Or not send the gift and return it. But I wouldn’t make a big stink about it. It sounds like you were super excited as this is a milestone in your own relationship but it’s also a milestone in theirs and as the host they get to choose how they handle it and to whatever outcome. If it’s likely a tense family dynamic it makes sense for not wanting any potential fireworks to become a topic of conversation too far outside of their family. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’d be super bummed too. I would probably cry over tbh. But it’s also up to them.
If the wedding is local, I would call some girlfriends to see if they’d meet you for dinner after the ceremony. Either drive yourself to the wedding, meet your friends for dinner and then go somewhere else after. Text Mark that you’re having so much fun with the girls you’ve decided to continue the evening and not to take it personally. Skip the gift, let Mark be in charge of that.
NTA
Just trust your boyfriend about the family drama and get over it. You are not family. You’re not even a close friend. So taking umbrage at this is a choice you are making. It isn’t about you so stop making it about you.
I don’t get why you were told don’t come to the family dinner if you were your boyfriends plus 1. I don’t get it. And for hi. To tell you don’t take it personal is a dick thing to say. He should have given you an explanation why and apologized. But to say don’t come to the family dinner and not to take it personal is sketchy as F!!
I think you would be the asshole. The wedding isn’t about you. You aren’t even very close to the couple. It’s not like they are uninviting you to the ceremony or the party if I understand correctly. Just the dinner. I think you could give them a little leeway
I’d say you probably dodged a bullet of an unpleasant meal. I would just go to the “fun part” and enjoy myself.
That said, I’m kind of disappointed that your boyfriend isn’t skipping the meal in solidarity, but even worse he knew days in advance without telling you. I think that might be your bigger problem.
Go to what they asked you to attend. Only that! If you ask your boyfriend to take a stand for you, it may be your last stand with him!! It would end up being super uncomfortable.
There are reasons in their family why this happened that you may never understand. Leave it all alone. Try not to take it personally. It’s THEIR wedding. They have enough stress. Be a good sport and go to the party and wear your pretty dress!! Be happy kid! Life is too short.
NTA….Hard not to take it personally, but since others have been excluded as well, I wonder if this is more about their budget? And somehow it was over extended?
How far is the wedding from where you are? How long do you have to travel? That is what would really factor it in for me. If there is a long travel time, now way am I going to have to find something to do while everyone else is eating. And then the question begs, I am assuming there is no dinner at the later party? Will there be any food? So, then while they are eating dinner, you have to find a place to eat dinner yourself and pay for it.
You could see if those other plus ones that are excluded, if they wanted to get something to eat all together until the next event.
If you intend to stay with this man, I would suck it up and go and be a good sport. Makes you look gracious and buys you a lot of goodwill for future issues with his family and friends. Sometimes it’s better to play the long game.
The most likely explanation is that at the last minute some relative threw a fit that some other relative wasn’t invited or they can’t bring their best friend, and has made it a hill to die on and the bridal couple is caving and too embarrassed to discuss the specifics. More sinister explanations too of course but that’s the most likely and it will benefit you in the long run to be supportive.
If both bride and groom cut their +1 for MOH and best man then it’s fair to say it’s a deeper issue than slighting OP.
It’s not about you OP so just go to wedding then elsewhere for dinner and meet back up with bf at reception. Yes, it’s a bit awkward but doable.
Don’t go, keep the gift.
In reading some of the comments that you’re not the only one who was uninvited, I wouldn’t take it personally. It’s definitely not a slight on you as a person. I do agree that it’s annoying, rude, and yes very tacky. But given a glimpse that the bride and groom have a dysfunctional family, I feel sorta bad for them. I don’t think you’d be the AH if you felt weird or uncomfortable going. I do think your BF should be supportive regardless of the decision you make. It sounds like all around, the bride, groom, and whole family have major communication issues!
Do you know if any other +1’s were uninvited? If they were, then it’s not personal. If you are the only one, then that’s f’d up.
NTA, don’t take it personally, yep fuck them. I wouldn’t go, if they ask why, ‘oh yeah sorry I needed to trim my toenails, but don’t take it personally’
What’s does the politics have to do with it?
This isn’t your own wedding, in fact you’re the plus one to someone at the wedding.
Put your big boy pants on and stop making this about you. YTA
As you are already aware, this isn’t personal as you aren’t the only plus one who has been uninvited at the last minute.
It’s possible that the family is causing drama about who should come to this part of the celebration and Chris has had to add extras, requiring him to uninvite the plus ones of both the best man and MOH.
While I understand your disappointment because you were looking forward to this being the “first event of this calibre” for you and your boyfriend, I can promise you that this family drama is tougher on Chris and his bride than it is on you.
The day was never about you and your boyfriend, it was always about the bride and groom. You are entitled to feel disappointment but just go along and enjoy yourself, be gracious. They may be grateful for your understanding. These people are obviously close to your boyfriend so one day their friendship might become important to you too.
i’d skip it entirely. go get a mani/pedi.