I am (31M) and a project coordinator to a mid sized company. Yesterday a coworker i will call Cate came to me in a rush because her team was behind on a project. She asked if I could help with scheduling and data tracking since I have done it before even though it is not really part of my job.
Normally I would have said yes. I have covered for her multiple times when she was struggling to meet deadlines. I was about to tell her I could pitch in and then it just hit me out of nowhere what she did a while back.
Like about two weeks ago during a big team meeting with our boss and some clients, Cate made a comment about my slow responses holding her team back. I just froze for a second because it was not true at all and I can’t phantom where that was coming from. I had actually been waiting on her department for documents several times those times. I actually defended myself, I kept it professional in the meeting but inside I was embarrassed and honestly kind of pissed off. She didn’t even apologized either, and all this while at work, she acted like it was nothing.
That memory came back hard while she was asking for help yesterday. I realised I really did not feel like going out of my way again especially for someone who threw me under the bus like that. So I told her I was busy with my own workload.
She only responded with Ohh and left. I am certain that that same incident flashed back on her mind too. Now she is telling people at our company that I am petty and holding a grudge. Some coworkers think I overreacted but I do not think you can treat people like that and then expect them to drop everything to save you.
AITA for refusing to help her after remembering what she did?
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I am (31M) and a project coordinator to a mid sized company. Yesterday a coworker i will call Cate came to me in a rush because her team was behind on a project. She asked if I could help with scheduling and data tracking since I have done it before even though it is not really part of my job.
Normally I would have said yes. I have covered for her multiple times when she was struggling to meet deadlines. I was about to tell her I could pitch in and then it just hit me out of nowhere what she did a while back.
Like about two weeks ago during a big team meeting with our boss and some clients, Cate made a comment about my slow responses holding her team back. I just froze for a second because it was not true at all and I can’t phantom where that was coming from. I had actually been waiting on her department for documents several times those times. I actually defended myself, I kept it professional in the meeting but inside I was embarrassed and honestly kind of pissed off. She didn’t even apologized either, and all this while at work, she acted like it was nothing.
That memory came back hard while she was asking for help yesterday. I realised I really did not feel like going out of my way again especially for someone who threw me under the bus like that. So I told her I was busy with my own workload.
She only responded with Ohh and left. I am certain that that same incident flashed back on her mind too. Now she is telling people at our company that I am petty and holding a grudge. Some coworkers think I overreacted but I do not think you can treat people like that and then expect them to drop everything to save you.
AITA for refusing to help her after remembering what she did?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Okay. I refused to help my coworker when she asked for urgent assistance because I remembered that she embarrassed me in a meeting we had before. This might make me the asshole because I let a past incident influence my decision instead helping her like I used to when she was in need.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – tell the co-workers that are giving you a hard time about it that you will let Cate know that they are available to help her. Since it was so easy for her to throw you under the bus in a meeting, what is to stop her from using anything about you helping her out against you at another meeting. For instance, you help her out, the work is right but it wasn’t done the way she wanted it and she says in the next meeting “I would have been on time if it wasn’t for OP’s negligence in quality” She needs to manage her team and her time better.
NTA – be careful about this person. She doesn’t seem like a nice one.
NTA. I wouldn’t have helped her either if she did that to me. Good job setting boundaries OP
NTA- you reap what you sow and she did this to herself.
She FAFO
Well … Technically, what you are doing, refusing to help her because of what she did to you, is “holding a grudge.” There are other words for it, but that’s what it is.
Not sure whether that makes you an AH or not, but let’s call it what it is.
NTA. You have your own work load. If she is asking you often to help her because she is about to miss a deadline, I would casually bring it up to the boss how “busy” she is and that she asks you to help her a lot and you are more than willing but you are concerned about your own deadlines. If she threw you under the bus like that my guess the boss has gotten on her about her deadlines before.
NTA. You’ve delivered the message.