I work in a small office. There are only 5 of us in this office and while we all have our workloads, we are supposed to help each other whenever it gets really busy.
One of my co-workers, let’s call her Rode, is always asking for help. I have helped her many times when she has needed my help. I take calls, finish reports, and I have even stayed late to make sure her stuff gets done. However, whenever I have needed help, she is always “too busy” or somehow finds a way to disappear. It’s every time!
Last week, she had a huge deadline, and again, she was not going to meet it. She asked me to help and she looked super stressed. She asked if I could get the rest of her work finished while she worked on her deadline assignment. I said NO and told her I had my own deadlines. I am so sick of her always asking for help but never returning the favor when I need it.
She got mad and said I was being unprofessional. Another coworker overheard the conversation and told me I should have just helped so that I could be seen as a team player (which I have always been). I am tired of always helping!
Now the whole office feels awkward after the incident and I am wondering if I should’ve just helped her anyway but I also feel like I finally set a boundary.
AITA?
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I work in a small office. There are only 5 of us in this office and while we all have our workloads, we are supposed to help each other whenever it gets really busy.
One of my co-workers, let’s call her Rode, is always asking for help. I have helped her many times when she has needed my help. I take calls, finish reports, and I have even stayed late to make sure her stuff gets done. However, whenever I have needed help, she is always “too busy” or somehow finds a way to disappear. It’s every time!
Last week, she had a huge deadline, and again, she was not going to meet it. She asked me to help and she looked super stressed. She asked if I could get the rest of her work finished while she worked on her deadline assignment. I said NO and told her I had my own deadlines. I am so sick of her always asking for help but never returning the favor when I need it.
She got mad and said I was being unprofessional. Another coworker overheard the conversation and told me I should have just helped so that I could be seen as a team player (which I have always been). I am tired of always helping!
Now the whole office feels awkward after the incident and I am wondering if I should’ve just helped her anyway but I also feel like I finally set a boundary.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was not helping someone when they asked for help. Our office things we should always help in times of need but she never returns the favor when I’m in need; this is why I think I may have been an asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, next time tell the coworker their more than welcome to help her if they want.
The problem is your boss, who should be managing this situation. It’s fine to informally share work when everyone feels it’s fair, but this is what managers are for.
NTA. You do have your own workload, which being managed properly, does not become a burden to others. Make clear that coworker’s lack of support to others is does not engender receiving help in return.
You were being a team member, but she made it clear she was not a team member. She caused her own destruction. Let her learn helping and being a team goes both ways. NTA
NTA
She’s relying on you because you have proven to be reliable.
You can tell her you’re busy. That’s an acceptable excuse for her. Say, I’m not being unprofessional, just like you I have my own deadlines.
If someone says you should have helped repeat the same reply, “I was too busy to help this time and it’s unfair to say I’m not a team player when I do often help her” Answer that accusation calmly but firmly “That’s unfair I have helped her many times in the past”
You can ask to have a conversation about her habit of asking you for help regularly. Is her workload too high? Does she need better time management training or tools? Can she ask other staff for help? Are they “too busy”, refusing her or giving her attitude?
You can take it to management or suggest she discuss her workload with management.
Don’t take responsibility for fixing this, let it be awkward.
I’m confused. This woman regularly declines to help other people and no one gives her grief or sideways glances.
You regularly help this woman (and presumably others), decline her ONE time and are told you are in danger of not being seen as a team player. And this make THE WHOLE OFFICE feel awkward.
INFO
Is this woman generally favored by key people in the company or at least by the other coworker who said something?
Did this woman ask only you or anyone else. Did anyone else hep her?
Is the give and take among the other coworkers and you more even? Do any of them have the same one-sided experience with this particular co-worker?
Does this coworker accomplish a lot more relative to the amount you accomplish? (or vice-versa?)
Is it possible you are seeing/feeling tensions that are more in your mind than in reality?
I’m not assuming that last question, just considering it a possibility for what appears (to you) to be such a strong response to one ‘no’. Workplace favoritism is also a possibility.
No definitely not, if she’s not willing to return the helping hand then you have every right to not to give her a helping hand, maybe the other co worker should have offered to help her if he was concerned
NTA
I’ve used the line “Just because you have a crisis of your own making, that doesn’t mean *I* do.”
I’d explain the situation to upper management and ask for a raise considering you do more work
Why didn’t the co-worker help her and show themselves to be a team player? Hmmmmmm
NTA
You have to meet your deadlines first. Why couldn’t the colleague that thought you should help help her?
Other coworker can do it.
Definitely NTA. You have your own work to do. She has only shown take take take but no teamwork when you have needed help.