Ok so I’ll begin like this, I’m 24yrs old now and have been helping my dad who is 52 his with rent for the past few months. Because He told me he lost his job and was really struggling to stay afloat, and I didn’t even for a second hesitate to step in. I’ve been covering a portion of his rent from my own paycheck, even though I’m barely getting by myself, because i just can’t leave him like that.
So a few days ago, I was at my Uncle’s birthday and from just a regular conversation with someone close I met at the party, i found out from someone there that my dad never lost his job. He just cut his hours because he didn’t want to work full-time anymore and said it was “time to relax” after years of working.
I then confronted him, and he didn’t deny it at all. Instead he got mad and said I was overreacting and that “family helps family without asking questions.”
I told him I won’t be sending any more money. Now he’s been blowing up my phone and telling our relatives I’m ungrateful and disrespectful.
AITA for pulling back after finding out he lied?
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Ok so I’ll begin like this, I’m 24yrs old now and have been helping my dad who is 52 his with rent for the past few months. Because He told me he lost his job and was really struggling to stay afloat, and I didn’t even for a second hesitate to step in. I’ve been covering a portion of his rent from my own paycheck, even though I’m barely getting by myself, because i just can’t leave him like that.
So a few days ago, I was at my Uncle’s birthday and from just a regular conversation with someone close I met at the party, i found out from someone there that my dad never lost his job. He just cut his hours because he didn’t want to work full-time anymore and said it was “time to relax” after years of working.
I then confronted him, and he didn’t deny it at all. Instead he got mad and said I was overreacting and that “family helps family without asking questions.”
I told him I won’t be sending any more money. Now he’s been blowing up my phone and telling our relatives I’m ungrateful and disrespectful.
AITA for pulling back after finding out he lied?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. What action I took
I stopped sending my dad money for rent when I found out he lied about being unemployed.
Now he’s saying I’m disrespectful and selfish, and some relatives agree. I’m wondering if I should’ve handled it differently or kept helping him despite the lie, since he’s still my dad and says he needs support.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. if he wanted to cut his hours he should have planned for that by saving, not relying on you to make up the shortfall. Ignore that bullshit about helping without asking questions. Keep asking.
Definitely NTA
NTA. He lied. He knew he was in the wrong too, or at least that you wouldn’t have given him money, or he’d have told you the truth. ‘Hey, OP, I’m getting old and I’d really like to cut my hours and work part time, but I don’t have enough saved. Would you be able to help me out some?’ [Yes/No/Negotiation follows]
Maybe family helps without asking, maybe it doesn’t, but your dad didn’t need help. Until he cut his own work hours. Anyway, he did ask you to help, so the proverb isn’t even literally relevant. He lied when he asked.
Definitely NTA. He should’ve been honest with you from the start. Since he lied and pushed the “family helps family, no questions asked” card, he doesn’t deserve the help. If he’s pissed off about that, tell him too fucking bad.
NTA. Ya got conned.
He’s only 52. He has no savings, no retirement fund. He lies to you unashamedly. No Father-Of-The-Year material then.
He has decided you are his retirement plan, and honestly he has done you a favor b/c now you can figure out what your financial boundaries are (knowing what a conniving jerk your dad is) rather than having it all thrown at you by him in ten years.
Dad is the one who is ungrateful and disrespectful. Mute your phone. Go no contact with him for a few months. Then, if you so wish and his behavior has improved, go cautiously low contact.
NTA.
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“Family helps family, no questions asked” is a saying beloved of scammers and freeloaders. NTA
OMG, he’s 52 and just decided he doesn’t need to support himself anymore? Your dad is seriously deluded. Better you cut him off now while he is perfectly able to work.
NTA. He could live for decades more. Are you supposed to let him mooch off you that whole time? No. I’m closer in age to him than you; I wish I could reduce my work hours or quit altogether too. But I don’t because I have to support myself, and so does he. He’s just throwing a tantrum now because he can’t mooch off you anymore. He scammed you, and that’s not okay. What he did was disrespectful. And he’s the ungrateful one, not you.
Pretty sure its your dad who’s being disrespectful and ungrateful, considering you kept the roof over his head while he got to relax….
NTA. Tell him to put on his big boy pants and deal with it. Do not give him another dime.
NTA. Your father is a LIAR. Tell him so and close your wallet.