My parents got divorced when I (16m) was 2. Until last year I split my time between them an equal amount. When I was 6 my dad remarried and had more kids with his wife. I never liked her much and we argued a lot. She hates my mom too, always did. Then last year a bunch of stuff changed. My dad was promoted and his base is now out of state. So he and mom agreed to change the custody schedule and she has me full time and I see him when he’s “home”. Him and his wife separated after that but they’re still married and he goes to stay some weeks when he’s “home” so I’m not sure what’s going on there. But he’s gone way more than he’s there.
His wife was pissed about the custody schedule with me changing and she tried to say she had raised me for 9 years and should be allowed to keep me in her and my half siblings’ lives even if dad isn’t always there. I didn’t want to go so mom said no and dad was like whatever is fine by me.
Since I turned 16 she’s been more pushy about me being more involved in her household and not staying away when dad isn’t around. She told me I should be helping out now because she’s “essentially a single parent even if she’s not”. I really don’t want to be around her and I told her I don’t give a fuck about helping her. But she says I owe my family more and she’s family whether I like it or not and so are my half siblings.
I’m fine with my half siblings but not close and I don’t need to see them more than I do.
She’s getting angrier at me and at mom because I won’t help and won’t spend a few hours or nights at her house when dad isn’t there. She’s even angrier that I told her she has no authority over me and my mom has custody now. When she brought up how she’s been around most of my life I told her I never liked her and since it looks like her and dad are basically over I don’t need to have anything more to do with her.
She told me I’m disgusting for being so unhelpful and for turning my back on my family. I don’t care what she thinks. But I know that this was harder on my half siblings and the last time I saw them they said they missed me. It was awkward because I don’t miss them when I don’t see them for months. But all they knew was me being there two weeks a month. Now I’m maybe there three weeks a year.
AITA?
Comments
It sounds like you could benefit from some therapy. All of that hate and anger is not healthy.
I’m guessing that she wants a co-parent, not even just a babysitter. NTA
NTA. You’re not her back up parent.
This woman is an ex step mom. She ain’t family. She needs to look to her true family for support. And maybe her ex husband. Good for op staying 100% with true mom.
She wants a stand-in husband, now your dad isn’t around. You’re 16, and that is not your job.
I don’t mean anything gross, more like chores, handyman stuff, watching her kids. What a husband/father would do.
Not your responsibility, NTA.
Honestly, block her and only keep in touch with your half siblings (if you want to or can).
reap the whirlwind, b—-. NTA
Nta. Shes just looking for a babysitter.
Nta. She’s just buttmad because her life is falling apart and taking it out on you because she can’t take it out on your dad. You owe her nothing and you definitely aren’t family, even if she’s married to your dad, but especially if she’s not.
Tell her to hire a nanny or a maid… she’s disgusting NTA
You need to tell her, these aren’t my kids, they are yours. You need to figure this out with my father. Not my monkey, not my circus.
NTA.. She the parent of her children. You are not. I understand her struggle, but that struggle is not yours to share nor is helping parent/take care of you half-siblings or helping her with managing her home.
NTA. Is not that she likes you and misses you, what she wants is free labor from you. What she wants is you helping with the kids. That’s what it is. Tell her you are not responsible for helping her raise her kids.
I want to make a whole bunch of petty comments to throw at her, but your technically still underage so let’s just be nice.
You aren’t her husband or a father. You don’t owe her father duties or husband duties.
Your mom seems like the only stable one. Just stick with her and listen to her. You got this.
Hell no NTA. You’re 16. You’re a kid. She’s TA for even asking. I’m sorry for her situation but she’s a grown up and needs to act like one.
NTA. Tell her it’s creepy that she wants a 16 year old boy to step up as a pseudo-husband/parent and feels predatory. Tell your parents the same thing.
NTA – but if she continues, it may be time to talk to dad or mom may need to get a lawyer or court involved. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for her and your dad’s kids. You are a kid, not a babysitter. You are not the replacement daddy. She could have moved with your dad.
NTA, she wants you for a babysitter, nothing more
NTA, not your monkey and not your circus.
She said you “owe your family more”? What does a minor owe their family? Much less owe her? She’s not your parent or legal guardian and even if she was, a parent/legal guardian’s role is to take care of their dependents, NOT the other way around. You have no responsibility to care for your half siblings, but I do understand if they miss you. If they saw you 2 weeks every month (in essence half their life) regularly and you’re suddenly gone, that could be startling for them even if you don’t always get along, but that doesn’t mean you need to visit to appease them either. NTA OP, what matters most is how you feel and what you want to do and it seems you have supportive bio parents that respect your decisions.
NTA! Not your circus, not your monkey!
She just wants you for free baby sitting
NTA, look up parentification and tell your dad’s wife that this won’t fly
NTA. She wants you for free labour. I’d tell you to tell her to kick rocks, but you already did and I’m so proud of you!
Be aware that parents groom their kids to say things, so your half siblings may just be saying what their mother told them to in order to guilt trip you. Even if not, you’re still not obligated to privide free labour and support, they’re not your kids, not your responsibility.
The wicked stepmother made her bed, now she has to lay in it, tough!
NTA
She is not your parent. If she needs help with the kids she should make your dad look after his kids.
NTA, file a restraining order. She’s not your mother you don’t have any obligation to her and even if you have a half siblings you can talk or text to them on the phone you don’t need to always there but you can meet up somewhere if you want with your mom just in case something happens.
Do you like your brothers and/or sisters?
NTA
You are not their dad. If she wants a husband around to help she needs to work things out with their actual dad and leave you out of it. Also she’s the disgusting one for expecting a 16 year old to take on the responsibility of a grown man that fathered her children.
NTA.
NTA. You are almost at the age when many people leave their childhood home and only visit for a few weeks a year, so your half siblings would have had to experience that transition anyway. Don’t let your stepmom guilt you. Even if your half siblings miss you, they would likely suffer from the tension between you and stepmom being around each other.
NTA
She just wants free childcare.
NTA. Your half-siblings are not your responsibility and your father’s second ex wife can’t put that on you. Tell your father to deal with her. Block her number and go NC with her.
NTA. Be careful, it sounds like this woman is going to cause you and your mom trouble because she’s not getting her way.
Not your kids, not your problem. Tell her “I am not their father, you need to take it up with the man who created them
I am curious as to why they don’t relocate to where he is now living? $5 says he has a second family in his new home state lol
Is she going to send her kids over to your mom’s house with you to help your mom out? Yeah I didn’t think so.
My dude, this is something your dad needs to address with her.
Regardless of the time she’s had in your life, she’s not your mom. She’s pissed that your dad is gone for work, and she’s taking it out on you.
I get that things have changed for her, but that is not, nor will it ever be your problem. That’s between her and your dad.
Have a chat with your mom. Ask her to speak with your dad about shutting down his wife. You don’t want a relationship beyond what you have. Your dad has to shut her down.
As for your half siblings, let them know it’s not them. Be the big sibling if you want. Ice creams. Movies. Video games. Whatever you share with them. On your terms, not their mom’s.
Other than that, block her. This isn’t your problem. It’s your dad’s.
NTA. It is easier for her to get angry at you rather than deal with the big issue…their absent father. She needs to look elsewhere for support.
Block her and communicate directly with your dad regarding family issues.
She is desperate for a free babysitter. NTA
NTA. That’s parentification, no.
NTA. Sounds like she’s just looking for a babysitter.
She just wants a free babysitter. NTA.
NTA. She is just looking for someone to supplement her childcare arrangements. Be very cautious about spending any time there.
NTA. She wants you as a live in Nanny which is BS. There is nothing wrong with feeling their way you do.
NTA. You owe her nothing. Absolutely nothing. She chose to marry your father and raise you. You never had a say in it because you were a child. Your dad owes her something for doing his job and raising his kid but you owe her absoletely nothing. You don’t have to help around with anything and you can cut contact with her and her kids anytime you want.
NTA
I’d have a bit of sympathy if she actually missed you and had real concern over your relationship with your half-siblings (but only a bit due to her years of nasty behavior to your mom), however it’s obvious she only wants you there to help parent her kids and put you into an adult role. That would never be your responsibility, but it’s even worse that you are 16 and she has these expectations.
To be honest, she wants you as a back up parent. Someone to watch the kids, do the work, free labor. Asking you to babysit occasionally is one thing, but she’s trying to abuse the system.
As far as the custody goes, in my state at 13 kids have say in going to not BUT many have lost custody because they go to the other parent’s place and that parent isn’t there repeatedly. The whole idea of custody is parent spending time not coparents/stepparents/grandparents.
Updateme
Too fucking bad. You’re not her unpaid help because your dad sucks. NTA.
You need to be the best version of yourself. Like her or not it is a reflection on who YOU are how you speak to her.
Telling her mean spirited stuff is beneath you, “no thank you” is all you have to say. “I never liked her” “we’re not family” is just you being mean. You can choose to be better, and still not visit.
NTA, she made a poor choice in marrying your dad. Now, she has no man in the house and wants you to fill that slot. Not your problem. Your dad sounds like a deadbeat. Why couldn’t she move with him to his new base? Either way, it’s her problem and not yours to fix.
Why are you talking to or texting this woman? Block and delete. If your Da is divorcing her, then she literally isn’t in your life anymore.
Walk away. Be absolutely finished with someone that is trying to control you.
Nta she wants to use you as a parent and is using the kids to try and guilt you. Continue to stay away, she’ll find a solution and hopefully you can reconnect with the siblings when they are older. Also please put this in your dad’s lap. He’s also an AH for seeming to abandon his children and allow his wife to harass you
Try not to be mean to the half siblings when you see them, like you (as minors) they have no say in their lives. As far as SM goes, honey, you had them, I didn’t. We aren’t friends, we can barely be civil. Why would you want me there. I sure don’t want to be there, and unless my dad is there I’m not going to be. Give the dog a bone and put it outside. This is a done deal.
NTA
Seems like she’s struggling with the kids she already has to manange. Why on earth would she add another child to the mix?
I know why, but you’re not an adult. And not a parent. Her wanting to parentify you is not okay.
She needs to find real help, not harass a teenager to do her (ex) husband’s tasks.
NTA. She could’ve built a healthy loving relationship with you all those years you were over there but if it was mainly arguing and drama, why would you want to be there when you don’t have to now? You’re not obligated to help her out with the kids she chose to have with your absentee dad. You’re for damn sure not obligated to play dad in his absence. Thats just attempted parentification and it’s frowned upon. Yeah, she’s basically a single parent. But you’re a literal child. She’s still supposed to be taking care of you, not making you raise ‘her’ kids. Enjoy your childhood and ignore her.
Send her an article about how parentification is damaging in many ways for minors and tell her your therapist and your mom both advice against it.
NTA of course.
No, hon, you’re not. And you’re not disgusting either. She’s just really mad @ being the only parent for a while that is SO not your problem.
You just go do what you do & when your Dad gets back you can see how that goes…she’ll still be mad…set her free girl!!!
You are a step child. Key term there is child. You don’t need to pick up her slack. Even if you were an adult, you have no obligation. She should be mad at your dad, not you or your mom.
YTA, lazy asshole can’t even help around a house he’s lived in RENT free.
Your an idiot too
You can learn how to tolerate this. Much easier than not having a place to stay at 16.
You’re an entitled asshole with a shitty dad. And a landlord that wants you to help out
You need to leave and live somewhere else
She’s being real patient if she’s having put up with your dad’s shit. All the while having to deal with a little 16 year old asshole.
Leave and live on the streets.
I would’ve kicked you out of mine in a heartbeat.
Nta. Youre not the backup dad or baby sitter.
NTA. Distance is a good thing.
NTA- she’s projecting her feelings towards your dad and to you. You’re not a substitute for your dad.
Tell her to find another husband who sticks around. You are not her babysitter or her back up partner with whom she can co parent
NTA. She wants free childcare, not a relationship with you. You can still have contact with your half siblings, if you want, without going to be a second parent.
Karma is a Bitch.
She didn’t care when it was happening to your mom.
NTA. Block her and go NC.
NTA She erred when she married a guy who wouldn’t stick with her. Now she’s stuck, but it’s in no way your fault. Dad’s kids after he left your mom are not your responsibility.
Don’t be afraid to just block numbers if someone harasses you. Owning a cell phone is a convenience, not a gin.