Basically since my childhood I stopped receiving support from my parents, at age 13 they “divorced” (they weren’t even married), then I lived with my father with again abandoned me while working from 5am to 7pm (he left at 5am and came back 7pm), when he was in surgery I took care of him one month or two, my mom all this time was disappeared didn’t even speak to me, no morning no night, nothing.
Teenage season goes by, on and off with my mom, if I say I spoke to her like 12 times in a year, that’s a LOT.
And with my dad he was there but completely on his own, he didn’t even care about me, didn’t ask, anything. Just bring food to the table and that’s it.
I was broken deep inside. Alone, in my teenage years.
At 17, last year of high school, my dad had another child.
Isn’t the child fault.
My father at this time was 50.
Now he is 60 and the child is 10, he wants me to have a close relationship but I’m 27, I live with my gf now, we’re planning our future together and my parents, both, in a way, after I dedicated myself for +12hrs some days when I was in college. They didn’t even try to see me, didn’t ask for money, didn’t do shit.
Now, that I’m deep in my 20s, they try to talk to me very day, and expect me to resolve all the issues financially for them, even when they weren’t available emotionally or phisigally in my teenage.
Now everything is money they don’t even ask for me, how I’m doing, they don’t care. And my dad FORCES a relationship between me and my little brother.
Now, I don’t want to help either of them financially.
AITA?
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Basically since my childhood I stopped receiving support from my parents, at age 13 they “divorced” (they weren’t even married), then I lived with my father with again abandoned me while working from 5am to 7pm (he left at 5am and came back 7pm), when he was in surgery I took care of him one month or two, my mom all this time was disappeared didn’t even speak to me, no morning no night, nothing.
Teenage season goes by, on and off with my mom, if I say I spoke to her like 12 times in a year, that’s a LOT.
And with my dad he was there but completely on his own, he didn’t even care about me, didn’t ask, anything. Just bring food to the table and that’s it.
I was broken deep inside. Alone, in my teenage years.
At 17, last year of high school, my dad had another child.
Isn’t the child fault.
My father at this time was 50.
Now he is 60 and the child is 10, he wants me to have a close relationship but I’m 27, I live with my gf now, we’re planning our future together and my parents, both, in a way, after I dedicated myself for +12hrs some days when I was in college. They didn’t even try to see me, didn’t ask for money, didn’t do shit.
Now, that I’m deep in my 20s, they try to talk to me very day, and expect me to resolve all the issues financially for them, even when they weren’t available emotionally or phisigally in my teenage.
Now everything is money they don’t even ask for me, how I’m doing, they don’t care. And my dad FORCES a relationship between me and my little brother.
Now, I don’t want to help either of them financially.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I guess I’ll be the asshole for not lending them money, but they didn’t even support me back then.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You should absolutely not help them financially. Is there any reason you would WANT to even keep them in your life at this point?
NTA
It sounds like you’ve raised yourself into a successful and functional young person. Be proud of yourself for the work you’ve done to achieve what you have.
That being said – you are 27. Your dad can’t ‘force’ you to have a relationship.
You don’t owe your parents anything. It’s ok to not fix their problems.
Our job as parents is to make sure our kids have the tools to do better than us. You’ve done that without their help. You don’t need to support them.
Good luck with your future and your relationship. Keep building on your happiness and success.
(I am stealing ‘season’ of stages of life. Beautiful turn of phrase)
NTA and do not help them financially.
Someone who says that they were “abandoned” at the age of 13 “during their dad’s working hours” – well, I do feel like that viewpoint is harsh. You were old enough to take care of yourself during those hours, and your dad was trying to survive.
That said, you owe them nothing at this point. Any relationship you have is completely voluntary.
You shouldn’t even talk to any of them, they’re don’t deserve it. They can rot. NTA
You don’t have to help them financially, nor have a relationship with a half sibling.
However, ESH. Your father went through what is likely a terrible divorce, took care if you by working 5am-7pm every dang day and you dare call that being abandoned? You are reveling in your supposed emotional trauma and need to stop that immediately for your own good.
Sounds like they weren’t parents, just DNA donors. You owe them nothing. They’re strangers.
NTA
They are adults and are responsible for their own expenses. Don’t give or lend them anything.
NTA.
I would recommend completely not talking to them or engaging with them, and seeing how you feel.
NO is a complete sentence. Use it…no explanation, nothing, just say NO. Then cut off their access to you. you are ntah
NTA
These parents seem like horrible people. Who only talks to their own child 12 TIMES A YEAR AND THAT WOULD BE A LOT… Also why would he expect you to connect and have a relationship with someone who is 17 years younger than you. If they weren’t present and there for you during the years you had with them, then you don’t owe them anything. DO NOT GIVE THEM ANY MONEY.
OP – you don’t owe your parents any financial assistance. However – when it comes to your brother I would respectfully recommend that you have a relationship. Most likely your dad will pass on when your brother is in his teens or twenties.. He’s going to need someone. You can be the someone you never had. Your baby brother did not do anything to hurt you.He is innocent in this – and you can be an inspiration/mentor to him. I understand your not wanting to have to do anything with your biological parents – but I cherish my siblings. I think it would be good if you had a relationship with your brother.
NTA.
Block them. They can’t force you to do shit. You’re an adult. Simply cut them out of your life and move on. You’ll be happier in the long run for it
NTA. You raised yourself, you owe yourself to take care of yourself. You don’t owe anyone.
NTA. Focus on your own relationship and future. Good luck.
NTA, bringing food to the table was their responsibility, but food isn’t the only need a child has (or a teen), they neglected you and aren’t even trying to be good parents now, you owe them nothing, I would even cut all contact with them, tbh, if you don’t wanna do that it’s ok, but it’s also ok if you just say no to what they require from you.
Oh, and about your brother, it’s normal that you can’t be that close, my older brothers (half brothers) and I have the same age gap as you both, I can’t blame them for not being close to me, I’m ok with talking from time to time, we see each other from time to time as well, when I was 10 I saw them a few times a year and I was ok with that too, my dad wasn’t the best dad for them, they had their own family (mother, siblings, couples, children, etc.), I was very happy to see them but didn’t expect much, we’re completely different. So yeah, the age gap is just too big and it’s even harder to be close when your relationship with your father is so… Complicated, idk if you want any relationship with your brother at all, but a forced one doesn’t end well, I have experience with one like that too 😂
NTA. Sorry your parents failed to nurture you as you needed when you were growing up and that you felt so alone. It does appear that your dad was away working though, not sitting in a bar somewhere ignoring you. That said, you’re a man now and on your own. It seems that now they need you to help take care of their business.
You are completely justified to want to go forward to build a life with your partner without your parents expecting you to now be devoted to them. It’s unfortunate that this is how it is, but clearly they didn’t take good care of you when you needed it, and so you never developed a good bond where you are concerned about them. This is the relationship that they made with you when they were in control.
Feel free to free yourself of your parents’ demands and live your life as you wish. I hope life in the future is good for you. Don’t allow your parents to put expectations on you or to take your money now.
NTA. Tell them You will help them Find assistance, but can’t give them money. Your Dad doesn’t have a right to pushnacdiblingbrelationship either.
NTA- but saying you were “abandoned” during working hours is wild. Especially considering your father was a single parent at that time. Considering school hours on top of that you would’ve been alone for a couple of hours at most just like almost every single kid I ever knew growing up. If you don’t want to give your parents any financial support then don’t. You don’t owe them any money and that will also allow them to contact you in a more social way if they choose to do so. Family and money don’t usually mix well for anyone.
Two thoughts.
First, someone looking for money/support will review their options from most convenient to least convenient. When you’re asked by someone in a hard position, it may feel like you’re the difference between their chance to succeed and their chance to fail. But you’re really just the next stop on the list…there was an easier one before you and there will be a harder one after you.
Second, “What appears to be a crisis is often the end of the illusion that things were working.” It’s rare that someone is actually in a situation where they were OK before and they’ll be OK after, if they can just resolve one immediate issue.
be the thermostat, not the thermometer .
In other words, you need to be in control of this relationship and not only responding to your parents .
How often do you wanna see your father or your brother?
Let’s say it’s once every two months . Then you call your dad and say hey why don’t we get together for pumpkin picking in Oct? Let us know what weekend is good for you. If they want to get together with you before that just say no we’re busy but we’ll see you for pumpkin picking like we agreed.
As far as financially …” dad you should be glad I’m not asking for you for money so don’t look to me to finance you. I’m just getting started in my life”
When they call you, don’t answer . Call back the next day. Spread out the calls.
Or tell them you’ll call them Sunday night or something where they can expect it but it’s a week apart .
You can also block their number .
Go no contact with both mom and dad
You are a better person then I am. I would not even talk to them.
NOT the AH. You don’t owe either of them anything. If all they want from you is money I would not take their calls. No one can make you have a relationship with your “so called father’s” young son. You can only pray he doesn’t treat his 10-yr old the same way he treated you.
Glad you have found someone that makes you happy in life.
So sorry for the lonely life you had as a teen.
There’s 10 years between my oldest and her stepbrother. As adults, that difference has become negligible. That 10-year-old could be lonely, so maybe take your brother to a game or a movie or for a pizza. Get to know him on your own. This isn’t about your dad. It’s about you and this child with whom you could have a nice relationship.
Sending you best wishes for the happiness you deserve.
Go NC, honey. I feel your pain thru this screen and I feel for you. NC. I know that’s not easy and doesn’t fix the past. But, save yourself. Don’t let them hurt you any more.
NTA.
NTA. But nobody is forcing anything. You’re letting your dad force a relationship. If you don’t want that, say no. Stop showing up. Grow a spine. You don’t have to answer a text or phone call, you’re choosing to. And if you’re not ready to make hard decisions for your peace of mind, suck it up and deal with it.