So, I (20M) have a friend, Jake (20M), who I’ve known since high school. He’s a good guy, but he’s always been a bit of a spender—constantly buying new clothes, gadgets, and trying to keep up with the “latest trends” specifically the old money style on tiktok. Recently, he came to me, saying he was in a financial bind and needed $1,000 to cover some expenses. He said it was urgent. Although I was after hesitant at first, after a lot of back-and-forth, I agreed to lend him the money.
I’ve always been the kind of person who helps friends when they’re in need, so I pretty much got convinced eitherway. We agreed he would pay me back in a month or two, and I trusted him to do that. However, about a week later, I found out that he used that money to buy a luxury watch—something worth over $1,500. I was honestly shocked when I saw him post about it on social media.
I talked to him about it, and he said that he still planned to pay me back, but it “just happened” that he’d come across a deal he couldn’t pass up. He didn’t think it would be a big deal since he “wouldn’t spend all his money on stuff like that again.”
I told him I wasn’t okay with it since it was pretty much just deception, and I asked him to return the watch and pay me back first. But he got defensive, saying I was overreacting and that I should be happy for him. But now he’s telling our mutual friends that I’m being unreasonable and that I’m “judging” him for treating himself to something nice.
I feel like if I’m lending someone a significant amount of money, I should be able to trust that it’s going to go toward what they said it would, especially because he’s my friend that i grew up with. But now I’m i don’t really know what to do because I don’t want to come off as a jerk or selfish. AITA for being upset about this and refusing to let it go?
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So, I (20M) have a friend, Jake (20M), who I’ve known since high school. He’s a good guy, but he’s always been a bit of a spender—constantly buying new clothes, gadgets, and trying to keep up with the “latest trends” specifically the old money style on tiktok. Recently, he came to me, saying he was in a financial bind and needed $1,000 to cover some expenses. He said it was urgent. Although I was after hesitant at first, after a lot of back-and-forth, I agreed to lend him the money.
I’ve always been the kind of person who helps friends when they’re in need, so I pretty much got convinced eitherway. We agreed he would pay me back in a month or two, and I trusted him to do that. However, about a week later, I found out that he used that money to buy a luxury watch—something worth over $1,500. I was honestly shocked when I saw him post about it on social media.
I talked to him about it, and he said that he still planned to pay me back, but it “just happened” that he’d come across a deal he couldn’t pass up. He didn’t think it would be a big deal since he “wouldn’t spend all his money on stuff like that again.”
I told him I wasn’t okay with it since it was pretty much just deception, and I asked him to return the watch and pay me back first. But he got defensive, saying I was overreacting and that I should be happy for him. But now he’s telling our mutual friends that I’m being unreasonable and that I’m “judging” him for treating himself to something nice.
I feel like if I’m lending someone a significant amount of money, I should be able to trust that it’s going to go toward what they said it would, especially because he’s my friend that i grew up with. But now I’m i don’t really know what to do because I don’t want to come off as a jerk or selfish. AITA for being upset about this and refusing to let it go?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I (20M) lent my friend (20M) Jake $1,000 after he claimed he was in a financial bind. He promised to pay me back in a few months, but I later found out he used the money to buy a luxury watch worth over $1,500 instead of addressing the financial issues he mentioned. When I confronted him, he said he still planned to pay me back but didn’t see the problem with treating himself. I told him I was upset and asked him to return the watch and focus on paying me back first.
I believe I might be the asshole because maybe I should’ve trusted him more or let him handle his finances without interference. However, I feel that when lending money, especially a significant amount, it’s fair to expect it to be used for the intended purpose. I’m now wondering if I was too harsh by asking him to return the watch. Did I overstep or should I have been more understanding?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Wow. NTA at all. I’d be furious.
If it’s any consolation, your friends who he is whining to know who TA is here too, and he’s just made it impossible to “borrow” money from any of you.
Tell him his watch is no good because it’s not telling him when it’s time to PAY YOU BACK.
NTA. Buying a luxury watch isn’t beg your friends for money urgent. A hard lesson… Don’t mix loaning money with friends.
NTA. Your so-called mate’s a proper muppet. Begs you for cash like he’s desperate, then blows it on a flashy watch to flex online? You did him a solid and he turned around and mugged you off. If he thinks you’re “judging” him, maybe he should try not acting like a walking red flag.
Tell your mutuals to jog on if they think you’re the one in the wrong, you’re well within your rights to be fuming. Bloke needs to grow up and learn what respect means.
NTA
You’re not judging him for how he spent the money. You’re judging the item as something you’re not willing to have your money spent on.
ETA: It’s your money. You have a right to say where it goes.
NTA, but don’t ever give people cash. Tell them you will pay whatever bill needs to be paid.
I hope you have his promise to pay in writing.
NTA – lesson learned – don’t loan friends and family money unless you plan to not get it back.
Ask for a signed repayment plan with penalties and interest. Save all written communication in case you need to take him to small claims.
Nice to learn this lesson with $1k vs 10 years from now when someone wants 10k 😀
NTA. Make sure you have the details and terms of the loan in writing. (Amount, any interest, and due date). In text that he acknowledges at the very least. I have a feeling you’ll be in small claims court when he doesn’t pay you back in a few months.
This is why you don’t lend money to people. NTA, but I have to say, you probably won’t get the money back. People like him typically won’t ever be able to pay anything back because they will always find something to spend money on. You’ve most likely just learned a very expensive lesson.
NTA – you loaned your “friend” money in good faith, and he blew it. Him telling your mutual friends that you’re being unreasonable is ridiculous. Never lend this person money again.
FWIW, never loan anyone money that you are not comfortable with it ever being paid back, no matter who the borrower is. Unless there is a legal promissory note or binding contract, you can pretty much kiss that money goodbye.
Nta
Get your money back and cut off the gravy train. And in the future, never loan money out that you can’t live without
NTA It was basically deception. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was his plan all along, and he either made up, or exaggerated the urgency of his expenses for you to agree.
Start looking at legal options now, as he’ll use your ‘judging’ him as an excuse not to pay you back. That and he’ll keep fobbing you off in the hope that you lose interest.
So people are now spending money they don’t have to look as though they have generational wealth? Worlds gone fucking wonky.
NTA but don’t expect to get the money back.
NTA
He may not have asked under false pretenses initially, but he either bought that with your money and lied to your face or chose buying that over paying you back.
NTA
Whatever sentimentality you have about your school years, he merely sees you as an easy mark to get money from. That isn’t friendship.
Tell him he has to return the watch and repay you immediately or you will go public with what he has done and how fake his affluence is. Whatever he says in response say ‘that sounds like you’ and your money.
You’re so petty!
That sounds like you, taking my money.
How can you be so mean and selfish?
That sounds like you, taking my money.
You should be happy for me!
That sounds like you after you pay me back my money.
You don’t want me to have anything nice!
That sounds like you, trying to keep my money.
Calm, unshakable, unrelenting.
And once you have your cash, tell him to lose your number.
NTA, if your friends are giving you shit over this, just tell them that you loaned him money because he said he was in a bind and you didn’t want him to go without food or paid bills. You never accepted to give him money to buy a luxury item.
From now on, don’t loan money to friends. If they need help pay for something and you still want to help, pay for that directly
NTA – Lesson Learned
Life lesson: never loan someone more money than you’re willing to lose. NTA
NTA
But you learned a very valuable lesson:
Do not ever lend money to your friends. EVER.
You can give them money if you would like, but don’t expect it back. Also, if you’re in the states prepare to take Jake to small claims, OR, prepare to end your friendship and never see that money again.
My son lent a roommate about $2K once. He had to sue to get it back.
35 years ago I lent a friend $300 (A LOT OF MONEY BACK THEN) and I never heard from them again.
I know this sounds callous, but unless you’re my family (and even then) I am very limited on what I will help you with. I will send you organizations with resources, and even drive you there, hook you up with job interviews, etc. However, you’re never getting a dime from me.
NTA. Seems about the right time to learn this life lesson Don’t lend people money, period. Credit cards exist exactly for the type of shit he’s doing.
NTA dude. Your friend has some serieus issues. Get back that money asap
>But now he’s telling our mutual friends that I’m being unreasonable and that I’m “judging” him for treating himself to something nice.
He’d have to have used his own cash to “treat himself” to something nice. He used OP’s cash.
Take the watch as collateral until he pays you back. NTA
NTA…He obviously has problems with spending. He probably knew you were the person who would help him out if he told a good story. Your heart was in right place, but you must have suspected he wasn’t telling the whole truth. Get your money back and learn from the experience.
YTA for making this story up
you argued extensively about lending him a lot of money that he needed “urgently” but didn’t even ask what he needed it for? get better material
also: write the title after making up the story next time, keeps you from getting confused about “refusing to lend“ money and “refusing to let it go”
NTA, He’s “treating” himself with your money and he lied to you to get it. Tell anybody he’s telling that he told you he had an urgent expense that turned out to be a deal on a watch. Stay on him about paying you back.
You don’t treat yourself with other people’s money. You treat yourself after working hard to earn it.
NTA.
NTA. He didn’t treat himself. You did. He wouldn’t have been able to get the watch if he hadn’t scammed you by saying he was in need. Do t let him spin it to make you look bad. Tell everyone exactly what he did and why.
Get a loan in writing as the watch and other things as collateral. That is what I would do as I have been burned many times by friends. I don’t give money to friends that I am not ready to throwaway for the sake of the friendship.
NTA – Never lend freinds money again. You just bought your buddy a $1000 watch.
NTA
A lesson reddit has taught me.
When you lend money, assume you’ll never get it back. Only lend money, you are 100% ok you’ll never see again. If you don’t get your money back, a small price to pay to learn someones true nature. If you do, hooray!
[ Removed by Reddit ]
NTA.
That said I’d encourage you to treat any money loaned to a friend as a gift mentally. Don’t tell them it’s a gift, but mentally be prepared to just never see it again and don’t lend them money you can’t part with.
Sure, many times it can work well, but when it doesn’t you’re stuck trying to figure out if blowing up your friendship is worth $x to you, which is never a fun position to be in.
Unless he told you what it was for you really have no reason to be mad.
Oh, Jake, you troublemaking AI boy….
Defo NTA. You lent him the money in good faith and he betrayed your trust.
NTA, but if I were you and I trusted he would pay me back, I would not be criticizing how he spent the money until AFTER he paid me back. Starting a fight while he owes you $1000 is a really good way to scare him off and never get your money back.
However, I can also see how many might think he’s not gonna pay you back anyways. For someone to take $1000 from a friend under the pretense of desperation and then spend it on a watch is low key insane. I wouldn’t trust any person who ever did this ever again.
It’s not “treating himself” if he used someone else’s money to buy it. NTA at all. But don’t be surprised if/when he never pays it back.
What a joke. Dude’s a broke-ass wannabe trying to cosplay as old money with YOUR cash? Pathetic doesn’t even cut it. Jake begged like a damn stray dog, then dropped your $1k on a watch just to flex for TikTok, how fckin sad is that? He’s not chasing success, he’s chasing likes, and failing hard at both. Acting like you’re the problem while he plays rich boy with someone else’s money? Fck that clown, hope the watch tells him what time it is: time to get a damn job