I (27F) live alone and my boyfriend (29M) asked to move in. But he told me upfront he wouldn’t help with rent, utilities, or chores because “a man only provides for his wife, not a girlfriend.” Basically, I’d be paying for everything and still doing all the cleaning/cooking.
I told him no, and now he’s saying I’m being unfair and emasculating him. Some friends say I should “prove I’m serious” and let him move in, others say I’d be crazy to accept.
Comments
Wat
Sounds like a loser
NTA
Am I really doing the right thing?🥲
You already know that living with him won’t work out so you should reconsider the relationship entirely. NTA.
NTA. Sounds like you have acquired a hobosexual and not a boyfriend.
NTA tell him “a woman only provides for her husband not his boyfriend” then break up and move on
NTA this is a crazy red flag. He seems like a man child and misogynistic. I would never do this and it’s crazy that he expects this. You should tell him to find someone who would do this and that’s he’ll be hard pressed to find a woman who’ll provide for him. He’s not a child and you’re not his mother. I would drop him cuz he’s 29 this behavior is not gonna change unfortunately
Runnnnnnnnn!!!! As fast as you can. Sounds like he’s a user, he’ll always make excuses for why he can’t contribute. When someone tells you who they are believe them. At the very least if you continue dating him, keep separate everything especially homes.
NTA. And show him the door. He’s a childish loser.
NTA. You have a child, not a boyfriend. Dump him.
He sounds like an opportunistic mooch. Get rid of the hobosexual!
Edit: NTA
That is a total scam. Run away as fast as you can.
Tell him a woman only provides for her husband, not a boyfriend lol. He wants u to be his mommy
NTA wowwwwww
Girl WHAT? You’re lucky he showed his true colours before moving in with you. He needs a babysitter, not a girlfriend. RUN!!
So he wants to live like a child? How attractive…
NTA-he needs to be your ex now
Fuck. That.
NTA
NTA but this guy would be my ex-boyfriend the second he said that out loud. What a misogynistic jerk. Don’t ever settle for less. This guy is pushing 30 and looking for a mommy.
Be glad he’s been so upfront about all of this though. If you ever try to live together, it will be you doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and forget if you ever had a kid with this loser.
Tell him to put a ring on it then if he wants to move in. Make him prove he’s serious
In what cosmology does he expect to be provided for my his girlfriend?
NTA Time to grow up and lose this loser. Are you really this needy you’d put up with an incel?
So he wants to be a wife . Let him go find his own husband to mooch off like the hobosexual he is.
I can’t imagine why you would even consider this.
Anyone saying that you need to prove anything to him are just as delusional as he is. He intends to be a deadbeat leech, and is trying to manipulate you into it. I suggest doing more than just saying no. NTA
NTA.
Run away. This man is trash..
Bullshit.
Yeah don’t let him move in ever.
NTA
What kind of nonsense is that? Here is the crazy thing OP, if he keeps trying that with different women, eventually he’ll succeed. So if you don’t let him move in, he’ll end up moving in with some other girl who pays the rent, does the chores, and has sex with him and so on. Do you really want that?
I’d say… yes, you do want him to move on and take advantage of some other girl, because you’re too smart for that. Move on OP!
wtf? seriously?? no. NTA.
where is he living now, if I may ask?
He sounds lame. Move on.
I’m sorry this guy is not contributing to bills or household upkeep at all?
He seems to have missed the memo that part of being a good husband is also being a good roommate. And you have the opportunity to demonstrate what a good roommate you are when you live together before marriage.
It sounds like he’s basically freeloading off of you at this point.
50m here and this guys an idiot. A real man pays his share to keep the roof that’s over his bloody head.
If someone tells you who they are, don’t test them to see if they mean it. Believe them. 27 is too young to become a maid and ATM.
Are you sure this misogynist is the one you want to be with?
Oh hell no.
I’m sorry, what??? So, basically he wants to freeload??? And you have the nerve to ask if you’re the asshole for saying NO to that BS?
Why is he STILL your boyfriend?
And what kind of dumb friends do you have???
This must be fake…
He sounds like a loser find a better man
I’m sorry but where do guys get these fucked up ideas about relationships? Where are their mother and fathers? This dumbass needs to be popped up side the head. You’re right don’t let this idiot move in with you!
DTMFA
No. Red flag. Break up. Run.
Not only say no but dump his sorry ass.
Absolutely
Remind him sex is only for married couples
Really just move on, you deserve a REAL partner
Why would you do this? What could possibly be an advantage for you?
If you let him in he will never leave.
NTA “I only pay full rent and pull chore duty for children and pets, you’re neither” girl, run.
After hearing that from a man I have been dating, I would end it. He is lazy and wants the freebies for nothing. I might say now, I don’t live with someone unless the commit to me, and share costs. His response was ignorant.
Ew. NTA.
I would not be able to look at him with any interest or respect after that. Glad he was upfront beforehand.
I’m really hoping this is a troll post. As others have said, sounds like you have stumbled upon a “hobosexual.” Ie a man who seeks partnership with a woman who will house and provide for him. Sadly my mother in law was saddled with one of these for a while. She paid all the expenses and rent. He sent money to his ex and their kids. He was a loser. Yours is one too.
Find someone who will carry their own weight. That is also the only way you will know that a man wants you for YOU, not what you can do for him.
NTA I really hope you mean ex boyfriend
Time to leave that B!
Well…
Just let him know a woman must save herself for after marriage so he aint getting any because hes a boyfriend.
Also nta.
Or mention “Or roommates.” and see if he gets the hint.
NTA, LOL respond with “if you want the milk, buy the cow” but seriously he wants to use you, why stay? kick the hobosexual to the curb…
NTA. Get rid of this guy and fast.
So instead of being a man, he want to be a freeloader? Who emasculated him?
Don’t be a schmo.
Just say no.
He sounds delusionally misogynistic. He definitely deserves emasculation because his balls are bigger than his brain.
You can do SO much better gf.
The question is why are you dating him?
Did he recently suffer a head injury? No? Then NTA
Forget the relationship a second… unless you’re helping a friend out who’s hit hard times, literally anyone who moved in would be expected to help out with rent and bills…
Normally I roll my eyes at how often this sub will cry toxic and red flags because someone didn’t share a bite of their Kit Kat or something but c’mon, at best this guy sounds like a loser, at worst it could be a red flag for really bad behaviour later.
Has he given any coherent reason he thinks he should live in your place while paying nothing and doing nothing other than have you serve his royal butt? If not I suggest listening to No Scrubs on repeat for an hour and telling him to shape up or ship out.
I say you’re crazy if you don’t break up with him immediately.
YTA. Why are you dating this man?
He’s a turd. Dump him.
Y would be the a if you let him move in
You’re crazy if you let him. Do you really think about keeping a drone? Pff this is terrible manliness, tell him that roommates pay rent, they don’t give them away because they are handsome, and he also starts denying him sex because that’s only until marriage, right? Or does he just want to be conservative in what suits him? Because if he is very conservative, he shouldn’t go live with his girlfriend without first marrying her, don’t let yourself be manipulated by a nye.
Red flag 🚩
Please say you areny having sex with him either because thats a wifes job, not a girlfriends.
Also dump him.
NTA
NTA. This is likely to be a pattern of weird excuses to manipulate and get what he wants for free. I wouldn’t expect partnership or longevity in this relationship.
What the hell?! How about you dump him. He can try and push that macho mentality on someone else! NTA
Your boyfriend is an idiot. What does he bring to the table?
NTA
Good for you for saying no. Keep doing so, move on and find a new bf. He’s a loser.
Hell no you aren’t. He’s a loser, dump him
Absolutely not! This guy will just use you.
Yeah, it isn’t reasonable. He wants you to be his mum. Do you WANT to be his mum? That’s not sexy. I suggest you leave him and find a real man, not a man child.
This isn’t even gender roles. This is a dude is straight up manipulative.
Why is this Neanderthal still your boyfriend?
NTA lol. This is 2025, basically everyone splits the bills/chores unless previously established that one is paying bills and the other is staying home doing chores.
If this is real he’s now your ex right?
Say he can’t move in till he puts a ring on it then 😂
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I’d remind him that his role as a tenant in your home, is to pay his room and board and upkeep his rental. Anything less only applies to husbands.
Why is this knuckle dragger your boyfriend? I see all these posts and wonder why women don’t respect themselves. Know your worth ladies.
Why are you dating him is a better question
Nta, if he doesn’t pay half expenses, and do half chores, he is not worth having around.
Reminder that he is on his BEST behavior right now bc he’s trying to get his way.
This is the BEST version of him.
The BEST.
I keep saying this bc over time he will relax his best. So if his very best is whiny, manipulative, and sexist…what will it look like when he relaxes? And…do you want to be with someone whose best is THIS?
If you continue this relationship, you will soon be posting about how you are literally carrying the weight of being a mother alone, carry resent, end up with health issues because of all the stress. Get out, you don’t need this kind of man in your life!
Hell no! You should drop that loser not just now, but last week!!!!
No. NTA. Why would you want more work to do with no help? Also throw this one back. He sounds like a leech.
This has to be a joke. No one would say something that stupid.
9 days ago you were 20 and sharing an apt with a roommate with a problem boyfriend…probably the real person behind this account is a bigger asshole than any of the characters
yta get a life
Dump the loser and tell him you don’t financially support or be an unpaid maid for anyone but your husband
I would tell him that “I only provide rent for a husband and cooking and cleaning is a husband’s job.”
Nta dump the loser
Dump this guy. Do not get pregnant by this guy. Run as far and as fast from him as you possibly can. Seriously. Every time you let him inside of you, you risk getting pregnant with this “man’s” child. You do not want that life.
Your ex boyfriend said what?! NTA, he deserves to be dumped.
Let me live rent free and be my slave
Are u for real?
Dump his ass
How did you age 7 years in 5 days?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/wiGtLY4ARZ
This is absolutely fake.
YTA
Wtf dump him immediately
Don’t walk, sprint
NTA
Tell him only losers mooch off their girlfriends.
He’s not acting like a man if he’s freeloading. Hell, he’s not acting like a decent human.
Lose the loser and maintain your peace.
It’s always these loser friends that have something (RIDICULOUS) to say! Your hobosexual boyfriend is a loser. Please break up with him today. His views are very sexist too.
NTA
He’s a hobosexual.
If he wants to be traditional, remind him that traditionally a couple only lives together when married.
Tell him that traditionally if an unmarried man has a woman cleaning his home, he’s paying her to do it because she’s his housekeeper.
Tell him that traditionally if a man lives off a woman’s money that makes him a gigolo.
Besides which, I guarantee this loser wouldn’t do household chores even if he were married except, maybe, cutting the grass (a once every two week chore for part of the year).
“Some friends say I should “prove I’m serious” and let him move in”
You need new friends.
“he wouldn’t help with rent, utilities, or chores because “a man only provides for his wife, not a girlfriend.”
And a new boyfriend.
Your boyfriend is a misogynistic loser. Dump him.
That’s the new trendy word, every time a woman says no to a man , she is « emasculating » him.
Do you want to live with someone who thinks like that ? Only the « a man provides for his wife » phrase is a huge red flag. Women can provide for themselves. He should go and try to find a Neanderthal GF.
Never let him move in. He’s a mooch. If he’s not participating in the keeping of the house, he can’t live there. Period, the end.
Omg, please tell me this is a fake. You can’t seriously think that this is normal or right. You deserve better. Run from this person if you know what’s good for you because they are showing you who they actually are and will be when they do eventually move in with you whether you’re married or not.NTA
NTA. If he wants to be a houseguest he’s welcome to stay for 3 days and no longer.
Nta. Run for the hills, girl! This guy is not a keeper. He’s a lazy misogynistic goof!
I say this with love, you and I both know he will not start doing his part if y’all get married. He showed his ass in time for you to dodge the shit spray, so dodge it.
NTA
BF is full of himself. Tell him the “men’s role” that you see online says if he moved in he pays ALL bills and you can stay at home and do chores, and drink wine,
He expects to move in and you cover everything for him????
NTA but don’t keep him around as a boyfriend either. He has shown you how little he values you
Also drop the friends telling you to “let him move in to show that you’re serious. They are the same breed as him
Tell him that it’s the man’s job to provide so you’ll do chores and he can pay all the rent and bills…
As a man, I am telling you not to put up with his bullshit . Relationships are 50/50. He’s just looking for a free ride.
TLC sang a song about guys like him, “Scrubs”. Go buy a dildo and tell him to live with his mother, because family helps family.
You’re not emasculating him, you’re calling out his bullshit and he’s having a whinge.
You can probably do better, to be honest
NTA
Of course you aren’t an AH for not allowing a bf to move in and then expect YOU to pay all the rent, utilities and do all the chores!! I mean, if he thinks a bf shouldn’t provide for a gf, then a gf shouldn’t be providing for her boyfriend!
>I’m being unfair and emasculating him
How in the world is it emasculating for him to keep his own apartment?
Look: it’s very unlikely this guy would be a decent husband either. He’s demanding you let him be a hobo-sexual on your dime!
>I should “prove I’m serious” and let him move in
Why should you “prove” you are serious? Shouldn’t he prove he’s serious? By either (a) saying he’s ready to marry now or (b) being willing to pay rent and split chores? How does him insisting on being a hobo-sexual prove he’s serious about every being anyting other than a hobo-sexual.
Is this a joke? Because honestly, how can you even be questioning if you are the AH for saying that you don’t want a grown arse able bodied man leeching off you? How can people be in support of his entitled garbage? Anyway if it’s real I think you need a new boyfriend because his attitude isn’t going to change ever. He will expect you to provide emotionally, physically, mentally and financially while he provides absolutely nothing.
Are you seriously asking if you are an asshole for not letting your loser of a boyfriend move in with you? Why would you even think you’d be an asshole? I suggest you seek some therapy to address your self-esteem issues. NTA
NTA, that is a good indication of what it will be like if you get married.
So congratulations. The universe has given you
two gifts.
One is the gift of discerning, where already now your friends with suspect judgement is revealing themselves. No one in their right mind and with your best interests in mind would recommend you moving in a person who is basically intent on making you his bangmaid.
The second is the gift of revelation. Your boyfriend has revealed that not only is he intent on making you his bangmaid, he is also going to whine about when he doesn’t get his way. For some this is a fetish so if you have always dreamt of being the female equivalent of a paypig, enjoy this new adventure. However if you strive for any reciprocity and being taken advantage of, take this gift the universe has given you and get rid of that man.
This is a joke, right? AI, please come up with more interesting stories
WTAF
You’re only the AH if you stay with this walking red flag
He could just say he isn’t ready to move in. He said all that in hopes of you rejecting him. Stand your ground. He was shocked you said no. A man that doesn’t respect you will bleed you dry. Emotionally and mentally.
Girl, run.
YTA – What are you doing with this moron loser? Do you have any self-esteem at all? He’s too stupid to have a conversation with, tf you guys even talk about? How amazing he is? What a great catch he is?
Dump this idiot and get a lot of therapy to find out why you’d even entertain the idea of dating someone like this, let alone actually date. And get books on what a healthy relationship should look like.
You went and got yourself a Frankenstein man made up of all bad parts of every asshole out there and figured that was the man for you. Good lord. Yeah, book that therapy and do a lot of it before getting with anyone again.
Why the fk would you want him to move in? Did you ask him this, because so far the negatives outweigh the positives and if his masculinity is that fragile then he’s not mature enough to live with someone else let alone a relationship.
NTA cut bait and run unless you want to be a sugar momma to him
I would have dropped that dude yesterday.
NTA. I don’t think he has any plans to marry you. He just wants a sugar mama. Tell him that if you wanted a child to take care of you would have one. Then get a new BF.
wow, why are you with this tosser?
Hell no
Where is this douch bag living nowr?
I would ask him so you want to be a keep man then. What do you actually have to offer in return?
NTA. Oh hell no.
Why is he still your boyfriend?
Fuxk that. Tell him you don’t need a 30 yo dependent and you’re not his momma. Dump, Block, thank the gods for exposing this hobosexual before he got a chance to fk up your life.
I highly doubt he’d step up if y’all got married. If you got married, he’d just move the goalpost and say men are the “provider” and your wife “duties” are in the home.
This situation isn’t “do I let him move in”, it’s break up because who wants to be responsible for an adult who expects to be taken care of like a child.
I think he’s really thoughtful in showing you what the rest of your life will be like if you marry him.
NTA
Tell him that women only cook and clean for men that are husbands. He doesn’t sound like he’d be able to provide for you anyway. But it doesn’t sound like you even need him to. You’re the one with your own place. Just dump him. He brings nothing to the table.
Nta throw that whole man away.
Wtf? Ntah but why are you with this absolute tool?
Girl, cut your losses and break up with him now. He’s not husband material, let alone boyfriend material ! He wants a mommy to wait on him hand and foot and not contribute to your home in any way .
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩Run 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA WTF? A man like that won’t contribute even once he’s married. Dump that man child and find a partner who understands what a partnership actually is. He’s a relic
NTA
You set a boundary and he showed you that he can’t respect it. Maybe time to dump him and find yourself a man who will treat you with respect. It’s your home and he should treat you properly in it.
He’s a idiot