So I (28F) got married last month. It was a small, elegant, classic wedding nothing crazy. My younger brother (26M), let’s call him Jake, has been dating his girlfriend Emma for 4 years. Everyone loves her. We’re close.
A few weeks before the wedding, Jake asked if he could propose to Emma during the reception. Like, literally grab the mic during toasts and do it in front of everyone.
I said no.
I told him this was mine and my husband’s day, and that it would feel like stealing the spotlight. He got sulky but dropped it… or so I thought.
Wedding day arrives, and everything’s going beautifully… until the speeches. My brother raises his glass and says, “Before I continue, I just have one more thing to say…”
He starts getting down on one knee.
The room goes silent. Emma looks shocked. I stand up and say probably too loudly “Jake. Don’t.”
Everyone’s confused. Jake looks pissed, Emma looks mortified, and he backs off and sits down. The rest of the night is super awkward.
Now my family is divided. Half think I overreacted and should’ve just let it happen. The other half agree it was inappropriate.
Jake hasn’t talked to me since, and Emma texted me a week later saying she had no idea he was planning to propose and now she’s reconsidering the relationship.
So…
AITA for stopping the proposal?
AITA for Refusing to Let My Brother Propose at My Wedding?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA. Weddings are supposed to be about the bride and groom not an opportunity for a guest to steal the spotlight and propose.
NTA. He asked, and you told him no. Your family is welcome to help him prepare and pay for a decent proposal. You and your husband shouldn’t have to be the ones paying for it. If his girlfriend is now considering the relationship, it’s because she herself considers what your brother did to be in poor taste, and it demonstrates a total lack of effort in even planning a proper marriage proposal.
NTA, even asking is tacky. Doing it after being told no is just being a massive douche.
Not to mention that it comes off as cheap and manipulative to use that romantic atmosphere to propose.
The reaction of his girlfriend tells you all you nerd to know. NTA and by the looks of it she would have hated it.
NTA
Multiple reasons why you shouldn’t propose at someones wedding.
You take the spotlight from the Bride and Groom (same as announcing pregnancy).
If the Proposee says no it will kill vibe for the rest of the wedding.
The Proposee may feel obliged to say yes and then kill the vibe for the rest of the wedding.
NTA. Where did people get the idea? It’s OK to propose on someone else’s day. It doesn’t add to the day it takes away from it because now guests focused on another couple. I would’ve let him finish the pro proposal and sent him the bill for the whole wedding and said since it was your day you can pay for it.
NTA – you should have told your brother to get off the internet and come up with a proposal that was special to them. He asked, you said no, and that should have been the end of it. He is the AH here.
Remember he’s just told the world his wedding will not be just about him…..
NTA you warned him… he played stupid games and won stupid prizes. That a classic FAFO and any so-called family who are on his side… can earn their way back into your good graces over time. You don’t need that kind of, and amount of negativity in your life.
That nerve to ask and to be told no, and then doing it anyway?? Absolutely NTA. And Emma also deserves not to be with such a man whose major life decisions are a stunt in the streets
Why does this topic keep coming up? Are there really that many clueless people who think it’s ok to highjack another person’s wedding?
Well, assuming this is real, NTA.
Your first mistake was not going immediately to Emma and telling her what your brother was planning and that you do not want it to happen at your wedding and that she needs to put a stop to it or you will.
And, your brother was definitely an AH, but the fact that Emma is reconsidering a four year relationship just because her bf wanted to propose during his sister’s wedding really makes you wonder.
NTA, it’s not your fault he couldn’t take no for an answer and embarrassed himself.
Nta if Emma is so great, she would be furious for Jake to steal your spot light after you already said no. Also Emma deserves her own day and event for a proposal.
Men do realize it’s cheap to hijack someone else’s wedding. It also reeks of laziness
I’m calling fake.
First I was reading stories about people wanting to propose during the reception. That was simple enough. Then they proliferated and became more detailed. Like this one, where the alleged proposal was happening *during* the speeches. Similarly, there was a post about someone announcing the gender of their kid *during* the wedding vows. Then of course the obligatory “…and then things were super awkward.”
There’s just too many of these stories to be believable.
And maybe someone who’s wanted to do this can explain why they want to? Why would you use an event like a wedding to propose/announce you’re pregnant/share the gender of the kid, etc.? It’s always sounded remarkably stupid to me. Because it doesn’t make it special for you; you’re just tagging on to someone else’s event.
NTA, I mean, who in their right mind thinks crashing someone’s wedding to propose is a good idea?
You told Jake no. He should have listened.
Not sure why people think it is ok to take over someone else’s big day for their big moment. It is tacky as heck. I realize people think it is cute and efficient because their family and many of their friends are already there, but they should just save proposals for some other day that isn’t a friend or family member’s wedding.
After 4 years the proposal was an attempt to lock down something that already ran its course in a public setting to ensure she said yes.
NTA. Weddings are all about the happy couple. No one else should ever try to upstage them and their special day/time. And you specifically told him not to.
NTA.. He asked you and you gave your answer of no. He should’ve respect that. But he still went against your wishes and attempted to hijack your wedding reception. The fact that he wanted to do so during the speeches, when everyone’s attention is focussed on one area, is indeed a hijacking move. The only person that should’ve felt awkward is your brother for trying to pull this bs stunt. And the only person he should be pissed at should be himself for going against your wishes and being cut short when attempting to do so. He’s the AH in this case and he made himself look like an AH.
Those of your family who believe you overreacted are being irrational. If they know he asked beforehand and you declined, no one should be siding with your brother. I wouldn’t bother reaching out to your brother. Let him come to you to talk which should only be started with him apologizing for clearly going against your wishes.
NTA
If she says yes, you better make pregnancy announcement at his wedding. Even if you’re not pregnant, fuck em.
NTA. I do not blame Emma for reconsidering the whole relationship. Who would want to marry a man who couldn’t even be fucked to plan a proper, meaningful proposal for me and instead piggyback off his sister’s wedding? Sounds like a half-assed partner to me.
NTA. Emma’s response says it all. She is reconsidering her relationship with Jake because he is such an idiot. Jake should’ve listened to you when you told him no
NTA. Your brother is selfish and a jerk. Even his gf realizes that.
You set boundaries for him and he tried to steal the spotlight. NTA
Nope. You told him no, he did what he wanted anyway. Not your fault he didn’t respect you enough.
Fake.
He’s just being cheap. How would her family have felt at not being at a public proposal when his family were there?
But where i live, hijacking someone else’s event for your own thing is considered absolutely tacky.
I personally am not a fan of these kinds of proposals. But since he had started, I personally probably would have been too shocked to stop it.
Nta, you did right. That is so tacky. Why at your wedding. I don’t know his girl, but I know I would feel so cheap getting proposed to at a wedding. Like man, you could’ve gone to Dollar Tree, bought some candles, made a nice picnic, and proposed to her in a nice romantic area of the park or by the lake. If he wanted family around, he could’ve hosted a cookout or a family day at the park , we’re you guys, family and hers get together and play games, eat, and have a good time. Then, he propose to her. If he couldn’t afford to feed everyone, ask them to make a dish and bring it. He also could’ve saved up some cash and invited everyone to dinner at a nice restaurant and proposed there. One last idea, he could’ve taken her to the place where they had their first official date and proposed there. You see, I’m just a stranger on here throwing out ideas. Why tf did he think of none of this? Never mind, I can answer that because it would take effort. Effort that obviously he’s not willing to put in. He figured he’s already at a romantic place. Let’s do it here. Not only that, but he knew your wishes, but his laziness when it comes to planning took over. If his girlfriend leaves him, it’s his fault, not yours. If anything good for her, because if he’s not willing to put in the effort to propose properly, just imagine what the marriage would be like? He threw out a massive red flag, and she saw it waving in the wind, and she didn’t ignore it good on her. As for you, don’t feel bad none of this is your fault. You enjoy your husband and ride him like a cowboy riding off into the sunset. Congratulations to btw🎊
Absolutely NTA
You are so NTA. Your brother is an entitled twatwaffle who, when told not to do something, tried to do it anyway.
Also, you did Emma a big favor. She saw him try to steamroll his big moment into your wedding reception, also likely ignoring that she was not the public proposal kind of person, and probably realized that she may not want to spend her life with someone like that.
Ex Wedding DJ w 10 years experience, this is an absolute NO at a wedding. Your brother is a dick to even ask!! If he had done that the rest of the night would have been theirs, not yours.
Based on Emma’s reaction she would have said no which would have ruined the vibe or she would have said yes under duress and then no later in private which would still tarnish some of your wedding memories.
Why do these stories always end up with the family divided? Nobody in their right mind would be on Jake’s side.
Gtf out of here with this bullshit.
I read this exact story a month ago.
Wow – he had a lot of nerve.
Never ever ask for someone’s hand in marriage publicly. It’s tacky af. And at a wedding it’s just narcissistic.
NTA This is a twofold situation …. 1)Your wedding day is about you and your groom, no-one else, and anyone who tries to out stage the happy couple is out of order…. 2) What girl wants her engagement to be an afterthought of a wedding. I know I would want mine to be about me, not tagged on to someone else’s celebration, where is that celebrating me? So not only did he disrespect you, he made her feel like she wasn’t worth celebrating. In conclusion, you are not the ahole, but your brother is a double ahole, for disrespecting you and his gf x
NTA! i just didn’t get why she (the girlfriend) is reconsidering the relationship….ok, he was going to propose even when his sister said no….but reconsider the whole relationship over that?! Why?!
NTA, aside from it being an ah move. I don’t understand the motivation for it being at a family wedding. Only his side of the family will be there. If he truly wanted to do a public engagement, why not have some of her family/friends at it too. I think it’s selfish for multiple reasons
“Can I do this?”
NO you cannot !
“Well, im going to do it anyway !”
Blasted and embarrassed when he’s stopped
“You embarrassed me when I tried to do (whatever) !!
NO, You embarrassed YOURSELF !
NTA
No you are NTA. Selfish little shit of a brother!!
Nta. Why did he even bother asking you if he wasn’t going to respect the answer?? Your brother is a d!ck.
Jake asked and you said no. It should have stopped right there. Frankly, I don’t know when proposals became this audience participation with a professional photographer sort of rite. When my husband proposed, it was a private moment between us that I don’t need to have a photograph and audience to remember or enjoy. These sorts of questions on ‘taking attention away from the bride and groom’ would not even happen if the folks involved with a proposal actually took the time to create their own personal and romantic moment. You don’t need a jumbotron to make it official. At least leave the woman a graceful exit if she’s not ready to accept the proposal. Now, it doesn’t matter what the family thinks. Emma herself is upset with what Jake did. Even if the whole family thought proposing at the wedding was a great idea, Emma did not. Jake is the author of his own troubles.
NTA OP. Your wedding is about you & newly wedded husband.
Not your brother’s place to do the rudest vulgar behaviour of trying to steal a spotlight at your wedding.
He needs etiquette lessons about decent manners.
NTA. Your day. Everyone should know this.
NTA. He asked, you said no. He tried to do it anyway, you shut it down, and now his gf knows how selfish and self-centered he is. Actions, meet consequences.
NTA, all he wanted was to take advantage of the romantic atmosphere you paid thousands of dollars for. Hard pass. If he wants a romantic proposal he can put in the effort to create that environment himself instead of hijacking a moment that’s supposed to be about you
The reception that I paid for is NOT your moment to shine. I would HATE to get engaged at someone else’s wedding. TACKY TACKY TACKY
NTA, it’s your day and of any “family” have a problem with it, tell them to host a party or have a wedding of their pan and invite him to propose there. Good for you for standing up and saying dont!
NTA. Proposing at someone else’s wedding is the height of tackiness.
NTA. You told him no, and that should have been the end of it. He then deliberately tried to do it anyway and embarrassed himself.
NTA. He asked and was told not to do it. He still tried to steal the spotlight. He is the AH. I’m sorry your wedding was interrupted by your selfish brother.
But I don’t blame you for stopping him the way you did. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be doing that.
NTA
Leaving aside the sudden grab for the limelight, public or semi public proposals feel controlling and creepy. Too many people do that to steamroller the proposee into a marriage they might otherwise have said no to. NTA.
He deserved what he got. You said no and he was going to do it anyway.
NTA. You asked him not to. It’s your wedding. If he’s getting pissy about what you did, well, that’s totally on him. And BTW, let him know before he proposes, he needs to have discussed it prior to the ask. Saves a lot of embarrassment and money.
NTA you’re bro’s a pos and his supporters aren’t much better
Absolutely NTA!
Your wedding, not his.
Your day, not his.
You told him categorically beforehand not to, so he deserves to be publicly shamed for being the AH he is!
NTA His fiancé will appreciate you. There are often so many false starts on proposals and they become part of the lore of the marriage. Unfortunately you are now forever in the legend of the proposal.
NTA. Something to keep in mind is that a wedding belongs to two people. Presumably, half the guests are the grooms family and friends. People who don’t know or give a shit about the brides brother. They aren’t there to celebrate some random life event for someone they don’t know. It’s so completely disrespectful to all involved to hijack someone else’s event so you can steal some spotlight.
Also, always assume that if someone asks to make a major personal announcement during your wedding, baby shower, graduation, etc, that they are going to do it. Even if you flat out, tell them no. So, plan accordingly. Don’t invite them. Have them escorted out if they start, have your friends start booing. Announce it for them on social media before your event. But be prepared. There are too many people who think they are the main character in everyone else’s life story and don’t know how to behave or control themselves in public.
NTA
You told him no and he still tried to use your reception for his own engagement celebration. He embarrassed himself, his girlfriend, and you with his actions.
Proposing at a wedding is also just super lazy. Did he think his girlfriend would always want their engagement to be associated with your wedding? People don’t want that. They want to feel special and like they have their own special day. They don’t want to share it with their in-laws
NTA- you said no and that should have been the end of it. PSA to boyfriends: your girlfriend does NOT want you to propose at someone else’s wedding.
NTA. You told him no and he still tried to do it? So Emma was planning on breaking things off until she heard about the proposal? The wedding is YOUR day, not to be shared with brother’s proposal, he’s selfish to even suggest or attempt it.
NTA….Even Emma is upset with Jake. I am sure would have preferred that Jake put some thought into the proposal rather than stealing the thunder from your wedding and the cost you put into it.
Jake took the easy way or so he thought he would, by not having to come up with a plan or pay for anything for that plan.
Maybe, you can talk to Jake about helping planning a proper proposal for Emma that she would love and is meant for her.
NTA, but Jake is.
What right does he have to be angry?
NTA
you clearly told your brother you were not comfortable and his gf is also right in reconsidering the relationship. Brother not respecting your decision reflects on his conduct and ethics.
You did Emma a favor: You prevented her from either saying yes when she’s not sure she wants to or saying no and ruining the day. Your brother, however, is an idiot. No means no. NTA.
Also, can I say ‘Brava!’ for standing up and saying ‘Don’t!’
Full on admiration there – I am not sure I would have found my feet, for my jaw would have been in the way.
Good job!
NTA…you privately said no, he publicly persisted, you publicly shut his self-entitled @$$ down.
He chose to play a game of FAFO and lost.
Your wedding is your day. Proposing at someone else’s wedding is an attention seeking dick move
You told him no, he thought he’d go ahead anyway. Now he’s embarrassed, and he might be out a girlfriend. FAFO. NTA.
as a guest, I don’t want to have someone proposing at a wedding I’m at.
I get internally crabby over the announcing of everybody’s birthdays and anniversaries that happen at my ILs’ family’s weddings. I don’t know most of those people, I’m not here to celebrate them. (especially because a wedding has TWO families there)
I know this is a pinchy, small-hearted thing, which is why it’s only internal. But it’s distracting and weird to me.
So having someone actually propose? Ew.
I don’t want to be part of your intimate, emotionally loaded life events. I’m not your closest family (but I wouldn’t want to be there even for my closest people!!), and I’m not an audience to make you feel like a star.
NTA
NTA. You’re too nice. Your brother is a selfish dickhead who was told not to do that and was going to do it anyway, disrespecting you. If he wants a big audience for his proposal then he should pay the catering bills and everything else.
NTA. Take it as kids he used to just take your stuff? Or break them?
NTA. Also good for Emma for seeing all the red flags:
Your brother is a certified loser, hopefully she dumps his wretched ass sooner rather than later.
Upfront – NTA – what is it with people feeling a need to pull focus at someone else’s special event? Are there that many ‘main character’s out there? You want to propose where the intended can have all attention and doing that at someone else’s wedding, birth, shower, anniversary, birthday, etc… is NOT the time to do it.
NTA. You said no.
Nah he’s in the wrong here. He asked. You said no. He disrespected you at your own wedding.
You already told him not to propose on your wedding day. He overstepped your boundary and tried to propose anyways. He owes you a big apology. I understand his gf too. It was humiliating for her. You are not the AH. Your brother is a big one.
NTA. Your brother is gross and tacky and so are the fam members siding with him.
AI has run out of stories
AI always names the bad guy “Jake” for some reason.
NTA – Proposals at weddings are only OK if everyone is in on it, and you know that the proposee is going to enthusiastically accept.
After reading so much on this subject, I’ve got to say weddings bring out the worst in people
The only thing I don’t understand is why anyone would have thought that your reaction wasn’t justified, especially after telling him not to do it. You are absolutely NTA. Jake is a Grand Canyon–sized bunghole.
It sounds like Emma should reconsider marrying a childish and selfish person.
NTA to start with, it was your day. But, since your brother selfishly decided to do it anyway, and if he really was down on one knee already, maybe it would have been easier to just let it happen? I’m on your side, NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO OVERSHADOW a wedding. And if Emma is having second thoughts after the idea of a proposal, maybe you just saved your brother from a bad decision.
For bro to do it anyway ? What a dick !!
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Your brother is a piece of shit. Anyone on his side is also a piece of shit. I hope Emma leaves him.
He’s a fucking child
Your brother is immature and self centred. He is not ready to marry.
He asked, you said no. He then tried to do it anyway, without consideration or care over what the bride and groom may feel and I haven’t even mentioned his gf yet.
The poor girl was clearly mortified over the drama this has caused, especially as it involved your wedding day. So what should have been a special moment just for her, is now a tarnished humiliating situation, which is horrible for her as she didn’t ask for that.
Has your brother apologised and tried to sort out the spite being directed to you by some attendees (if any)? I would hope the silly boy realises doubling down will scupper his relationship permanently and doing the right thing now will only help his relationships with you, your husband and his girl.
NTA
NTA, and if Emma dumps Jake, it’s because she realized he’s an unimaginative loser who couldn’t be bothered to do anything more fore her than steal someone else’s spotlight.
People who do what your brother tried to do deserve to be kicked to the curb.
NTA. And Jake is a triple AH. 1) He wanted to do that in the first place. 2) He asked and was told NO. 3) He humiliated Emma and made you the bad guy for having to speak up at your wedding.
He doesn’t get to appropriate someone else’s expensive event for his own purposes. He’s very selfish.
NTA. You asked Jake to not propose at your wedding and he was going to do it anyway. You set a boundary and he ignored it. Crossing a known boundary is disrespectful. Emma should rethink her relationship with your brother. If she marries him, she could be set up for a lifetime of disrespect. It was your wedding day yet your brother tried to make it about him. Your brother has a sick need to be the center of attention. He has displayed two behaviors of someone with narcissistic personality disorder. I was married to two guys like that and I’m still sad that I did not have enough information to see the red flags. I wasted years of my life with these two men. Please warn Emma.
NTA
What I’m reading is that you specifically told him no and he decided to do it anyway. He can’t get mad when you’ve already expressed how you feel about the situation. There are 364 other days in the year he can propose. Why would anyone even dream of proposing at someone’s wedding? Especially when they knew ahead of time that it’s not something the bride would be okay with.
Nope nta at all he’s an ass and even she knows it! UpdateMe!
Wow, some family you’ve got…
NTA, not even close! Thank goodness Emma’s on your side, she’s absolutley gold!
NTA. You told him not to, and he tried anyway.
NtA
You said no! He tried to do it anyway. The only AH here is him
Are you brand new to reddit? Because there are probably hundreds of posts about this exact situation, and the consensus is always very clear.
He asked, and you said no. His attempt to do it after that was an AH move. He soured your wedding by attempting to propose to Emma in front of everyone. Congratulations on your wedding! NTA.
No, nothing would spoil your wedding more than a person being proposed to who feels awkward because they don’t feel free to decline in front of all those people. Let alone the proposer stealing your wedding day and everyone goes home feeling awkward. Two whammies isn’t a good omen.
Your brother sucks. People who take over someone else’s wedding suck. People who even ask the question of if they can propose at the event you put time effort and money in to is shitty no matter what way people try to spin it.
stop doing this shit to people
Are you sped
NTA. And Emma obviously is embarrassed that he tried to do that to you (and her) at your wedding. The fact that she’s reconsidering the entire relationship with your brother speaks volumes.
My twin sister (and MOH) wanted to announce her engagement at my wedding. My Mom wouldn’t let her for the entire weekend. It was my and my husband’s celebration. Luckily she didn’t ask me.
Sounds like gf wasn’t thrilled either.
I suspect Emma has been having difficulty in her relationship with your brother. Your brother was trying to manipulate her. It’s was extremely disrespectful to you and your husband to propose on your day.
NTA. You told him. He tried to force your hand.
It’s only ok if you ask and they say yes. Jake didn’t do that. He asked permission then ignored you.
I saw a really cute deal where the brides brother was ready to propose to his girl so the bride during the bouquet toss just turned and handed it to her. Then she turned around and there was the brother. It was really cute and the couple was in on it.
Which made it OK
My mom tried to highjack my sisters wedding to do a birthday song for her golden child’s wife. We told her no. Bride told her no. Dad told her no. We thankfully warned the DJ because lo and behold she asked the DJ. Great guy held his ground lord love him.
Tell anyone who gives you a hard time that Jake had already asked your permission and decided to ignore your very clear very firm no. This wasn’t him getting caught up in the moment. This was hun trying to start his future with Emma by taking a dump on you and your relationship. When someone’s taking a dump on you you’re not obligated to stand there and let it land just to keep the peace.
NTA – he was probably get lukewarm feeling from her & thought this public spectacle would seal the deal. That’s bad. If she had turned him down in that setting she would have REALLY soured the whole night and that’s YOUR night. It’s a bridal party and a proposal should be a quiet, intimate moment. Especially if she says no.