I’m 26 and getting married soon. When I was a kid, my dad divorced my mom and basically disappeared. He married a much younger woman and stopped calling, stopped sending money, stopped caring. My mom raised me alone, working two jobs just to keep us going.
Last year, when I got engaged, suddenly my dad wanted to reconnect. He wanted to be involved in everything and especially wanted to walk me down the aisle. I said no. That role went to my uncle—he’s been there for me every step of the way, unlike my dad.
Now my dad is acting like I’ve broken his heart. He’s telling family I’m heartless and ungrateful. But where was he when I needed him most? Why does he think he can just show up now that it’s convenient?
Some people in the family support me, but others say I’m being too harsh. I don’t know… am I?
Comments
NTA. Your uncle raised you and if he’s your choice to walk you down the aisle, then it should be him.
He only wants optics. See how good a dad I am? No. Just no. He deserves nothing and you owe him zero, nada, zip, nothing.
NTA – this is a no brainer. Your wedding. You get to choose who walks you down the aisle.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Better yet, let your mom walk you down the aisle.
NTA—- but how old were you when he disappeared?
“He’s telling family I’m heartless and ungrateful.” Tell everyone who even hints at supporting him that you have nothing to be grateful for, since he deserted you when you were a child. You are not heartless, there is just nothing positive in your heart for the person who was never in your life. Your mother and uncle are who always supported you, and they are the ones in your heart and who you are grateful for.
Congratulations on your marriage. I hope the wedding is everything you want. To that end, make sure bio dad is not invited and not permitted in if he shows up.
NTA
The family he’s telling should be very well aware what his involvement in your life has been and if their memory has failed them… remind them. Then tell them to mind their own business.
NTA
The family he’s telling should be very well aware what his involvement in your life has been and if their memory has failed them… remind them. Then tell them to mind their own business.
NTA
Your wedding, your choice.
Personally, I’m a fan of both the bride and groom getting escorted down each side of the church by a cherished loved one, meet in the middle, and the family members join their hands to show a true joining of family. But that’s me.
Not harsh at all! It’s your wedding. Plus if you think your mama bear should do it, then that’s all that matters. Your dad is just being selfish. Which looks a like a recurring pattern imo.
He abandoned you for a new family, he doesn’t just get to fly in now wearing a cape like a super hero after your mum struggled as a single mother for years.
He’s lucky he’s even getting an invite, sounds like your uncle was there for you and deserves to walk you down the aisle on your big day.
NTA.
Tell him you now have something you can share for the rest of your lives, a broken heart from disappointment – his stems from a single day and decision by you, yours stems from a lifetime of choices by him.
NTA
Of course you are ungrateful. He never gave you anything to be grateful for. That’s why that honor goes to someone else who actually did.
Seriously. How dare he say you broke his heart? What a selfish, cruel man-child.
What exactly does he think you should be grateful for? Why does he think your heart should be involved where he is concerned? You can’t be heartless and ungrateful for someone who has not been there and done nothing for you. It’s called indifference, because why would you give a damn?
He can pound sand.
Ive seen this exact story many times now…..this one is just a shorter version.
Tell your sperm donor, oops, father that you would like to reconcile but currently have too many obligations with the job, wedding and other commitments to give it the attention it deserves.
Say that after your honeymoon, you look forward to seeing what steps can be taken to achieve reconciliation.
His response to this will provide you with valuable information. If he is uncooperative, that means he probably just wants some Instagram photos like he’s the father of the year.
I’d tell him he broke your heart when he wasn’t there for you! He seems to have taken care of his heart with his new younger wife! Where was his heart when you needed him ask him!
NTA and frankly, I don’t know that the dad should be invited to the wedding at all. Given his lack of involvement in your life and the way he is bad mouthing you to other family now, why would you want him there? Uninvite him. Just my opinion.
The custom originated when the father literally sold his daughter as a piece of property. Your paternal gene donor sold you out a long time ago. NTA
NTA. My father did a similar thing; basically missing from my life, failing to help with supporting me, and then showed up when I was 30 telling me how much he loved me. Sure.
Being a father is so much more than being a sperm donor. Sorry this happened to you, but your dad was not there when you needed him and now he is basically a stranger to you. Words do not bridge the gap that he chose to create all those years ago.
Give the honor of giving you away to someone who earned it. Do not let anyone guilt you in any way about this. Congratulations!
NTA. Your father has as much right to walk you down the aisle as I do. Tell him you made it this far without him, you can manage another 30ft down an aisle.
Your “dad” telling family that you are heartless & ungrateful, shows exactly the narcissist self absorbed ridiculous person he really is. You get to decide the person you want in your wedding. You don’t even have to invite him if you don’t want to. Do not let him, or anyone else try to make you feel bad for not including him. You get want you give. You reap what you sow. He made his bed now he has to lay in it. 😉🙋🏻♀️🥰You just have to Be happy!
Will these bullshit ai posts ever stop?
Your feelings are completely valid, and you’re not being heartless at all. The pain in your words is palpable, and anyone who’s lived through parental abandonment would understand exactly why this situation feels so complicated and raw.
What strikes me most is how your dad’s sudden reappearance has put you in an impossible position. You’re being asked to grant him a deeply symbolic honor—walking you down the aisle—when he wasn’t there for the everyday moments that actually build a father-daughter relationship. It’s like he wants to skip straight to the highlight reel without having done any of the work.
Your choice to have your uncle walk you down the aisle is beautiful and meaningful. He earned that place through consistency, presence, and love during the years when you needed it most. That’s not spite talking—that’s recognition of who actually showed up for you.
Here’s what’s particularly difficult about your situation: your dad’s pain might be genuine, but that doesn’t make his expectations reasonable. People can feel hurt while still being wrong about what they’re entitled to. His heartbreak doesn’t erase the years of your heartbreak as a child wondering why your father didn’t want to be part of your life.
The family members calling you “too harsh” likely mean well, but they’re asking you to prioritize his feelings over your own emotional truth. You’re not obligated to perform forgiveness or create a fairy tale ending just because it would make others comfortable.
That said, if there’s any part of you that genuinely wants to explore what a relationship with your dad might look like moving forward, that door can stay open—but on your terms and timeline. Reconciliation, if it happens, should be about building something real and sustainable, not about grand gestures at milestone moments.
Your wedding day should honor the relationships that have sustained you. You’ve made a choice that reflects your values and lived experience. Trust yourself.
First, your wedding, your rules.
Second, your father is trying to manipulate you, and guilt trip you.
Ask your mom if he was manipulative back in the days…
You can tell your Dad that there is also an uninvited option, if he’d prefer.
NTA. Your dad has a lot of gall to act this way. Is he a narcissist? I don’t think I would even invite him to the wedding.
NTA. Your Uncle EARNED the right to walk you down the aisle. Your dad did not
NTA. Dude bailed on you for literal decades, he didn’t earn the right to the benefits that come from being a father. Let him turn on the waterworks all he wants, and any family that side with him are welcome to let him do the honors at their own wedding.
Updateme
NTA. Your uncle has stepped up to be your dad in every way. he deserves to walk you down the aisle. I think your biological father just wanted to show the world that he was a good father. He will definitely ghost you again after the wedding. You are not harsh at all. You have done the right thing.
You were abandoned. You owe him nothing.
Let him sulk.
NTA…he “gave you away” a long time ago. Go with your heart. It’s your life and your memory. Don’t even invite him if you don’t want to.
Your dad. Another victim of the three-finger virus.
That finger of shame that he points at you? He has three fingers pointing back at him.
If you want to be generous, and I do mean very generous, you may offer him some other role in your marriage. But, yes, he does not get to walk you down the aisle.
When we are adults, we get to make choices we couldn’t when we were minors. You do you!
NTA.
You’re ungrateful … for what, exactly? For his absence? For him being a deadbeat dad?
Your uncle was there for you and your father abandoned you.
NTA. He’s the heartless and ungrateful one.
What are you supposed to be grateful for? The audacity.
NTA- Karma
NTA
You do not owe your father anything, he can sulk all he wants.
He can make comments too, but you do not have to give in.
It is YOUR choice OP.
Whether someone like your uncle, or your mom, walks you down the aisle, or if you choose to walk yourself.
Your father does not get to decide when to come back and become a “dad” again, he does not get to decide when to participate.
If family keep persisting, remind them that this is YOUR and your groom’s day, not theirs. They are welcome to have him walk them down an aisle if they feel it necessary.
Best of luck to you.
NTA. Your wedding, your choice.
NTA – don’t let people who treat you like trash overshadow important moments in your life.
But also – is he invited to the actual wedding. If so, why?
Your dad was a sperm donor. He did not earn the privilege to walk you down the aisle. Since your uncle provided the role you needed, you chose him. You chose wisely. Remember that those who are opposing you are trying to steal away what your uncle earned. Tell them that. And do the right thing.
My mom walked me down the isle, because my dad was a deadbeat who wasn’t even invited, out of respect for her.
Let your dad weep and wail all he wants. Your Uncle was there for you and deserves the honour of walking you down the aisle. If all goes well, your paternal parent will go and sulk somewhere else. I hope you have the day of your dreams. NTA
My parents divorced, and my father disappeared too. I got married, and my step-dad walked me down the aisle. The boo wasn’t invited, I didn’t even know where he was really. I mean, I could have found him if I really looked, but why? He didn’t raise me, didn’t help raise me.
This is your day, you get to decide who walks with you. Tell the ones that stick their noses in your business he didn’t earn the dad privileges, he wasn’t there.
What the fuck are you supposed to be grateful for?
He abandoned you and now he wants to show up and play perfect Daddy for the masses.. yeah no, fuck him.
YOU’RE heartless? You’re not the one who abandoned their family.
And ungrateful for what, exactly? The crumbs he’s throwing your way?
Revoke the invitation of any POS who supports your father.
NTA
How are you ungrateful when he did nothing for you he doesn’t deserve any kind of honor wedding or otherwise
Your dad is lucky he’s even allowed to attend.
Walk alone.
Unless you’re financially obligated and he’s footing the entire bill…..this is a STFU situation
Ungrateful? For what, exactly? Creating you? Get bent, dad.
NTA. He gave zero shits about you or how you lived. Whether there was food on the table and when you had ups and downs throughout your years before becoming an adult. He’s the POS who is heartless and now wants to take credit for something he never contributed to.
Don’t even invite him to your joyous day. He didn’t earn a moment of it.
It’s your wedding and your choice. Perhaps you can make room for a dance with him.
What family is he telling these things to? What family of yours is actually speaking to him and entertaining this nonsense?
For real.
How many deadbeat dads are trying to walk down the aisle with their daughters who hate them?