My husband’s best friend just broke up with his long-term girlfriend and needs a place to stay. My sweet husband immediately offered our place, without asking me first. He said Chris could crash in our guest room “just for a few months until he gets back on his feet. I was quite taken aback I mean the dude is just having an emotional breakdown why house him for few months.
I like Chris fine, but he’s uhhh… messy. He leaves dishes everywhere, never cleans up, and when we’ve hung out in the past he’s always borrowing stuff without asking , like the dude just takes things like he owns them. I know if he moves in, I’ll end up being the one dealing with the mess because my husband is more laid back.
I told hubby that I wasn’t comfortable turning our new home into a bachelor pad right after moving in together. Yes!, we just built it and we’re newly Weds.
Back to the story, I said Chris can stay for a couple weekends if he really needs to, but not months. My husband got frustrated and said I was being “selfish” and that if it was him, he’d never leave any of my friends hanging.
Now it’s turned into a bigger fight. Some of my friends agreed with me and understood that we’re just starting our lives together and we need space to bond without interference. But some of his friends (and even my brother) said I should be more understanding because in life we have to render help to those in need.
I mean I get where they’re coming from but how does a relationship breakup break down a man.
Hubby is still angry with me but be my judge am I actually being unfair? Would most people let their partner’s best friend stay for few months, or am I right to protect our space?
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My husband’s best friend just broke up with his long-term girlfriend and needs a place to stay. My sweet husband immediately offered our place, without asking me first. He said Chris could crash in our guest room “just for a few months until he gets back on his feet. I was quite taken aback I mean the dude is just having an emotional breakdown why house him for few months.
I like Chris fine, but he’s uhhh… messy. He leaves dishes everywhere, never cleans up, and when we’ve hung out in the past he’s always borrowing stuff without asking , like the dude just takes things like he owns them. I know if he moves in, I’ll end up being the one dealing with the mess because my husband is more laid back.
I told hubby that I wasn’t comfortable turning our new home into a bachelor pad right after moving in together. Yes!, we just built it and we’re newly Weds.
Back to the story, I said Chris can stay for a couple weekends if he really needs to, but not months. My husband got frustrated and said I was being “selfish” and that if it was him, he’d never leave any of my friends hanging.
Now it’s turned into a bigger fight. Some of my friends agreed with me and understood that we’re just starting our lives together and we need space to bond without interference. But some of his friends (and even my brother) said I should be more understanding because in life we have to render help to those in need.
I mean I get where they’re coming from but how does a relationship breakup break down a man.
Hubby is still angry with me but be my judge am I actually being unfair? Would most people let their partner’s best friend stay for few months, or am I right to protect our space?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action i took was not letting him move in with us. and i think that made me the asshole since he didn’t have anywhere to stay.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. A couple of weeks would be the max for me to allow anyone to stay at my place. If said individual was as messy and as presumptuous as Chris seems to be, I’d probably limit them to one week, and then it would be on condition that my partner cleaned up after his messy friend.
As the old saying goes: Guests and fish start to stink after three days.
“Hey husband, I was actually planning on having sex with you a lot, all over the house, like newlyweds tend to do. But you prefer having your friend here so we can have sex absolutely never (because why would I want him to listen to that, biggest turn-off ever), then sure, go ahead. A few months without sex will probably do you good.”
There. Solved it.
NTA.
There is a 2% chance of him not taking complete advantage of the offer. You’re going to have a bum.
NTA. You have a bigger problem than the mooch who is going to be on your couch though – and that’s that your new husband thinks he can invite people to live with you without even discussing it with you. Whatever you end up doing with Chris- you’ve got to fix that issue. It sounds like your husband views his friends’ needs as being more important than his partner’s (that being you…)
Sounds like hubby is slowly turning your house into the hangout spot for his friends. Good luck having any privacy or peace. Oh, as an added bonus, you’ll get to clean up after everyone!! Girl put your foot down now You’ll either live in misery or wind up divorced.
NTA. There is no abuse. Your husband can provide emotional support without turning gourmet honey into a dump. Your husband needs to realize that slobs are never welcome as hiyse guests. I guess we know why hubby’s friend is newly single. You both need to stop bringing others into your disagreements.
NTA. No one stays in our home that long, period. Not my son, although he and his wife are always welcome, not my brother, because he’s not a bum. And especially not my husband’s or my friends. If he wants to live with his buddy let him. Don’t know how long you’ve been married but this would be a dealbreaker for me, even after 45 years.
Nta lay down clear rules of the house the minute he arrives along with his expiration date.
Why does your comfort and opinion on something that affects you and is already affecting your marriage not matter to your husband? Your friends and family do not get a vote on this. This is a two yes (you and husbands) or it is a no. Sounds like maybe you married the wrong man. Nta
NTA. Are you comfortable with a compromise? Say, Chris can stay one month while he gets his stuff in order? Then explain to husband the other friends who say he’s right in having Chris stay can couch serf on their couch.
NTA. People staying in your home should be a two yes decision. One person doesn’t get to decide the other’s comfort level in their own home. He’s out of line
NTA. Having guests stay in your home is a “Two Yes, one No” decision. Either you both agree, or it’s not happening. And making the offer before checking with you is a no-go.
Is Chris is employed?
Give him a short suspense date for moving out. like two months so he can save up for a deposit on his new apartment.
This should have been a two yes or one no situation.
I wonder if the best friend and his GF broke up because he’s a slob. NTA because they usually don’t leave
Sigh.
I’m with you. Your husband can support his friend without having him move in. That to me would be really intrusive, especially you being newlyweds. Plus if the guy is messy it’s probably worse if he’s depressed. Protect your space.
NTA. It’s not him that will have the additional work. You need to ensure some ground rules before he moves in
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Why aren’t your husbands friends putting him up if they are on his side?
NTA, this sets a dangerous precedent of disrespect for your comfort.
NTA. If he’s allowed to move in, you’ll never get rid of him.
Is there somewhere you can go? I’d be suggesting that the two of them can live together bit you will not be there. Your husband can choose to live with someone else, but he can manage the “new pet” without you.
NTA. It is a two Yes decision to have an extended stay of a friend or family member. He offered without consulting.
It is a learning curve for him.
Two Yeses or it is a No
Let me check in with my wife.
Let me have a think.
Your kind husband needs to truly learn to be in a partnership. He will learn this is an opportunity.
NTA. In all honesty I absolutely hate when people are in my space because a lot of people try to take advantage of that scenario and I don’t want to have to go through the process of having to evict someone. I like having my own space and not having to worry about other people in my space.
To me though the whole him volunteering your house without even asking you is a huge red flag. I know this can sound extreme but I definitely would rethink marrying this person based on the way they are treating you. Do you guys own the place you are currently in? Is it in both of your names?
All I’m saying is don’t overlook this situation and put yourself in a marriage that might not be good for you. Definitely make sure that your birth control is on lockdown so you don’t accidentally get pregnant by this person either. Do you really want to be tied the rest of your life to someone that reacted the way he did and also doesn’t take into consideration you in the scenarios. You would never just invite your friend to live with you guys. He did exactly that he invited his friend to live with you.
I’m more likely to help a friend financially or like find another place to live than have them live in my space. Legally for me it’s just not worth the risk of allowing someone to stay more than a few days for visiting.
NTA. It’s your home, not his friend’s.
NTA
This scenario is featured almost every week and it has not once turned out well.
The guy loses his job, gets depressed, stays messy, argues with wife, hub defends friend vs wife, fractures marriage. I wouldn’t tbh.
NTA. DO NOT all him to get tenants rights. Chris is a grown man who can figure out his living arrangements. Your bigger issue is your husband. It’s not ok for him to not discuss this with you. You need to have a talk about this.
This won’t turn out well. It never does
i completely agree that you should take your time as newly weds and enjoy it. however, what if you were in his situation and your best friend needed a place to stay? this is just what i would think about if i was put in your place. i would 100% want to help out my friend, thus i would have to agree with my partner helping his
NTA.
He should have discussed this with you first about your shared property and your privacy.
NTA. But, if he moves in, put a clear departure date in place (either you or the friend are leaving on that date), and make it abundantly clear that the friend cleans up after himself and doesn’t act like he owns the place.
NTA – Is he your fiancé or your husband? Because you two need to have a serious conversation. My husband would never offer to let anyone stay with us without having spoken with me first. Let alone for months! And I would never do that to him either. It’s about having respect for your partner. Moving someone in, especially for such a long time, is a “two yes” scenario. And if you already had concerns about the friend’s behavior, those things are going to be 10x worse when he’s living with you. Letting him crash for a weekend is one thing. He still should check with you first. But depending on where you live, having him move in for months could give him tenant’s rights. Then you could face serious hurdles getting him back out. Sit down and talk with your partner. If he is unwilling to see how he’s disrespecting your relationship, then this is a major red flag for your relationship.
You need an end date and moreso you need to not be the house keeper.
If he’s messy the end date comes sooner.
NTA. Chris needs to get back on his feet on his own. Babying him will not help him.
He’s not a good guest on a hours’ long visit, so he will be a terrible burden if he stays longer.
You might have to talk to Chris directly and tell him to find another option, because “three’s a crowd.” He sounds manipulative. I wouldn’t trust him to just stay two weeks once he’s in.