I (25F) recently bought myself a new bag that I’ve been eyeing for a long time. I worked hard, saved up, and finally treated myself.
A close friend came over, saw the bag, and immediately asked if she could borrow it for an upcoming party. I hesitated and said no because it’s still brand new, and I’m really protective of it. She got upset, called me selfish, and said I should be willing to share since “it’s just a bag.”
Now I feel torn. On one hand, I don’t think I should have to lend out something that’s mine and so special to me. On the other hand, I don’t want to seem like a bad friend for refusing.
So, AITA for not letting her borrow it?
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I (25F) recently bought myself a new bag that I’ve been eyeing for a long time. I worked hard, saved up, and finally treated myself.
A close friend came over, saw the bag, and immediately asked if she could borrow it for an upcoming party. I hesitated and said no because it’s still brand new, and I’m really protective of it. She got upset, called me selfish, and said I should be willing to share since “it’s just a bag.”
Now I feel torn. On one hand, I don’t think I should have to lend out something that’s mine and so special to me. On the other hand, I don’t want to seem like a bad friend for refusing.
So, AITA for not letting her borrow it?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because my friend felt hurt and thought I was being selfish by not sharing something she really wanted. From her perspective, it probably looked like I valued an object more than our friendship, so I can see why she got upset and called me selfish.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ew wtf is her problem. NTA at all. if she likes it so much, she can go to the store and buy one for herself
NO! Do not let the pushy, entitled friend borrow it. She’s rude to ask, and she’s gaslighting you by calling you selfish. She is extremely selfish for asking.
NTA.
She’s the time who will spill a drink on it and refuse to buy you a new one.
NTA. Her even asking to use it before you have is really nervy. If anyone is selfish here, it’s she.
This person is not your friend. The threw a tantrum because you didn’t let her borrow our bag? Absolutely not. You have a right to boundaries and to be able to say no without any guilt.
NTA she just wants your expensive bag for free. I do not understand this culture of lending things, particularly when you have never used them yet. But how exactly did she see the bag? You need to stop showing her and any other friends like her your new stuff.
NTA if it’s “just a bag” why does she want it so much?
NTA and that’s not a friend. Friends are supportive, celebrate your small wins,and don’t lead with self-interest or meet a refusal with the verbal abuse of name-calling and derision of what matters to you. Congrats on bagging the bag.
NTA at all, and that’s not a friend at all. If it’s just a bag then she shouldn’t be bothered about not being able to use it. If you do let her borrow it she’ll for sure treat it like “just a bag”.
Your bag, your rules. If she can’t respect that, she’s the selfish one
NTA. Here’s a good reply: “You’re right. It is just a bag. However, it is MY bag. I’m not going to loan out my brand new bag, that I’ve not even had a chance to use, just for it to get damaged, destroyed, or possibly stolen let alone not returned promptly because you conveniently forget each time I ask for it back. Once I’ve had the opportunity to thoroughly enjoy my brand new bag, I might consider loaning it out. Might. Until then, the bag is not for loaning.”
Why are there so many of these posts where a person with a completely fair and reasonable boundary seem to be manipulated by outrageous gaslighting from a massively entitled person?
Your bag. Brand new. They asked. You answered.
They are selfish, disrespectful and manipulative.
If you keep a person in your life that can make you second guess a totally reasonable ( to anyone) boundary on your own possession?
You can’t guard a possession when you don’t guard your peace of mind altogether.
NTA for not letting her borrow it. But if you stay friends with this person knowing she is do careless with your boundaries, possessions and peace of mind, you would BTA to yourself.
You parents bad friend for refusing. THEY are a bad friend for not taking no as a fair and final answer. No means no.
>>it’s just a bag
This is the reason to not lend it. She doesn’t value its importance to you.
NTA. Since “it’s just a bag,” what is the big deal? It is called guilting you into doing something you don’t want to do. It is YOU who have worked hard. It is YOU who have saved up. And it is YOU that were finally able to treat yourself. What has your FRIEND done? Nothing other than trying to guilt you into something you have sacrified for. This is not a friend. This is an AH.
NTA. Personal property is just that. You are not obligated to lend or share your belongings.
This friend is a nervy asshole. Asking to borrow something that you haven’t even used yet is wild.
If it’s just a bad why does she want to use it so bad?
People need to buy their own shit and stop coveting other people’s bags, clothes, cars, etc…
It’s always “just” something when it isn’t in their favor. Even MORE of a reason not to share. NTA
NTA
Your closet isn’t a lending library.
Say no. Practice in the mirror, in as angry a voice as you can.
Not saying you have to get mad at her, and you might have to if she doesnt understand ‘no’ is a complete sentence. The practice is because you seem to need to bone up on saying ‘no’ with conviction.
Maintaining things of your own in a good condition is having a boundary. It doesn’t make you selfish.
Since it’s ‘just a bag’ to her, she wont be careful with it, and ‘it’s just a bag’ so she should be happy with what she can provide herself.
If she has a habit of treating your closet like it’s hers, time to rethink that.
A real friend would accept what you said instead of answering back in an entitled way.
NTA. Keep the bag safe though as it could wind up ‘missing’ if she’s around.
NTA
“Why are you getting so mad about NOT being able to borrow it – ‘it’s just a bag’…”
Your property, you are under no obligation to loan it out.
This person is NOT your friend.
If she thinks its “just a bag”, shes going to treat it like “just a bag”. Your bag is expensive and needs to be handled like its expensive. NTA.
No. You are not. Hide your nice stuff from this entitled “friend.”
Info: How many of her brand new, pricy possessions has she shared with you before using them herself? I’m guessing none!
NTA
NTA, it’s yours you made a choice a true friend would respect your decision.
NTA if it’s “Just an bag” she can get her own. If it’s “just a bag” then why does she want it so badly?
She doesn’t sound like much of a friend.
If it’s just a bag she doesn’t really need it then. NTA!
NTA.
No is a full sentence. If someone cannot respect boundaries then that’s too bad for them.
I’d probably drop this “friend” from my close circle because it sounds like they do have boundary issues and that’s something everyone has to learn at age 5.
NTA
If she does not respect your boundary where you don’t wish to lend it, why do you think she’ll return in the same state it is in, and by the time agreed?
I learnt this the hard way. Have a tip a (now former) friend wanted to borrow. She constantly brought it up. Close to every time I saw her. I decided to lend it to her one evening with the promise I’d get it back the following day. When I wrote her she now states she’s somewhere hours from where we live. Still wearing it. But that’s ok? Right? H*ll no!
I got it back by having to strong arm her a few days later. Haven’t trusted her since. She probably does not even understand why. She knew the piece is a one of a kind. Made by a local designer who I found on Instagram.
And she was pushy, but not as pushy or manipulative as your friend. So do not lend her that new bag of yours. Lean from my mistake. ❤️
Nta, something my dad always taught me, never lend out anything you expect back, that goes for items and money. If you need it or want to keep it, don’t lend it out, even if you trust that person. Accidents happen, and not everyone has your best interests in mind.
Ask her what her problem is, since it is just a bag? Tell her that no means no.
That’s not a friend. Rethink that relationship as she has no respect for you
NTA. Don’t be stupid. You don’t loan a bag out. You want her pen leaking in it? You want some phat ass sitting on it or puking in it at this party? She’s a jerk for even asking.