So I (27F) got married three months ago in a small ceremony. My now-husband (29M) and I planned a low-key, intimate event with just close friends and immediate family. My mom didn’t come.
Her reason? She had a last-minute invite to a “can’t-miss” luxury cruise with her boyfriend (not my dad). She apologized, but said she “couldn’t pass up the opportunity of a lifetime.” I was obviously hurt, but I didn’t fight her on it. The wedding went ahead without drama.
Now she’s back and suddenly very upset that she missed the wedding. She says she “regrets everything” and wants to throw us a “real” wedding. She’s planning a full-on event—big venue, formal wear, 100+ people, flower girls, the works.
I told her no.
I said we’re already married, we had the day we wanted, and I’m not interested in pretending it didn’t happen just because she wasn’t there. She got teary and told me I’m “being cruel” and that she just wants “one memory of her daughter getting married.”
My dad (they’re divorced) thinks she’s just feeling guilty and trying to control the situation again like she always does. My brother says I should just let her have the fake wedding if it means that much to her.
I feel weird about staging a second wedding. It feels fake, performative, and frankly, like it’s more for her than for me or my husband.
AITA for saying no?
Comments
This is an easy one: lol no.
NTA
NTA don’t let her create a fake nothing if she wanted to see it so bad she should of been there
NTA, yeah that’s a big NO, she choose boyfriend over daughter. Her choice, her regret.
NTAH – I’m really sorry that you have a shit mom.
Let’s face it, your brother is a pushover because it’s easier to deal with your mom.
NTA.
No means no. Especially when she expects you to do it all over again – with whose money?
“”My brother says I should just let her have the fake wedding if it means that much to her.
tell him that he can do a fake wedding to appease her then
youre already married
Do you know how busy a newly married couple are?
aint no one got time for it
NTA
Still No. She chose to leave and miss your wedding. Pretty shitty of her. Tell her the best gift is to give you the money she wants to spend on the wedding.
>My brother says I should just let her have the fake wedding if it means that much to her.
There are a thousand better ways for you to spend your time with your mother.
NTA.
Of course she wants to throw you a wedding then it would be exactly how she wants, instead of what you want. I don’t she feels guilty at all, I think it was all part of her plan. Ask her about her luxury cruise, since it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Because if someone took me on one I would be talking about it for months.
You are NTA. she is. No mother purposely misses their child’s wedding and that is exactly what she did. I don’t care how luxurious her cruise was. She was 1000% wrong. Now she wants to assuage her guilt for missing your wedding by throwing another one.
If you are ok with it, tell her she can throw you a one year anniversary party but the wedding already happened.
NTA at all. She’s trying to manipulate you. You got to have a drama free wedding & it sounds like she is all drama so this wedding would be drama too.
NTA.
If that one memory of her daughter getting married was actually important to her, she would’ve been there when you got married. But her “once in a lifetime” cruise was more important than your once in a lifetime wedding.
NTA. But suggest that she can pay for your and your husband (congratulations btw) to go on a luxury cruise. After all, it’s an opportunity of a lifetime. This way you can compare experiences and better understand how a cruise was more important than your wedding…
NTA. She doesn’t get to to lose the guilt that easily. Tell her no, she made her choice, you’re sorry she wasn’t there, but that doesn’t entitle her to throw a fake event.
NTA.
She couldn’t control the first wedding so she wants to “THROW” this one for you.
All under her control.
She’s not going to be easy on other things either, like kids.
Good luck.
Oh dear. Just suggest that you do a mother daughter thing instead, to bond in a real way. Just you and her.
No second ceremony
sorry you missed it mom
Funny that the cruise was a “once in a lifetime” but her DAUGHTER wedding….not so much! 🤯
And of course now she feels guilty!
NTA!
NTA
Sounds like your wedding wasn’t good enough fir her to attend and now she wants one she can gloat about
NTA. Run 50 miles from her Disney remake of your happy day. (She’d probably turn up in a white lace dress.)
NTA, I’m sorry your brother is an ass and your mother a narcissist.
She made her choice. You made yours. NTA
“…she just wants “one memory of her daughter getting married.””
Remind her that SHE chose not to be part of that memory. It’s over. You and your husband planned the day YOU wanted. How much do you wanna bet this big formal event she wants is to soothe her guilt while stroking her ego. Your brother’s opinion doesn’t matter here. You told her no. Stick to it. If she calls you “cruel” again, remind her how cruel it is for a mother to not show up to her daughter’s wedding to go on a cruise. Don’t let her emotionally manipulate you. You’re right. Putting yourself and your husband through another ceremony would be 100% performative and fake. Your mom’s too-late guilt is her feeling to manage, not yours. NTA.
NTA. She could have gone on a different cruise, she can never attend your first wedding again. Don’t compromise and let her plan a redo wedding, or a “small” reception, or whatever, in the interest of keeping the peace – she made her decision, she has to live with it
NTA. Stand your ground. It’s disrespectful of you, your husband, and the wedding you both already had. Your mom sounds exhausting. Just keep shutting her down. If she doesn’t stop, go LC/NC for your own peace.
Girl, NO JUST NO‼️‼️‼️
Don’t be guilted or bullied into having a “second” wedding.
If there’s a video, show her that.
Also, “keeping the peace”, doing something because someone wants you to are code for be a DOORMAT‼️‼️
Most weddings are planned over time. Couldn’t her bf have planned the cruise well before the wedding or after? She went on the cruise because your wedding wasn’t bougie enough. Now she wants to throw a grand affair, again JUST SAY NO and stick to it.
Updateme
If she really wanted “one memory of her daughter getting married,” she would have attended your wedding. She chose poorly. NTA.
Your dad knows her best (and that’s probably why they’re divorced), so I’d say he’s right. NTA
Nta. “You chose a cruise. Choices have consequences. Yours is not seeing my wedding because you had places you’d rather be. The only cruel one is you. Hope your cruise was worth it”
She had no problem passing up your once in a lifetime opportunity, so she doesn’t get a do-over.
Her regret is her problem, not yours.
NTA
She made a choice and now has to live with it. She chose he boyfriend over you. Technically a wedding is also a once in a lifetime opportunity. She would be the one controlling the second wedding if you gave in.
Tell her to just go on the cruise again.
LOL. No.
She probably caught flak for not being there for you and needs to save face. I can imagine the looks she got when she had to explain where she was when you got married.
NTA
Thanks but no thanks NTA
Your mom is a piece of work. You are married and you don’t need a second wedding to assuage her guilt for prioritizing her boyfriend over you. NTA.
NTA and stick to your guns on this. She sounds like everything needs to be about her. Hard pass
NTA.
She had that opportunity to have “one memory of her daughter getting married.” She chose the cruise instead. You had the kind of wedding you wanted. To let her do the replay would kind of be a slap in the face for everybody who took the time and effort to attend your actual wedding. Also, her extravaganza would not be about you and your spouse, at all. It would just be another opportunity for her to be the center of attention.
Stick to your guns.
Tell her yes, then on the day go on a cruise with your husband, then she will feel how you did not important enough to care.
That would be a hard NO. Definitely NTA
Nta.
Let her have the event and just dont show up.
I haven’t read one single comment that says anything but supports you and your decision to say NO to a 2nd wedding. AND you are NTAH! And your feelings should be hurt by her choice of a cruise over your wedding…. really, really hurt. Sorry about her choice..😢😢. Sometimes mom do disappoint in big ways.
“Mom, if you wanted a memory of your daughter getting married, you should have told your boyfriend to rebook the cruise for another time. You chose him over me. I had a real wedding and I’m not doing it again just for you”
NTA
NTA. Let her spend HER money on the fake wedding and you and your husband don’t show up, you text her an hour before it all starts telling her you were invited on a last minute luxury cruise and that well she already knows it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity
NTA. She made her choice and now she can wait for your brother’s wedding since he seems more amenable .
NTA A big fat NO is the only possible response to this. As the Aussies say ‘She’s dreamin’’
So a cruise is an “experience of a lifetime event” but your wedding isn’t? Tell her she chose a banging cruise over her daughter’s wedding and now has to deal with consequences. NTA
PS; She will still try to prepare the event, so get someone in the inside to keep you updated and make sure you’re nowhere near the day off and your phones needed a nap and you didn’t want to disturb them.
absolutely NTA.
As one who got married twice, and had less than 50 guests at either of them, I think you did it perfectly the first time. There’s no sense in having it for 100 people who you didn’t include the first time just to make mama’s bruised ego happy.
JFC. Is this a thing now? The things I learn on Reddit. Clearly NTA. Your Mom made an intentional, fully informed decision. It’s not your job to fix it because she now regrets her choice. If she truly wanted one memory of her daughter getting married, she could have…but chose a cruise instead.
NTA this isn’t you just letting her have her wedding of-her-only-daughter moment. It requires your time and attention as well. You had a wedding already, she had her priorities. You don’t need to sacrifice your time and priorities just because she regrets her choice/made her choice thinking she could work it so she could have her cake and eat it too.
Nope.
Your wedding, YOUR once-in-a-lifetime event.
She chose not to attend, dismissing the value of her own daughter’s nuptials and marriage for a seasonal cruise she could’ve rescheduled.
Not your concern; no matter how emotional she gets; she’s hopefully learning a very hard lesson about selfishness.
NTA
Your mom has FOMO. She thinks if she throws you another wedding, she didn’t really choose a man over her (adult) child.
No. Unless she wants to do it all by herself with cardboard cut outs of both of you. Like playing paper dolls for self absorbed adults.
She’s just upset there was no drama about her not attending and wants to create some. She’s going to plan it all and make drama and then send you a bill. If she goes ahead with it just don’t turn up (maybe go for a cruise). NTA, live your lives, cut back on contact with her and save for a home rather than a party that will be barely remembered.
fuck it, tell her yes, let her organize and pay for everything, then go on a luxury cruise instead
The answer is no period.
NTA. It isn’t about missing it. She didn’t like that you did a small wedding. She wanted a big one so she could show off. So she skipped the real wedding on purpose.
NTA… She chose the “Once in a Lifetime” event with her boyfriend instead of the “Once in a Lifetime” event with her daughter…
NTA. Your wedding was a once in a lifetime event. Mom missed it. She can’t change facts.
NTA, but if she wants to fork over a buncha money she can buy you a vacation or something idk
If she can afford a 100 person over the top redo wedding, she could have afforded a luxury cruise on a different date with her boyfriend. LOL>
When people show you who they are, believe them. Your egg donor showed how little she values you and your wishes. Send her a photo from the wedding with a note, “You wanted a memory of your daughter getting married. Here it is, enjoy.”
NTA, and keep this in mind for if/when you have kids, because she sounds like someone who will make tons of empty promises and not come through on any of them.
NTA. Who even booked the last minute “couldn’t pass up the opportunity of a lifetime”, Cruise? The boyfriend? and she chose him. LOL, Who is even paying for the 2nd wedding? Feels like a trap if you said yes and will be a lifetime of “Remember when I paid for your real wedding?” nonsense. Don’t be bothered by it.
Also, Congratulations and Best wishes to you and hubby.
NTA
Sounds like she wants to be the mother of the bride at a big fancy wedding, and she was hoping by missing your real wedding, she could get her way.
How did you get from a guy to a gal?
NTA mom put you second and is now feeling the embarrassment. I promise people started talking about it and she’s just trying to save face.
NTA Decisions have consequences. And you don’t want it! Ugh. She sounds like a piece of work.
Wtf I am so sorry. No reenactments allowed. But she could pay for your honeymoon?????
Ask for the money instead…. tell her you will absolve of any guilt and, hell even offer to photoshop her into a picture. Win win
It would be a shame if you skipped the redo wedding last minute because you didn’t want to miss some “Chance of a Lifetime” event, but what are the odds of that happening.
No……? Of course not 😂
She chose her boyfriend over her own daughter and she got backlash for it from other family. She is trying to save face now but throwing you a re-do party. She f’d up, let her deal with missing a TRUE once in a lifetime moment with her daughter.
You’re mom sounds like she’s got a bit of histrionic personality disorder going on.
You get to have the wedding you wanted because it’s supposed to be about you and your spouse, not her.
NTA
Totally performative, and not about you and your husband at all. Trust your gut.
The only AH here is your Mom! Just no! Choices have consequences and she made hers!
No. You’re already married in the ceremony you wanted. She made her choice. And she’s calling you cruel? You? She’s the one who thought a vacation was more important than your wedding. Now she has to live with it. A sham wedding is ridiculous. Say no and the next time she brings it up your answer is asked and answered. And tell her not to bring it up again.
You are married now. What does your husband think? I’m guessing he also doesn’t want to have a fake wedding to appease your mom. Tell her you both discussed and it’s a no and she should be available for important future life events or have a better reason than a free vacation. NTA
It was a “can’t miss” my daughter’s wedding, not cruise! She got her messages wrong. What she did was extremely selfish and it’s even more selfish for her to try and recreate a second wedding and one you don’t want just to please herself!
Your dad’s absolutely right, she’s trying to guilt you and control the situation. Tell her no, and be firm about it. Also, be prepared: she might go ahead and do it anyway under the guise of “surprising” you. Talk to your husband now about every possible angle she could try. She may even pull him, or someone from his family, aside to convince them it’s a good idea. Give his family a heads-up so they’re not caught off guard. Let them know if she approaches them, they need to shut it down immediately. I’ve seen people like her play these toxic games before and you’ve got to be ten steps ahead!
Your mother had an ego larger than Jupiter. Her once ina lifetime cruise trumped a wedding? She is a shit human I’m afraid. Tell her to get bent. Nta. Fancy the nerve to want to do that for herself? I’ve never heard of such ego. Shameful.
Say yes, then skip it for a once-in-a lifetime honeymoon cruise. But seriously, NTA.
No, you’re NTA. In fact, I want to slap you on the back and congratulate you. Those “reenactment” weddings are so fucking tacky. But not as tacky as going on a cruise with some guy instead of going to your daughter’s goddamn wedding. Sorry you got such a shit mom.
I would laugh hysterically in her face, and when she got mad or upset I would start pointing at her.
SHE is being cruel, not you. She made her bed, so now she is stuck lying in it. NTA, she is
NTA
This was her Plan A all along.
NTA
Absolutely Not!!
That’s the most narcissistic thing I’ve heard! She wants to redo your entire wedding because she wasn’t there. She chose not to be there. She gets nothing!
She made her choice she has to Iive with it, not you. Just say no
Pretty simple.
“Mom, it can’t happen if you we don’t show up, and we won’t.”
NTA
NTA – Tell her to just host a wedding for her and her BF…even if it’s just “pretend”, and you and your husband will attend that instead.
Of course it’s ridiculous, but logic doesn’t seem to get through to her.
No no no. NTA. Her issue not yours.
She can plan whatever she wants; you don’t have to be there.
Good for you for saying no. She’s a terrible person, and her boyfriend is too.
go through her photos of her cruise. FInd the one with e closest time stamp to the day and time you were married. Photoshop her from that photo into a photo from your wedding. Frame it and give it to her
But the gifts 🎁
What we were all taught as kids: Just Say No! Lol but seriously its her own guilt eating at her, its not for you or your husband
Absolutely do not. It was your husband and your special day. She’s trying to make it about her again.
NTA.
She made her choice to miss your wedding, now she has to live with it.
Pretty sure this is fake….. just 3 months ago you were a dude with a 22F GF. Now you are a 27F who got married three months ago?
no you are nta but think of all the fun you can have, walk down the aisle in your pajamas eating pizza and a tub of ice cream. redress the flower girl in a mini t-Rex outfit, see if you can get the priest to dress like Elvis. I mean hijack the whole thing since it is on her dime just don’t let her know until it’s happening and then it’s too late.
“She’s planning a full-on event—big venue, formal wear, 100+ people, flower girls, the works.”
—Would all those people even go knowing you are married for a long time by then?
I attended a redo wedding, but not for the same reason. The couple was married in Chicago, but the bride was from England, & her family couldn’t attend, so they had a 2nd ceremony, plus a reception. Of course it was performativ – everyone knew that. I understand that you’re uncomfortable – of course it’s for her. Most people don’t agree with your husband, but I do – if for no other reason than to not extend the drama. It’s one day. As long as *you* don’t get emotionally invested in it. You can go either way, but it’s your choice, & either way, you’re NTA.
Yeah the opportunity of a lifetime would’ve been attending your wedding, she chose this.
NTA
If she throws this hoopla then you will pay for it,her reasoning it’s your wedding so why should she pay
Jesus wept, your mother is delusional af…and also maybe a wee bit narcissistic. Maybe. Possibly. Ok, it’s definitely.
The beauty of choices as adults is we have to live with the consequences of our decisions. NTA
NTA. She had her chance
NTA
Sorry, mom, but the only memory you’re going to have of my wedding is not being there.
How did she not get, before the fact, that she was choosing a “once in a lifetime opportunity” to go on a cruise over her once in a lifetime opportunity to see her daughter get married?
God no! Your mother is trying to get rid of her guilt, but she should feel guilty. She’s fucking guilty of something. You aren’t responsible for her emotions. She is. Let her deal with them. Especially when it comes to something as sacred as your wedding! Of all things that belong solely to you and she is trying to own it? I can’t even imagine.
Tell her if she wants a wedding to get married to her boyfriend. You already had yours. Up to you if u feel like attending.
I wish u the absolute best life for you and your husband. And maybe children if u decide to. This is your priority now. I highly recommend getting well versed in how to deal with narcissists and understanding boundaries. Otherwise it could be one battle after another. Just remember- u don’t have to go to every fight u r invited to. This is her stuff, not yours and not yours to deal with. If your brother wants to enable it, that’s his business, but don’t let him guilt u into doing something you don’t want to. You have absolutely nothing to defend or prove here. It’s not even just about the wedding. It’s about having ownership over your own life.
Oh and congratulations!!! 🎉 💒❤️
NTA at all.
Ts would have me writing up a full call-out post on Facebook. Hell, I’d make a Facebook account JUST to make the post. Add all family, all friends, & all her friends; then light her tf up. “My mother, (name), missed my wedding back in (date) to go on a cruise with her boyfriend (name). She told me it was an opportunity of a lifetime. Now that she’s back, she’s trying to force me to hold a whole new wedding because she explicitly chose not to attend the first one. My wedding with (husband) was exactly what we wanted, except for my mother backing out her attendance last minute. She wants to throw a new wedding to her standards & is now cross with me for being sad that she chose oceans & mimosas over the most beautiful day of my life.” Ofc add WAY more details.
But I’m petty & younger than you.
Fr though, you don’t owe her a goddamn thing. She sounds more like a spoiled brat than a mother.
NTA. She chose some vacation over your wedding. She now has to live with the consequences. She had her chance. She chose poorly.
You are NTA. She sounds very toxic. now is the time to set clear boundaries with her.
Let her plan and have it then just don’t show up. Better go on a cruise the day it’s supposed to happen. My daughter in law says I’m petty with a purpose
She can plan whatever she likes, doesn’t mean you have to show up. Let her play the fool. Who honestly misses their child’s wedding for cruise. What a pathetic excuse for a mother. Congratulations on your wedding, wishing you both many years of happiness.
NTA I don’t know how you deal with a person like this and especially when she’s your mother. Over the top and delusional.
Updateme
NTA. Sounds like you and your dad know her games. Even if you said yes I net if one thing was slightly off shed be mad and take it out on you. You said no stick to it. Parents need to realise that their kids big events are not for them and have nothing to do with them. You had the wedding you wanted and thays all that matters. Tell her that her missing your wedding is on her and she has to live with that
NTA. Keep refusing firmly. She can keep her well-deserved guilt AND her money.
She’s gets to live with the regret. She made a choice
>she just wants “one memory of her daughter getting married.”
“No, you wanted a luxury cruise”
>It feels fake, performative, and frankly, like it’s more for her than for me or my husband.
That’s because it is.
NTA, obviously.
NTA. Betting she’ll try and do it anyway, only to end up with egg on her face when you and your husband don’t show up because her idea is so very stupid-and I’m betting that you guys wouldn’t be the only ones to not show up either.
Okay… the really REALLY petty part of me is thinking… let her go ahead and book everything. Then OP and hubby take that weekend, go on a cruise of their own, and ghost Mommykins.
NTA, OP.
NTA
In fact, letting her do this would be a mistake.
The “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunity she missed was her daughter getting married… and she missed it because some random cruise waa more important to her.
Be firm – tell her she had the chance to be at your wedding and she chose not to be there.
Sounds like she likes the control – and has your brother thightly regned in… say no, take a stand, put your foot down.. whats next – she wants to dictate the name of your first kid???
Hell^NTA
Nta let her have it but dont show up. This is all for her anyways so might as well let it be. Shout out to your dad for calling it what it is.
No problem. She can throw her daughter and new son-in-law a big ass party
NTA, If She wants to see you get married, she can have a copy of the video. She doesn’t get the chance of a redo just because she wants to save face in front of relatives and friends. Because this is NOT about you OP, this is aaaaall about her. Please don’t give her the pleasure, let her explain why she is not in any picture.
The opportunity of a lifetime was your wedding…
NTA your mom is feeling guilty about so she could get laid. Once a Cruise. Getting the D was more important at the time
Nope, if memories of her daughters wedding were so important than she shouldn’t have picked a holiday with her boyfriend over your wedding. She wasn’t there for the real thing and has no right to demand people put on a show for a fake one just because she’s feeling guilty about being a bad mother.
I’d be telling her she made her choice when she picked her boyfriend and a holiday they could go on anytime over you and your wedding and the consequences of her choice is she has no memories of your wedding.
Her being present at your wedding was a “once in a lifetime opportunity” she missed it and now feels bad. She’s only doing it for herself and no one else. NTA.
Your dad is right and your brother needs to grow a pair.
If she wanted one memory of her daughter getting married, she should have showed up on the day her daughter was getting married.
NTA
She chose a cruise over your wedding.
Heck no to any re-do.
NTA
I would be so devastated to miss out on my daughters’ weddings. I can’t imagine choosing a vacation over being there.
NTA, obviously. You had your special day and having a pseudo wedding would diminish that for you. So no. Sorry your mom made the wrong choice but that is not on you.
Aren’t all weddings perfomative?
Let her plan the wedding and then not show up. You’re just following her example, but I’m not that petty. I would simply stay with my no about her wanting a redo wedding.
NTA. She made her choice and it would be silly to do it again.
NTA. Weddings are in part about bonding the community around a couple. She prioritized her event over being there to support you alongside the people who did make time to show up for you. She made her choice and these are the consequences.
Your brother is disappointing.
NTA. She showed where her priorities were in the moment that mattered.
I would go with it. Lotz of couples marry buy have their wedding later. I did have 2 weddings because each pair of parents wanted to throw one since living in different cities.
NTA. She can certainly have a fake wedding, just not for you 🤷♀️
Lord. No way. Honestly I know it can take a lot to stand up to our parents for various reasons but absolutely no. You don’t have to have a fake wedding for her. Maybe she could pay for a vacation for the family or something instead.
Is there a chance she can give you some of the money she would use for that affaire?
NTA unless that luxury cruise was like hidden billionaire levels she was just being selfish. And as I wrote that sentence I thought no even that level of luxury cruise wouldn’t entice me away from my kids wedding. Your mom messed up and feels guilty and instead of admitting it is trying to paper over it and maybe save face. That’s on her.
Now if she wants to treat you and your husband to a heartfelt dinner or something as an apology maybe listen. I don’t know what makes up for this that’s on you to decide, but private and heartfelt might mean she is serious and not just being performative.
NTA. Honestly your mom is pathetic. She literally valued a fucking cruise, something that happens all the time all over the world, over her daughter’s one and only wedding. Now she can suffer the consequences. Did she and her boyfriend break up? Is that why she suddenly gives a shit about your wedding?
This sounds like an episode from Arrested Development
NTA. But hey, if she feels guilty she could send you and your husband on a once in a lifetime luxury cruise.
No. If you had wanted that big to do, you would have had one.
Just tell her that you wouldn’t be getting married – you already are married. She wouldn’t be seeing you getting married, she would see a vow renewal.
You should also tell your brother to shut the F up. If he is that worried about her, he should propose to someone and let her take over his wedding. (God help his bride or groom)
To the “you are being cruel” – just keep repeating “No, Mom. I’m being factual. If I had wanted such a circus, I would have planned one for my actual wedding 3 months ago.”
If you want to be cruel and funny – “I’m married. That ship has sailed.”
Agree to the big wedding, let her plan it and pay for it.
A week before tell her you have to miss it bc you’re going on a luxury cruise that’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Don’t actually do this unless you want to blow up your relationship.
Nta
Mom can have her fake wedding complete with a fake bride and groom. Real people are too busy for this shit. NTA
Main character energy much? (Mom, not you)
NTA. She couldn’t be arsed going to the actual wedding, then that is her problem, not yours. As far as the cruise being an ‘opportunity of a lifetime’, what does she call her child’s wedding?
A cruise is a slightly better excuse than a dog being sick.
A reception would be fine as long as the ONLY thing you have to do is show up in your wedding dress. Mom would have to 100% plan and pay for everything.
Definitely NTA. Tell her to have AI create some pictures of HER idea of your perfect wedding with her present.
Sometimes if you miss it, you miss it. No do-overs.
Ya, no! One wedding is enough. She can take all that money and give it to you for a down payment on a new home. She’s feels guilty, that’s all. Don’t let her make you feel bad.
You’re not the bad one. She skipped your real wedding for a vacation. She doesn’t get to rewrite history now just because it’s inconvenient to face what she missed.
If she really just wanted one memory of her daughter getting married, she could have had it.
Suggest she stage the elaborate wedding she wants and just hire actors to stand in for the couple. (And maybe the crowd, or she can see if anyone wants to attend her fake staged wedding)
That would be just as “real” as what she’s proposing, so why not? Hell, maybe the real authentic couple will even crash the party!
NTA. If she wants memories, give her a copy of the wedding tape. Tell her she’ll have to be content with secondhand memories for your wedding, but at least she’ll have the memories of her can’t-miss cruise to console her.
She can’t miss the event with her boyfriend so, you know her priorities, and it’s definitely not you.
She is trying to make the day all about her. Under no circumstances give into her emotional blackmail. You are definitely not the AH. May you and your spouse find joy in each other.
Weddings are stressful. I would never willingly do it twice. Your mom had her chance to see you get married. She missed it. Oh well. She chose a once in a lifetime cruise and missed your once in a lifetime wedding.
Just make sure to give people a heads up that you aren’t going to be at this redo wedding if they ask.
NTA. Tell her she made her choice already. She doesn’t get to change yours.
NTA – what’s she going to ask of you when she misses her grandchild’s birth? Shove the kid back in? This lady is cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
Easy no. She made her choice and can live with it.
>but said she “couldn’t pass up the opportunity of a lifetime.”
Except, that’s EXACTLY what she did. Passed up the opportunity of a lifetime to watch her daughter get married. She made that choice, she’s gonna have to learn to live with life’s regrets.
It’s just amazing to watch how casually some people take a butt plug out of their pockets and proceed to ram it home without lube.
She chose to pass up the wrong “opportunity of a lifetime”. Let her get her “memory” from the wedding album where there are no pictures of her.
She made her choice. NTA for saying “No”.
How can she afford a 100 person plus wedding, but a cruise is a once in a lifetime opportunity?