So I 23F live alone in a small apartment that Ive worked really hard for. I keep to myself, pay my bills, and try not to bother anyone. My older sister F28 recently asked to stay with me for a few weeks because she’s going through a breakup and doesn’t want to be alone. She said it would only be temporary, but I told her no, and now half my family is calling me heartless.
But here’s the thing. When we were growing up, my sister hated our little brother (he’s 2 years younger than me.. so he was around 10 when this happened. I honestly believe she bullied him. She’d scream at him over nothing, blame him for things she did, and my parents always believed her. One time, she locked him outside in the middle of winter for “being anoying” and left him there for almost an hour while she played video games inside I’ll never forget how red his hands were when I let him in. I beg my mom to do something, but she brushed it off as “sibling fights”
It wasn’t just one incident. My brother used to cry to me at night because he thought no one in the family liked him. When I finally moved out, I took him in a few weekends at a time just to give him peace. We’re super close now. He is 21 and doing well but to this day he has zero contact with our sister. She never apologized or even acknowledged how she treated him.
So when she asked to stay with me recently, all I could think about was how cold and cruel she was. I told her no, and she went off. Said I was punishing her for childhood stuff, called me cold selfish and dramatic. Our mom took her side, as usual, and said I was letting my grudge break apart the family.
But I’m not holding a grudge. I just don’t want to live with someone who made my brother feel worthless for most of his childhood and has never once owned up to it.
So.. AITA?
Comments
Honestly, I don’t think you’re the asshole here. You’ve been carrying a lot of weight seeing how your sister treated your brother, and it’s not something that just goes away because time passed. What she did was really cruel, and the fact she never apologized or acknowledged it makes it even harder to just welcome her into your home. You’re protecting your peace and standing up for your brother, which is more than fair. Family can be messy, but that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own well-being or let someone toxic back into your life. You set boundaries, and that’s okay.
NTA especially if she has never apologized for her past behavior. Actions have consequences, even years later.
NTA.
How many members of your family supporting her have offered to take her in?
What goes around comes around.
NTA, tell your sister Mom can take her in and tell your mother enjoy your favorite she will be all you have when you’re older.
Tell mom, sis can always stay with you.
Mom can house her. NTA
NTA. Your mom should take her in, if she is that bothered.
NTA – if your family is so invested in giving her a place to stay, they can take her in themselves.
You have a right to decline anyone who asks to live with you regardless of the reason. Your sister is an adult (older than you in fact) and should take care of herself. NTA.
NTA. You saw how she treated people, family at that. Nope. You do not have to provide a roof for over her head. As your mother has taken her side (yet again) I’d leave the two of them to it! Sounds like they deserve each other!
NTA
It sounds like you aren’t close so why would she want to stay there over your parents in the first place.
Family have a way of over staying their welcome as well. Besides by my calculations when your brother was 10 she was 17 yeh you still have some growing to do but you know what right and wrong is. And should be able to understand the dangers of locking a 10 yr old out in the cold for extended periods.
NTA. Take your brother in if he needs it, but someone nasty enough to abuse a child… No way.
Try to go NC to the half of family supporting her. She was 17, old enough to know better. I won’t trust her.
NTA
2 AHs here are your sister and mother.
Let them stick together and support each other, and you stick with your brother.
NTA. This isn’t about holding a grudge. This is about distancing yourself from a monster. Considering that your sister never apologized or took responsibility for what she did, she is still the same horrible person – someone you don’t want in your space. And there is also the issue that if you let her live with you, your brother won’t be able to visit you.
Besides – trust me, a few weeks will turn into forever.
Admit to it. You are holding her past actions against her. That’s called consequences. Her parents failed to parent her into a decent human being and she hasn’t done anything to indicate she has made effort to become a better human. Which makes her past actions still relevant.
Why doesn’t she go stay with your mom?
Idk if ur brother still comes over but he might not at all if she’s there.
NTA. First off, your home, your rules. You can say no to whomever you want and for whatever reason, if they ask is they can stay with you. But second, your reason for not saying yes, is valid. I wouldn’t want a person, no matter if it’s family or not, who was cruel and never apologized for it in my home. Otherwise, I don’t believe she has changed that much, considering she was 17 when she bullied a 10-year-old.
Your mother is agreeing with her? Ok, then she can take her in. As they get along great and your sister is your mom’s favorite.
Updateme.
NTA. Your Mom can take her in if she’s so concerned.
If you are cold and cruel…. guess who taught you….
NTA at all, OP. Yr sis had the chance 2 set things right a long time ago, but tbh her attitude and behavior says it all. She’s not sorry, she’s just coasting on the “past is past” BS, but where’s the justice for your bro? Stay strong, protect your peace. Fam should be about love & respect, not convenience. ✌️💯
NTA. Every family member who “complains” send their contact information to sister and let he call them
NTA. Since your mom thinks she can do no wrong, let her provide a home for your sister. She sounds like someone I’d want to avoid.
FAFO.
People are odd when they think that they should never be accountable for things that happened in the past, especially when they have done nothing to make it right
NTA- You’re an adult that pays your own bills. You don’t have to take anyone in, and your mom doesn’t get an opinion. Tell her when she starts paying your bills, she can have one. Also, your mom is as guilty as your sister as far as your brother’s mistreatment. Obviously, your sister has never taken responsibility for what she did, so she’s the one harming your family.
Kudos to you for standing by your brother.
Nope show her the same mercy that she showed your brother…Tell her No….She is only using you til she meets another toy boy to use.. Tell your sister to ask sympathies family member to take her in…They didn’t live or grow up with your sister bullying and lying on your youngest brother…. Don’t lose any peace if mind saying No …..