I live in an apartment with my roommate, and when we settled in, we decided to divide rent and expenses equally. Recently, their partner has been around nearly every evening. They bathe, prepare meals, utilize resources, and occasionally consume food (sometimes my own). Our expenses are increasing, and it seems like I’m assisting in paying for someone who isn’t even on the rental agreement.
I mentioned to my roommate that it seems unfair, as if we’re supporting a third occupant. They became defensive and claimed I’m being “controlling” and attempting to regulate their relationship. I genuinely don’t mind who they are with. I just simply believe it’s unfair to me.
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I live in an apartment with my roommate, and when we settled in, we decided to divide rent and expenses equally. Recently, their partner has been around nearly every evening. They bathe, prepare meals, utilize resources, and occasionally consume food (sometimes my own). Our expenses are increasing, and it seems like I’m assisting in paying for someone who isn’t even on the rental agreement.
I mentioned to my roommate that it seems unfair, as if we’re supporting a third occupant. They became defensive and claimed I’m being “controlling” and attempting to regulate their relationship. I genuinely don’t mind who they are with. I just simply believe it’s unfair to me.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my roommate that their partner is basically living with us rent-free and that it feels unfair to me. I might be the asshole because I confronted them about their relationship and made them feel like I was interfering, instead of just minding my own business.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. The claims you’re being controlling are a smoke screen because they don’t want to pay more. Push this issue or it will become expected that everything stays 50/50
If there’s more expenses because a third person is there they should pay for them in the very least, and they really should be on the rental agreement. A lot of leases forbid persons other than those on the lease to stay in the property for other than the occasional short-term visit, too, so you two should check that.
If you do not want this person to be over that much or at all, that’s also just fine from you; you did not agree to live with two other persons, only the one. Be prepared to losing the roommate though if you ask for this, as they might prefer to move in with their partner instead.
Trying to make it like you are trying to “control their relationship” is a shitty negotiation tactic by the roommate.
Next time, before entering a rental agreement, talk about guests and partners visiting before you enter into the arrangement. People have wildly differing expectations for bringing people over.
NTA
NTA does your rental agreement has a rules for guest visit?
You need to sit both of them and re-explained that they needs to chips in on the bills if they there everyday
Absolutely NTA!
If RM’s partner is using apartment resources to the point costs are rising, he either pays up or gets nothing.
Tell your landlord. Usually rented rooms have limit on how long guests can stay.
Not controlling just fair. If they’re using your space and resources, they should contribute