I (28M) have a sister (32F) who has two kids, 6 and 4. Their father walked out two years ago and hasn’t been in contact since. I’ve always been close with them, and I help a lot — school drop-offs, babysitting, etc.
Recently, my sister suggested the kids start calling me “dad,” since “I’m the only stable male figure in their life.”
I told her gently but firmly that I’m their uncle, not their father. I love them dearly, but I don’t want that title or responsibility.
She called me heartless and said I was rejecting them.
Now I feel conflicted.
AITA for refusing to let my sister’s kids call me “dad” even though their real father abandoned them?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA – Uncle works just fine
You are absolutely not rejecting them.
Just be an awesome uncle.
This is psychotic. NTA.
No you are absolutely right on rebuking her. You have or you’ll have your own kids, you are only their father and definitely cannot be your nephews’ father. It’s very wrong on her part and I think she’s just wanting to emotionally manipulate by saying you are heartless, cause you can love them as much as a dad does by being their Uncle. NTA!
NTA. that would be wholly inappropriate.
NTA. Uncle is very meaningful too. Your sister needs to be more forward thinking. She is young. She may get married in the future. Her kids might still get a “dad” or a man who wants to legally adopt them.
NTA deeds are more important a ”title”. Also what if a man comes into their life?
NTA, as their uncle you can fill that role and do what a Dad should. But as young as they are, her being your sister, etc…. The title of dad would complicate things and could confuse the hell out of them. You can be there and support like a dad should, but your title should be as it is. The most loving Uncles they will ever have.
NTA. People will think you had kids with your sister. Not to mention inappropriate for the kids to think of you as anything other than a loving uncle.
Besides, Uncle-Daddy or Daddy-Uncle has some really negative connotations to people who don’t know the situation.
NTA. I get both sides of this and both aren’t wrong per se. She wants her kids to have a Dad so she pushed for dubbing you that. I also understand why you arent comfortable with it. The part I don’t love is it was her idea for them to call you that. If the kids starting doing it on their own unprompted that’d be different situation but this feels to forced and not quite right.
Your sister is WAY out of line!!! Unky would be perfect. Calling you Dad is twisted and will harm their development!
Uncle yes ..dad way to odd…people would think you had had an incestuous relationship with your sister !
Creepy since the implication is that OP had sex with his sister. Ew. I don’t think a young man, still building his own life should have to explain his sister is not his baby momma
nta Uncle is just fine
Your sister is being incredibly inappropriate and needs psychological help. NTA
NTA. You are Uncle. Why confuse them with “why is mommy’s brother my daddy?” It’s just weird.
“Dad” is just a word. What kind of whackadoodle thought process is going on in your sister’s head? You love them. They know it. You’re their uncle. I fail to see how changing what they call you to something weird and inaccurate helps anyone.
In fact, that would make interactions with the real world significantly more awkward. “Wait, he’s her brother, but the kids call him Dad?!? What’s going on in that family?!?”
Does she want them thinking you had sex with your sister?
How about “Uncle Dad” or “Uncle Pa”? Acknowledges the fatherly role you have while maintaining the boundary
What’s wrong with uncle? You are not their dad and it would be weird if they called you that as your sister is their mom – how confusing will that be as they grow up? You are NTAH but sister is certainly behaving like one
NTA – Doesn’t matter if you’re the only male figure in their life currently. You’re not their dad & she’s your sister. What kind of sister even suggests her children should call her brother – their uncle, dad?
Just keep it the way it is. Her opinion doesn’t matter in this situation. You did nothing wrong. Their dad sucks, but it’s not up to you to take over that role. You can just be the cool, supportive, awesome uncle.
Don’t confuse the kids. My grandmother introduced me to “Uncle Charlie” when I was 7. It wasn’t until I was 10 that I realized…he’s her boyfriend, NOT a relative at all. Those kids would be confused later “wait ..dad is my moms brother?”
NTA. You are their uncle and that’s enough. Your sister could potentially meet another man to marry who could be seen as a father figure to her kids. Their bio dad could come back into their lives. It’s great that you help A LOT, but maybe scale back a little on the help that you provide. Sis needs to start navigating being a single parent.
NTA- you’re their uncle. Also, how awkward would it be for the kids to say “this is my dad. He’s my mom’s brother?”
Uncle is the perfect title for the role you play in the children’s lives.
Calling you dad would be weird, troublesome, and wrong.
And your sister is weird, troublesome, and wrong.
NTA, that’s a little weird, they should just call you uncle.
NTA
You can be a loving uncle but it would be confusing for them to consider you their father.
On the most basic level they will wonder why you aren’t like the fathers of their friends and peers.
It is never good to confuse children and lie about the reality of their family structure.
Asking them to call you “Uncle [name]” instead of “Dad” because you’re their uncle and not their father isn’t rejecting them. Walking away and ghosting your wife and kids is rejecting them.
The fact that you are helping with the kids is a pretty clear sign that you aren’t rejecting them. You just want them to be clear that you aren’t their dad, you’re their uncle.
NTA
NTA
NTA
The reality is at this time, the children’s father is a deadbeat. Their uncle is a man among men.
Why is she trying to create a rejection scenario for her kids? He won’t let you call him daddy!
Why would she want to further confuse them by making them call you dad? How would this change anything for them? They know you’re not their dad.
Make sure you are clear that she should not be expressing this to her children. And make sure that you are clear with them that you are their uncle and you love them to pieces and you’re not going anywhere ever.
NTA. Uncle is better. She’s being ridiculous. Does she need some mental help?
Maybe explain how disgustingly inappropriate that is and ask her how she plans to explain that to teachers and administrators. Updateme
NTA – UM, I think it would be super weird for the kids to call you dad when you are their uncle.
NTA – that is darned creepy. Uncle’s are wonderful and a great term. Dad implies that there is more to your relationship with your sister, hence creepy and will be seen creepy when the kids are older, even to them. If you have kids later, then you have to explain why they are calling you dad and their friend (if they hear them calling you dad). Yeah.
That is not appropriate at all. You are their uncle, the brother of their mother it would be beyond inappropriate for them to call you dad.
“Uncle” is an amazing title. The children should always be encouraged and proud to use it. Brag up that title!
Do not confuse people, school, the children themselves by allowing them to call you dad. If your sister pushes this “dad” narrative, it is just kind of creepy, sick sounding. Not healthy for anyone involved.
NTA- Tell her the kids calling you dad will be weird once people realize you two are siblings
NTA This will only cause confusion for the kids and could even give bullies a reason to pick on them when they’re school aged.
NTA – it is good for kids to learn that safe / stable / family can come in many forms. A trusted uncle is someone caring for kids not his own, and makes the kids with other non-traditional families like two moms/dads or adopted seem more socially “normal”. And that friends can become family over blood.
Also when they become a teenager and understand the relationship this would seem so super weird and gross to them…. And they would likely go back to uncle…
NTA. Literally you are the uncle.
NTA. You can be uncle
Your sister is wrong, people will think you made kids with your sister…
“I am honoured to be a father figure to them, but I am still their uncle”
Your sister needs help .. she needs to see therapist
NTA the kids didn’t ask you this SHE did. Your sister is being weird
NTA. They’re kids and she’s projecting. It would be very inappropriate, and uncle is just fine. You’re family and calling you dad is… weird AF. Also what happens when she actually meets someone and now this guy’s step kids call his BIL dad? What?
NTA. She’s a little weird for that. You are their uncle and that’s great.
This is my mom and this is my dad. He’s my mom’s brother 🫣😐😬
You didnt marry your sister and the kids arent yours…uncle is the right call. NTA
NTA