Me (26F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for six months and recently moved in together.
In the entire time that I’ve known him, he has been a kind, caring, loving man. I can see him being the father of my children. But since we moved in together, I’ve discovered he has one extremely annoying habit: he insists on listening to music while we’re watching TV.
I mean, we’ll be sitting down and watching a show and he’ll be blasting music on a speaker while we do it. It doesn’t matter what the show is. He’ll listen to anything: country, death metal, classical, rap. Ive brought this up several times, telling him that it’s incredibly distracting and makes it impossible to concentrate, much less enjoy, whatever we’re watching. But he says it’s the only way HE can keep his concentration, and sometimes will go so far as to mute the show or movie and just watch it with subtitles and his music playing.
My breaking point came the other day when we were watching Twilight. He had already been playing songs, but midway through the movie, he muted it and started absolutely BLASTING Breaking Benjamin. I had enough and told him we could either watch the movie like regular people or not at all. He got really upset, turned off the movie and the music, and stormed off. It’s been three days and we haven’t turned on the TV since. AITA for refusing to listen to my boyfriend’s music while watching TV?
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Me (26F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for six months and recently moved in together.
In the entire time that I’ve known him, he has been a kind, caring, loving man. I can see him being the father of my children. But since we moved in together, I’ve discovered he has one extremely annoying habit: he insists on listening to music while we’re watching TV.
I mean, we’ll be sitting down and watching a show and he’ll be blasting music on a speaker while we do it. It doesn’t matter what the show is. He’ll listen to anything: country, death metal, classical, rap. Ive brought this up several times, telling him that it’s incredibly distracting and makes it impossible to concentrate, much less enjoy, whatever we’re watching. But he says it’s the only way HE can keep his concentration, and sometimes will go so far as to mute the show or movie and just watch it with subtitles and his music playing.
My breaking point came the other day when we were watching Twilight. He had already been playing songs, but midway through the movie, he muted it and started absolutely BLASTING Breaking Benjamin. I had enough and told him we could either watch the movie like regular people or not at all. He got really upset, turned off the movie and the music, and stormed off. It’s been three days and we haven’t turned on the TV since. AITA for refusing to listen to my boyfriend’s music while watching TV?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Blowing up and refusing to listen to my boyfriend’s music
2. I might be the asshole for telling him he doesn’t behave like “regular” people and not letting him enjoy TV watching the way he wants.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
Blasting music while watching TV is extremely odd. Most people would not want to have music blaring while trying to watch a show. It’s distracting and it changes the tone of whatever your watching. Hardly anyone would tolerate this. Your boyfriend needs to realize that the vast majority people do not watch TV with background music blaring, and that anyone he is dating (or just watching TV with) would ask him to turn off the music so they could enjoy the show.
If you boyfriend needs to have music on to watch TV, he should just wear earbuds.
NTA. Tell him to wear headphones.
NTA.
Talk to your bf and come up with a compromise – have him wear headphones so you can’t hear the music. That way you both can concentrate and enjoy the movie. Or something else, but this can definitely be worked around. It is a bit of a strange habit and I probably would react the same, but you should apologize for snapping at him. It sounds like he has a lot of sensory needs, which should be respected, but your sensory needs (less distractions) should also be respected.
NTA. Why would you think you’re at all the AH here? The rule of thumb for stuff like this is that if either one of you is doing something that interrupts the enjoyment of something for the other, then it’s something examine…and who the AH is is determined by who is actively doing something to the other. If you saw him in the living room enjoying music and started a movie, YTA. Or if you see him doing both and you shut off the music, YTA. But If he sees you watching a movie and rocks out to metal, then he’s TA.
if it’s what he needs to concentrate, that’s not for you to solve. It’s causing you to be distracted to add something distracting to the experience and so watching with him on his terms is as much a difficult experience to you as it is to him to watch without music.
Personally, I can’t imagine why he thought that wouldn’t bother someone who isn’t him, but I guess we’re only creatures of our own experiences
NTA. Playing music during a tv show, especially muting the TV to play the music is just rude to the other people watching. Having him put on headphones might help a bit but if he plays his music as loud as you say you will still be hearing it clearly so not sure it solves your problem. Plus it means you can’t share any comments with each other. You might as well go in another room and watch something in fact that is what I would do. As soon as he turns on the music get up and leave the room.
Btw I get needing to be doing something to be able to concentrate on a movie or tv show. But I play a game on my phone to keep my concentration. Maybe that will work for him?
NTA. I’ll admit, I may have music going in the background, low volume, usually no vocals, while watching TV but anytime I’m asked to turn it off, I do. I don’t even know why I do it. That said, if it’s a concentration thing for him I’d suggest trying to find a compromise, like headphones, as others have said, or having him put the music at very low volume. If he uses headphones the courteous thing for him to do would be to keep one ear open so you two can discuss what you are watching. At least he’s not scrolling on his phone — that would seem super rude and seems to be an increasing habit people have.
NTA but is this the where to squeeze the toothpaste in your relationship? Meaning is it important to fight about it? Can you accept his behavior (it’s seems not and I can understand that) or can you find a compromise?
He likes it, you don’t. This is relationship 101. You need to figure out a solution together. It will involve headphones.
YTA. This does not belong on this sub. Read rules.
No–NTA. It’s hard when one person is a music person in their leisure time and one person like the TV. My husband and I wind up in separate room most evenings. I have never heard of combining the TV with music, though. If you were not around, would he just listen to music with the TV or is he always doing both at once?
NTA.
Watching TV with loud music playing over it—especially to the point of muting the show—is not normal behavior. It’s completely reasonable for you to want to enjoy a movie or show without competing audio.
Your boyfriend saying it helps him concentrate is odd, especially since TV is already an audiovisual experience. It sounds less like a focus issue and more like a personal quirk that he’s unwilling to compromise on. But living together means learning to compromise.
You’ve already tried talking to him, and his response was to storm off and sulk for three days instead of having a mature discussion. That’s a red flag. Instead of shutting down, he should be looking for solutions—like using headphones if he insists on background music, or setting separate times for TV and music.
You’re not wrong for standing up for yourself here. If he refuses to compromise, that’s something you might need to take a hard look at because it could indicate a deeper issue with how he handles disagreements.
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get him headphones. i totally understand needing music to concentrate but seriously man earbuds exist. mine are attached to me constantly.
Tell him to wear headphones for his music. Then he still gets his music with our interfering with your experience as well.
This would be a deal breaker for me, if partner refused to play ball. Like seriously.
It’s not a reasonable ask IMO. He’s asking you to ruin your own experience of watching TV by accommodating his unusual habit rather than coming up with another solution (such as headphones for himself). I seriously don’t get wanting to do that anyway. There is music and sound already. I could not deal with that much noise and overlapping content. It would drive me crazy. Worse than someone who insisted on talking through an entire show.
NTA. And if he’s “struggling to focus” that hard he should maybe get evaluated for ADHD.
I say this as a person who listens to music while driving because it keeps the easily distracted part of my brain occupied and I’m always either playing on my phone or knitting while watching tv. Because ADHD.
NTA. Dude needs an ADHD diagnosis. This is why living together makes sense.
“I can see him being the father of my children”
Yeah, he sounds like a real catch.
NTA he clearly has ADD or ADHD or something like that. And should seek professional help if he’s not willing to do alternatives like ear buds so he’s not effecting those around him.