My sister (13f) has mental health and behavior issues and my parents expect me (15m) to live with them. She always got angry from nowhere and would have epic level fits when we were little kids. It could be over nothing or over something. It was hard to figure out what would set her off. But she would scream, hit, kick, bite, throw and destroy. She hurt me more times than I can remember. I’d either get hit on the head with something or she’d punch, kick and bite me.
Then she started getting more aggressive even without the rest. It’s like she always wants to fight. She started getting really paranoid and hearing stuff too. My parents got her into an intervention thing and they diagnosed her with something called IED and they suspect schizophrenia too but they say she’s too young to get an actual diagnosis of that.
There are times she has beat me up while I’m asleep because she swears I peed and shit in her bed and when our parents check it’s clean and dry and there are no signs of anything. Another time she broke our parents door because she forced her way in to accuse them of letting spiders into her room but nothing was in there.
Another time she pushed me down the stairs because she was so sure I was trying to do it to her. She then tried to push dad down them because she thought he was about to do it to her instead.
She broke a bunch of shit in her room because she said I was watching her and she wanted to find proof and then she went and broke stuff in my room when she couldn’t find the proof in hers and she thought my old PS2 camera that dad gave me was a camera to spy on her even though it could only be used in a PS2 which we don’t have anymore.
It got so bad that she hurt a kid at school and CPS intervened. They were offering other help but that’s when my grandparents came in and took me in. They told my parents it was safer for me with them. My parents argued and told me to come home and I said no and whenever they bring it up I say I’ll talk to CPS if I have to. They hate that and they say it’s manipulative but I told them I won’t ever live with my sister again.
AITA?
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NTA. It’s for your own safety to stay with grandparents. Tell your parents sister needs to get therapy at least. Do talk to CPS if parents don’t stop harassing you and make sure you emphasize that you do not feel safe at that house with sister. Make sure you keep records from doctors for any injuries you have sustained. It will help in the long run if you need legal help.
NTA- it doesn’t sound safe until your sister gets the help she needs- and it may be less triggering for her if she is the only one there. I’m glad you are safe and well with your grandparents.
I understand why you’re frustrated with your parents when your sister has impulsive explosive disorder. To be honest you’re a child and your parents should allow you to live with your grandparents and shouldn’t expect you to be compassionate or understanding about your sister’s condition. Because you are a child I don’t think that you are an ah
For everyone involved safety your sister needs to be hospitalized. Because of the way things are going now she’s going to either seriously injure or kill someone else or herself. In the hospital she can properly be diagnosed and treated and put on medication that can hopefully help her lead a more normal life. Your parents keeping her at home is not helping the situation, NTAH
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They are now 100% the focus of her rage. They only want you back so you can take her focus some of the time. Stay where you are.
My daughter was diagnosed with IED and ODD when she was 6. If I had another child during the worst of it, I would have begged my family members to take them in while I got my daughter the help she needed. It’s incredibly hard, and it’s taken a full decade of therapy for her to gain real control over those impulses.
Everyone’s experience with these disorders is different, so there’s no way to predict what your sister’s healing journey will look like. But you should not be expected to live in constant fear while she’s going through that process.
Please know there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself. You can still love your sister deeply and want the best for her while also making sure you are safe.
NTA. You’re doing what you need to do to stay safe. Your sister clearly needs serious therapy and treatment before it’s even remotely safe for you to live under the same roof again. Stick with your grandparents, and if your parents keep pushing, absolutely talk to CPS. That’s not manipulative, that’s protecting yourself. Keep any records of injuries or doctor visits, as it can make a huge difference if things get messy later.
NTA. You are a minor, you have the right to a safe environment. It’s not manipulative to threaten with CPS in this case – it’s self protection. Your parents are the ones being manipulative in demanding you come back to that unsafe environment, and guilting you for refusing.
NTA.
Little reminder, mental illness often runs in the family. Hopefully you dodged a bullet but you could still easily be a carrier. Keep this in mind when thinking about having children in the future.
NTA. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. It sounds like she’s neurodivergent and has meltdowns. So rough on the others. Stay safe. Staying safe is more than a Right, it’s crucial. If you wind up forcing a situation where she gets help, all the better.
NTA. You deserve to be safe in your own house and if your sister is harming everyone, she is the one who needs to be removed from the home. It is within your rights to live with your grandparents, especially if you are not safe in your own home. Please don’t let your parents guilt trip you into moving back home. They need to do something about your sister before that would be possible. Your grandparents should call CPS and file a report because their behavior is completely unacceptable. you need to get yourself into therapy to deal with your feelings and talk to a trusted person. Please talk to your grandparents about this and have them arranged to find you a therapist.
Nta. Your parents jave failed both. She needs help which most likely mean institution. And you need a safe home to live in.
She’s violent. She could’ve killed uou pushing you down the stairs. Your parents need to do what’s right for both children.
NTA. It sounds as if your grandparents are aware of your sister‘s behavior and would back up any reports of injuries. Unfortunately, your parents failed to report her behavior and your the injuries, which probably would’ve been helpful in getting her court order inpatient care. The mental healthcare system can be extremely difficult to navigate especially if a patient is uncooperative or refuses medication‘s.
Your best bet is to stay put and stay safe. If you are ever assaulted by your sister in the future, you absolutely need to contact the police, even if the injuries are minor there needs to be a record. Take photos and start documenting everything. It may be the only way to prove that she is a danger to herself and others.
Goodness I got heart palpitations reading this. I feel so bad for you and how frustrating for everyone with the situation. I’m sure they miss you so much, are they spending time with you without her at least to keep the relationship? Honestly, I’d stay with your grandparents. It’s so much safer. You have to protect your peace. I with I learned that early on.
It’s definitely fine to live with your grandparents while your parents figure out how to help your sister. She is clearly suffering from severe delusions and paranoia. This girl needs major intervention.
NTA—my daughter went through something similar. Was violent and would throw fits. She would put holes in the walls etc. I had her committed to an adolescent facility. She was also diagnosed with a few things. She’s currently taking three different medications. Since she’s been on them she has calmed all the way down. It sounds like your parents aren’t taking her treatment seriously. My daughter stopped with the fighting when her older sister finally got tired and beat her up.
You have every right to be in a safe environment. Just because your parents are ok, with her pulling these shenanigans, you
don’t have to. Your mental and physical health matters just as much as your sister’s.
If your parents want to be subjected to her antics they are more than welcomed to. But you don’t have to. You don’t have to put up with her shit. Continue to live with your grandparents. Definitely NTA.
Once you go away to college DON’T look back.
nta you need to protect yourself.
NTA. It’s not manipulative, it’s using child protective services to protect a child. Your grandparents are right to keep you safe and your parents should have your best interest in mind rather than the picture of what family is supposed to look like.
NTA
Your sister needs long term residential treatment in a center that is equipped to not only treat and manage her mental health but teach coping skills and manage her behavior with the least danger to herself or others. She will still have school but can get the treatment that she needs. I worked at one of these in my early 20’s.
I watched siblings go from not speaking at visits to bringing stuff to do together. Not because their ill sibling was cured but because they were able to feel safe and see their sibling as their sibling with an illness and not this constant threat to their own safety.
I know you have no control over that. But I think it is what your sister needs in my non-professional opinion. Your parents are constantly operating from a place of stress and fear. Your sister doesn’t feel safe herself.
Your parents I can imagine look at having your sister go into long term care as them giving up on your sister. It isn’t. They can still be very active in her treatment and see her but she will be safe as will you and your parents. I saw how hard it was for parents. I saw how beneficial it was for both kiddo and parents.
You also should be in therapy. What you have gone through is trauma. You have spent significant time feeling unsafe in your home. You’ve been subjected to violence. You’ve had to be hyper aware and hyper vigilant. It will take a toll on you. You need a place to work through that with someone equipped to help you do that.
I’m hoping for the best for you and your family. Do not feel guilty about staying with your grandparents. It’s absolutely ok for you to be somewhere that you feel safe.
It seems to me that meditation is needed. She’s not too young to have some of her behavior cooled down this way.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. Please don’t go home. You sister is mentally I’ll and will bring everyone down with her.
Don’t go back home. Stay away from the home.
NTA. Your grandparents are awesome! I’m so very happy they came and took you away from that nightmare. Your parents should have protected you and they will have to live with the consequences.
NTA. Thank goodness your grandparents took you in. She sounds dangerous and it doesn’t sound like your parents are doing enough to help her.
You are NTA, your parents should have stepped in and done something to protect you years ago. And themselves, it seems. Your sister is going to get older and stronger, and how long before she decides your parents are trying to kill her, and she kills them in their sleep??
It’ll be just like every other story on the news…”we all knew she was crazy, but we never thought she’d do something like this!”
If your parents have any firearms in the house, you need to let CPS know that immediately. Your parents are living in denial at what she is capable of. If there is anyone who needs to be institutionalized it’s her.
NTA
You do whatever you can to keep yourself safe. That’s not manipulative except in so much that you need to capitalise on what’s available to keep from getting hurt. Frankly having you at your grandparents is also safer for your sister because if you self-defend from a physical attack she launches when you are half asleep she might get hurt (I’m assuming you are bigger/stronger than her or will be soon).
I feel for your parents. I feel for you. I feel for your sister. This kind of mental illness is awful for everyone involved.
My best guess is that nothing will improve until she’s both done with puberty and finds the right medication.
The best place for you is at your grandparents. Your parents probably know this and are in denial that it really is this bad.
NTA. I was forced to live with an abusive sibling when I was young. When I was 7 or 8 he injured my chest wall in a way I never fully recovered from. I’m in my 40s now and if I get a simple cold, coughing too much makes my chest muscles spasm. Sometimes my pectorals get so tight that I can’t get a deep breath and have to have muscle relaxants.
You’re away from her now. Stay far away, before she manages to injure you badly enough that it ruins your life.
NTA
Your sister should have been inpatient long ago. Childhood onset is the hardest to treat.