I (23F) live with my boyfriend (24M), and we just got our quarterly gas bill, it was $1,500. He wants me to pay 40% of it ($600), even though I’ve asked him so many times not to keep the heater on as much as he does. Now he’s saying I’m selfish, manipulative, and “not a real teammate.” I’m starting to question myself, but here’s the full story.
He keeps the heater on 30C or (86F) for 11 hours a day, every single day. I’ve asked him over and over again to turn it down or off, I literally can’t afford it, and it’s uncomfortable for me. I make $1,400 per fortnight, and this bill is way beyond what I can manage. He, on the other hand, gets $30,000 every 6 months from his parents and doesn’t work and is at home all day every day.
He wants to split the bill 60/40, him paying $900 and me $600. But I didn’t agree to use that much gas, and I physically couldn’t if I wanted to (I am a full time law student which is around 12h pw on campus and work 28h pw). I told him I just don’t have the money. And instead of being understanding, he said I was “treating him like a slave,” and that I only want a partnership when it benefits me.
For more context: a few months ago, he pressured me into moving in with him. I told him I couldn’t afford it, I had just lost some work shifts, I was about to start uni again, and he also wanted me to travel with him to China for a month. I said no multiple times because it didn’t make financial sense for me, but he kept pushing and convincing me until I finally agreed. Now I’m stuck in this lease with him, struggling to cover bills I never wanted in the first place.
To make things worse: I was recently offered a spot for a hysterectomy (I’ve been on a waitlist), but I had to say no because I couldn’t afford time off work. When I told him that, he said I “deserved to be in pain” for not getting it done. I also have the flu right now, and instead of helping me or being kind, he’s been sulking, ignoring me, and acting like I’ve betrayed him by not paying my “share” of the gas bill.
I broke down and called my mom for support, and when he found out, he told me I had “abandoned” him and that I only run to my family when I want something.
I really don’t feel like I’m being unreasonable, I never agreed to run the heater like that, I’ve been clear about my limits, and I’m genuinely doing the best I can. But now I’m questioning everything.
So… AITA for refusing to pay $600 toward a gas bill I tried to prevent?
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I (23F) live with my boyfriend (24M), and we just got our quarterly gas bill, it was $1,500. He wants me to pay 40% of it ($600), even though I’ve asked him so many times not to keep the heater on as much as he does. Now he’s saying I’m selfish, manipulative, and “not a real teammate.” I’m starting to question myself, but here’s the full story.
He keeps the heater on 30C or (86F) for 11 hours a day, every single day. I’ve asked him over and over again to turn it down or off, I literally can’t afford it, and it’s uncomfortable for me. I make $1,400 per fortnight, and this bill is way beyond what I can manage. He, on the other hand, gets $30,000 every 6 months from his parents and doesn’t work and is at home all day every day.
He wants to split the bill 60/40, him paying $900 and me $600. But I didn’t agree to use that much gas, and I physically couldn’t if I wanted to (I am a full time law student which is around 12h pw on campus and work 28h pw). I told him I just don’t have the money. And instead of being understanding, he said I was “treating him like a slave,” and that I only want a partnership when it benefits me.
For more context: a few months ago, he pressured me into moving in with him. I told him I couldn’t afford it, I had just lost some work shifts, I was about to start uni again, and he also wanted me to travel with him to China for a month. I said no multiple times because it didn’t make financial sense for me, but he kept pushing and convincing me until I finally agreed. Now I’m stuck in this lease with him, struggling to cover bills I never wanted in the first place.
To make things worse: I was recently offered a spot for a hysterectomy (I’ve been on a waitlist), but I had to say no because I couldn’t afford time off work. When I told him that, he said I “deserved to be in pain” for not getting it done. I also have the flu right now, and instead of helping me or being kind, he’s been sulking, ignoring me, and acting like I’ve betrayed him by not paying my “share” of the gas bill.
I broke down and called my mom for support, and when he found out, he told me I had “abandoned” him and that I only run to my family when I want something.
I really don’t feel like I’m being unreasonable, I never agreed to run the heater like that, I’ve been clear about my limits, and I’m genuinely doing the best I can. But now I’m questioning everything.
So… AITA for refusing to pay $600 toward a gas bill I tried to prevent?
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> I don’t want to pay that much of the gas bill even though I’m legally responsible for it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA 86 degrees is insane. This dude is mean and pushy.
Im fawkinggg sweating just thinking about existing in an 86 degree room NTA
NTA But why are you with this guy, he doesn’t seem to care for you at all?
Wow. I’m afraid the cycle of abuse is emerging.
This guy is going to keep dragging you down. Ditch him ASAP.
Why are you with him? Move out and let him eat the rent and bills by himself.
Does bro like living in the tropics? Wtf NTA
Please stsrt planning a way out of this situation, he’s controlling and financially abusive.
NTA
Run.
Run fast.
Run far.
This man sounds cruel and abusive. A good partner wouldn’t push you to do things you’re uncomfortable with, wouldn’t say you deserve pain, and wouldn’t be angry you called your mom.
Please get out. Breaking a lease isn’t the end of the world. Can your parents help you leave? You don’t deserve this cruelty. It’s only going to get harder as he comes up with more manipulation and excuses to isolate you and drain you financially.
NTA, and the gas bill is the least of your problems
NTA
Your boyfriend is TA.
Don’t walk away. Run.
NTA. This is a window into your life if you stay with him. Being forced to do things you do not want to, paying for his extravagance, living in heat, not being cared for when ill, being treated disrespectfully. Might be a catalyst for change.
NTA. Yeah, 86 is insane. And, he should have at least offered to help you out to get the health care you need, not just have you move in so he can pay half of the bills he used to pay. And, to then say you deserve in pain because you haven’t had it done because you can’t afford it while he’s actually making it even harder for you??? Fuck that guy. You’re in law school while he gets to sit on his ass at home all day on his parents’ dime. Unless he’s got a trust fund, he sounds like a gold digger. Nah. Get out before tries to baby trap you.
this has to be fake…this man is 24 and receives 60k$ yearly allowance from parents to do absolutely nothing…? why he moved out? why is he so cheap if he doesn’t even work for that money? like…this is either fake or you’re dumb for staying in that relationship
NTA. If he wants to have the heater on at maximum all the time he’s the one who should pay the bill. Also, while you are technically responsible for half the bills, there is a legal limit and it has to be in the lease agreement
NTA. But you never noticed previously that he kept the heater on at a ridiculous temperature? This person is not normal.
INFO. Why are you with a loser who leaches off his parents, doesn’t seem to do anything with his life (based on what you have written), has no respect for you and your opinions and is quite clearly a lizard disguised as a human ?
NTA, but why are you with this guy? He gets $60k a year from his parents and doesn’t do anything. How is that attractive? Plus all the abusive and disrespectful behaviour.
NTA.
You need to find some way to get away from him. He’s toxic, abusive, and controlling just for starts.
Since he’s the one insisting on living in a damn hotbox, it’s on him to cover the bulk of that bill. Pay whatever you normally pay and leave him to handle the rest.
You’ve gotta find a way to stop giving in to his pressures and demands because it’s just digging you further into a hole, which is the very thing he’s after to keep you trapped.
Dump this guy
Dude this is so awful. I feel for you and your situation. He has absolutely no idea of the real world and how it works. His parents give him free money, he has no concept of responsibility in his head. It is never going to get any better. He doesn’t respect you and your time and your job because he literally can not relate. You will never receive any sympathy from him in any real situations and it seems like you are craving his support. He’s not even there for you when you’re sick. He’s just trying to make you feel guilty about it and cave and pay the $600 so that he can start being there for you again.
Please try to get out of this living situation. I honestly feel so bad for you. It seems like you are working hard and trying but you’re stuck with someone that is always going to be in this lala land state because they will NEVER have to really work a day for anything. It is never going to get any better, he’s going to constantly want to do these fun things like traveling for a month because the money will just be replenished on his side while you have to work and work and work to get it all back. Your life and work is constantly going to be put on the sidelines for whatever fun and expensive thing he wants to do in the moment. There will never be any respect from someone like that. Who even blasts the heat in the summer? I am sorry 🙁
YTA to yourself. So he REPEATEDLY ignores your refusals and you compromise by… you doing exactly what he wants? This can’t be real. You’re staying with a man that literally says “You deserve to be in pain” and you come to the internet to ask if you’re the asshole. If what you said is all real and you haven’t left him despite still having family for support then no one here can help you. Does he have to actually start physically abusing you before you consider leaving? Is your spine actually made of jello? Were you raised to have 0 self-respect?
YTA. Unless there’s some bill arrangement, If you live together you should be splitting 50/50. He gave you a fair deal as you do use the gas too. Even if he uses more.
The rest of your sob story is awful. And it doesn’t sound like you should be with this guy. But doesn’t change a thing about the original question you asked. It’s irrelevant.
NTA but your boy is garbage.
EIGHTY SIX DEGREES????? NTA, but move out he’s going to ruin your skin
Call him 86 from now on.
NTA. I run COLD, as in but not quite reptilian. Keeping a place in the 80’s°F is crazy!
65°F/18°C in the winter is normal for the day. Sweaters, socks, blankets!
I live in the USA and my bill is never over $130 a month (gas & electric) in the winter.
NTA unless you continue to allow him to use you to help subsidize his perpetual unemployment. He wants you to cover this much of the bill because 60k from mommy and daddy apparently doesn’t keep up with his lifestyle of sitting at home with no job. If I were you, I would be moved out and single.
There seems to be a pattern of him pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do. You need to be more assertive and place boundaries. You need to advocate for yourself because he certainly is not going to do that for you. He’s too selfish and only cares about what he wants.
You are NTA for not paying the bill, but you are TA to yourself for letting him walk all over you all the time. He says you deserve to be in pain…seriously? So many red flags.
NTA but he is not a good partner. You also need to become more assertive and not let people pressure you into doing things (such as living with them or signing a lease you can’t afford).
Move out, for your own sake.
Your problem isn’t the gas bill, it’s your boyfriend, who can afford to pay for his ridiculous gas usage but would rather make you pay for him turning your home into a sauna.
NTA. And the support you should be asking your mom for is if she can let you stay with her, because you don’t want to stay with this man.
Honestly? The tropical climate he insists on indoors is just the tip of the iceberg in this story.
Move out
NTA the cost of breaking that lease and leaving is cheaper than the expense of staying in that relationship will be. Get out, he’s a nightmare.
NTA, maybe only an AH to yourself.
Repeatedly in this short report you let him push you whatever direction he wants in spite of your better judgement. Stop accepting that.
The man said you “deserved to be in pain”. Explain to me exactly why tf you are still with this trust fund sadist. Take of your love goggles and run before you actually get married and he starts beating you just because it’s funny to him!!
Framing it with $1400 per fortnight and $30,000 per six months make it a bit confusing.
That being said. 40/60 would be reasonable based on income if you both used it equally. But you don’t. He is using you. NTA.
Bf is the AH. Do yall actually live somewhere cold where it needs to be 86?? And he has the money to pay it tho. He wants to overheat you and overcharge you so you are stressed and broke, to manipulate you to staying. Get out of that relationship fast.
I had a boyfriend who would guilt me into participating in things that I couldn’t afford, or if I hardline said no, he’d get really upset with me. He was constantly trying to get me to borrow money from him, even though I didn’t need to borrow money, I just needed to not live beyond my means. I always had a bad feeling that if I did borrow money, he would hold it over me. Well, the one time I finally did, he would wait until I was in a low moment to bring it up, and he would exaggerate how much I owed him, and get really aggressive and rude about it. This guy is just using money as a way to abuse you, guilt you, and control you. He purposely finagled you into that lease so he could do this. He is not a good person and you should not continue to date him. It’s not about the heater, it’s about forcing you into unwinnable situations.
NTA and the bill is the least of your problems.
Can you find someone to take over your portion of the lease? It might be difficult given he likes to play the room is lava 11hrs a day. I’d still start looking for an out.
NTA, leave him. But also this guy needs to see a doctor, because feeling cold when it’s absolutely not cold can be indicative of some pretty serious health issues.
🚩🚩🚩
YTA for all the shifting of blame you do, you pretend to have no agency and that you are some leaf in the wind. Like your bf if what you are saying is true is a psycho but you are also a participant in this absurd dance.
edit: oh look an account with no post history and the only post they have is this viral garbage, downvote the bots humans.
NTA. Your boyfriend is an ass. Get out of there asap.
NTA. He sounds like he doesn’t even like you. You are young, and issues like this don’t improve with age. Cut your losses. Move out.
30c is outrageous.
My wife and I argue over whether the thermostat should be on 18 or 20, and in the summer whether the AC should be on 22 or 24.
I can’t imagine being in 30 degrees comfortably indoors, and I live in the tropics – Darwin, Aus (aircon) – previously Ballarat Aus (heater)
WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE?
You are NTA, but it seems like you are doing yourself a disservice by staying with this dud.
Dump him, move out, focus on uni.
Why are you with this fool. He has done nothing for you
This type of person will end up holding you back from a successful life. Do you really want to live with a grown child who lives off Mummy and Daddy’s’ money? Yuck. Then he accuses you of running to your family? He is bludging off his family. What a loser !
YTA to yourself for staying in this relationship. Just leave, let him deal with the lease. You were hesitant to move in with him for a reason. This sounds awful, He’s a spoiled asshole by the sound of things and used to getting his own way.
And who the hell needs the heater up at 30° every day??? 23° is plenty if you’re cold