Hi,
I (37M) used to share a dog with my ex. We got him together a few years ago when our lives looked very different. After the breakup, we agreed on a shared custody arrangement — switching every two weeks. But over time, it became clear that this setup wasn’t working — for me or for the dog.
Every time he came to me after being with her, he seemed anxious, unsettled, and needed time to readjust. It was obvious he was being affected by the constant switching.
So I had a conversation with my ex and offered several responsible options:
- I take full custody and provide him a consistent home.
- If she preferred to keep him, I’d still be happy to help during busier periods (like holidays).
- If neither of us could truly give him the life he deserves, we could together look for a new, stable home where he’d be loved and settled.
She rejected all of them. She said if she was going to have him, then she’d have him completely — and she didn’t want him to live somewhere else either. I didn’t want to fight, so I let it go. Not because I didn’t care, but because I thought it was better for him to have one stable environment rather than being bounced back and forth.
Fast forward a few months, she tells me she doesn’t have time to care for him at the moment due to a new job offer and is sending him temporarily to a family member. The environment is familiar to the dog, so I don’t object to that part even though I don’t understand this decision.
But then she asked me to contribute financially — even though:
- I haven’t seen him in months,
- I have no say in what happens to him,
- I’m not part of his care anymore,
- and every suggestion I made to support him or find a better long-term solution was dismissed.
She says I’m “giving up” by stepping away, so I should still be held financially responsible. But from my perspective, I didn’t give up. I offered real, thoughtful solutions that prioritized the dog’s wellbeing — she just didn’t want any of them.
So… AITA for refusing to pay for a dog I’m no longer involved with in any way?
Comments
NTA. Your ex’s logic is completely flawed. You are not responsible for a dog that you no longer see or have a say in.
NTA
NTA She chose full custody and responsibility. You offered fair options, she refused. You can’t be expected to pay when you’re no longer involved.
Absolutely not in the wrong here! You tried everything you could.
Not a fan of your ex when it comes to the dog, but NO, if it’s now her dog, you don’t have to pay for it. She gets the dog and the financial responsibility along with it. Welcome to dog ownership.
Legally, there’s no way for her to get dog custody payments. That’s not how the law views pets.
Her two choices are: pay for the dog’s expenses while acclimating to the new job, or find the dog a new permanent home and admit she failed as a pet owner because she didn’t consider just how long pets live and just how much their care is.
I mean, you can always offer to take the dog and she won’t have to worry about expenses ever again – but I have a feeling she won’t go for that.
NTA, she is being unreasonable.
NTA. Her wanting full custody and responsibility cut the final ties imo.
Nta, close enough welcome back WillNE
NTA
It’s her dog now and is nothing to do with you. You made pretty reasonable offers in the beginning but now I would tell her it’s not my problem
From the producers of Child Support, here comes the Dog Support. LMAO
NTA
NTA. Thank God this wasn’t a child. Wonder where she would dump him when it became an inconvenience
Unless u have proof of the dog being abused and I mean like lack of eating, neglect of physical care cuz no way is a court gonna take the dog from her for it being a little off from the constant travel. Then u might just have to be fine with the dog being hers 100 percent and move on. I’m sure a lawyer could get it for u in some way especially if u have proof u bought the dog. But unless u got the money to go through that u might have to let the dog stay with her and go no contact for the dogs sake.
Not the AH.
NTA. It’s no longer your dog.
NTA, block her. This is not a child. There is no need for communication between you two.
You guys are broken up. I know you shared a dog but this isn’t healthy. She is using the dog to keep in touch with you. Go your separate ways.
NTA – she doesn’t get to have it both ways just “because.” It’s time to just move on and ignore her. Sounds like the dog is in good hands, so you’re good.
NTA now that it’s not convenient anymore, she’s acting entitled even though she agreed to keep it. You offered her options, she turned them all down. That’s her own fault and problem to deal with
NTA
NTA. You offered to have the dog full-time, she preferred to keep the dog full-time. Your responsibility towards the dog is over.
NTA the relationship is over and she chose to keep the dog. That means it’s on her.