So I (m/30s) just ended a 5-year relationship with my ex (f/30s). Things ended badly because she cheated, and now she says I still owe her money from our shared expenses.
When we first started dating she didn’t have a job and lived with me rent-free for about a year. I covered rent, food, bills, everything. I never asked her for anything because I thought that’s what you do when you’re in love.
Later on I lost my job for a couple of months. I told her whatever she paid then I’d pay back once I was working again, and I did. That’s when we started using Splitwise. A couple years after that, she started making about 3x more than me. I asked her several times if we could split things proportionally, like if one earns more they contribute more, and if someday I earned more I’d do the same. She refused every single time, said it was “too much hassle” and kept insisting on 50/50.
So I burned through all my savings just trying to keep up with her lifestyle while she saved enough to buy a house. She’s super precise with money down to every cent, while I’ve always been more relaxed. I even realized I underreported some of my own expenses, so I probably paid more than what the app shows.
Now after the breakup she suddenly says there’s an extra €900 of “shared expenses” and I owe her half of that. And she keeps telling me I’m “robbing” her by not paying. Meanwhile she just bought a house and moved in with the guy she cheated on me with. So basically she wants me to help fund the renovations of the house she’s living in with him.
To me that feels insane. She got to live rent-free for a year, I paid her back when I was unemployed, and when she was the one earning way more she never once agreed to make things fair.
So here’s my dilemma: part of me thinks I should just pay her the small amount to be done with it forever. But another part of me feels like I shouldn’t pay a cent, because in the bigger picture she already benefited way more from this relationship than I ever did.
AITA if I refuse to pay her?
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So I (m/30s) just ended a 5-year relationship with my ex (f/30s). Things ended badly because she cheated, and now she says I still owe her money from our shared expenses.
When we first started dating she didn’t have a job and lived with me rent-free for about a year. I covered rent, food, bills, everything. I never asked her for anything because I thought that’s what you do when you’re in love.
Later on I lost my job for a couple of months. I told her whatever she paid then I’d pay back once I was working again, and I did. That’s when we started using Splitwise. A couple years after that, she started making about 3x more than me. I asked her several times if we could split things proportionally, like if one earns more they contribute more, and if someday I earned more I’d do the same. She refused every single time, said it was “too much hassle” and kept insisting on 50/50.
So I burned through all my savings just trying to keep up with her lifestyle while she saved enough to buy a house. She’s super precise with money down to every cent, while I’ve always been more relaxed. I even realized I underreported some of my own expenses, so I probably paid more than what the app shows.
Now after the breakup she suddenly says there’s an extra €900 of “shared expenses” and I owe her half of that. And she keeps telling me I’m “robbing” her by not paying. Meanwhile she just bought a house and moved in with the guy she cheated on me with. So basically she wants me to help fund the renovations of the house she’s living in with him.
To me that feels insane. She got to live rent-free for a year, I paid her back when I was unemployed, and when she was the one earning way more she never once agreed to make things fair.
So here’s my dilemma: part of me thinks I should just pay her the small amount to be done with it forever. But another part of me feels like I shouldn’t pay a cent, because in the bigger picture she already benefited way more from this relationship than I ever did.
AITA if I refuse to pay her?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Not paying her, and I think that not paying her is the asshole move, but also what she is doing I feel is worst
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Why are you even still communicating with her? Just block her everywhere and move on with your life.
Unless there is a contract or a court order, you owe her 0.
Info: I don’t know this app, is you owning her money something you should have already known about?
Also when she demanded 50/50 on everything, even things you can’t afford, you needed to dig in, back then. Either not 50/50, or she needed to dial back expectations.
If you didn’t even know you owed her money, send her an invoice for 50% of your rent for a year, plus an estimate for food/bills. See how she likes it.
NTA. She lived rent-free, refused fairness when she earned more, and you repaid debts — you don’t owe her another cent.
NTA- block her. If you make less and split expenses, you budget using your income- not hers.
INFO: I don’t know this app, are you saying the app says you owe $900?
NTA
You should’ve broken it off when she didn’t want to split things proportionally and was causing you financial hardship.
Block her. Good riddance
NTA just block her. Let her come after you in court to be repaid.
Say no. Hopefully she’ll take you to court and have to show her precise records to prove how she took advantage of you.
be petty and do math for half rent and eveything else when she lived with you and you payed for everything. thwt would be a few k for sure.
Then tell her she can substract the money from what she ows you from that first year. as she’s so good with money and so addamant of auditing history to be on point for 50/50. and be insistent for her to confirm a date when you can expect the money back.
for sure you still have the bank records and can do that estimate.
what the hell did i just read? don’t pay a cent, a relationship isnt a transaction.
NTA – Do NOT pay her a cent more & cut her off completely. If she tells your friends then you clarify the situation to them.
NTA. Tell her your will pay her as long as she pays you for the year you supported her. ITs should be abour 20K.
YTA. You agreed to abide by the app and app says you owe, you owe. Why you agreed to it is on you not her.
INFO: is this post an attempt to advertise an app? The name drop in the middle sticks out like a sore thumb and isn’t relevant.
Send her an invoice w the 1 yr of expenses u covered for her, plus interest, then deduct a credit of the 900 she is claiming
Then tell her she can pay u anytime she wants to settle up lol
Add it into the app too, if u guys still have it
YTA, she had those split charges with you and while I appreciate you two are not toger anymore if it was agreed upon you should pay her back. Granted she is not handling this well either though. She could take you to small claims court
Call it an asshole tax and ghost her
NTA – Send her an itemized invoice for her half of the bills you paid for while she was jobless.
DONT PAY HER ANYTHING
if she takes it to court… wtf she gonna say??
dude wipe your hands of the situation and fk that woman
NTA pay nothing..
NTA
Justice won‘t create itself. You have the option to create a little justice for yourself. Take it.
You can make a rough estimate of how much you spent on her during your first year and tell her she‘ll get her money once she pays you back.
NTA. Don’t give her any more money. She’s a con artist.
NTA
Fuck that b…… You have served your time in hell, no need to go back.