To jump right into it, I (m28) won a SIGNIFICANT and life changing amount of money. Enough where I would never have to think about work again and enough even for my family.
My family includes: both my parents, my sister and her partner as well as my brother and his partner, as well as an array of niece and nephews. I also consider my mums best friend as part of the family.
My intention was to share most of it, my parents could retire and live very comfortably and portions for my siblings families and some set aside for my nieces and nephews future and some for my mums best friend.
To the story: I organised for everyone to come to the house, have food and some drinks and go over what my plan was. As people arrive, everyone says congratulations how happy they are and generally just being nice without expectation. My siblings have always been wealthier than me, own their own businesses etc. Then my brother and his family arrives and before I could say hi, my sister in law says “how much you giving us then?”
To say the least I was angry, regardless of whether I was sharing or not, this was my money.
As the evening went on, it kind of festered in me a bit and when we got to the discussion of what’s happening with the money I said “I have set aside XXXXXX amount to the nieces and nephews as well as XXXXXX to each of you apart from SIL”
Now there was some shock, my dad thinks that I was completely in the right, I have the money I decide where it goes. My mum on the other hand thinks because my BIL got his own share, my SIL should too. For me, I can’t stand entitlement and how she presumed she was to receive something even though I hadn’t said I was sharing.
So AITA? Was I petty? They still have a life changing amount from my brothers share, but my brother won’t get involved with the matter.
Comments
NTA. I’d have done the same thing dude.
You should have told her why you weren’t giving her anything. Shame her for her rudeness.
YTA for making it known that you had won life changing money and how you plan to distribute it. Who you share the money with, and how much each one gets is purely between you and each individual. You really set yourself up for creating jealousy amongst your extended family.
She learned an important lesson. Is she smart enough to profit from it? Probably not. But that’s on her. NTA
NTA, it’s your money. However, I don’t think holding a family discussion about it was a good idea as something like this was bound to happen. The only person you really need to be talking to is a lawyer or licensed financial adviser to help you manage your money for the long and short term. You need to be thinking about a will, setting up trusts, investments, etc.
NTA and she’d be first to spend it and ask for more. It’s your money but I’d never tell a soul about it. It’s the fastest way to lose everyone.
Something to consider but do you think she mayyyyy have been joking? You were planning on giving her a share which makes me think you had a decent relationship prior to a possibly thoughtless comment/joke she made on the day.
At the end of the day you’re entitled to split the money however you like but in absence of additional info about SIL being “entitled” you are leaning towards being TA for how you handled the situation
You are dumb for telling your family that you won this money. You were dumb for hosting an event where you informed the family that you were giving them quantities of money like Oprah. You could’ve put money away for your nieces and nephews. You could have taken your parents on a nice trip or helped them out in case they came into some financial difficulties. Instead, you open the door wide for people’s entitlement and now you have surprise Pikachu face that someone acted entitled.
FYI, this is precisely why people who suddenly come into large quantities of money often end up broke in a very short period of time.
ESH
If this is real, your first mistake was telling anyone other than your lawyer/accountant about this money. Money never goes as far as you think it will.
Nta. Id do the same
NTA I’d have turned the whole family around
Your money your choice. You decide who gets what your generously give them and they should be grateful for what they get.
Had my sisters given me even $100 of the 50g they each gained from a land sale ( sold of a piece of land for down payment, a few years later they sold it making a profit. The lawyers didn’t have me sign off and I could have held off and make them wait for the money but I was grateful for the loan/sale). I could have the sale over them but Im not like that. They knew I was struggling but greed set in. Had my parents not split the will 3 ways I never would have got my share. They were a happy family of 4 and I ruined that and the inheritance share.
I had a falling out with my sisters and nephew but 3/4 of my nephews are in my will and that’s my choice. Being called a bitch and wonder why I’m was cheated on and divorced didn’t sit well with me. This was just one thing there’s many other reasons..I’m not respected by my nephew and godson and refuse to be treated like a door mat and my sister allows it.
Oh dear. That was a daft move, there is really no need to throw a party for this sort of occasion. I appreciate it is your money that you won, and you had noble intentions, but money alter attitudes.
You should have kept this quiet and did the gifting discreetly.
Karma came quickly for her!
NTA
NTA. She deserved it. But you really shouldn’t have done the whole sharing thing. You should have kept quiet about it. You can always help out when they needed without sharing that you’re loaded. Now you’ll have an endless stream of people demanding money at your door
This is not a real story 🤣
reading fake stuff and entertaining it like it’s real
Of course you’re the asshole. You invited everyone over to discuss your plan, but with one simple question exactly about what you brought everyone together about, and you decide to act like like a dick.
NTA you can give your money away to whoever you want, but it is a performative, asshole move to gather people around and publicly announce who is getting something from you. I get that you’re excited and you want to treat people and maybe this is the first time you’ve ever felt powerful and that you have something to give, but new money shouts and true wealth whispers. Old money stayed wealthy because they aren’t flash. New money goes broke fast because they are flash.
I wouldn’t have mentioned anything about the win to anybody. You could have given your parents a financial gift or put savings aside intentionally for their care as they get older without talking about your win or how much it was. You can make a provision in your will or create savings accounts in your name intended for your niblings to pass down money to them.
If the company you won the money from is half decent they will have financial advisors to help you manage your money. Take professional advice on how best to set your money up to do what you want it to do. Giving it away is fine, but you also need to prepare for tax implications, and the people you’re giving the money to may suddenly have a tax burden because of your gifts. Something as simple as a savings account in your niece’s name, for example, could have a huge effect on what financial support she is able to claim for college. She might not be able to access the money until she’s 30, but it could count against her applying for college loans. You need to be wise here.
People who have never had money and suddenly come into money are usually very quick to lose it because they’ve never had to manage it before. And talking openly about your win, especially if it’s a life changing amount, can open you up to begging letters, robbery, and kidnap. Not everyone hearing about your win will be happy for you. Be careful.
The entitled SIL dug her own grave, NTAH. Who just expects someone to share their life-changing money with them… like that is so weird? It’s your money, you decide what happens, and if she wanted some, she shouldn’t have made that weird and entitled comment.
ESH. Your SIL’s “greeting” was very crass, but telling everyone all at once in person was a massive blunder. Money makes the crazy and dangerous come out. Them being family doesn’t change that.
You can do what you want with your money, but now you’re most likely going to have to choose between giving her the share you originally intended or tearing your family apart. Doesn’t sound like she deserves it or like I’d want to give her a penny found on a gas station bathroom floor, but personally I’d rather protect the family peace than try to teach her a lesson she’s unlikely to learn anyway.
NTAH. But sorry, you are a blatant idiot for having called the vultures in for consultation!!!!!!!
Financial councilors say: DON’T BLAB ABOUT YOUR WINDFALLS!
Why on earth would you DO THAT? Share it as you intend. Silently.
Set time periods and conditions, when and whatfor each may have their share.
SIL should have NONE as she is totally devoid of basic respect.
Mom can give her her share if she thinks SIL’s entitlement should be rewarded.