I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 8 months. Overall things have been good, he’s sweet, caring, and honestly one of the first guys I’ve ever felt safe with… until recently.
So this started a few weeks ago. He casually asked me if I could share my location with him “just in case something happens.” I said I wasn’t really comfortable with that and he immediately asked, “Why not? What are you hiding?”
I told him I’m not hiding anything, but I just value a little independence. I’ve never even shared my location with my mom, and I feel like if he trusts me, he doesn’t need to track me like that. He said it’s not about control, but about feeling secure in the relationship. He also said his last girlfriend cheated on him and that this would help him “heal.”
I told him I’m really sorry that happened to him, but it’s not fair to treat me like I’m going to do the same. He said I was being “cold” and “unwilling to compromise.”
Fast forward to last night: I went out with my two best friends to get dinner and see a movie. I texted him when I got there and even sent a selfie. Later that night, he called and asked again if I would consider sharing my location because “he had a bad feeling.” I said no, and now he’s barely texting me back.
He posted a vague story on Instagram saying:
“Some people don’t understand the meaning of loyalty anymore.”
Which honestly made me feel really gross.
Now I’m wondering AITA for not sharing my location with him? I feel like in a healthy relationship, that shouldn’t be required. But maybe I’m too young or naïve and this is just how adult relationships work?
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Your boundaries are valid. Trust should come from communication, not location tracking.
But it is about control. and you don’t need to be under it.
NTA. you don’t ’heal from cheating’ by becoming a controlling AH. all that does is reinforce the fear of being cheated on. To heal he needs to see that he can trust you. If you say you’ll talk at a certain time, you talk. If you say you’ll be home at a certain time, you’re home. He has had his trust broken in one of the most horrible ways so you will need to be gentle with him to help rebuild it. However ‘being gentle’ is not the same allowing yourself to be tracked
NTA! so many red flags though:
turning your normal boundaries into a problem (what are you hiding). no, you’re not hiding, he is invading.
making you resposible for his “healing”. no, thats on him. this is manipulative and controlling.
passive-aggressive and manipulative in general, like IG story, accussing you of being cold for standing your ground.
You are absolutely correct that you don’t any of that in a healthy relationship. And compromise doesn’t mean you just give in into his unreasonable demands.
nta ur bf is being weird about it but i will say its not crazy for him to ask… i have friends whose find my iphones location i got shortly after meeting simply because of safety.
not saying u should but him asking isnt wrong him making a whole think about it is
NTA, that’s a walking red flag. Dump this loser.
Does he share his location?
🚩sounds controlling. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes a location is useful if it’s to keep someone safe eg if they’re being stalked but he’s saying he needs to know your exact movements to trust you. It isn’t your job to heal him it’s his and if he needs it, a therapists.
This gives me major creep vibes. A lot of partners are nice in the beginning but then show their true colours when they feel comfortable. Trust your gut that this isn’t right!
Sharing locations in relationships is this new thing with kids and I don’t understand it.
He’s unhealthily possessive… this early in a relationship should be a red flag
Get rid of this boyfriend
Nta. 8m and this type of behaviour is scary. Run.
I’m married and we don’t share locations. There’s no need. You’re not there to be his therapy
NTA. He needs therapy, not a relationship. It’s not on you to allow him access to every aspect of your life, to allow him to track your every move, because someone else cheated on him. He doesn’t get to punish you for someone else’s transgressions. No one “heals” from cheating by holding someone else responsible.
Your boyfriend is a red flag. End it before it escalates.
NTA; Drop it like it’s hot! That’s next level control right there.
break up before it gets worse trust me
That is not a healthy relationship
End this relationship. Sharing your location wont help him “heal” and weaponizing therapy language seems like a significant red flag. NTA
NTA this is a hard no. You are responsible for healing him from his previous gf “cheating”? Heck no (even if the cheating is true).
NTA, he’s insecure.
NTA. Personally, I would show him this post. I would let him see exactly how ridiculous most people think he is being. So what if his ex-girlfriend cheated on him? That has nothing to do with you. Him trying to put that on you and force you to take responsibility for something that has nothing to do with you is a huge red flag. If he’s truly so insecure in y’all’s relationship that he needs your location in order to feel placated you should run far and fast.
Coupled that want to can share location.
But he asked.. you said no.
Him making your no into a problem is a red flag.
NtA
NTA. You dont need to share your location with anyone unless you feel it is necessary.
NTA. He put you in a lose lose situation. Either you do what he wants or you are the bad guy. His projection on you just makes me thing he is cheating. He may or may not be, I have no idea, but it’s always the first thing I think when someone out of the blue starts doing this. It’s just a bad look.
I was in a very similar situation. My now husband was badly burned by an ex. In the beginning, he showed signs of distrust. He then took it out on me by accusing me of things I was not doing. I was ready to drop him before my friend encouraged me to give him a second chance. I told him “do not accuse me of something I’m not doing ever again. I know you have been betrayed, but that is not me. You need to trust me” and as a kindness I shared my location. I wanted him to feel comfortable. After all, trust is earned, not given. Ever since, he’s never been paranoid or accusatory. He came to trust me and our relationship is beautiful. The best relationship out of everyone I know to be honest. I know people are weird about location, but I never saw an issue. I personally want many people to know my location in case of any scary event. But I would say do it. Give it a chance. If he continues to be questioning or paranoid and not trusting, then end it.
NTA. You’re not a dog to be kept on a leash. He’s treating you like a possession. If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship. You’re not responsible for his insecurities.
NTA. I’ve never shared my location & I never will. The fact he’s trying to pressure you into doing it is a red flag. 100% he will be tracking you & probably become more controlling in future
Dump him immediately
NTA. Dump him and run. He sounds grossly controlling. His hang-ups and his supposed prior cheating girlfriend is not your problem.
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