I (26M) live with my roommate (25F) who I’ve known since college. We’ve always gotten along, but lately there’s been tension over groceries. When we first moved in, she suggested we split the cost of food 50/50 to save money and avoid labeling everything. Sounded fair at the time.
The issue is, she eats a lot more than I do. I usually cook two meals a day and eat light. She snacks constantly, cooks big meals, and has no problem finishing entire cartons of juice or full bags of frozen food in a day or two.
I mentioned this once and she brushed it off like “it all evens out.” But it doesn’t. I’ve been tracking it quietly for a month and realized I’m basically subsidizing her appetite.
So last week, I told her I’d rather just buy my own groceries from now on. She got really annoyed and said I was being “petty” and making things awkward. I even offered to still share basic things like oil or spices, just not full grocery hauls.
She’s been cold toward me since and told a mutual friend I’m being selfish.
AITA for wanting to stop splitting groceries?
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I (26M) live with my roommate (25F) who I’ve known since college. We’ve always gotten along, but lately there’s been tension over groceries. When we first moved in, she suggested we split the cost of food 50/50 to save money and avoid labeling everything. Sounded fair at the time.
The issue is, she eats a lot more than I do. I usually cook two meals a day and eat light. She snacks constantly, cooks big meals, and has no problem finishing entire cartons of juice or full bags of frozen food in a day or two.
I mentioned this once and she brushed it off like “it all evens out.” But it doesn’t. I’ve been tracking it quietly for a month and realized I’m basically subsidizing her appetite.
So last week, I told her I’d rather just buy my own groceries from now on. She got really annoyed and said I was being “petty” and making things awkward. I even offered to still share basic things like oil or spices, just not full grocery hauls.
She’s been cold toward me since and told a mutual friend I’m being selfish.
AITA for wanting to stop splitting groceries?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my roommate I no longer want to split groceries evenly because she eats significantly more than I do.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA she knows exactly what she is doing. It would really make me mad if I had bought food for myself and went to make some and she had already eaten it. Start labeling or maybe get a little dorm fridge, cuz you may have to start hording your stuff so she doesn’t eat it all.
NTA. She’s basically eating your wallet while calling you petty for noticing.
NTA
She is basically using you for free (or half price) food.
Most people who insist on splitting bills evenly without regard to each individual’s consumption does so because they know they are winning on the deal.
And no, it doesn’t “even out in the end”. People who take advantage of this kind of agreement don’t change. They are moochers by nature.
Assuming there was no fixed term on the agreement to split, you have every right to terminate the arrangement if you are being taken advantage of.
NTA – She’s being extra and you are being lean. That tends to make the scales very unbalanced monetarily in her favor. Tell her it’s not an insult, but it is also not fair.
NTA. Her eating habits aren’t your problem and you shouldn’t be the one funding it. It is was actually 50/50 she wouldn’t be upset, after all, nothing changes in theory.
NTA. Pay for your own stuff
Why would she tell a mutual friend you’re being selfish? That supports your theory that she’s making you pay for her appetite. Also means she’s fully aware that she eats more than her fair share.
NTA, you’re roommates, not married. You’re not responsible for supporting her habits anymore than she is yours.
NTA. and her response shows she knew exactly what she was doing. she knew it wasn’t a fair split
NTA. The only one acting selfish here is her. Especially from running to a friend and complaining about it. She doesn’t want to have to pay for all she eats and yeah that makes it easier for her.
Being “selfish” implies there was an expectation there or a duty. Something that is “meant” to be.
How can one be selfish with their spending (groceries) when there is nothing due. If in a relationship, maybe, but not a friendship / roommate.
I heard this story from a former colleague. When she had just started working fresh out of college, a few friends and her started living together. One girl amongst them opted out of combining grocery and cooking expenses and efforts because “she was on a special diet”. Everybody agreed. Then when they started living together and the other girls would cook, the girl on the diet would ask to taste and serve herself a full size serving. Any attempt to question her by the others would bring on a tantrum about selfishness. Ultimately the girls all decide to stop cooking and starting eating outside.
NTA. Splitting grocery bills is not the only way roommates deal with groceries. It doesn’t work for all roommates, and it clearly doesn’t work for you. It is not in the least petty to stop splitting the groceries when one roommate, for whatever reason, eats a lot more or less of them than the other(s).
NTA and of course she’s annoyed and being cold, you were subsidising her giant diet and now she is going to have to fork out her own money or be hungry. You’re doing the right thing OP… Just ignore it, she’ll get over it..
You may need to get locks and that though cause these types of things tend to go south with her not thinking it’s a big deal and losing her sweet deal of getting free food
NTA. Make a list of shared supplies e.g. toilet roll, cleaning products, spices, salt, sugar, coffee, tea etc. agree an amount that you each put into a pot for that. Everything else do your own thing.
But would she keep to her own stuff? Or if she’s eaten all hers, would she start supplementing from your stuff?
Isn’t it “interesting” in posts where a group eats out and the BIG eaters want to just split it evenly..because it’s EASIER? Yeah, easier on THEIR wallets!
Same situation here…OP is being petty and making things AWKWARD…how exactly does it even out in the end?
Of course she’s pissed…the golden goose of food consumption has just been killed. Funny, that she would comment on OP being selfish.
Updateme
Definitely NTA. If your roommate really thought “it all evens out” they wouldn’t be so upset that you now want to individually fund your own grocery’s. This proves they know they’re now going to be out more money, and clearly that’s making them the “petty” one. If the childish behavior doesn’t subside, then it may be time for a change.
NTA. This exact thing happened to me a long time ago and my flatmate couldn’t get over how mean I was and told me I was body shaming her. No, you eat three times as much as I do, I’m not paying!
INFO
If you have done the math, how much extra is she spending?
Nta. Users never get it.
nta
That’s completely crazy. All the different roommates I had in college we bought our own food. All the ones I had were respectful enough to only occasionally take something and I always instituted one rule, just don’t take the last of something.
No one wants to come home from work with a particular thing to eat in mind and find out that it’s all out.
NTA
She knew full well what she was doing and is pissed she’s going to have to pay for her own stuff from now on.
NTA. That’s no friend. I spy a leach!
As you grow older and wiser, you will start calling people out on their bullshit and be called names in return. Just keep your head up as you are not in the wrong.
NTA. Don’t let her gaslight you with her accusation of your being “petty.” Shut her down, but be prepared to have a fall out. She seems hellbent on exploiting you for grocery money.
I’ve never shared groceries with any roommate in my life, and I’ve had many through the years. The only thing that was fair game were free food we got from our canteen or restaurant jobs. It’s just never going to be fair because even if you eat the same AMOUNT, you won’t eat the same STUFF anyways. One person might enjoy steak with avocados, while the other is happy with minced meat, rice, and peas. It’s just impossible for it to “even out”
NTA.
NTA. Make sure you’re black and white about the system. Don’t feel bad and let her consume your groceries even if she asks. I unfortunately lost a friend and a roommate over it. The issue ultimately is how they take advantage, it’s more than just groceries.
NTA
She’s annoyed because she was making out like a bandit at your expense and now isn’t going to be able to do that any longer.
100% start buying your own groceries.
NTA, she knows she eats more. She can be as mad as she wants. If the mutual friend complains to you just tell them that they are welcome to subsidize her food cost. Your roommate will have to learn to budget.
NTA
It’s very common for roommates to share basics like condiments and spices, but be responsible for their own groceries and meals beyond that. It can be due to different food preferences, schedules, or how often they eat at home.
And yes, it can also be helpful in avoiding resentment of who is paying for what and getting their fair share of the food. This is also a factor if either of you have guests over to eat.
Explain this to your roommate. It’s a very common arrangement and she is taking this too personally.
Food is not cheap. NTA. You are both adults and are responsible for your own selves. If she can’t control her eating habits it’s completely on her not you. When I lived with roommates I never touched their food. Hell, I lived on ramen noodles, eggs, and toast for a long time because I couldn’t afford anything else. Get a mini fridge for your own stuff and keep your snacks in your room. Just because your agreement worked before doesn’t mean that it’s working now.
She knew exactly what she was doing. She’s just pissed that the jig is up.
NTA. Someone would be saving money and it’s not you.
You don’t have to label food, just have designated areas. This section of the fridge is mine, this section is yours. This cabinet is mine, this one is yours. This also makes it so you two have guaranteed space in the refrigerator and in the kitchen.
the general consensus is that people suck. nobody under the age of 40 can afford to live a comfortable life, so they try and beg, borrow , or steal it from everyone else. this big eating roomate would be spending over $100 a week for food on her own. she cant afford it.
Assuming that there is no romantic relationship between you two, then buying groceries separately would be the default.
Just tell her that you want to return to buying your own food. You are not obliged to continue the practice that you initially agreed on if you’ve worked that she consumes more than 50%.
What is she going to do?
She knew exactly what she was doing when she suggested this in the first place. Just plainly tell her you no longer will be sharing food and she needs to buy her own. If she presses you further about having a problem with this, then you can remind her that she eats all of your groceries and it’s no longer 50/50. This is her doing, not yours.
NTA! If someone is calling you selfish, it is they who are acting this way because they didn’t get what they wanted. So, tell her you don’t understand why she’s upset. Explain that you would prefer to purchase your groceries, but you are happy to split the staples, like sugar, flour, spices and paper products. You can tell her that you have different tastes. I wouldn’t explain anything more. If you have to, get a mini fridge and pantry and keep them in your room.
Splitting groceries never works, there is always one person who ends up getting used or the short end of the stick.
Tell her you are vegan
NTA, her calling you selfish now means she wants you to be generous (by subsidizing her own grocery bill). It’s not selfish to pay only for yourself. You are not married to her, you are not a family unit, she is not a dependent. She’s coming off entitled.
Sharing basics is extremely reasonable and practical.
Buying other items separately doesn’t just accomodate different appetites but also different tastes and routines. If you’ve got a busy week when you’ll be going out for dinner three or four nights you can buy less groceries. If you’re home from work for a week or expecting lots of guests you can buy more. It’s more practical for everyone.
NTA. I don’t see how she could label this as “selfish,” unless she is admitting to eating part of your share of the food. One way to distinguish whose food is whose (in the freezer, etc.) is to keep your stuff in plastic shopping bags. For other things, you could buy a different brand than what the roomie gets.
>she suggested we split the cost of food 50/50 to save money and avoid labeling everything.
Yes, she did that because this:
>The issue is, she eats a lot more than I do. I usually cook two meals a day and eat light. She snacks constantly, cooks big meals, and has no problem finishing entire cartons of juice or full bags of frozen food in a day or two.
It was never fair. She knows this. She’s mad she’s losing free food. That’s all.
If she wasn’t knowingly taking advantage she wouldn’t be angry about paying for her own.