My sister (29) and her husband (32) bought a house together in November 2023. This was a house she fell crazy in love with and everyone, including me (21) was happy they found somewhere they loved. But when I went to see the house I hated some things about it. My biggest issue was the fact there’s only one bathroom and it’s downstairs while all the bedrooms are upstairs. It’s not a small house either. So if you wake up and need the bathroom or something in the middle of the night you would need to race downstairs and you have these long hallways that you’d also need to walk as well. I just really hate that and I couldn’t live in a house like that. Or stay there honestly. Especially when their guest room is set up at the end of the upstairs hallway so it would be a huge pain to need the bathroom.
Other stuff is minor and small and down to a personal taste thing (so is the first one kinda and what you can live with).
My sister wanted to hear what people thought of the house and we all gave some opinions. I said what I liked about it and left it there. But my sister said I didn’t seem to love the house and she wanted to know why. She asked me a bunch of times even though I said no. Then I warned her she might not like what I had to say and eventually I gave in told her everything I didn’t like and that overall I didn’t like the house but that it was a me thing. That it wouldn’t ever be my dream house.
My sister got annoyed and asked me if I’d really pass up an amazing house like that with all that space over a bathroom and the other small stuff. I told her I could never live in it like that and I hate the only bathroom being downstairs and that would be a huge dealbreaker for me.
She spent months trying to show me how great her house is after that and I told her I was so glad she liked it. But she wanted me to like it. She wanted me to see why it’s great and stop thinking the downstairs bathroom is a big deal.
Now she wants me to stay there for the summer. She wants her chance to prove I could love a house like hers. I refused and I told her I would not want to stay in a place where my room would be so far from the only bathroom in the house. But I admitted to our brother that I really didn’t want to stay there and listen to her trying to change my mind all summer. That maybe I would have stayed one or two nights but then I gave in and told her the truth. Then I found out he feels the same way as me. But they were never as close so she never picked up on his feelings about it.
AITA?
Comments
Oh dear… she asked and got what she asked for! NTA. Offer to stay a night but say you’re busy for the rest of summer. This is one of those occasions where you tell a white lie and say you’ve changed your mind about the house after staying over one night. I don’t think it’s worth falling out with family over this – especially when it doesn’t effect your life 🤷♀️
You’re not the ahole for having personal preferences about the house, especially since it’s something that would affect your comfort. However, it might have been better to approach the situation more gently instead of focusing so much on the negative aspects of her home, especially after she worked hard to make it her own.
Your refusal to stay over the summer is understandable given how you feel, but since she clearly wants to change your mind, a bit of empathy towards her feelings could help soften the situation.
You could have been kind, but you chose differently.
I’m not sure why this would matter so much for a homeowner. The only people who need to like the house are those who signed the decades long financial instrument to own it. Sister is the AH for pushing this talking point.
I also don’t see how a house set up would be THE reason not to spend the summer with them, unless there is a medical issue. This is written like there is a quarter mile hike from the place where a guest would sleep to the bathroom.
NTA. Your opinion is valid. Tell your sister to drop it.
>Now she wants me to stay there for the summer.
Like you, only 1 bathroom and far away means I’m not going to stay a long time. Other people would be fine with it.
>She wants her chance to prove I could love a house like hers.
You aren’t required to give her that chance, nor to love her house. She’s an adult. She should be able to live with the fact that different people have different preferences. My brother-in-laws dream house is small with a four car garage. It’s almost no one else’s dream house– so they’ve never found one.
Since she is badgering you about your opinion about the house, you are NTA for telling her. She needs to stop badgering and just enjoy the fact she has a house she loves.
NTA. She asked for an opinion, got it, and has been running a full-on PR campaign ever since. If she loves the house, great! But a summer-long bathroom debate sounds like a nightmare. Stay somewhere with better plumbing logistics.
nta.
Armchair psychologist speaking: might be sis actually is not madly in love with the house and seeks validation by hearing everybody, including op, rave about the house.
p.s. armchair psychologist = might be full of crap.
NTA you’ve got your preferences and being honest about them isn’t a bad thing she should respect that
NTA. It’s so weird that she is so obsessed with making you like her house. Why does it even matter? You don’t live there, you don’t have to like it! I always need a wee during the night, and so having to walk around a house I am totally unfamiliar with to find the toilet would be annoying to me. Tell her to enjoy her home and leave you be.
Why is she so hell bent on you loving HER house? She sounds very insecure.
I definitely don’t think so. As someone who wakes up multiple times during the night to use the restroom, going up and downstairs would get old fast. I’m not sure why your sister cares so much, but I would stand my ground too.
Geez she should just love her house and stop caring what anyone else thinks. NTA
Nta. Seems kinda random for a married sister to ask her brother to spend the summer.
You’re 21, why would she even think you have an entire summer to just stay at her place? You have school, you have work. Such a weird request in the first place.
Also if the house is so big, why on earth is there only one bathroom? And not even one upstairs? What sort of a weird ass design is that?
NTA.
Sounds like you sister is the one that needs to come to terms with the idea of people having different preferences. Play up nice things about the house, lay off the bathroom issue and kindly state that while you appreciate her kind offer that you intend to stay put for the summer.
I’m with you on that bathroom . I’m guessing she has no children too yet. One bathroom and being down stairs is a nope for me. She can put a bunch of money into the house and create a bathroom upstairs though! If she got a great deal on the house.
I think your sister wants you to be jealous of her house.
NTA. Your sister is either the most insecure person or she doesn’t like the house set up either and she is trying to convince herself more than you.
I’ve lived in a house with a downstairs bathroom and I would never live in one like that again, unless I had no choice.
NTA. I wouldn’t want to live in a house with that layout either. What the hell is her fixation on making you like the house? She loves it, and it’s hers. What difference does it make whether or not you love it too? This is fucking weird.
NTA. She has buyer’s remorse and thinks it will go away if she can JUST convince one person the layout isn’t stupid
NTA
You apparently tried to be polite, and she’s continued to make an issue. You don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to, and you certainly don’t have to think anything you don’t want to.
IDK, though I’m leaning towards ESH.
Your sister is obviously very insecure. Whether she has gnawing subconscious doubts about the home, and wants everyone to make her feel better about it, or she’s freaked out by the mortgage (I know I was), or just wants acceptance from you and for everyone to feel welcome and want to be there. Also, adding a bathroom is a huge expense that I’m sure she doesn’t have the money for right now, so she’s helpless to make the situation better. No matter what, it isn’t your job to satiate her insecurities. She needs to do some work.
As for the walk to the bathroom, is there something you aren’t telling us? You don’t have to, but unless there’s a physical disability or medical issue, or she bought a mansion, this seems like you’re being lazy and prioritizing that laziness over her feelings. Would it kill you to go for 2 weeks to show support for your sister?
I hate to sound like the old woman on the internet, but kindness goes a long way, and when your parents die, your siblings are the family you have left. I don’t know about your full family dynamic, but maybe consider going for a few short trips if she agrees to act normal. It’s about spending time with her, and I’m sure she doesn’t want her house to be the reason you don’t.
The sister doesn’t even like her own house, if you’re continually asking people about your “Dream” home and justifying why you bought it. That sounds like buyer’s remorse in my opinion.
YTA, yes you can be used to multiple bathrooms in a home. Lots of homes don’t.
Not wanting to stay there for a couple of nights because the bathroom is down stairs and a bit of a walk. Entitled much??
Get a bucket.
Support your sister in her happiness and HER choices.
There’s always the option of turning up with a commode and refusing to stay if you can’t use it. Meet petty with every more petty a petty off if you like. Sometimes I find if someone is being ridiculous you just have to lean into it and show them how stupid they are by using the ante.
Two possibilities pop in my mind.
Has your sister gone through some serious financial difficulty growing up or when married? I’ve seen many people fall in love with and sink a house was marvelous only because of the size, not because it was comfortable or had amenities. The equate the large house with financial security or success.
One bathroom. Only if it is a house for only 2 people in love.
And I couldn’t imagine walking upstairs to my bedroom from the only shower.
If she has no plans to add a bathroom upstairs she will find relatives don’t want to stay overnight and have to take a lower price when she sells.
NTA
So, you do not need to stay with her, and she is pushing you to stay? One bathroom is big “inconvenience” especially not near bedrooms.
Your sister seems to be seeking validation.
She can put up with the bathroom situation because she loves the house. A lot of houses in my price range had this issue when I was looking, as they were older houses that just didn’t have space for one upstairs. But I ddint love any enough to buy them. Eventually found one that had 2 bathrooms, weirdly right next to each other upstairs, but it worked for me with 6 of us in the house.
YTA. WTF is going on with your health that you can’t easily make it downstairs to the bathroom???!!!! Please see a urologist or proctologist!!!!!
It’s crazy to live in a house where you have to go downstairs 2 or 3 times in the middle of the night. They like the house. OK. That is their right. But to try to control how you feel about something that is really none of your business is also crazy. Let them talk but stand your ground about them controlling your emotions. That is not their right
YTA – I don’t see the issue with a bathroom downstairs at all since many houses have them, so telling her you wouldn’t want to stay there is childish. But her wanting to prove her point isn’t needed either. You don’t have to like HER house, because it’s not your house. But you could’ve been kinder to her by not saying you wouldn’t stay over over just a bathroom on another floor.
Telling her the bathroom being on another level isn’t something you’d go for, would’ve been enough.
If everyone would’ve liked the same type of houses, we’d be living in identical houses. What a boring life that would have been!
You are not the asshole. This would also be a deal breaker for me as well. It’s okay for short visits, but that’s about it.
Dude my bathroom is attached to the bedroom, the door is closer to my side of the bed than it is my partner, there a second bathroom that’s door is like 2 feet from the bedroom door, and still some nights that’s too far and I rather just dream about a bathroom instead of drag myself out of bed long enough to use one!
Regardless of where the bathroom is located, I’d be uncomfortable staying in a house, with other people and with only one bathroom. I can’t imagine that there wasn’t even any talk about adding another bathroom. Her obsession trying to get you to like the house is extremely weird and annoying. I’d decline a visit, too
This is huh
I wouldn’t want to stay with anyone for 3 months, but a long weekend could be fun. One bathroom does make it difficult though but they could always add a bathroom when they’re able. It’s been a seller’s market in NA for quite a while and finding something affordable and a good size must have been challenging.
I have lived in a house for years that has no bathroom on the second floor where the bedrooms are. It’s absolutely not a big deal for me unless I’m sick. Each to their own!
I can’t understand why it is so important to your sister it doesn’t make any sense to me. But if she wants to know so bad tell her your truth then tell her your done talking about it
NTA – You were polite and she dug in. I would ask her why is it so important to her that she needs to you to validate her home purchase? She can love it and you can have your opinion and leave it at that.
It’s weird she is so hyper-focused on changing your mind. I would call her out on it.
“I’m glad you love your new home, I’m super happy for you. Like I said, the bathroom would be a deal breaker for me. FOR ME. I don’t live there and honestly I think it’s a bit but you need my validation somehow. I’m happy you love it. No I don’t want to spend the summer there but I could come for a weekend to spend time with you. I don’t need to love your house to love you. You don’t need me to love your house to love it yourself.”
She doesn’t like her home and is trying to convince herself it’s fine by convincing you. If you don’t change your mind then she’s going to have to accept that the house isn’t as good as she wishes it were
I’m guessing she jumped into buying it without considering the cons
NTA. You tried to keep it nice. I gotta say though, I grew up in a one bathroom house. I also had a dad that liked to spend an hour at a time in that bathroom, esp first thing in the morning, with Soldier of Fortune or Popular Mechanics. (It was the Dark Ages before cell phones. lol) It was hell. Then my little brother came along. Teen boys in the bathroom are a nightmare. So yeah, a house with one bathroom and lots of people doesn’t work well and it doesn’t matter what floor of the house it’s on.
Nta. The place is haunted af. Your sister wants to shove you down that old well in the cellar to feed the house, IF that’s even your sister anymore, not just the house itself.
NTA it’s her home to love – not yours. You have different likes and dislikes and opinions- that’s ok
Well, she asked, and insisted to hear what you thought about it, so, NTA.
Bit mad. Don’t stay there without adult diapers.
I’m going to go against the grain and say I don’t understand the animus towards the sister in these comments and you could have been more polite. Yeah, I get it, you don’t like the house, she asked, you said, got it. But you couldn’t have just lightly said, “Oh, I get up too often in the night to love that downstairs bathroom, but I can see why you love the house otherwise!” and kept it moving? You had to tell her “everything” you didn’t like and that “overall” you didn’t like it? Why?
Who cares if she needs external validation or has her own concerns about the house? The truth about buying a house is that you sign that mortgate and then suddenly you realise that you’re paying for something for another two decades and you have a lot of time to think about anything you wish you could change. It’s not unreasonable for your loved ones to support you by bringing a little enthusiasm and more judicious comments.
You don’t have to be nice, so I’m not going to say you’re the AH. But you aren’t particularly kind, are you? You aren’t particularly loving towards your sister or understanding of her feelings. Sure, don’t stay with her as a guest; you don’t want to and she won’t like it.
NAH, but you aren’t very nice and I’m glad I never gave you a tour of my house.
NTA, in fact my parents once sold a house because it was irritating that the only restroom/bathroom was upstairs.
NTA I don’t know why she can’t just accept your opinion and move on from it. But I really do envy all the people commenting who think that having one bathroom downstairs is completely unreasonable! Maybe it’s just more common in the UK but I’ve lived with just one downstairs bathroom all my life, never really thought much about it.
You’re not TA for the situation you describe above. Your young, but there’s no reason that you could possibly be considered TA. Why is your sister insisting that you like it? Why does she care so much ? That’s weird. She’s doing to much.
For crying out loud, you love your sister, and she wants you to like her new house and wants your opinion. You have been honest. Honesty is good.
But it seems really important to her for you to love the house. So much so she wants you to have an extended stay so you can see it how she sees it.
So go. You don’t have to stay for a month. Suck it up for a weekend and then tell her what she wants to hear. Tell her, “you’re right it’s not that bad after all, it’s a great place and you did good.”
Also I don’t understand why you are making such a big deal about the toilet being downstairs. Yes it’s a little inconvenient during the actual night but it’s only downstairs it’s not like you have to go outside and halfway across the backyard to use the loo. Just get a commode if it’s really that much of an issue for you.
This can’t be real. Would someone really care so much about someone who isn’t going to be spending any amount of time there’s negative opinion on a house, that they’d ask them to spend a summer there to try and change their mind ?
What is this, Green eggs and ham?
One bathroom downstairs only is not a house that will be easily resold. Number of bathrooms are a huge selling point in real estate. Hope they didn’t overpay. They will need to invest to add a bathroom either by adding on or taking space from one of the other rooms. Both options are big money relatively. You are NTA. Sounds like she knows she made a mistake. If she can live with it as is, great. She shouldn’t be bugging you to validate her or indulge her insecurities.
I broke up with an ex and one reason was his bathroom was downstairs and all the bedrooms were upstairs. His logic was that you used the bathroom more during the day than at night. But I still hated making the trek downstairs because it always woke me up enough that I had a hard time getting back to sleep.
This is odd. Why is it so important for your sis that you like HER house? What’s important is that she likes her own house since she lives in it. Do you think she has second thoughts and wants you to validate her opinion in any way? I love my sisters, but if they don’t like my house it’s not a problem, because I live in it and they don’t. As for staying so that you can change your mind, I would stay far away from that. It can’t lead to anything good. The bathroom being so far away is a nuisance, true.
Since I have to pee multiple times a night this would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn’t spend the summer either NTA
Good thing your sister bought the house! I’m sure the real estate agent was celebrating that she sold that house I’m betting. It had been on the market a while cause most people want an en-suite in the master bedroom.
NTA- It’s almost like your sister needs to convince you that buying the house wasn’t a mistake because in the back of her mind, there’s still some serious doubt about the bathroom situation. I mean seriously, are they hoping never to have stomach flu or food poisoning because those things aren’t planned. And you really need a bathroom as close as possible, not on another floor. Unless they plan on doing a lot of floor cleaning to said bathroom.
I hope they plan on doing remodeling where they add at least two more bathrooms to the second floor. Otherwise, a meal at their house is more than sufficient. And provide your own transportation for that scenario.
At my age and with my joints in my knees I might as well keep a chamber pot by my bed because there’s no way I would make it downstairs to the toilet at 2:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. every morning when I need to pee desperately. That would be a no-go for me.