So I (18 M) have been going to a music school for 11 years now. For 6 years (ever since I switched schools and had to start commuting there) I’ve had the piano lesson (PL for this post) at the same time – Wednesday 19:00 to 19:45 and before that I’ve had ensemble class (EC). I had a different teacher for EC before, but for the last 2 years (the old one retired) I go to the EC of the same teacher I have for PL. It is important to note that both of those ECs were at the same time – 18:15 to 19:00.
At the EC there is this one girl (17 F – let’s call her Emma) – she also happens to be my classmate, so we have the same timetable at school. Our teacher is in my town only on Tuesday and Wednesday and Emma had her PL on Tuesday right after school if she took the bus. This year, she suddenly needs to have the PL after EC.
I live in the same town where the music school is, but I live at the other end so if I take some shortcuts through fields and forests I can get there in 20 minutes (those shortcuts are unusable in winter tho) so it usually takes around 30 minutes. Emma lives in neighboring town and it takes her around an hour to go on foot, but her mother ALWAYS picks her up, so it takes her like 4 minutes by car.
This year, her brother has some kind of sports class in some other town, so after the EC ends, she has to wait for 20 minutes for her mother to pick her brother up and then her. For some reason, both Emma and her mother can’t deal with this. She’s a stay-at-home mom and has no problem picking her up both of those days so she gets to the music school and back in 10 minutes. For me, it takes an hour.
Long story short, I refused to switch with her for my own comfort. We agreed with our music teacher that I’ll have the PL at the same time like always last year and I am not willing to switch with her. When her mother found out, she started freaking out and went straight to our teacher. They are friends so suddenly there are 3 people pushing me to switch even though it makes zero sense to me. I told her I’d rather quit but the teacher needs me there because I’m basically carrying the EC.
So tell me, am I the asshole?
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So I (18 M) have been going to a music school for 11 years now. For 6 years (ever since I switched schools and had to start commuting there) I’ve had the piano lesson (PL for this post) at the same time – Wednesday 19:00 to 19:45 and before that I’ve had ensemble class (EC). I had a different teacher for EC before, but for the last 2 years (the old one retired) I go to the EC of the same teacher I have for PL. It is important to note that both of those ECs were at the same time – 18:15 to 19:00.
At the EC there is this one girl (17 F – let’s call her Emma) – she also happens to be my classmate, so we have the same timetable at school. Our teacher is in my town only on Tuesday and Wednesday and Emma had her PL on Tuesday right after school if she took the bus. This year, she suddenly needs to have the PL after EC.
I live in the same town where the music school is, but I live at the other end so if I take some shortcuts through fields and forests I can get there in 20 minutes (those shortcuts are unusable in winter tho) so it usually takes around 30 minutes. Emma lives in neighboring town and it takes her around an hour to go on foot, but her mother ALWAYS picks her up, so it takes her like 4 minutes by car.
This year, her brother has some kind of sports class in some other town, so after the EC ends, she has to wait for 20 minutes for her mother to pick her brother up and then her. For some reason, both Emma and her mother can’t deal with this. She’s a stay-at-home mom and has no problem picking her up both of those days so she gets to the music school and back in 10 minutes. For me, it takes an hour.
Long story short, I refused to switch with her for my own comfort. We agreed with our music teacher that I’ll have the PL at the same time like always last year and I am not willing to switch with her. When her mother found out, she started freaking out and went straight to our teacher. They are friends so suddenly there are 3 people pushing me to switch even though it makes zero sense to me. I told her I’d rather quit but the teacher needs me there because I’m basically carrying the EC.
So tell me, am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to switch my piano lesson time with Emma even though it would make her schedule easier. I know it might make me the asshole because I’m prioritizing my own convenience over helping her, and her mom and teacher think I should accommodate her.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Masz prawo do swojego ustalonego terminu, zwłaszcza że umawiałeś się na niego z nauczycielem z wyprzedzeniem i dojeżdżasz o wiele dalej. To, że Emma i jej mama mają niewygodny grafik, nie jest Twoją winą ani odpowiedzialnością. Zresztą jeśli im tak bardzo zależy, mogą poszukać innego rozwiązania zamiast zmuszać Ciebie do poświęceń.
NTA. For one thing, it’s your time. For another, switching would inconvenience you more than sticking would inconvenience the other person.
NTA but I would ask your shared teacher why they cannot do EC both days seeing as they are there for PL twice a week. Then you can either swap to the Tuesday and keep the same time – or opposite, Emma can stick to her Tuesdays.
I would think some people might find having two days for EC more convenient perhaps? Students which are very keen will take both options and it might even be encouraging for some parents. If teacher is open to the idea, maybe they should ask students what they and their parents think about the change. And it might show teacher that you would be willing to swap, but as you dont have safe transport home and weather isn’t going to get better for several months, you don’t want to be putting yourself in harm’s way without having this safe transport that other student has.
NTA and don’t give in. Make it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR to your teacher that you WILL QUIT EC if you are coerced into switching. Whether you actually would is another issue but it’s leverage. People use leverage tactics when negotiating so you might as well start practicing now. Don’t let them guilt trip you, either.
Tell them you are your priority and changing the schedule will really cause inconveniences for you, you understand their problems but you don’t want to suffer by making someone’s life easier and surely they should understand since they are trying to do the same
NTA. We don’t love the times for my son’s extracurriculars but that’s the name of the game. I don’t run that shit, it doesn’t run for my son only. This is pure entitlement
NTA. She asked if you could switch, and you said that you can’t. That should have been the end.
If they force the switch, you should definitely follow through on quitting. Don’t let them disrespect your time.
NTA,.. your boundary is maintaining your current slot or quitting. Don’t give in. They are trying to guilt you because they think they can. You are doing nothing wrong. They are more flexible but don’t want to be. Heaven forbid she sits quietly on her phone for 20 minutes while waiting on mom to pick her up. Give me a break.
If you have another option for PLs in your town, I’d suggest at least looking into whether you think that could work. May be better for you to just cut bait now. With her mom and the teacher being friends, I have a sense that they may end up screwing you either way. My advice is always to act first.
NTA told her she should learn patience instead of piano lesson if she can’t wait a little bit her mom to pick her up…
NTA. You need to look out for yourself, just like her Mom is looking out for herself. You had this time, it works best for you, you actually are more important to the class than her…. Nope, you are just being a normal functioning member of society. Her Mom is being an asshat though…