I (26F) recently went on a family trip with my husband’s family — his parents, his sister “Anna” (30F), and Anna’s boyfriend.
I booked my ticket early and paid extra for a window seat because I like to sleep on flights, and it helps with my motion sickness. When we got on the plane, Anna asked if I could switch seats with her so she could sit by the window “to feel more secure.” She gets anxious during flights, and she said it helps her feel more grounded.
The problem? She was in a middle seat, 10 rows back. No extra legroom, no window. Just standard economy. I politely said I’d rather keep my seat because I paid for it and have flying issues too.
She got visibly upset and said, “You’re literally family now, and you can’t do one small thing to help me feel safer?” Her mom gave me this look like I’d just kicked a puppy. My husband stayed out of it.
I didn’t move.
After the flight, there was a weird vibe. Anna barely spoke to me, and her mom told my husband that I “lack basic compassion.”
I get that flying is stressful for some people — it is for me too. But I paid for that seat, I was prepared, and I don’t think I should be guilt-tripped for wanting to be comfortable on a 5-hour flight.
So… AITA?
Comments
NTA.
“I’m sorry but I paid extra for this because I need it or I’ll get air sick. I know because it’s happened before”
NTA. It is not right of her to throw the “you’re family now” excuse anyways. I mean come on. You planned ahead to be more comfortable. she didn’t. simple as that
NTA she knew about her flight issues, she or her parents should have coughed up the money for a window seat for her. You were looking after your needs, you’re under no obligation to give up your assigned seat to her or anyone else.
So between both Anna’s parents, her boyfriend and your husband no one else had a window seat?
NTA- I don’t understand why all these nervous flyers don’t pay extra for a window seat if it makes them feel more comfortable. Then get mad at others even strangers that they won’t switch seats with them. Your SIL is cheap and feels entitled!
No is a full sentence, and you don’t need a reason.
Also, never switch seats on a plane without going through the flight crew.
NTA, and good job maintaining boundaries.
It’s hard to imagine your in-laws , without any other factors, reacting that way. If yes, then you’re absolutely NTAH (and feel sorry for you). I mean, generally it is strange to ask to switch seats knowing you paid for it (or even not).
However, was she like hyperventilating before the flight or something? Was there any mitigating circumstances that would have made this request reasonable? I mean, you should do favors for others, but without any clear reason to give up your seat makes no sense.
You needed that seat to deal with motion sickness. Why is her ailment more important than yours? She sounds entitled.
How many times are we going to see a rendition of this post?
YTA
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NTA Your husband is the asshole. He should have immediate stepped in. His family, his responsibility. It’s a basic rule of relationships.
She had the same option to book a seat that worked for her. Lack of planning on her part doesn’t constitute an emergency on your part. NTA
NTA. Shame on all in your husband’s family who feel you should cater to Anna just because she wanted what you had and had paid for with all of them completely dismissing your issues and your having paid extra for your seat. They too could have opted for what you did and booked accordingly if necessary. Good luck with this extended family.
I always make sure that I have a window seat; extreme anxiety and HELL will freeze over, before I give it up😂
NTA- you paid for your sanity; she can pay for hers.
If the issue was so severe for her then she should have bought the window seat from the start. NTA
OP may “lack compassion” but SIL lacks basic planning skills. Her failure to plan for her needs is not OP’s problem. OP paid extra to have a specific seat. Has SIL offered to reimburse that?
Enjoy your window seat, OP.
NTA she knows she has issues flying so why did she book a general seating ticket? The reason, BF told them you had a window seat pre booked and it cost more. He was complaining about the cost because it didn’t affect him directly because OP chose the seat beside her and it didn’t cost extra since it was a middle seat. What they figured was since OP had a window seat already they would pay for a regular seat and try to get a window seat if not they would just make OP give hers up. What they didn’t bank on was OP not moving because she also has issues flying and that was the reason for her choice of seats. When telling family about her seat choice BF didn’t relay the fact that OP also has issues flying he probably just mentioned the additional cost. They can be as salty as they want, maybe next time they will pay for priority seating instead of expecting someone else to give up their seat.
You may be family, but you’re prepared family. You shouldn’t have to suffer for her lack of forethought.
Another story about a spineless husband who won’t have his wife’s back. Another story about toxic manipulative in laws. Sigh…..
NTA
NTA and how in the hell does being able to look out the window to see that you are in fact hurtling through the sky make anyone feel more grounded ?
The good old “but we’re family and family helps family” line.
If she is so terrified of flying, then she would/should have booked a decent seat in advance like you did. If you’re that anxious, then why would you wait until the day and hope some ‘family’ member has a better seat than you?
NTA
she had the exact same opportunity to pick her seat but didn’t want to pay the extra. f that noise and absolutely do not take any guilt on. you as an adult knew what you needed to fly. she cheated out and expected you to give up your preplanned and purchased extra cost seat.
the real issue is your husband. this was his 🐵 therefore his 🎪. he needs to go back to his family and read them the riot act. and reiterate everyone traveling was adults and every single one of you had the same chance to purchase the seat you needed to travel comfortably. trying to take what my wife planned for yourself because you failed to plan is not ok and you will know it off now. if we ever vacation again remember this and never ever try to bully shame or guilt trip my wife. am I crystal clear? now apologize to my wife, not for the ask but for the attitude.
that’s what he should have done and can still do. saying he is staying out of it means he picked his sister’s side and failed to protect and defend you, his wife. he is a butt hole I’m afraid
NTA. She says “You’re literally family now, and you can’t do one small thing to help me feel safer?” I would say “you’re literally an adult who knew what she needed to feel safe on this flight, you couldn’t have been pro-active, like I was, and secure a seat well in advance to meet your needs?” What’s that saying… failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
NTA. I have a phrase I picked up that I use in these situations: “Your poor planning does not constitute my emergency”. Turns the BS back on her lack of managing her own affairs and expecting you to “rescue” her.
ETA: What the hell is wrong with your husband, btw?
NTA- no one else in the family has a window seat?! No one else could switch with her? Come one! This HAS to be made up because the entitlement of the entire family sounds unhinged.
NTA.
When she started with the whole ‘you’re family now’ thing, she gave you all the cards you need to play the game.
Ask her and her mother why they are treating you differently now? Ask them if they would be treating your husband the way they are treating you if it was HIS seat that she wanted.
But most importantly, ask her if she wants you to help her to book her own window seat for the return flight so that you can BOTH be comfortable.
She’s 30 years old but she can’t think ahead and secure her own comfort. That’s not on you. But you CAN point this out without looking like the bad guy by helping her out. Then on any future trips you can offer to do it again. Forever.
Nta
Good for you for not being manipulated! Now you need to keep talking about how comfortable the flight was and how well rested you are! Lol
NTA. I am sure that airlines HATE the seat switches unless it is the same row or the plane isn’t full. If anything goes wrong with a flight and an investigation says who was in this specific seat, you are assigned to it, not your SIL.
I don’t understand why your husband didn’t say something. He knows you get motion sickness right? It’s his family and they are being very rude to you.
Anna lacks basic compassion.
And her bf is a stone-cold loser. Either he doesn’t provide the comfort Anna needs, or … well, he does sort of ghost out of the story, doesn’t he?
SIL‘s lack of prior proper planning is none of your business and sure as hell is not your responsibility. NTA
NTA “I actually paid extra for it, and money doesn’t grow on trees.” /end_story
Why didn’t they care about your flight issues? Why does her comfort and feelings matter and yours don’t? NTA. ALSO your husband failed you. He should have shut it down and backed you up, that’s the biggest disappointment in this situation
NTA. You should have rebutted her; you’re my family too and you’re getting upset at me over this small thing of me rejecting you?! Lol. Shes a joke.
NTA.
So, obviously your sister-in-law was quite aware that she has a fear of flying.
What if you had not purchased a window seat? Who else would she have Complaint to?
If this gets brought up again, just tell her straight up that if she really truly has an issue with flying, she needs to pony up the extra money so she can sit by a window and not try to steal other people paid for seats .
“SIL, no means no period. go sit in your seat and leave me alone or go bother somebody traveling in our group who also has a window seat to give you theirs if they have one if you want the seat so badly, because YOUR issues with flying doesn’t get to cancel MY issues by flying that makes me obligated to move out of my DESIRED window seat that I paid extra money specifically for, as well as the extra legroom the seat gives me, so it is not MY problem you couldn’t get YOUR desired seat when booking a seat that somehow makes ME give up MY desired seat to YOU to make YOU happy during the flight while I go sit in abject misery in your CRAMPED middle seat that won’t be giving me what I wanted when I booked the window seat, so it is not my obligation to give it up for YOU and YOUR issues when it comes to flying. if someone flying in our group has a window seat, I say go bother THEM for their seat and leave me out of it, because I sais no to switching and will not change my mind, especially if switching means going to a cramped middle seat that will make me MISERABLE and UNHAPPY during the flight while you get to the use the seat I want. I need the seat I paid for more than you and refuse to ignore my needs for the seat to give it to you for your needs.”
Nope. Not the asshole. In my experience, people with a fear of flying like to avoid the window seats and prefer the aisle seats. She just wasn’t happy with hers, I’d bet. You, on the other hand, planned ahead and reserved the seat you wanted.
I’d say she was the asshole in this situation.
You have a husband issue. He should have stepped in immediately.
Were all of Anna’s fingers broken? If not, she could’ve gone online or called airline to reserve a seat that made her feel more secure. What was her plan if none of the family members had a seat next to the window?
Anna is entitled and her mom is an enabler. Why should you suffer when you were the one who planned ahead and paid more for your seat? NTA
NTA, did it occur to you to ask your SIL why she didn’t book herself a window seat so she would have the situation she wanted rather than expect someone else to give up what they had for her comfort? Maybe you should ask her why she didn’t take care of the issue herself rather than expect someone else to accommodate her when she could have booked herself a window seat and see what she has to say. You are not asking the right questions so it is clear that the choice to expect someone else accommodate her is really her being selfish rather than you being selfish by not giving up something you arranged and paid for yourself . . . See what they have to say . . . .
If you didn’t also have flight issues, I’d agree that you lack compassion but since you do and you paid to accommodate your issues I’d say you’re not the AH. Sis in law needs to be more prepared next time.
NTA………………She had the option of window seat when buying tickets.
Not a decent person expecting you to kiss her ass…then starting a silly melodrama about it.
You NTA
Your husband & the rest of his fam including SIL, all Y T A.
So she wanted to boot you to a middle seat but not anyone else? And they all stood there mute not offering to cram into her middle seat for their daughter, sister, or girlfriend? No one else willing to jump in her middle seat? Bet they all had aisle or window seats.
I’d have a talk with your husband. Remind him of his vows, for better or for worse. Just because the worse are his family doesn’t give him a pass.
The number of people who think they are the only person with anxiety therefore everyone else should cater to them is ridiculous. So your SIL has anxiety and you should give up the seat you paid extra for. Your anxiety, that you managed better than she did, doesn’t matter.
I think I would bring this up with this family & ask why her, poorly managed, anxiety was more important than your, well-managed, planned ahead, anxiety. Even though we all know their answer, putting it out there shines a light on her. And maybe let’s them know you don’t play.
Why would a family trip book seats apart Mr AI?
NTA. No other person in the group had a window seat? Why didn’t any of them pay extra for a better seat?? It’s not like it only occurred to her at the airport that she felt better in a window seat.
Do these people even hear themselves talking? They want an accommodation someone else has but didn’t bother planning ahead where the other person did, for the same reasons. Yet they assume their own personal suffering is greater and demand that the rest of the world bend over and give them their way. It makes zero sense but then again, it’s not about sense. It’s about entitlement and the belief that they can stomp their feet and get what they demand. Then comes the pouting when they’re rightfully told no. Grow up. If you’re so afraid of death on a plane, take responsibility for reserving and paying for your life saving window seat. Enough is enough. NTA at all. She has no business thinking she’s more important than you are. Just no.
NTA…if she knows she needs a window seat she should book one.
TA…her and her Mom. Put these entitled people in their place or as family this will be painful for you.
Your husband is the problem here. He should have backed you up, instead left you to defend yourself against HIS family and their entitlement.
If she needed a certain kind of seat, she could have done what you did: booked early and paid extra. She doesn’t get to take advantage of your planning to get HER preferred seating.
But she’s just fine with you vomiting from motion sickness. Sounds like just an excuse to get the seat she was too cheap to pay for.
Tell her someone with fear of flying is better off in an aisle seat. Or between two people to comfort and reassure her. Not by a window that would remind her she is thousands of feet up in the air.
NTA
Tell her “I’m family now. I want to keep the seat I paid for. Since I’m family I expect you to respect that.” And ask her why she didn’t book a window seat. Surely she knew before she boarded she would be more comfortable with a window seat. Ask her, your husband, and his family why her lack of planning is your responsibility to solve.
NOT TA…
So…. she wants the window seat because of her fear of flying? And I’m guessing that she’s flown before, so this ‘fear’ isn’t a completely new thing, yes? Yet, knowing this issue, she chose NOT to reserve a window seat for her own sanity and comfort. But instead manipulate others to give up their paid for seats. 🤨🙄
Reminds me of a situation with my kid and my ex’s new wife. (As told to me by my kids) They were traveling together, and my kid sat in her ticketed seat. The new wife demanded that my kid vacate her seat by the window so the wife could sit in the window seat due to her anxiety. My kid, feeding into the anxiety, says, “What so you can see the ground faster before we hit it?”😳
If Anna has “issues”, she can do what you did, pay for the upgrade. I assume there is a return flight. Next time someone brings it up, offer to send them the link to upgrade seats. NTA
Honestly, your husband is the AH. Spouses should be unified. You disagree and discuss privately. He should have your back with family.
Rage bait. Window seats are not more expensive than others. Pricing is more dependent upon where you are (how far forward, or middle seat) in the cabin, or if you’re booking Main Cabin Extra.
Did any other family member have a window seat?
NTA You might want to really think about what staying with this guy means. His sister is an entitled asshole who will make your life miserable.
If she wanted a window seat, she could have booked a window seat. The entitlement here is baffling. NTA at all.
NTA She knew what her issues with flying are. It was up to her to make a window seat reservation.