So, my sister asked me to watch her dog “for a few days” while she went on weekend trip. And as a good girl that I am, I accepted .I mean i like the dog, and I work from home, so it wasn’t a big deal what could go wrong.
Mmmmn..the weekend was over and she didn’t come back ,no heads-up from her , nothing. I then texted her on Monday asking when she was picking the dog. She replied something like “I’ll figure it out soon!” and then went quiet for another few days. At this point, I started buying dog food out of my pocket for something I didn’t budget for. I rearranged my schedule to take him for longer walks. It wasn’t terrible I got this, but it wasn’t what I signed up for.
Guess what? Weekend turned into two weeks of babysitting a bingo(the dog) and she’s still “figuring it out”. I had to open up, i called her and said, “Hey, I can’t keep watching your dog like this. You need to come get him or make some kinda arrangements by the end of the week.” She got defensive, saying I was being selfish, selfish for dog? that I knew she was going through a lot , she needs to clear her head and that I was putting pressure on her when she really needed support right now.
I totally get the needing help part, but she never asked me if I could keep the dog indefinitely she just kind of… left him. I reminded her I have my own life to figure out and never signed up to be a baby sitter or permit me to say a dog-sitter.
She ended up picking him up two days later, but now she’s barely speaking to me. Mom said I should’ve just been patient with her and that “family supports each other unconditionally.” I get, but there has to be a line somewhere to these things, right?
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So, my sister asked me to watch her dog “for a few days” while she went on weekend trip. And as a good girl that I am, I accepted .I mean i like the dog, and I work from home, so it wasn’t a big deal what could go wrong.
Mmmmn..the weekend was over and she didn’t come back ,no heads-up from her , nothing. I then texted her on Monday asking when she was picking the dog. She replied something like “I’ll figure it out soon!” and then went quiet for another few days. At this point, I started buying dog food out of my pocket for something I didn’t budget for. I rearranged my schedule to take him for longer walks. It wasn’t terrible I got this, but it wasn’t what I signed up for.
Guess what? Weekend turned into two weeks of babysitting a bingo(the dog) and she’s still “figuring it out”. I had to open up, i called her and said, “Hey, I can’t keep watching your dog like this. You need to come get him or make some kinda arrangements by the end of the week.” She got defensive, saying I was being selfish, selfish for dog? that I knew she was going through a lot , she needs to clear her head and that I was putting pressure on her when she really needed support right now.
I totally get the needing help part, but she never asked me if I could keep the dog indefinitely she just kind of… left him. I reminded her I have my own life to figure out and never signed up to be a baby sitter or permit me to say a dog-sitter.
She ended up picking him up two days later, but now she’s barely speaking to me. Mom said I should’ve just been patient with her and that “family supports each other unconditionally.” I get, but there has to be a line somewhere to these things, right?
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> It could make me an asshole because she’s my sister and i failed to take care of dog, although she didn’t ask me to formally.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. She was taking advantage of you. Tell your Mom to take the dog if she wants to support her unconditionally.
NTA, send her an itemised receipt for all the costs unexpected and show your mother that her daughters pathetic need to burden family secretively cost you XYZ that they need to reimburse you for
NTA – You did take care of him for not only the time you agreed but well beyond. You even put out your own money which you really couldn’t afford and hadn’t agreed to. She wasn’t even communicating with you about this and just assumed you’d continue. You didn’t choose to have a dog, she did. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
NTA. She’s a user. Poor dog deserves a better home.
Nta, unconditionally? No thank you! We all deserve our own personal bubble of freedom, owning a dog was her choice in her bubble, not yours.
Good news, as family helps out unconditionally your mom has just volunteered to house her dog. Problem solved.
NTA tell her if she doesn’t figure her shit out you are reporting her to animal rights services because you are worried for the dog’s safety at this point
NTA And I hate that absolute bullshit narrative family helps family. What would have happened if that dog got violently ill and needed medical care. You wouldnt have any information about the dog.
The only AH’s in this situation is your sister for just dumping that dog on you longer then she said.
And your mom with the bullshit of family helps family unconditionally. If that is the case then mom should take the dog in for as long as it takes.
NTA. Tell mom my family is family the next time she can take care of the dog and heaven forbid your sister ever become pregnant. You’re a good sister for doing what you did.
NTA but let me extend some helpful advice. Your mom has a favorite and it isn’t you. This likely means your dad ALSO has a favorite and it isn’t you (probably because of your mother) and your extended family by design has been taught your sister is the one they love more than you too.
Keep that in mind for all future interactions. Mom won’t put you first even when you’re in the right, you’ve done MUCH more than you were asked to do, and it doesn’t cost her anything.
The stars have aligned for her to be completely on your side and (even just privately) say you’re right, and she loves your sister so much more than you that she is working FOR her to give you shit rather than supporting you.
If anyone asks you for favors in the future you just sort of ghost them. Don’t say no, they’ll take that as a challenge. Just “forget” and if they try again say, “Let me check” and then don’t get back to them.
You don’t owe these people anything. They can’t bring themselves to take your side when you’ve done everything right, you’re the wronged party, and they wouldn’t have to do anything but privately validate you as being right (which you are).
So… What’s going on with your sister? Why does she need support and to clear her head and to not be pressured?
Honestly, you handled that perfectly. She straight up left her dog with you indefinitely without asking and then tried to guilt-trip you for setting boundaries? Nah. Family support is great, but it doesn’t mean being a free pet hotel. You weren’t being selfish, you were being reasonable.
NTA. Where was your mom’s support? Supporting your sister and being taken advantage of are two different things.
NTA but seriously what was going on with sister other than going away for a weekend? Did she suddenly become homeless or what?
NTA. Lets get one thing straight: your sister has main character syndrome, and your mom is her biggest fan.
”Going through a lot” is not a free pass to treat people like your personal staff. She didn’t ask for “support,” she expected a servant. She dumped her living, breathing responsibility on you, then had the nerve to call YOU selfish for not wanting to be her unpaid kennel manager indefinitely.
Her being upset is a direct consequence of her own shitty actions. Your not the bad guy here; you just stopped letting her use you as a doormat.
NTA
Your sister took advantage of you. Full stop.
> while she went on weekend trip
I am curious as to why she needed to be away for so long.
> She ended up picking him up two days later, but now she’s barely speaking to me. Mom said I should’ve just been patient with her and that “family supports each other unconditionally.” I get, but there has to be a line somewhere to these things, right?
That doesn’t mean you can take advantage of others.
Boundaries need to be drawn and respected.
Your sister called YOU selfish? Someone who just decides to abandon a pet for an indefinite amount of time?
You are definitely NTA. And your mom… Apparently your sister takes after her.
Mom says “Family supports family… blah blah blah”
NTA. Why doesn’t your mom take the dog then? Remember this when she wants to leave her child with you.
NTA for feeling put out by the extra dog duty but maybe soft YTA for (at least according to your post) not seeming to care what’s up with your sister?
Rather than ‘when are you coming’ x10, was there any ‘what do you mean sort things out, what’s going on, are you ok?’
I’m not getting anywhere in your post where you had a conversation about what’s happening that has made her abandon her dog, and that’s what your mom was likely upset about…showing compassion to what she’s going through rather than making this all about the extra dog duty.
edited to add – I didn’t see the ‘unconditionally’ comment by mom…and that’s off base. No, family does not need to be there ‘unconditionally’.
NTA.
Your mom is wrong. Family should not be expected to support each other unconditionally. Setting conditions is fine.
You can counter your mom’s nonsense with “family shouldn’t exploit the goodwill of family”.
NTA. You are being used and your mom is being unfair. I am certain your sister will start speaking to you again when she needs another favour and, if you decline, no doubt “mom” will get involved to give you a nudge in the “right” direction. Get yourself ready to say no to both of them “unconditionally”.
NTA. If she was going through some stuff and actually needed your help for longer than expected, she could have opened up a bit and explained. She could have gotten in touch herself and asked. If there’s a reason she’s not able to get the dog, she quite literally owes you an explanation and it doesn’t sound like you got one.
NTA- but next time clarify what a few days are and pick up time. You’ll save yourself headaches
Poor dog. NTA. Tell her she should give the dog up to a rescue since she’s clearly not in a place to love and care for it. Alternatively I would be thinking about calling your cities animal welfare league and reporting her. I’m worried she’s neglecting the dog at her place
Cool mom can take the dog
Nta,
Every relationship has conditions. People who want to step on boundaries or mistreat others say love or family is unconditional. The conditions are different for each person, but the main ones are universal, don’t mistreat me,take advantage, bully, harass, steal,assault, etc… your sister is in the wrong, and your mom is an enabler. Tell mom next time I am, adding you into the mix if your sister pulls this stunt again.
Sounds like a George Harrison song. Within without.
NTA!! But it sounds like mom is available!! Tell her it’s getting dropped at moms or the humane society if she doesn’t come pick it up! And add now.
YTA. Cite her for pet abuse.
NTA. Family supports family always ends up with the person doing the supporting getting screwed over.
She’s very lucky you’re nice. I know you did it for the dog, but she is ridiculous. NTA, but no more watching the dog she really shouldn’t have.
NTA
Dog would have been dropped off with Mom. Just because sister is doing whatever doesn’t mean abandoning her own pet is your responsibility
NTA. Your sister was trying to bum her dog on you, possibly indefinitely. Be prepared for the dog to be dropped off again and without any warning, and how you will take or reject this. If it’s something extreme like putting the dog in a shelter, let them know ahead of time. If you decide you want to keep the dog, procure a vet bill and change the chip name if present.
NTA, also OP I’m curious, are you in an apartment? Where you aren’t supposed to have pets? Could you use this as a bargaining chip for sister to come get her pet?
I’ve found sadly, that those people who demand unconditional love because they’re family are the ones who are least happy to practice unconditional respect to the same family.
You’re not the asshole. She abandoned her dog. Would have been ok if she’d texted you to say so.
NTA…No matter what your sister has going on in her life, she has responsibilities. The dog is her responsibility. Since, your mother is so big on family support, she can dog-sit from now on.
I so relate to this:
I agreed to take care of a cat, while allergic to cats – mind you – for a month or two while they sorted out their living arrangements. That turned into a year, because they also wanted to go on vacation and also had to buy a new house and also… etc. And when I told them they needed to figure out arrangements as I was also going on vacation and this cat needed to return to them, they told me they didn’t want this elderly cat back in the house because everything was new and someone that visits them often is allergic to cats (like I’m also allergic??) They figured arrangements like at the last minute (the weekend before my vacation), then wanted me to hand this cat over to a stranger… I made them do it, themselves. Things continue to be awkward between us, the cat never is discussed again… They just counted on me bonding with this cat and then continuing to want to take care of this cat and I feel emotionally manipulated in this, like it’s my fault that they needed to rehome the cat.
Your sister is doing the same, like it’s your fault she needs to take responsibility for her dog. Like, you should have bonded with the dog and wanted to take care of the dog, so she can shun that responsibility guilt-free. No, if she cannot take care of the dog, it’s her responsibility to find the dog a good home. NTA.
I’m sick of this AI crap .
If family supports each other unconditionally, then why are they taking advantage of you? If she had asked or even talked to you- but she didn’t. She just abandoned him. What an asshole. They should support you knowing what the hell is even going on. Tell them they’re being ridiculous. You can’t put your whole life on hold to support her- you matter too. Fuck them.
What was she going through that she couldn’t take care of her dog? Can she not care for him for some reason? Should we be concerned about the dogs well being now that he’s back with sis?
The dog can go live with mom. Problem solved!
NTA and if mom is upset, mom can take the dog and pay for it. It is out of line to leave the dog without asking or giving details. If she had said, “I need some help with the dog, can you please take care of him (food, etc.) for a month?” You may not have said yes, but at least you would know what was going on.
Then she can leave the dog with mom indefinitely