I’m 20 with two younger sisters. A cousin asked me to organize a get-together, and my mom said it was okay after I asked her if she was Okay with it ; but I never agreed to take them.
My mom asked if I could go a few days ago, I said “I don’t know.” Today, I got told the get-together is at 2:30 PM. I asked my parents who’d take them, and my mom flipped out.
I’ve worked all week, just like my parents. I don’t think it’s only my responsibility. I stayed calm, but my mom yelled at me, called me disrespectful and ungrateful.
After that i asked her if she knew what responsibility means and she said if she hadn’t known about responsibility I’d be on the street.
She also said my siblings won’t be able to count on me when she’s gone, and I talk without thinking. I told her she was the one losing it, but she said I was provoking her and that talking to me was useless.
Also : my family’s going on vacation without me. We all agreed I wouldn’t go since I wanted to work, which I was fine with. However what I am not fine with is the fact that they expected me to do all the research and bookings—using their credit card—even though I’m not invited. It feels like I’m just a free travel agent.
My dad was on vacation all week and didn’t help with any of this.
I also attend parent-teacher meetings for my sisters even when my parents are home. They don’t want to bother with it, so I’m the “adult.”
Since I got a job, my mom’s been nicer, but it feels fake—like she only cares because I’m useful, which pisses me off and fills me with utter disgust.
So, AITA for refusing to take my siblings and standing my ground?
Edit: I’m not lazy or uncaring. I love my siblings but I’m exhausted and feel unappreciated, doing all the adult stuff with nothing in return.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I’m 20 with two younger sisters. A cousin asked me to organize a get-together, and my mom said it was okay, but I never agreed to take them.
My mom asked if I could go a few days ago, I said “I don’t know.” Today, I got told the get-together is at 2:30 PM. I asked my parents who’d take them, and my mom flipped out.
I’ve worked all week, just like my parents. I don’t think it’s only my responsibility. I stayed calm, but my mom yelled at me, called me disrespectful and ungrateful, saying if she hadn’t taught me responsibility I’d be on the street.
She also said my siblings won’t be able to count on me when she’s gone, and I talk without thinking. I told her she was the one losing it, but she said I was provoking her and that talking to me was useless.
Also : my family’s going on vacation without me. We all agreed I wouldn’t go since I wanted to work, which I was fine with. However what I am not fine with is the fact that they expected me to do all the research and bookings—using their credit card—even though I’m not invited. It feels like I’m just a free travel agent.
My dad was on vacation all week and didn’t help with any of this.
I also attend parent-teacher meetings for my sisters even when my parents are home. They don’t want to bother with it, so I’m the “adult.”
Since I got a job, my mom’s been nicer, but it feels fake—like she only cares because I’m useful, which pisses me off and fills me with utter disgust.
So, AITA for refusing to take my siblings and standing my ground?
Edit: I’m not lazy or uncaring. I love my siblings but I’m exhausted and feel unappreciated, doing all the adult stuff with nothing in return, also this might sounds a tad harsh but I think I don’t like my parents anymore after years of betrayal and I can’t feel any love/empathy for them.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to help my mom and felt no empathy afterward. My post confront 2 different pov and I thought I needed more hindsight to process it better and separe the right from wrong.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your parents are though.
NTA. “I am a sibling, not a parent. You are a parent.” Keep saying this until she either understands or just can’t take it any longer.
NTA. Your mother is abusive. I speak from experience and don’t use the word lightly. You have no responsibility to other people’s children, other than not harming them as fellow humans. That’s it.
It is difficult when as an adult you are still living with your parents, because they are doing you a huge favor by letting you stay there. They do expect you, not unreasonably, to contribute to the household.
The solution is of course that it is time to move out to your own place. It sounds like you have been “parentified”. And when you do, please remember that “No” is a complete sentence.
NTA
NTA
Why are you organising their vacation – you have 2 parents if it’s so important they can decide between them who will do it.
Weaponised incompetence – do not except it from your dad.
You should probably make a plan to move out. Not sure your living arrangement is working for you.
NTA.
They are your siblings not your children. It is your parents “job” to care for and take care of them.
You mother point out “when she is gone bla bla bla”, even if such worst case scenario were to happen and depending on their age(s) at the time. It would still not be your forced job to take care of them, it would be a choice and priority made from your side.
Ergo, being a parent is their job and not yours. You are not hired help, but likely as long as you don’t fund the expenses or live elsewhere. It would seem you might be expected to act if you were the live-in help.
Definitely NTA You’re parents are taking the proverbial pi*s, they sound irresponsible and treat you like a personal assistant instead of the working adult you are, and I think you did much more before you got your job? Parents should never guilt trip or emotionally abuse their kid. Unfortunately your family dynamic is toxic at the moment and it needs resolving if possible, but you do need to set clear boundaries for yourself as your life progresses. If you still live with them then you need to move out if you can afford to or they will continue to take advantage of you and demean you. It would be completely different if you were not working and were asked nicely to help out with your siblings for your hardworking parents but this not the case especially when your Dad was on holiday for a week and did sweet fu*k all. Don`t allow yourself to be bullied by anyone, parents, partner or friends. You’re 20 and working now, and entitled to build your own life and make your own plans and decisions. It’s nice to help out family when possible but should not be an expectation.