Throwaway for context.
I (39F) have been an ER doctor in a small rural hospital for 6 years.
One of the ugly secrets not everyone knows about hospitals is that valuables often go missing. It’s deplorable, but in a place with hundreds of workers and thousands of strangers constantly coming in and out, likely not everyone is gonna be honest. So since my first day here, my coworkers told me to hide my wallet cause cash tends to disappear around here.
What kept changing was the alleged culprit. In my first year, everybody swore it was a health technician, who eventually quit for unrelated reasons. Then they switched the blame to an ER nurse, and now to another for the past 2-3 years (51F Amy).
Now, I believe that where there’s smoke there’s fire. That said, my own experience in these years has always been very positive. I’m known to be very forgetful and careless about my stuff, yet nothing has ever disappeared.
As long as I’ve been here, I’ve always refused to take sides. I’m friendly with everyone and, although I enjoy innocent gossip (like who’s sleeping with whom), I firmly refuse to judge anyone based on voices alone.
Amy has always been a friend of mine, we exchange jokes and sometimes confidences. She’s in a rough spot because of health concerns with her elderly parents and I try to be supportive.
What drives me up the wall is the general attitude in the ward. At least 3 ER workers have told me they personally witnessed Amy rummaging through coworkers’ and patients’ purses, yet no one has ever stopped her in the act, or even called her to the side to ask what the f* she was doing, or filed a report.
Lately I’ve been unwillingly involved in this drama, although I always tried to stay out of it. A couple of colleagues have openly criticized me for continuing to be in good terms with Amy, implying that if I keep being friends with her then I must condone her behavior.
Yesterday I finally lost my cool. I bluntly stated that I have the right to talk to whomever I want, that I’ve never seen a sliver of proof that she’s actually doing what she’s accused of, that adult people should have the courage to speak up when they see someone committing a crime, and that this “Mean Girls” attitude is more worthy of a kindergarten than a professional setting. As so, I’m now shunned by a good portion of my coworkers.
I couldn’t care less about what my coworkers think, but I’m torn about how I handled the situation. If Amy’s actually guilty, of course I won’t shield her anymore, but I don’t feel comfortable jumping on the band wagon with nothing more than whispers and gossip.
So, AITA for refusing to take sides in this workplace feud?
Comments
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Throwaway for context.
I (39F) have been an ER doctor in a small rural hospital for 6 years.
One of the ugly secrets not everyone knows about hospitals is that valuables often go missing. It’s deplorable, but in a place with hundreds of workers and thousands of strangers constantly coming in and out, likely not everyone is gonna be honest. So since my first day here, my coworkers told me to hide my wallet cause cash tends to disappear around here.
What kept changing was the alleged culprit. In my first year, everybody swore it was a health technician, who eventually quit for unrelated reasons. Then they switched the blame to an ER nurse, and now to another for the past 2-3 years (51F Amy).
Now, I believe that where there’s smoke there’s fire. That said, my own experience in these years has always been very positive. I’m known to be very forgetful and careless about my stuff, yet nothing has ever disappeared.
As long as I’ve been here, I’ve always refused to take sides. I’m friendly with everyone and, although I enjoy innocent gossip (like who’s sleeping with whom), I firmly refuse to judge anyone based on voices alone.
Amy has always been a friend of mine, we exchange jokes and sometimes confidences. She’s in a rough spot because of health concerns with her elderly parents and I try to be supportive.
What drives me up the wall is the general attitude in the ward. At least 3 ER workers have told me they personally witnessed Amy rummaging through coworkers’ and patients’ purses, yet no one has ever stopped her in the act, or even called her to the side to ask what the f* she was doing, or filed a report.
Lately I’ve been unwillingly involved in this drama, although I always tried to stay out of it. A couple of colleagues have openly criticized me for continuing to be in good terms with Amy, implying that if I keep being friends with her then I must condone her behavior.
Yesterday I finally lost my cool. I bluntly stated that I have the right to talk to whomever I want, that I’ve never seen a sliver of proof that she’s actually doing what she’s accused of, that adult people should have the courage to speak up when they see someone committing a crime, and that this “Mean Girls” attitude is more worthy of a kindergarten than a professional setting. As so, I’m now shunned by a good portion of my coworkers.
I couldn’t care less about what my coworkers think, but I’m torn about how I handled the situation. If Amy’s actually guilty, of course I won’t shield her anymore, but I don’t feel comfortable jumping on the band wagon with nothing more than whispers and gossip.
So, AITA for refusing to take sides in this workplace feud?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to end a friendship with a coworker who’s been accused of stealing from work, and I publicly criticized my other coworkers’ attitude for speaking behind her back but not to her face
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. What you said was right on point. Nothing to add.
NTA. This is something for security to deal with. They should report to security if they see something, not co-workers.
NTA. They’re just creating drama with no proof and you should let Amy know so it can be taken to HR.
This needs to be reported to the hospital for investigation, if Amy is really stealing she needs to be caught and fired, and if she is not then her name needs to be cleared and your bosses need to deal with potential workplace bullying.
NTA
Accusing YOU of condoning her behavior AFTER watching her rummage through … that’s gaslighting.
You would do well to report the entire thing to HR or at least someone higher up (in writing, so there’s a record of it!) now before they start accusing you.
Go on the record with “look, these people have said they saw something but didn’t report it, after shifting blame from person to person”. Why does that sound like the people actually responsible for it are the ones spreading the stories? If that’s true, you’re in the crosshairs. If it’s not, then THEY were condoning the behavior by NOT turning her in. This isn’t the “thin-blue-line” where you protect fellow cops who may not act perfectly at all times. Just like cops: Theft is still theft. Not a quick judgement call that went wrong.
It’s not grade-school or an after-school special where everyone will learn a valuable lesson at the end. It’s harmful to Amy, you and anyone whose items are stolen. It’s not like there aren’t cameras everywhere now. Whoever is doing it will get nailed soon enough. Well, they’ll get nailed when the cameras are moved and nobody knows at first. LOL
Good luck.
NTA. But if the same coworkers keep blaming different people for thefts, then perhaps the thieves are the ones making the allegations. Why would no one report Amy to hospital security or HR?
Workplace bullying is very real and it sounds like your workplace has a problem with it. If you hear anyone saying something, ask why they didn’t do anything. If someone says someone else said something, ask why they didn’t ask that person why they didn’t do anything. Eventually they will shit their fool mouths when everyone challenges them. That’s all you can do if management won’t intervene
At my spouse’s workplace, someone kept stealing another worker’s prescrition (Oxycontin). They placed a camera in that workers office and it soon became apparent who the thief was (it was actually an attorney).
The hospital could do that also.