My partner and I (late 20s), have been together for just over a year now. I love this man, and we constantly talk about how we’re end game for each other.
Now, we both work regular jobs. I’ve recently started posting regularly on tik tok and got some attention on my posts. This led to me being invited to a Netflix event so I could socialise and build connections with other creators. Because I’d always wanted to do something like this, I was happy about it. I got to the event and DID meet people and we exchanged phone numbers and followed each other’s socials. To me, this showed growth as I’ve been wanting to do this for years, and it finally happened.
Most of the people there were big influencers. I mean hundreds of thousands to millions of followers, while I have less than 5k. I hung out with a man and woman I met for a bit of the time, and while the woman had a bigger following, the man and I had a similar follow count.
We (the man and I) then spoke about how should one of us be invited to an event and not the other, if there’s an option to add a plus one we’d add each other for each of our growth. It would then give us the chance to both be in these spaces and ensure our growth too. We also spoke about collaboration and doing celebrity interviews together. I thought this was a solid plan, as networking is a big part of a lot of careers.
I now have him on my social media and he knows I have a boyfriend as he’s liked posts of my boyfriend and I. I have him on WhatsApp too so he sees EVERYTHING I post about my partner. And I post my partner A LOT. He’s not a secret.
Now, an invite came through. Not to me, but to that man. He asked if I’m still interested in going, I said yes. He added me as his guest. I then informed my boyfriend, he asked for details then said it was fine and suggested outfits I could wear for this event as the theme is my style too. I thought that was it.
He asked that I text this man and tell him that this is strictly a professional relationship and I’m not interested in him romantically. I refused as this man and I have had about 3 conversations, all centred around a collaboration. He has not expressed any romantic interest in me, or even shown any signs. I’m not stupid, I know men can play a long game, but I genuinely think this man is a hustler who’s trying to optimise all his opportunities in this industry, and by getting me in on his events, he’s setting himself to get in on my events. I have not detected any interest from this guy and I feel it would be offensive for me to just randomly tell him “I have a boyfriend, I don’t want you” when he hasn’t even shown me that kind of interest.
I told my boyfriend that if this man tried flirting with me or hitting on me, only then would I tell him this and I would stop doing events with him because he clearly knows I’m in a relationship. My boyfriend insists that I tell him now, and I refuse to.
AITA?
I’d appreciate some advice as I don’t know how to handle this.
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My partner and I (late 20s), have been together for just over a year now. I love this man, and we constantly talk about how we’re end game for each other.
Now, we both work regular jobs. I’ve recently started posting regularly on tik tok and got some attention on my posts. This led to me being invited to a Netflix event so I could socialise and build connections with other creators. Because I’d always wanted to do something like this, I was happy about it. I got to the event and DID meet people and we exchanged phone numbers and followed each other’s socials. To me, this showed growth as I’ve been wanting to do this for years, and it finally happened.
Most of the people there were big influencers. I mean hundreds of thousands to millions of followers, while I have less than 5k. I hung out with a man and woman I met for a bit of the time, and while the woman had a bigger following, the man and I had a similar follow count.
We (the man and I) then spoke about how should one of us be invited to an event and not the other, if there’s an option to add a plus one we’d add each other for each of our growth. It would then give us the chance to both be in these spaces and ensure our growth too. We also spoke about collaboration and doing celebrity interviews together. I thought this was a solid plan, as networking is a big part of a lot of careers.
I now have him on my social media and he knows I have a boyfriend as he’s liked posts of my boyfriend and I. I have him on WhatsApp too so he sees EVERYTHING I post about my partner. And I post my partner A LOT. He’s not a secret.
Now, an invite came through. Not to me, but to that man. He asked if I’m still interested in going, I said yes. He added me as his guest. I then informed my boyfriend, he asked for details then said it was fine and suggested outfits I could wear for this event as the theme is my style too. I thought that was it.
He asked that I text this man and tell him that this is strictly a professional relationship and I’m not interested in him romantically. I refused as this man and I have had about 3 conversations, all centred around a collaboration. He has not expressed any romantic interest in me, or even shown any signs. I’m not stupid, I know men can play a long game, but I genuinely think this man is a hustler who’s trying to optimise all his opportunities in this industry, and by getting me in on his events, he’s setting himself to get in on my events. I have not detected any interest from this guy and I feel it would be offensive for me to just randomly tell him “I have a boyfriend, I don’t want you” when he hasn’t even shown me that kind of interest.
I told my boyfriend that if this man tried flirting with me or hitting on me, only then would I tell him this and I would stop doing events with him because he clearly knows I’m in a relationship. My boyfriend insists that I tell him now, and I refuse to.
AITA?
I’d appreciate some advice as I don’t know how to handle this.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My boyfriend asked me to do something for him that would give him peace, and I refuse to because I feel it would ruin things for me if I did it. We’re not seeing eye to eye no matter how much we step back, think about it, and revisit it. We end up fighting. Because he’s my first boyfriend, I worry that maybe I’m being inconsiderate of his feelings, but I also feel he should trust me
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Men and women can coexist without thinking of each other as sexual objects. There is nothing unreasonable in your approach.
NAH. His suggestion is too aggressive but I can understand why he wants you to draw the boundary clearly so I wouldn’t call him an AH. I think there’s an easy compromise here. You will anyway be talking to this guy to coordinate and go for the event. You can casually gush about how your boyfriend is happy for you getting this opportunity and even helped with choosing an outfit. Non-confrontational and makes it clear you are in a happy & stable relationship.
NTA. Presumably this is a business situation, so there’s no need for a preemptive pronouncement. My only concern would be about the safety of going places with a man you don’t know. Is this the kind of thing where you’d go separately to a place with a lot of people?
NTA. This is a work thing. Imagine telling your colleague who is working on a project with you that you’re not into him. You can kiss any collaboration goodbye with this stunt. Pun intended
“Do you preemptively tell every woman you work with that your relationship is strictly professional and that you aren’t interested in them romantically? Or do you recognize that if you did that without a good reason, you would be the one who was making things uncomfortable by assuming not only that they have feelings for you, but that they are thinking about acting on those feelings?”
NTA. It’s not reasonable for your boyfriend to expect you to unnecessarily introduce the topic of sexual/romantic interactions into work-related situations. If it becomes necessary (e.g. because your colleague brings up the subject or tries hitting on you), you can clarify your lack of interest then.
ESH
Both you and your boyfriend are mishandling this situation in ways that aren’t helpful. You’re right to want to protect your professional opportunities and not jump to assumptions about this guy’s intentions, but being completely dismissive of your boyfriend’s concerns comes off as naive and a bit disrespectful to his feelings. You seem somewhat blind to the real dangers that can come with the social media and influencer world—where boundaries can get blurred, and many have faced temptation or ended up leaving partners because of the pressures and dynamics involved. Meanwhile, your boyfriend’s insistence that you preemptively send a message to someone who hasn’t shown any romantic interest crosses a line into controlling behavior and distrust. Instead of communicating openly and calmly, he’s trying to micromanage a purely professional relationship based on fear. Both of you need to acknowledge each other’s perspectives—he needs to trust you more, and you need to validate that his insecurities come from a place of care, even if it’s misplaced. This situation calls for mature dialogue, mutual respect, and compromise rather than ultimatums or refusal.
NTA. Sending that text is going to make you That Person who everyone avoids because they don’t want to be dragged into your delusional dramas. I bet he has never sent this message to all his female coworkers because he knows it would damage him professionally but he is happy to sabotage you. If he was approaching the issue as he was feeling insecurity which he knew was a him issue but would like to work with you to get some reassurance, I would be sympathetic with that. There are plenty of reasonable compromises. For example, you could invite the hustler meet up at a cafe for a meal or coffee and cake with yourself and bf before the event starts. But is your bf mature enough to be normal or is he going to embarress you being a possessive dick? It concerns me that he refuses to acknowledge he is being unreasonable and I don’t think you should get in the habit of placating unreasonable possessiveness. Is this a pattern of behavior with him? I really hope it is a out of character and he realises he is being a dumbass. But if he doesn’t, this kind of controlling sabotage tends to escalate the longer you have been together.
NTA your bf thinks he can just command you to aay a bunch of words? Like a puppet? Would be funny if it wasnt sad
I just read the other side of this situation from your bf. He paints it somewhat differently. I don’t think you need to make a special text to tell this guy that it’s only a professional relationship because that’s weird. But I would definitely find a way to mention your boyfriend the next time you see this potential colleague, and not just wait until he tries flirting with you.
No, you could shoot yourself in the foot saying something like that. You’ve worked hard to get this far, don’t jeopardize that.
NTA, but you should have a talk with your boyfriend about his insecurities, because I the end if anything happens is because you allow them to happen, and you seem to really love your bf, so maybe talk to him, introducing each other could be a go way to ease your bfs insecurities too, but you should definitely address this topic
NTA. I go to a lot of business events and also travel for business with men. I don’t announce the fact I am married before going. It’s irrelevant and frankly, I’d end up getting myself reported if I assumed that every man I work with is potentially some kind of sex pest!!!
I found his side: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/CfOCnZqGyC
He doesn’t mention that this man already knows that I’m in a relationship and he seems so sure that this man that has barely expressed interest in me, wants me.
Nta. Tell your boyfriend that the guy is gay and this will stop.
NTA – i can’t think of a quicker way to put someone off than by aggressively stating boundaries that they haven’t come anywhere close to crossing. that would be the last time i tried to include you for anything.
NTA. Preemptively saying something like that without any further hint would definitely sour a professional relationship. Personally, I (as the man) wouldn’t confront someone or anything, but I would slowly let any professional ties naturally deteriorate and file that person away as (unnecessary drama).
NAH.
Nothing wrong with a text about the event – getting details, saying you’re excited, just anything – and ending it with something like, “I’m really glad to have you in my corner, strictly professional.” I can’t count the number of times I thought I was making a friend and ended up wishing I’d been clearer from the get that that’s all it would be.
Heck, I caught myself staring at a friend of my partner and just straight told him, “Don’t take this wrong, because I’m not interested in you in that way, but you’re such a pretty person.” He and my partner both thought it was funny.
You’re not an asshole for wanting to hold off on telling him this is a strictly professional relationship, but it could be wise and also it would do a lot to ease your partner’s insecurity about the situation. Since you intend to keep communicating and going to events with this guy, handling any issues now is a good thing.
And he’s not an asshole for wanting to make sure it’s clear to this guy that the relationship is purely professional, but trying to pressure you into telling the guy right away when he knows why you’re hesitating isn’t the right move.
My suggestion is that you find some way to reassure your man, even if you decide not to send the requested text to the other guy. It’s compromise time.
NTA
Don’t say anything, unless he becomes inappropriate.
If you do, he won’t feel comfortable working with you in the future.
I think you are handling it well. I’d be patient with your boyfriend and keep an open mind regarding ways you can assuage his concerns while also not doing the thing he’s asking
NTA – You sound like a very intelligent and down to earth person. . It’s a shame your bf doesn’t give you the trust and respect you likely deserve.
NTA. You’re absolutely correct in that what your boyfriend is insisting would be offensive.