I, 27F, recently agreed to take care of my friend’s cat while she was away traveling for a few days.
We’re not really close friends, but she asked me because her apartment is close to my work, and I live an hour away from my office.
From last Wednesday to Saturday morning, I stayed at her place for cat sitting, and I was happy to help because it was reduced commute for me and it’s not much work to take care of a cat.
She was supposed to be back Saturday night, and I left enough food for the day for the cat as I was leaving around noon.
Around 6PM as I was having dinner with friends at a restaurant back in my city, my friend called me to tell me that her flight had been cancelled, and they rebooked her flight so she will arrive Sunday noon instead of Saturday night.
She asked me if I could come back to her apartment to feed the cat, as I am the only one with the spare key to her apartment.
I told her I am in the middle of dinner and we are going to a party afterwards, nothing bad will happen to the cat if she skips a meal or two until tomorrow noon, so I can’t drop everything now and travel 2 hours (back and forth) to feed the cat.
I did offer, if for whatever reason her flight is further delayed, then I will come on Sunday to feed the cat.
Then she told me she can’t believe I would let a poor innocent animal starve and suffer, just to be able to party and enjoy myself.
She said this is animal abuse and she will have to report me.
She hung up on me, and then she sent me a series of text that switches from begging for me to go to her apartment to cursing me that I am a cruel animal abuser.
I ignored all her messages and today I gave her key to a common friend so she can get the key back, as I don’t feel comfortable talking to her anymore unless she reaches out with an apology.
A part of me does feel bad about what happened tho, maybe she was just paranoid about her cat suffering?
So what do you think…. AITA for refusing to travel an hour to feed her cat in this situation??
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I, 27F, recently agreed to take care of my friend’s cat while she was away traveling for a few days.
We’re not really close friends, but she asked me because her apartment is close to my work, and I live an hour away from my office.
From last Wednesday to Saturday morning, I stayed at her place for cat sitting, and I was happy to help because it was reduced commute for me and it’s not much work to take care of a cat.
She was supposed to be back Saturday night, and I left enough food for the day for the cat as I was leaving around noon.
Around 6PM as I was having dinner with friends at a restaurant back in my city, my friend called me to tell me that her flight had been cancelled, and they rebooked her flight so she will arrive Sunday noon instead of Saturday night.
She asked me if I could come back to her apartment to feed the cat, as I am the only one with the spare key to her apartment.
I told her I am in the middle of dinner and we are going to a party afterwards, nothing bad will happen to the cat if she skips a meal or two until tomorrow noon, so I can’t drop everything now and travel 2 hours (back and forth) to feed the cat.
I did offer, if for whatever reason her flight is further delayed, then I will come on Sunday to feed the cat.
Then she told me she can’t believe I would let a poor innocent animal starve and suffer, just to be able to party and enjoy myself.
She said this is animal abuse and she will have to report me.
She hung up on me, and then she sent me a series of text that switches from begging for me to go to her apartment to cursing me that I am a cruel animal abuser.
I ignored all her messages and today I gave her key to a common friend so she can get the key back, as I don’t feel comfortable talking to her anymore unless she reaches out with an apology.
A part of me does feel bad about what happened tho, maybe she was just paranoid about her cat suffering?
So what do you think…. AITA for refusing to travel an hour to feed her cat in this situation??
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I refused to travel an hour (two hours back and forth) to come to my friend’s apartment to feed her cat, when her flight was cancelled and she was arriving home later than expected.
(2) This action might make me an asshole because I was the only one with the spare key to her apartment.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You were already doing a big favor for your friend. If she cannot afford to board her cat when she is out of town; that is her issue not yours. You did the job you agreed to do.
NTA. You already did her a favor by cat-sitting, left enough food for the day, and even offered to help if her flight got delayed further. Her freakout was unwarranted, cats don’t starve overnight, and her guilt-tripping was manipulative.
NTA. If it goes on for more than 2 days then you’d possibly have a problem, one night any cat will survive just fine even if it was hungry already, let alone that you left it with some food and water even just a day’s worth. This is not animal abuse at all, the cat will be fully fine.
NTA this was a possibility that could have been talked through beforehand.
I’m going to go with YTA on this one, but its close.
Thing is, when you agree to take care of someone’s animal when they’re gone, you’re making a commitment to take care of it until they return. Stuff happens like flights getting delayed and you should be prepared for that if you take on such a responsibility. Would the cat have been alright for the night? Probably… but still, if you were supposed to be the animal’s caregiver while the owner was away, and the owner asked you to feed it because their flight was delayed and they were concerned about their animal, you probably should have.
What to me pushes this into YTA territory is that you didn’t blow it off because you had a long day at work and were exhausted or something. you blew it off to go partying. I’d expect that from a teenager, but not someone approaching 30.
NTA. You’re not obligated.
Who’s she going to report you to? You did have a reduced commute for 3 days and it’s unlikely it would have killed you to commute for 2 hours to help with what was obviously an emergency. Maybe you’re not an AH but you don’t come out smelling fresh too.
I mean…. I’m going to say yes. But because cats are one of the species that shouldn’t go without eating very long. It only takes skipping a day of food for issues to potentially start popping up.
So from my perspective, it’s not really weighing the friend vs you. It’s about the physical wellbeing of a living thing. Inconvenient or not, they have to have their basic needs provided by somebody.
NTA. You left the cat at noon with enough food to get it through to the Saturday evening when she was going to return. I assume you fed it at breakfast as well. Most cats eat two meals a day – spaced 12 hours apart. If the cat had eaten its second meal of the day in the evening it might be a bit hungry by the time she gets back at noon but it won’t starve to death.
I assume the arrangements and expectations were agreed between the two of you beforehand so she knew you would have left already by the time she called?
Also If you had been drinking there would be no driving back for you any how, even if you had wanted to. Maybe she should leave a key with her neighbours next time or put the cat in a cattery then she is covered for unplanned issues.
No
YTA. if the cat can miss a meal so can you.
I’m going with a soft YTA bc the animal’s wellbeing really should take precedence. Cats need routine & skipping even one meal can harm them. I do understand that driving 2 hours is a lot but honestly I’ve driven that long for my animals…
The cat had enough food for Saturday and the girl was supposed to come home on Sunday. How is this cat skipping a meal? Maybe the time will change but the cat will still get fed. You then kindly offered to come the next day if something happened again. NTA all the way.
Yta
When you agree to pet sit, you’re taking on that responsibility knowing that things can go wrong and you may be needed longer.
Unless you tell her that you’re only available for concrete dates and she’ll have to organise something else in case of emergency, being available is just how that works.
Flights being delayed is a common enough problem that having a buffer should have been a given.
To be fair, she should have been more organised too (an extra key, have a feeding tower for the last day or something), but you were pretty callous to someone who was already in a stressful situation.
This isn’t even that you refused to ‘drive an hour’ to feed her cat. you were out, you were busy. You may have been drinking. No- you shouldn’t have to drop all that to go feed her cat.
She needs to have a better plan in place, honestly. Relying on someone who lives an hour away was never a good idea.
NTA, a cat would be fine. her hanging up on me would end any help I was willing to give.
YTA. I know you didn’t sign up for longer, and I do get that it was a major inconvenience but it isn’t like she planned on her flight getting delayed and while it sucks you were the only one with access to help in that moment which means because you wouldn’t an animal suffered and yeah that’s shitty.
YTA wow you really suck. I’d never ask you to pet sit again
That was absolutely ridiculous. You left on Saturday leaving the cat enough food for Saturday. The cat was certainly NOT going to starve if not fed again until Sunday. That was not abusive in any way, shape or form. Your friend needs to get over herself. I am a cat lover and cat owner myself BTW.
NTA – it is HER cat, you fulfilled your agreed to cat-sitting. Two other things, she would be the one guilty of animal abuse – not you as its not your cat. And you are totally right, the cat is not going to starve to death in the interim.
YTA,
Not only is the cat dependent on you until the owner returns, but honestly, a cat should be checked on regularly. You agreed to do that, an unavoidable flight delay is nobodies fault but still there’s an animal involved who needs support.
NTA it had enough food for all day Saturday and the friend will be home Sunday, that’s not skipping a meal that’s slightly postponing a meal. I couldn’t even begin to tell you how often I don’t eat breakfast, so the timing’s the same, I’ll eat dinner one day and then not eat the next day until noon, I’ve always been fine, I’ve never felt like I was starving. If anything that should make her coming home be nicer, because if the cat’s actually really hungry it’ll be super super sweet to her (cats are manipulative like that, they’ll be nicer if they want something ).
NTA. Her cat will be fine. You did what you agreed to do and offered to go back Sunday if she got delayed further.
YTA
Your friend was right to be pissed. She was depending on you and she had an emergency come up that caused a change of plans. I pet sit for my friends and it would never occur to me in a million years to go “eh, sorry I wanna go party instead” if something like this happened.
She doesn’t owe you any apology and you showed her how much her friendship means to you.
NTA
The cat will be fine.
Good news is you dont have to pet sit anymore.
I mean yes the cat would survive but that also really sucks for them to miss a meal or two? Like it’s still a living creature with a functioning stomach
Report you to who? Will become part of your .. gasp.. permanent record?
Side note: parents and teachers threatened us with our permanent records throughout our childhood. Now it turns out we really do have a permanent record and it’s called the internet. It doesn’t include all the things I worried about, like school detention, but it is so much worse.
As long as the cat was not specified by a veterinarian to be feed at specific times due to health concerns. NTA
Tell your friend to get an automatic feeder.
I sm gonna say YTA, Cuz this falls under emergency on her part, it is nothing she could do. You are the cats caregiver while she is gone. You choose to let an innocent animal suffer. To be honest I probably drop you as a friend if I was her, cuz I wouldnt trust you after you choose to not make sure an animal does not suffer.
YTA.
You knew she wasn’t back yet, and decided to just leave instead of asking when she would be back, only to refuse to feed her cat when you did find out she wasn’t coming back hours later. You didn’t want to catsit for longer and thats understandable, but the least you could have done was 1) ask when she’d be back to work something out and 2) stay at her place till you got a response.
You might be right they could be fine without a day of food, but still. All you had to do was call her and find out when she’d be back instead of just leaving.
YTA. It can be dangerous for cats to go without food. Also, your casual attitude towards a pet that is entirely dependent on you absolutely stinks. It’s not your friend’s fault her flight was cancelled, nor her cat. If you did that to me, I’d never speak to you again. I hope you never have pets of your own
ESH. Friend should have paid you to watch her cat or at least for an extra, unexpected day that would be a 2 hour commute. You accepted responsibility to help your friend with their cat and the cat got the short end of the stick. 24 hours is a long time for cats to go without food, and either of you could have reached out to some mutual friends to see if anyone else could stop by.
ESH, you fed the cat on the days you agreed to, but you’re not really acting like the cat is a living being. Yes, the cat will survive one night, but you ARE prioritizing a party over making sure the creature you agreed to watch is cared for. You do have that option, and she should have found a better way to ask, or tried to find someone else who could grab the key off of you or something, but I can’t blame her for wanting to make sure her pet is taken care of when she’s out of town. Threatening to call someone for animal abuse was too far a response, so everyone is wrong here
NTA. Not a great friend(Id probably do it if it mattered that much to a friend of mine). But not an asshole. Friend sounds paranoid. Cat would be fine until the next day.
OMG a cat is fine for 12 hours by itself! We have left our cats alone for the whole weekend. We just left lots of food and water out for them. They aren’t like dogs that need to go out to pee.
Omg there are some insane commenters here. NTA at all. The cat will be totally fine and your friend is being absolutely ridiculous. How much was she paying you for the job?
Cars will be fine. Dogs, however…
Nta. Cat owner here. As long as the cat had access to water it would be okay. While not optimal, cats can go a day or two without food.
And, if you left at noon and she returned at noonish the next day, that’s not a long window. No different than me going by 1x a day to feed my friend’s cat, when I go by every day at the same time. So, 24hrs lapse between visits. This same friend wanted visits 2x a day. I offered 1x per day or the name of my cat sitter.
Return the key and back out of that relationship. She will approach you again for cat care.
ESH. I mean…she’s stuck and in need, I know its a pain but its not that hard to help her out of a bind that is not of her own making. But then her texts make her sound a bit unhinged.
Nta. People on this sub are nuts and are the same reason why animals get euthanized instead of adopted out with their absolute bonkers rules and requirements. “Cats cant miss a meal or things go wrong.”😂😂😂 oh really? I guess that explains why I’ve had so many cats drop dead in my house. They missed dinner? Shit, cats dead. This sub is entertaining, truly.
I’m flabbergasted by the amount of people voting Yta. What if you’ve been drinking at dinner? Should you drive to feed a cat that already had enough food?? Obviously not, because that would be stupid and reckless and the freaking cat had food. So if the cat is safe and had food and you can’t go because you’ve been drinking, you’re nta. The fact that maybe you didn’t have a drink doesn’t change the fact that the cat is safe and HAD FOOD. If it was for 2-3 days with no food or water, ok fine. But you’re just not going to be with the cat for 24hrs. In which, again, SHE HAS FOOD AND WATER. Will the cat be hungry? Sure. But my cat eats, and if I walk towards her food storage, meows like she’s been starving for days…because you know, cat.
Nta- you left enough food to get through Saturday, and she was going to be back Sunday afternoon. The cat would’ve been grumpy, but fine. And you did offer to go if there were further delays. This was certainly and inconvenience for everyone, but the cat wasn’t being harmed.
YTA
Having a flight cancelled wasn’t her fault and while the cat won’t die, it will be extremely hungry and miserable. Don’t agree to watch anymore pets if you don’t like putting yourself out in an emergency.
Well i guess she should figure out how to get home on Saturday like she said she would so she can feed her cat. Idky half these people are mad at you when you did exactly as asked. It was her people who changed the flight, she shouldn’t have let them do that.
OP. Shhh, nta.
OP you’re pushing Reddit boundaries here. Reddit loves cats. Reddit loves cat people. Cats are the greatest of God’s creatures.
Op, shhhh, you did nothing wrong. You should have told the, (wisper) crazy cat person, that you had had a few drinks with your meal and you don’t want to drink drive.
INFO Had you started drinking yet? Especially with going to a party after dinner, it’s pretty common to have a drink or two, beer or wine, with dinner.
Like, it’s a Saturday night. If its nice weather and there’s plans later, I’d probably be in the pub by mid afternoon.
You’re not the asshole but considering how she is you could have change the way you said it to make it less impactful. The cat would have been fine
NTA, we’re literally talking about you not returning that night, not “I’m never returning”.
The cat would have survived until the following morning, by which time you’d probably known if her flight was again delayed and she could have told you.
Your not her slave to jump whenever her cat needs to be fed, people need to get a grip.
NTA – you had plans. You also had plans she would be back on time.
Your friend is the A for not having a back up plan just in case flight get canceled or at least communicated a back up plan.
NTA. A cat can skip a meal, I’m assuming that it’s got plenty of water, and you did offer to return if the flight was further delayed. I’m assuming that you left the bowl full of food when you left at noon, so that the cat really is only skipping one meal.
Info — What was your agreement on feeding? Did you agree that you would leave her house at noon?
NTA.
What would she have done if you were going on your own trip that weekend? I know what she would have done. She would have sucked it up and hoped that Kitty wouldn’t be too mad at her.
NTA. I have 3 cats. They would all survive. They may be irritated but would be fine. she needs an automatic feeder
NO
YTA, don’t agree to this kind of thing again if you can’t see why an animal’s needs should be prioritized
Idk..I understand you’re not being willing or able to just drop everything & rush over there, esp when it’s an hour drive each way, but..tbh, it sounds like your friend was likely having a full – blown anxiety attack, b/c the cancelled flight, having to figure out arrangements for where she was last min, & being terribly worried about her kitty as well.
(it may be possible her cat has any number of health or behavioural concerns that could be triggered by missing meals too-it’s not just missing multiple meals that can be problematic for some kitties-one of the reasons why she was so emphatic about having someone there to take care of her cat in the 1st place) While I don’t agree w/her basically flipping out on you, I do feel a little empathy & understanding towards her sitch could’ve been extended, & from your account, it seems like you came off as being pretty dismissive of her & her cat. It’s also not the cat’s fault it’s in this predicament…
You know you’re the only one w/a spare key/access to her place, & you did agree to take care of her kitty, albeit only until Saturday. I do feel you could’ve maybe compromised a little, just to assuage her fears, & agreed to go check on her cat either later that evening, after the party, or maybe in the morning, or agreed to get the key to another mutual friend who would’ve been able to do so, instead of just blowing her off while she was obvi having an issue that was out of her control, & was causing her such emotional distress.
So..I get why you didn’t go over there at that time, but, as a friend, & as someone we’d like to think has some level of concern for other, innocent living things, you could’ve handled it better…soft yta.
Did it have enough water?
I feel for your friend, if my flight got cancelled and my cats would miss multiple meals as a result, I’d be beside myself. Cats CAN go without food for that long, but it puts a lot of strain on their kidneys. With how panicked she is, I’m wondering if her cat has issues that could be made worse by a lack of food. Especially if she calls the person she had arranged to watch the cat only to find they’ve already dipped and her cat is shit out of luck.
To my mind, a living being going hungry takes precedence over a party. I couldn’t sit and enjoy myself with friends knowing that cat is alone, missing it’s person, and growing increasingly hungry with no sign of food coming. The cat doesn’t know your friend is coming back, or when. The cat doesn’t know you’d maybe drop by on Sunday. All the cat knows is it is alone and hungry. Being hungry is a terrible feeling, one I imagine you got to alleviate during dinner.
If only the cat was so lucky.
So yeah YTA. You had no obligation, but it is assholeish to go partying when you know doing so will require another living being to suffer for a while. It’s one party. It would hurt you less to miss a party than it hurts the cat to miss meals, and that’s the bottom line. You put your wants over another creature’s needs.
NTA because you made reasonable plans with the expectation that your friend would be back as scheduled. Missing a feeding won’t hurt the cat. The bigger concern would be water, especially if the weather was warm. The accusations of you being an animal abuser and that she is going to report you were just over the top though.
NTA
You left enough food for the cat for the rest of Saturday and were in the middle of plans you had already made with friends. It would have been fine until noon Sunday, and you offered a fair compromise in case her flight got delayed again.
NTA
Ur kinda an asshole for being so nonchalant about a living creature ‘missing a meal or two’ as if it won’t be hungry and distressed. You have the only key, and you made a commitment to look after the cat while your friend was away – things like flight delays happen
YTA-You said you’d take care of the cat for her while she was gone. This person is allegedly your friend. I could see not going back that night, but not offering to go in the morning imo makes you an asshole. The cat is already stressed because their human is gone. Thinking it’s okay to let a living creature go hungry and not have contact with people bc you don’t value its needs makes you an asshole.
YTA. Sure, the cat would be likely ‘fine’ for the evening (assuming the cat is young and healthy- an older cat with a strict feeding schedule can be dangerously affected by skipping one meal), as in ‘uncomfortable but not requiring a subsequent trip to the vet’.
BUT you told your friend her cat could WAIT UNTIL NOON THE NEXT DAY??!! NOON??!!
You said she has no other option than to count on you, she’s stuck elsewhere, she’s worried about her cat’s wellbeing, and you say basically, “that wasn’t the original plan, not my problem”!
Even if you were in the middle of dinner and had had too many drinks to drive over that night, you agreed to be responsible for her pet’s care, and should have assured her you’d be heading over first thing in the morning. You could feed the cat and nap there if you needed more sleep. You could have sobered up and driven over later in the evening. You could have made any sort of effort to help the situation your friend didn’t choose or expect to get stuck in, because you care for them and therefore care about how the friend’s beloved pet fares.
Instead, you were flippant and selfish, because you wanted to do what you wanted to do, and didn’t care about your friend’s feelings or her cat’s discomfort, or how the cat’s care affects your friend.
I hope your ‘friend’ finds better friends and never again has to deal with someone as shitty and selfish as you.
NTA. The cat owner was irresponsible for not having a back up plan. Expecting you to be available at their beck and call is outrageous. You are not responsible for their cat, they are.
Everyone on here saying “oh but the poor animal needs to eat” – it sure does! Which is why the owner of the animal should have a plan in place for if their flight gets canceled or delayed. It’s not OP’s responsibility and acting like the cat not being fed again until Sunday would be somehow detrimental is absurd.
NTA
HER responsibility, not yours. YOu did what you agreed to.
Esh, mostly you
Whoever is saying YTA is delusional. Your friend’s cat is not your responsibility and you made a reasonable compromise offer of going back on Sunday if her flight got delayed again.
Worst case scenario, the cat would have been fed late. It’s not even missing a meal, just not being fed exactly on schedule. If your friend wants to throw around “animal abuse” accusations, then she is technically the abuser for not having a backup plan in place for the animal that’s HER responsibility in case of an emergency situation like this.
If she’s going to act like her cat “missing a meal” is the end of the world, then maybe she should quit being such an entitled cheapskate and pay a cat-sitter while she’s away. (Or at least offer to reimburse you for the 2 hour drive instead of being verbally abusive and manipulative)
She should have offered enough $ to make it worth your while. That way everyone is happy.