I live with three other guys in an off-campus apartment. Last weekend, one of my roommate’s moms came over and cooked this big homemade dinner for all of us. I thought it was really nice of her, I helped set the table, washed the dishes afterward, and even grabbed some drinks for everyone.
The next day, my roommate texted in the group chat saying: “Hey, my mom spent like $80 on groceries for last night’s dinner. Can everyone Venmo her $20 to help cover it?”
I was honestly confused. None of us were told in advance that we’d be expected to chip in. Whenever my parents visit, they bring food or cook for everyone, and it’s always just a gesture ,not something they charge for. I told him I appreciated his mom cooking, but I didn’t think it was fair to be asked to pay afterward without knowing.
Now he’s upset and says I’m ungrateful and disrespectful, and the other two roommates already Venmoed her without complaint. So now I look like the only cheapskate.
From my perspective, it feels wrong to turn a mom’s dinner into a bill. But maybe I’m missing something and I actually am being stingy.
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I live with three other guys in an off-campus apartment. Last weekend, one of my roommate’s moms came over and cooked this big homemade dinner for all of us. I thought it was really nice of her, I helped set the table, washed the dishes afterward, and even grabbed some drinks for everyone.
The next day, my roommate texted in the group chat saying: “Hey, my mom spent like $80 on groceries for last night’s dinner. Can everyone Venmo her $20 to help cover it?”
I was honestly confused. None of us were told in advance that we’d be expected to chip in. Whenever my parents visit, they bring food or cook for everyone, and it’s always just a gesture ,not something they charge for. I told him I appreciated his mom cooking, but I didn’t think it was fair to be asked to pay afterward without knowing.
Now he’s upset and says I’m ungrateful and disrespectful, and the other two roommates already Venmoed her without complaint. So now I look like the only cheapskate.
From my perspective, it feels wrong to turn a mom’s dinner into a bill. But maybe I’m missing something and I actually am being stingy.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to send my roommate’s mom $20 after she cooked us dinner. That action might make me the asshole because my roommate feels I’m being ungrateful and disrespectful by not paying when his mom spent money on groceries.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, if they wanted payment, that has to be agreed upon beforehand. $20.00 per person for dinner is way too much. I also wonder if their mom actually knows they are doing this, they might be keeping the money themselves.
Not sure if you want to pay to keep the peace but you are within your right to not do so. Just remember nothing this roommate does is out of general kindness, they will always expect something in return.
It’s your own call 😉
Is this the hill you want to die on?
NYA: It’s an ah move to ask someone to pay for something AFTER the fact.
Send /Pay it . Deduct the cost of the drinks from your part because you’re out money too.
In the note…. Apologize to him for thinking it was a kind gesture for all the times your mom has cooked for them. You didn’t know parents were charging for that. Next time you won’t be partaking in the meal when she cooks and explain you took the drink cost off the bill. And that you expect him to pay ASAP for all the times your family brought food or cooked for the house because since not paying is disrespectful and ungrateful to his mom it should be the same to your mom.
Then send the roommate who made the request a bill for his share of all the times your mom has cooked for him.
Also…. Are you venmoing his mom OR him?
Like have you checked that this is what his mom asked for? Or just him collecting the money and then he offers it to his mom and she says no you keep it?
Did the mom eat too? If so it’s a five way split not a 4 way one.
It seems like a weird thing to do to your son’s friends/roommates unless it was previously discussed. If y’all are living in a four way share y’all probably don’t have a lot of disposable income and if you were going to spend $20 on a meal you would have gone out and picked your meal.
NTA. You don’t bring dinner and then charge afterward. If you’re expecting to be compensated, you need to say so ahead of time. Don’t hesitate to remind your roommate that your parents have provided food for the group and not expected to be paid for it.
NTA
But if it were me I would pay this time and just know in the future if this friend seems gracious enough to provide anything I would ask upfront, “Will we be receiving a Venmo request for this tomorrow?”
Is it rude to ask for payment after the event/meal/activity. Absolutely. And I would pay once to chalk it up to a learning experience that will forever cast a shadow over my interactions with them. But I am petty and hold grudges like that.
If your parents have done this in the past and not charged, I think you should remind your roommates and also a heads up from mom would have been appreciated- so you could opt out if necessary. Honestly, maybe he’s embarrassed for asking? Is mom broke?
You would not be the AH, but I would probably pay it this one time just to keep the peace (if you can afford it).
I would tell the roommate that you were not expecting to have to pay, and in order to avoid any misunderstandings in the future – he needs to tell you (and get agreement) beforehand when reimbursement is expected.
I do think very weird your mom/roommate did that though.
Send him a message and tell him that he should venmo you food for when your parents cooked as well.
We’ll see his reaction.
NTA
NTA. Pay this time, keep the peace. Let him know you won’t be partaking in the future. If your parents continue to do it for at no cost to your roommates, that’s their choice. Take the high road. It just reflects poorly on him and his mom. Maybe she doesnt have much money but they need to ask people. $20 for dinner is a lot to college kids.
Take off the cost of your drinks and pay the rest,
And outline to your roommate that you need to know the cost upfront and it will be the last time you vemo after the fact
NTA, but I’d give him 20 bucks, along with the message “never again.”
INFO: is the Venmo going to HER or to HIM?
NTA. If someone wants people to chip in, that needs to be communicated beforehand, not dropped on you the next day like a surprise bill. A home-cooked dinner from a parent is usually a gesture of kindness, not a covert catering gig.
It’s also weird that your roommate framed it as his mom needing to be Venmoed instead of just covering it himself if he thought it was too expensive. You helped out, you were appreciative, and you didn’t agree to pay. That doesn’t make you ungrateful, it makes you someone who doesn’t like bait-and-switch social obligations.
If they expected you to pay, they needed to be upfront about it so that you could opt out if you wanted.
Also, his math is wrong. If she spent $80 and five people ate, your share comes out to $16. Plus you bought drinks.
NAH – yea, it’s dumb to do that, but you gotta decide whether $20 is worth the hassle. People like to say that it’s just black and white, but even a little issue like this is more nuanced. So you aren’t wrong to be concerned, but they aren’t wrong for asking. Also you aren’t wrong to refuse.
You should have offered to chip in when she showed up at your house with a whole bunch of food and cooked for you. It’s what an adult would do.
Pay this once, next time she turns up tell her not to cook for you, as your short on cash, when your parents turn up with food tell him to pay up and not your other roommate, point out that your just leveling the playing field and your other roommate gets it free as they haven’t charged you yet
nta that was misleading on his part.
NTA. He can’t just say that after the fact. And perhaps mention that if your mom’s are charging for that, he owes yours more than $20 at this point.
NTA but venmo the 20 bucks and dont eat any of her food again.
I would get the mom’s number and text her. I’d bet it’s not her asking for that.
NTA. Roughly estimate how many times your parents have treated him to dinner, multiply that number by 20, and tell your friend he owes you x -20.
NTA. Unless it was discussed and agreed to beforehand then it is a hard no to paying anything. The other two roommates were stupid enough to pay up.
Not sure if the mom actually asked for the money, or the roommate, but either way, that is super shitty. NTA.
NTA
I would pay it but never accept their “generosity” again.
Ask for his mom’s Venmo and say you will consider sending the money to the person who spent it. Bet she has no idea, if she does say yes she wants the money I would send it and then NEVER accept anything from either of them without asking how much it will cost first. Lesson learned.NTA
NTA. I‘m getting the sense that your roommate is just asking for the $20 for himself.
NTA, he should’ve let you know beforehand so you could opt out if you didn’t want to spend money, instead he kind of cornered you since you already ate the food and now you’re being extorted.
WTF, NTA.
Sorry for shouting.
NTA she probably offered to cook if he got the groceries and he decided to pawn it off on everyone else. I’d still send it but he would be on serious ice with me because this is not the way.
Just pay it. She was nice to do it. By the same token, your roommate handled it badly. If he was concerned about the cost he should have said something upfront or just covered it himself since your parents extend themselves without expecting remuneration. I can appreciate your stance on principle but pay the $20 and explain that it’s not the money. It’s being blindsided and made to feel guilty after the fact.
$80 in groceries for one meal for 5 people must have been some pretty high-end groceries. Did she make you all ribeyes or something?
NTA. Show up, do something nobody asked for and then demand payment. That’s wild. Are you sure it’s the mom asking and not just the roomie trying to make money off of you?
NTA
This is super weird and if he eats your parents food for free then I don’t get it
This is like the grandma in One Crazy Summer
But NTA
One does not give people food in their home, then demand to be paid back.
If you want to be petty, ask for an itemized bill.
It was slick move by your roommate. I’m betting mom said you pay and I cook and your roommate didn’t let you in on it. Tell your roommate no more mom’s cooking nights. It’s a shared space and you should be able to eat without being forced to pay in your own home.
NTA. Is roommate trying to just get money or will this actually go to mom? Tell him you’ll pay her when you see her next
NTA- BUT! It might be a situation where he didn’t realize how much his mom spent, she told him after and maybe she is struggling financially so he is trying to help her out? Maybe find out the backstory first?
Pay – then bill him for the meal your parents bought for him.
NTA they need to learn that such things that cost money need to be made in advance. Given a choice you would have been able to make an informed dinner whether to participate or not. You can’t tell people after the fact. Like next time you give them a ride, wait until you’re about to drop them off and say it’s gonna cost the $20. If they say no, take them back lol.
He’s short on cash and is trying to get it from his rommates maybe? I bet his mom isn’t the one getting that money.
NTA
Payment should be discussed upfront. I would also point out to him that your parents have cooked for all of you and you didn’t ask for payment.
I’d never………
ESH – like feeding people ain’t cheap, and it’s only 20
NTA. As the Mom of college students, I would never go in and cook for them and their roommates and then ask for payment.
Also, what did she cook for you all that cost each of you $20? You could have gone to the grocery store and gotten food enough for something for yourself with leftovers!
NTA. I think he’s pulling a fast one and his mom didn’t ask for money at all.
Does he eat the food when your parents cook or bring food?
NTA. Give the $20, say not again.
NTA. That is such a classless move
NTA. This sounds like he was expected to pay for it by his mother, and now is putting that responsibility on you all. As others stated- contact his mom directly to thank her and ask if she needs help with the grocery costs.
Id just Venmo him this time since others did, but next time just not eat to avoid these situations.
Nta. If you can send a message to his mom letting her know that you appreciate dinner but weren’t told you’d have to pay $20 for it. Apologize for not being able to pay. Chances are your roommate is just trying to make a profit.
NTA, why don’t you say “ok sure, btw my parent cooked last time as well and they want $20. Do we call it even?”
Why should you be grateful for a meal you didn’t request that you are now being charged for? Are you “grateful” for UberEATS?
If you knew it was going to cost money, you could give have gone out to eat. I would not send money for something that was implied to ge a gift.
Nta
If I was poor, going to school living four to an apartment and someone offered to cook me a meal at home for $20. I’d say no thanks. I’ll fix a sandwich instead.
I would pay it to maintain civility between roommates, but just be aware of the strings attached next time, and decide whether or not to eat the meal based on that.
But you’d be well within your right to refuse to pay. Is his mother less well off than the other moms? Or just greedy?
NTA
NTA. Pay it. Then Venmo request the cost of drinks from his mom.
NTA
This is so tacky.
Is his mom poor? In that case, I’d help out this time. Next time, make it clear you won’t be participating if a fee is involved.
NTA. They’re all crazy and you’re not. But the down side? You live with a bunch of crazies and a son of a crazy
If you’re certain it’s actually the moms Venmo I would send it and tell the roommate next time you won’t participate in dinner and you expect him to let his mother know not to cook for you.
If you’re not sure it’s actually his mom’s Venmo I wouldn’t send it.
Yes, it’s an AH move to be told after the fact that you’re expected to pay.
NTA. Also what on earth did she cook for you for it to cost $80? Fillet steak? Caviar? Lobster?
Be the only cheapskate. His mom was rude and presumptuous. OR, you could ask to see the receipt for groceries before you agree to pay
Your roommate is trying to take money from you, and none of that is going to his mom
NTA – you can’t cook someone a meal and then ask for money AFTERWARDS. The polite thing to do is ask people BEFOREHAND to pick up X or bring drinks (which you did!). Also $20 for a home cooked meal is a bit high… you could get a takeaway for that!
My aunt did this after a family Christmas one year with a spreadsheet saying how many meals each person attended and how much they owed at the end. Joke’s on her: she doesn’t talk to me so she never chased me for payment (and I wouldn’t have in any case!).
NTA.
Something similar happened to me except my friend invited us to dinner (something we had done often).
Once we got home he texted asking for compensation. We sent it but explained that since we never asked for money when we had them over we figured they would afford us the same courtesy and to please let us know ahead of time next time.
NTA.
I bet it isn’t even his mom’s venmo. He just wants money.
I think this is a situation where your friend is an asshole for asking and you’re an asshole for refusing.
I’d probably do it, as long as it’s going directly to mom and not the roommate. Include a note thanking her for the lovely dinner.
… Then if she offers you food again, don’t accept it. No matter what. Just smile and say “No, thank you.” “I’m ok; I have food in the fridge I should eat instead.” Insist on it. Even if she says “Oh well you can eat it tomorrow!” Say you have food for tomorrow, too. And the day after that.
$80? really a lot got something she could have done for $20. ever hear of tacos or burritos
NTA. Having said that I would pay it to maintain the peace and I would decline to accept any future offers to make dinner.
Nta, but for the Sake of living there in peace. It’s just 20$
I’d would have paid it too, but taken a lesson for next time
Tell him to take it our of the money he owes you for your parents providing meals. If he says “what?”, then say “exactly”.
Pay this once then when she shows up and cooks again ask how much. Depending on cost and dish you may want it. Can you have a doggy bag? Tip?
NTA and I wouldn’t pay.
Write down how many times you/your parent has fed this dude. Send it to him and tell him he can take 20 from what he owes you/your parent. NTA
NTA in the least but for house harmony, pay it and then never accept the hospitality again. It’s up to you as to how you want to reciprocate when your parents come bringing food.
$80 for a home cooked meal?? What the hell did she cook you all? That amount should be enough groceries for a couple of days of meals. I’m in the U.K. & don’t know the current exchange rate, but I don’t think it’s a massive amount. So for $80 was it at least a 3 course meal? $20 each if you were eating out fair enough but not for eating at home & also if you’re being charged you don’t just spring that on you AFTER you’ve eaten with no mention of it before so you could decide if you want to. NTA, I’d be checking if he’s not just pocketing the cash
NTA – if you decide to pay, then get with the other guys and tell him, she is NOT to cook there anymore. You appreciated what she did, but your parents do not change them, but will charge him in the future.
NTA – your friend wasn’t giving that money to his mom your friend is just being a grifter.
Just say you aren’t comfortable using venmo from this, you really want to thank his mom in person and ask her a question about one of the things she made so you can try to make something like it later. Watch him back off suddenly.
Even if they wanted some payment for an impromptu dinner, $20 still feels unfair. Think about it, you don’t go to a restaurant, set your own table, eat whatever lands in your plate, do the dishes after, and still pay $20 for it. 3 roommates + you + roommate’s mom would come out to $16 per person even if he were talking about just paying for your share of the ingredients, so is the extra $4 cooking charges for the mom?
If you decide to pay it, I’d be very careful with any kind of financial dealings with them in the future.
NTA
I can not imagine my parents charging my roommates for food. If anything my parents would bring food and also take roommates out for food.
Your roommate and his mother are cheap and tacky – what can I say.
At the very least you should have been advised that the mother would cook a dinner but she can’t afford to pay for the food. She would be cooking X food and do you want to eat with me because it would cost you $X amount.
The issue is that you are in a no win situation – normally you would tell someone to pound sand if they asked for money after feeding you but this is your roommate who you have to live with.
I would ask the other roommates what they are planning to do and just go along with that as you don’t want to be the odd person out.
That said, in the future I would make sure to exclude the roommate from your food and let your parents know about it.
Honestly – not to drone on – but I would be totally embarrassed if my parents asked for money after ostensibly feeding my roommates as a maternal gesture because no one could possibly think that a parent was going to charge kids to feed them.
NTA. Can you text his mom maybe? That sounds like an old „friend“ of mine and he just needed money for drugs..
Had a conversation with his mom weeks later and it came out that she never got money bc she didn’t want it. Was like „Oh I’m so sorry, he did that in the past..“ She wanted to give me my money back but she was a lovely person and i refused it.
This doesn’t mean this is the same, just fyi
NTA uh no that’s not how it works. I just dropped my kid off with her new roommate and filled the refrigerator with food and drinks and didn’t ask for a cent. This is ridiculous. She don’t ask you if you wanted this she did it as a gift. It’s on her and her baby boy
NTA. Did his mom actually ask for money?
NTA. Did she serve lobster and steak?
As a mother of a college student, this is so tacky and cheap of her.
NTA
Freshman year of college at NYU, first semester one of my roommate’s was from Queens, but wanted that dorm experience. Second semester he moved back home but we stayed in touch. Halfway through second semester he invited us all to his parent’s house for a traditional Korean dinner his mother wanted to make. Not only were we not charged, they even paid for the car service both ways. They were just happy to meet his roommates from first semester.
I honestly haven’t thought about this for 34 years. Can’t even remember his name (lost contact after college) But it was awesome. Gonna try and track him down.
NTA and I disagree with the others saying you should just pay it. This is no different from those people who forcibly wash your windshield without your consent and then expect you to pay for it when you never agreed to any such thing. Or giving someone a present for their birthday and then demanding they pay you for it. It’s extortion. That your other two roommates are spineless milquetoasts who just cave and pay it does not mean that you have to do the same. You’re not the cheapskate, SHE is. If you want to do something that you’re going to expect others to chip in for, you discuss/get their agreement BEFOREHAND, not after.
NTA, you don’t get to pick a price after the fact, if they wanted money that should’ve been relayed up front so you could decide if dinner was worth the amount or not.
Venmo but learn and do not eat again. When your parents come eat out with them or go to local park for picnic. Lessons learned category for sure.
Mom isn’t asking.
NTA but write his mom a note. Thank her for cooking but add that you won’t be able to pay her next time as it isn’t in your budget. Bet she has no idea her child is scamming you
Haha I treat my friends and family like the mechanic…if you don’t tell me what needs to be paid before you do the work, you’re working for free!
I just dont even understand people, I’d feel like shit asking my friend for money for dinner my fuckin mom cooked! What has happened to everyone!?
NTA.
NTA but it sounds like you need to sit down with your roommates and have a discussion about this face to face. This is ridiculous.
Ultimately you need to decide to either be mature or petty about this situation. If they expect to be paid for this then your family should be paid as well. This is such a silly precedent to set and a good way to ruin any generosity or goodwill.
Umm…your dealing with more than a couple of assholes here…people are fucking crazy
Just do something for him out of the blue and then make a big deal about him paying you for something you did without asking or warning them about.
He will get it really fast i think.
NTA
Do you know for sure if the others sent $20 and ask their options on this
“Take it off what you owe my parents for the food they’ve supplied and cooked.” Fair is fair, right?
NTA
If you have to pay, you should choose from a menu.
I’d send that stupid $20 and next time Mom comes over, tell her no thanks when she offers dinner.
It’s absolutely ASININE for her to request that her mother be paid. I’m a mother with college aged kids and I would NEVER expect to be paid for a kindness that I OFFERED. NTA but your roommate and her mom are trash.
I do it this once, but be really clear that her “hospitality” isn’t wanted, and I would tell that same roommate that they’re no longer getting free care from your parents. They’re gross.
I used to go and cook for my son and his 5 friends every day for weeks on end. Never even crossed my mind to ask for money. They are students who appreciated home cooked meals. All were broke, homesick and covid made things worse. The night before I had to leave we all had a lovely dinner together and they all got together and made me a beautiful tiramisu for dessert. Brought a tear to my eye. Such lovely young men.
She is very stingy. If she couldn’t afford to pay for groceries, she should have asked for payment in advance. I’d pay to keep the peace, but never attend another of her “family meals.”
NTA…. But maybe check in with your roommate. It may not be his mum asking, but your roommate trying to do something nice for his mum (maybe they have money troubles or something).
So she used your appliances, your electricity and your water and yet still expects you to pay her?!? She’s got some gall.
NTA – send a bill for $20 for setting the table, drinks and doing the dishes.
NTA. Don’t let anyone here gaslight you, these kind of things are by consent ahead of time. Post-service guilt-tripping is a massive YTA on his and his mom’s behalf. It would be a clear indicator not to eat with them again.
NTA – Since your roommate is playing the “not telling you until after” game, first add up the food your parents have brought/made and the cost of the drinks you provided. Divide it up just like he did and I’ll bet you come out even or maybe he’ll need to cough up some money. If he complains just tell him he’s being ungrateful.
NTA. I agree that you should check with thr mom to see if she actually is making this Venmo request and if she is, then get her Venmo details to make sure the money goes directly to her. And make the note “next time let us know about your hospitality fee ahead of time.“ if she wasn’t prepared to be generous with her time and money to provide a meal for you, she shouldn’t have done it at all. College kids are notoriously broke, and expecting money under these circumstances is honestly disgusting.
Pay it and don’t participate in anything like that again. You know what to expect. It’s not worth the bad feelings for $20 but be aware he’s pretty much a scammer
NTA but agree, if you can afford it, venmo the money and let them know that next time you’ll fend for yourself.
Info: are you venmo-ing mom or your roommate, because if you’re not sending it to her directly, your roommate might be trying to scam you.
NTA regardless but you brought drinks so you definitely shouldn’t pay
Send the $20 and then never, ever let him partake in anything your parents provide. Also, never eat anything offered by him or his mom again. If things need to be transactional, it goes both ways.
NTA. That’s weird and rude after-the-fact regardless. But 80$ for a home-cooked meal? 20$ each? Did you each get giant ribeyes and lobster? Come on.
I’d pay this time and never share a meal again
Just Venmo the amount to keep the peace but….next time, ask whether there is any expectation of payment.
Don’t retaliate by asking your roommates to pay for things your parents provide. Just accept that some people have different concepts of generosity and kindness.
Folks look at OP post history and tell me this isn’t fake,,,,,
NTA and your parent’s actions have nothing to do with anything.
You were presented with a situation where your roommate’s was providing a home cooked meal. Your roommate has post event transformed the meal into a catered affair.
The thing is that caterers take care of all set-up, tear down, and caring for all elements of the meal including beverages.
Do I think your roommate’s mom was acting as though she was a caterer? No. She was being a mom. Your roommate likely felt uncomfortable once he learned how much the meal cost & thought it was too much for her to spend & now wants everyone to chip in. Is he a bad person if that’s what’s going on? No. Is simply he mistaken in asking for the Venmo.
PS: Just because the other roommates gave money is irrelevant. That they chipped in has nothing to do with your choice not to & does not indicate your an AH.
NTA and what did she cook that’s $80 for 5 people? How many times have your parents fed your roommates? Add it up and counter bill. If you pay for your food you get to choose what you’re having and what you’re paying before it’s made!
Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if this money isn’t going to the mom at all.
NTA, yeah you shouldnt be charged for something that wasnt asked for, but honestly if it was me, I’d probably just pay the $20 or so. It wouldn’t be worth starting an argument over and having things get weird with your roommate. Next time she cooks just say “no thank you” and make up an excuse
NTA.
Do you even know for sure that she asked for money?
I think its more likely that he’s pocketing it.
Next time your mom comes over with food, charge just that roommate for it.
I would contact mom and explain “thank you so much for the dinner! Blah blah blah. I’m so sorry I don’t have the funds right now to pay my part of the bill your roommate sent me. I’ll be sure you pay you for that ASAP”. Guarantee she knows nothing about this.
NTA, I’d tell him you don’t pay bills that weren’t discussed in advance. Or, offer to Venmo his mom just as soon as he Venmo’s yours.
NTA. I would go ahead and pay, but then have a serious talk about ground rules with your rommates. Ask them if they want this to become the precedent for all future “lovingly homemade” meals. If these meals will be charged for as though they were restaurant meals, then the mothers must announce the menu in advance. Each roommate can decide to like it and pay, or go out to eat that night for a meal of their choice – which would be at the price each one could afford.
NTA this is so rude of the roommate ….he can pay his mom if it’s that bad. Oh I’d be pissed!
As a mom, I would absolutely be furious with my kid with if he went looking for reimbursement, cooking is my love language not my gig paycheck. NTA
I’m really curious if the mom is asking for that or if roommate sees a way to make extra money. My college roommate lived out of state, and she told me numerous times that when she would travel home her dad had given her a credit card to use so she didn’t have to pay for her gas. Anyway she and her boyfriend were going to visit and she asked if my bf and I wanted to come. Her boyfriend was like, “yeah, you’ll only have to pay for gas.” I would typically have no problem helping pay my way, but it just grossed me out that I would be charged for an expense my roommate’s dad covered and I would be giving them the money, not her dad. If her dad was asking, sure I’ll pitch in. But her boyfriend? Nah, he was a giant mooch who lived with us rent free at the time so it was just extra gross to me when he suggested that.
Did you tell him & your other Roomies that you helped, including grabbing some drinks for all?
I’d remind them of this, then shut that convo down asap.
Regarding your cheapskate Roomie who wants to Invoice you for this, be just as petty as this bugger by turning around to Invoice him for your Services ie setting up Dinner Service, dish washing, etc & drinks for all.
That’s just nasty & your Roomie/his Mum are big time scammers!
Don’t you dare pay them 10 cents for this meal which they led you all to believe it was going to be a nice (and free) treat for all.
NTA
NYA but I have this strange feeling that maybe the mom isn’t the one asking. Is there a way you can talk to his mom about it and find out? Maybe say something like “hey flatmate said that you are wanting $20 for the meal you cooked, and I don’t have it right now. Do you mind waiting?” And see what she says. He could be trying to scam you guys
NTA, I would ask his mom if you are comfortable doing so and ask if it is her Venmo. I think he might be trying get cash outta you all. Even if it is, don’t send the money. If they had told you before and asked if you’d like a plate for X amount of dollars then cool. You can refuse. This was backhanded in that they took away your right to choose.
NTA unless everyone discussed and agreed to this beforehand. Period.