I (15f) live with my dad in california, my mom lives in washington. She has a boyfriend, Cameron, who has a daughter, Amelia (10f).
They’ve been together for about 4 years now. 3/4 of those years i shared a room with her during the summer. I only get to see my mom during summer since my dad doesn’t let me visit during winter break anymore.
This year and last year i spent sharing my room with her. It is HELL. She constantly complains and bothers me. At home i’m the oldest and have my own room so i can easily deal with this kinda of behavior except every time i tell her something it being ‘rude’ or ‘mean’. I know it sounds like im overeacting but i swear im not. Just last week she was complaining that the AC was too cold. I look at her and shes only using a blanket, so i say “have you tried using your comforter?”. She replies by saying she doesn’t want to because it’s ‘uncomfortable’, keep in mind the AC is at 68. She is constantly complaining about something. Another time i turned on the ps5 and she stated complaining saying she was about to play it, i said ‘unfortunately i got it first so idk what to tell you’ ,she proceeded to text her dad that i snatched the controller out of her hand. Luckily the living room has a camera so that was quickly dismissed.
At home i have 6 siblings so during the summer i like to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet at my moms, except i can no longer do that because she constantly bothering me. My mom is friends with her mom so unfortunately if her and cameron break up (which is extremely likely) i’d still have to deal with her. I genuinely think i’d have more fun at home. Yes i’d have lots of siblings running and being loud but at-least i can speak my mind without having to be careful about every word i say, and i’d able to see my friends and family. So AITA for refusing to visit?
Comments
no, you’re not the ah. you just want peace and space during your summer break. it’s okay to set boundaries if you’re not comfortable.
If she can’t provide her teenage daughter a minimum right to privacy, can’t mediate conflict without prejudice,
She made her home unwelcoming for you she shouldn’t be surprised that you prefer to stay at home with six other kids in ranging ages but you have a place to escape the chaos.
You also have close friends and family you can visit and vent to at home.
Her house might be less crowded but you have no privacy, no leniency, you have no one advocating you there because the other kid is younger.
Keep yourself where you are welcomed and are treated age appropriate close to your support system and where you have the right for privacy.
Nta
NTA
I am also the oldest of 6, I can totally get what you’re saying. If I were in your position I’d be saying the same thing.
Here’s what really going on. Obviously her parents are split and neither is giving her enough attention. When they do it’s because she’s complaining about something so they cave and spoil her by giving in to the complaint.
Her parents are horrible parents because they’ve trained her to be sneaky and conniving to get any attention. While I feel for a child in that position and you may too, it is not the responsibility of a child to take care of another child. I suspect this is the main reason they “enjoy” your visits.
Ask to spend time with your mother, away from her home that she shares with her partner and stepdaughter.
Custody time is to spend time with your parent. Not to entertain a kid that happens to be the kid of your parent’s partner.
Perhaps your mother can spend a week in an air b&b with you, or even camping, is finances don’t allow for a full vacation.
You would have about the same amount of time with your mother, only concentrated in 24/7, instead of shared with the rest of her family.
NTA
NTA You visit your mom expecting to have parental time with your mom.
As a teenager, you also have an expectation of privacy and your own room.
Ask your mom is there any point in you coming to visit
NTA
Nta. Only tone deaf adults would compel their teen child to endure such poor behavior.
You just want your peace. There is nothing wrong with that. I wish you well.