My family is big and is filled with a lot of kids, my family just live having kids but they also like dumping them onto someone else.
My brother and my Sil have a big family, they have 5 kids and my Sil is having another one. She had her 5th child last year so it’s kinda crazy, my brother is a work alcoholic so he’s never home unless he gets called off to watch the kids. I have kids of my min but onky two and thats enough for me and my husband.
Since my brother and Sil have a lot of kids they tend to get people to watch them, people refuse. She wanted to check up on her mom who has dementia but she had no time. She had to miss her dads funeral because no one was available and my brother was in a different state so he couldn’t watch them.
My family are never happy when these two have another baby, in the beginning they congratulated them but now they don’t seem happy. I’m guessing my Sil is trying to get back to working but my brother doesn’t want her to because no one will watch the kids and he gets mad her for mentioning work. I told her to ask the kids school because I know a lot have programs for after school.
My Sil called me, there was a lot of crying in the background. My Sil wanted to know if she can drop the kids off to my house, I was leaning to “non” because its too many kids for me to handle. I told her no and told her to find a babysitter/nanny. My answer aggravated because she told me why would I suggest that, all of a sudden she lashed out on me. She doesn’t want a nanny because she doesn’t trust strangers so I guess that’s why she was mad.
Edit: they dump the kids on everyone, they have a history of leaving the kids with a family member and not getting them until weeks later so I can understand how my family felt used. They were no show, didn’t answer calls, they would get the kids and act like nothing happened. They didn’t mind at first but my brother and sil made this a common thing which is why some won’t bother with them because they feel like it will happen again.
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Backup of the post’s body: My family is big and is filled with a lot of kids, my family just live having kids but they also like dumping them onto someone else.
My brother and my Sil have a big family, they have 5 kids and my Sil is having another one. She had her 5th child last year so it’s kinda crazy, my brother is a work alcoholic so he’s never home unless he gets called off to watch the kids. I have kids of my min but onky two and thats enough for me and my husband.
Since my brother and Sil have a lot of kids they tend to get people to watch them, people refuse. She wanted to check up on her mom who has dementia but she had no time. She had to miss her dads funeral because no one was available and my brother was in a different state so he couldn’t watch them.
My family are never happy when these two have another baby, in the beginning they congratulated them but now they don’t seem happy. I’m guessing my Sil is trying to get back to working but my brother doesn’t want her to because no one will watch the kids and he gets mad her for mentioning work. I told her to ask the kids school because I know a lot have programs for after school.
My Sil called me, there was a lot of crying in the background. My Sil wanted to know if she can drop the kids off to my house, I was leaning to “non” because its too many kids for me to handle. I told her no and told her to find a babysitter/nanny. My answer aggravated because she told me why would I suggest that, all of a sudden she lashed out on me. She doesn’t want a nanny because she doesn’t trust strangers so I guess that’s why she was mad.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
So are you saying that you wouldn’t babysit for a couple hours while she checked on her mom with dementia or attended her dad’s funeral?
Your brother sounds like a lousy husband and father who is unwilling to stop impregnating his wife and is also not willing to step up and help with child care. Unfortunately that is not your problem.
Her kids. Her problem
If all the kids are too much for them, then STOP HAVING KIDS. Your brother is home long enough to make them, then buggers off, leaving his wife to raise them. Not surprised she needs a break, but their decisions to keep having more isn’t your responsibility to pick up the slack where your brother is severely lacking.
The “I’m struggling to cope with all my children. Oh, I know, I’ll have some more” mentality is ridiculous.
ESH.
She couldn’t go to her father’s funeral because no one would watch the kids.
WTF is wrong with this whole situation???!
If ever there was a time for you to watch her kids… it was that day.
And now you say ot get a nanny… can they afford a nanny?
Yes, your brother is an AH for continuing to procreate.
I just feel sorry for the SIL … she’s clearly trapped in quite the bear trap there.
NTA. You can’t even pay someone to watch five kids where I live. Frankly, it is wildly unreasonable to ask someone who has two children of her own to watch five more.
Unless all of the children are school-aged, it wouldn’t be legal for one adult to watch over that many children at a time under state laws governing daycare staffing. The fact that this doesn’t fall under daycare regulations and is thus legal doesn’t make it any safer. It isn’t fair to your own children to watch an additional five, and puts the safety of all of them at risk.
So she wants YOU to be her nanny? That’s really some entitled BS- tell her you’re too busy to care for 7 kids. If she gets salty about it, tell her YOU only had two because that was the most you knew you could handle!
NTA They need to be using birth control. They need to stop having kids expecting other people to be responsible for them.
I stopped reading after “work alcoholic”. I’m just picturing circus clowns sitting out by a hay bale boozing it up with whisky and tequila.
So your brother couldn’t be bothered to come home & watch the kids so she can go to her own dad’s funeral? Did I read that correctly?
He’s not a workaholic. He’s avoiding coming home lol
INFO:
Ages please.
How old are you, her, your brother?
How old are all these kids? Yours? Hers?
And income level: Hers. Can they afford childcare?
I think this matters too.
Both r $hit parents. U don’t leave ur children with ur family for Weeks! Wtf? No wonder no one will babysit for them. Oh look, it’s the consequences of my own actions! And now no one will helps us! Oh boo hoo! Spthese two can take their entitlement and f all the way off!
I think your entire family is failing your SIL. She couldn’t attend her father’s funeral??? No one would take care of the kids for a few hours so she could say goodbye to her dad???!!! You guys kinda suck.
shouldve thought of all that before having 5 children
Your original post should definitely include the fact that your SIL and brother have dumped all of their children onto unsuspecting relatives and then have left them there for weeks before coming back to collect them like nothing was ever wrong! How completely irresponsible and selfish. At minimum a police/CPS call should’ve been made when the parents failed to return at the original designated time.
You are right OP… They did this to themselves. No one wants to be taken advantage of, and no one wants to suddenly be running a daycare for five children when they are most likely not equipped to do so. A call to police/CPS should have happened long ago and your brother and SIL should have sorted out their lives/child bearing plans long ago.
Let them know that if they ever drop their kids on your doorstep without permission that you will in fact, call the police and let them sort it out. It sounds like SIL might just be getting desperate enough to do that. I don’t know if she had a career before she decided to pop out an entire basketball team, but it would take quite a salary to pay for five kids in daycare and someone to get them off to school and pick them back up as well as Care for the ones that are not in school yet all day long.
Updateme!
Sounds like your brother needs to start looking at television or finding a hobby when he is home.
Based on your edit, if they’re leaving the kids for weeks, that sounds like child endangerment or abandonment, in which case CPS or the police may get involved (if you’re in the US).
NTA.
Are you Hispanic?
In all seriousness we went through this with my spouse and we had to move cities.
Has she ever heard of birth control? Sge could get an IUD or get her tubes tied if he won’t get a vasectomy.