I (21F) have never enjoyed wearing makeup. I’m completely aware of how “pick-me” this sounds, but genuinely I’ve always had an uncomfortable experience wearing makeup, and I often have allergic reactions to it (itchy skin, excessive tearing up, etc). Knowing this, I was worried about what kind of expectation there would be from my family to wear makeup. My fiance (23M) assured me that I wouldn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to, but I wanted to make sure.
During a video call with my fiance (we were mostly long distance), my mom walked past me and I quickly asked, “Hey, I don’t have to wear makeup on my wedding day, do I?” And she immediately was like, “No, of course not. It’s your day, why would you need to?”
I was so relieved and completely put it out of my mind. A few months later, with the wedding only a few weeks away, it somehow came up in conversation, and I offhandedly said, “Yeah, I’m just not going to worry about makeup on my wedding day.” Immediately all my sisters and mom turned on me and started shouting me down saying that I absolutely had to wear makeup.
I was so taken aback because my mom had specifically said the opposite not that long ago, and I felt betrayed. I should probably mention that this was a double wedding with my younger sister (20F) and so she had expectations about the day as well. They were all saying things like, “The photographer is gonna have to spend hours editing out your dark eye bags,” and “It’s so mean of you to prevent us from having special bonding time doing your makeup,” and “Your sister is going to be glowing and you’re going to look terrible compared to her,” and “You’re just doing this because you think you’re better than us for not liking makeup.” My mom even threatened me saying that if I didn’t wear makeup, she wasn’t going to hang up any pictures of me in her house.
I was pretty cut up about the whole thing, but decided they had a point, and went to tell my fiance that I had decided to wear makeup. It would be uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as dealing with all my female relatives being furious at me. (My dad is the only one who stood up for me, since he hates makeup too.) My fiance then got upset because he knew what I really wanted and didn’t want my family to be able to ruin the wedding day.
Now I’m torn between taking a stand and sticking to what I decided with my fiance, and giving in on the last day my family is going to spend with me before I move away. I really want to have a good time with them, and make this a positive day. But I also want to feel like my true self on one of the most important days of my life.
Any advice?
Update: Thanks for all your supportive responses. This is a real story from my actual life, but it didn’t happen as recently as I made it sound. I apologize for the deception. The truth is, I did make a stand for myself, and I’m proud of my decision. Additionally, everything went fine with my family (eventually).
I decided the only reason I would wear ANY makeup is if it genuinely was an issue for the photographer. If it wasn’t, then no makeup. If it was, I would only put on what I had to in order to make his job easier. My fiance and I then had a meeting with the photographer over zoom and I asked him whether it was a problem if I didn’t wear makeup. He said it was not a problem at all and that he’s shot several no-makeup brides and they looked great.
After that I felt a lot more confident about my decision and I made my stand to my sisters and mom. It was really, really hard and I had to keep myself from crying a few times. I had never made a stand like this for myself in front of them. My mom and sisters said some more hurtful things, but once they realized I wasn’t going to change my mind, they got quiet and accepted it. I felt better in a way, but I mostly just wished they had never had a problem with it, and that I didn’t have to stand up for myself in the first place.
Thankfully there was no ill will at the wedding. Everything went beautifully, and the pictures came out great! Everyone told me I looked stunning and was glowing just as much as my sister. I was always terrified that standing up for myself meant I would have a kind of eternal rift between me and my family. But it turns out I just needed a spine and someone to back me up.
Everyone is on great terms now. My mother even apologized for her comments. I know how crazy this all sounds, but if anyone is ever in a similar situation, I hope this story brings them some confidence to make that decision too.
Comments
I’m allergic to most makeup and have very sensitive skin, I understand not wanting to wear makeup
your wedding, your choice. your mom is being a bully and it’s super messed up she’s using your sister and her wedding photos against you. you don’t owe anyone a “look” for your own wedding, and your fiance is right for having your back , nta
I’d tell them all to eff off….respectfully. It’s your wedding, you dont have to wear makeup if you dont want to ANY day, especially this one!
NTA. “prevent us from having special bonding time doing your makeup” ok but what about the bonding time doing hair? or bonding time of zipping the other up in their wedding dress and seeing that for the first time? if you aren’t comfortable in makeup and have a slight allergy to it, you shouldn’t have to wear it. this is YOUR day too, i would hope your dad wouldn’t let your mom intentionally not put up pictures of you just bc of not wearing makeup since he’s on your side..
It’s your wedding, you can do whatever the hell you want. You’re not “pick-me” for having sensory issues with makeup. I personally hate the powdery feeling on my face. Everyone feels it differently.
When I got married, the first thing I said to my new wife after the ceremony was a shocked “You’re wearing nail polish!”
NTA for not wanting to wear makeup.
NTA. You never had to wear anything you don’t want, including makeup. If your family has a problem with that, then they should tend their own knitting. NTA.
NTA. Personally I’d put my foot down and tell them not to dictate how my face looked on my wedding day. However, if you are insistent on wearing it now, or just have simply changed your mind– they have lots of organic (not sure if that’s the proper word lmao) makeup options and you could spend some time test patching different things and seeing how your skin reacts. That way you don’t have to worry about any allergic reactions or breakouts. But I really don’t like how all the girls talked down to you for not wearing it, especially your mom’s comment about the pictures not going up and your sister’s comment about the photo shopping (which btw, as a graphic designer it would not take “hours” to edit out some simple eye bags AND sometimes I still have to do it for women in makeup haha).
Edit: Also major kudos to your fiance and your dad, they both seem like good supportive men and I love that for you 💖
You absolutely dont have to if you dont want to.
There is no law that says you have to wear makeup…. your face = your choice.
Dont let anyone bully you into something you are not fine with – it is YOUR day. Do whatever the heck you like, wear whatever you like, do your hair however you like.
Make it a day you will remember with joy… not with how uncomfortable you were.
NTA. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to wear make up on any day, let alone YOUR wedding day. Your family is acting so irrational that this story doesn’t seem 100% real. Either way, how your family reacts is, unfortunately, out of your control. Do whatever makes you comfortable, and you don’t need to feel guilty for that. Enjoy your wedding day!
Your family is whacked. Do what you want. NTA
I don’t wear makeup besides mascara but I will definitely be wearing a full face of makeup up when I get married. Bc your mom’s right. I don’t wanna see my eye bags forever hanging up around the house. I want to look the best I can. And that includes make up. Most people look better with make up on. You can also tell your makeup person you want it to look natural etc
It’s your wedding day, not theirs, do what makes you happy. In the end it’s about you and your fiance not your other relatives.
I would be tempted to break off and have my own wedding even if it means it is smaller. They have put you in a position that you will either be itching because you caved or thinking about your lack of conforming to their standards because they made such a big deal out of it.
You are not an asshole. I never wear makeup either, and you don’t need to do anything you don’t want to.
It is your day, and I am sure you will look amazing without it, and I love that your fiancé thinks so, too!
Make-up has become so ingrained in our society, and some people wear makeup so often that they look washed out when they don’t wear it, but everyone is used to seeing you without it, so I doubt anyone would think anything about it.
It is a shame that people can’t respect a natural look, and don’t get me started on inflated lips.
I know that it may be difficult with it being a shared wedding, but maybe you could ask that all photos be separate, and then they have no excuses to guilt you into it.
Or if you do decide to wear makeup, then find an independent makeup artist who can give you a completely natural look that just smooths out your complexion without unnatural colouring. If you do this, you would want to maybe do a test run first, so that there are no surprises on the day, and make sure they don’t use anything that you could react badly to. They can airbrush foundation, which is ultra-fine so it doesn’t feel heavy and suffocating.
Another option could be to ask if your sister will go with a more natural look (no heavy blush, fake eyelashes, etc.)
Do what you feel you want to do in your heart, and if they have an issue with it, then threaten to elope!
Who tf cares if you wear makeup. You’ll still look beautiful. Makeup isn’t for everyone
You shouldn’t be pressured into doing something you don’t want to just to please your mom and sister. It’s incredibly rude and hurtful for you Mom to threaten to not hang up your pictures because of your decision. It’s your day, wear makeup if you want or don’t, but don’t allow them to make the decision for you. NTA.
You’re NTA.
I’m not trying to shame you but definitely consider how you may like your photos. Professional cameras really highlight things and are very high quality.
Do a test and make sure YOURE HAPPY.
BUT- I say that because I didn’t realize how different I would look. I decided to do super light makeup myself and only my own brands that didn’t make my skin upset or uncomfy (fellow sensitive skin no makeup girlie here)
But NTA- you can look however you want. It’s your wedding. Your sisters wouldn’t do your makeup anyway even if you decided to do it. They’re only thinking about themselves.
No one should ever wear makeup if they don’t want to.
NTA you don’t have to wear make up for anything ever
Why oh why would you decide on a double wedding? This should have all been talked out earlier. There is no reason good enough to require you to wear makeup.
It’s really not a big deal. Tell them no to makeup and ignore anyone who brings it up. I’d be petty and just pretend I heard nothing then continue on with whatever else you were doing.
STICK TO YOUR ORIGINAL DECISION. Be true to yourself. You deserve nothing less on your wedding day.
NTA at all.
Omg! I’m so sorry your family is bullying you over your natural beauty choices! Please don’t wear make up just to please them, you may regret it and resent will grow. Your body, your choice! NTA, although your family sure is!
NTA. It’s your wedding and you shouldn’t need to suffer allergic reactions for the sake of people who apparently don’t care about said suffering so long as you’re doing as expected.
Heck these unfair illogical disloyal entitled people
Walk Away
NTA
Cancel wedding ceremony and ELOPE INSTEAD
Then do awesome LONG Zero-make-up HONEYMOON followed by respectful fun healthy happy loving life-LONG MARRIAGE
After Marriage:
Your Spouse, whatever kids you ever have with them, You, are : YOUR FAMILY that You Must TeamWork-With Respect PRIORITIZE Build DEFEND
If I were you at most (and I’d do a trial first) I’d do a nice skin care routine that morning, maybe the lightest under-eye concealer or puffiness treatment, something with SPF, and then a mattifying powder/setting thing (because camers make you look sweaty without it). Cameras on wedding days are the freaking enemy.
So to compromise for them, I’d get in touch with a MUA that specializes in skincare and minimalism and then voila! Everyone can STFU.
Or you blow them off completely.
Its YOUR wedding. Do whatever you want, babe. The last thing we need is a bride with a face rash and puffy lips from a reaction.
NTA – You’re better than me, I would have flipped the whole damn table if people were bullying me into doing something that made me uncomfortable.
Here’s the thing – yes, your day, your way, without a doubt. However, in the sense of your wedding pictures this may be an issue. I’m thinking you’re not going to want a shiny face in your pictures? I’m wondering if looking into a simple natural shade of face powder may be something to consider, and possibly a light mascara and shaded chapstick. Talk to your photographer, they will know what will work to ensure your photos are as beautiful as you are. There are non-allergenic brands out there, Clinique makes a good one. I know I for one cannot use Maybeline, Cover Girl, etc for the same type of reactions. Congratulations on your wedding, I hope you have the most wonderful day!!!!
Their comments are ridiculous, self-centered, entitled, and downright mean. You’re having a double wedding yet your sister is complaining you’re not participating in bonding? She’s bridezillowing her own fellow bride. No one has a right to say anything about it. You need to have photos and memories looking as you wish. Don’t give it a second thought. Congrats and good luck.
I’ve “had” to wear make up for weddings. I brought facial wash to clean my skin right after the photos, before the reception. I hate wearing make up too.
Rarely, I only wear mascara, but in the above mentioned wedding I was to wear full cover up etc.
One wedding I was in, the bride didn’t care. We did our make up how we wanted. I just wore some mascara.
I would do a makeup trial. I did two. One way way too much. One was much more natural. I went with that one.
That being said, if you do the trial, saying “as little as possible please” and you don’t like it, then don’t do it. You might like it more if someone else is applying it for you, taking your preferences into account. And you may not! But you can give it a try – as a trial – before the wedding day to definitively rule it out. You may end up liking like clear lip gloss / chap stick (like aquaphor) or clear mascara etc.
At the end of the day, go with what makes you feel – as you say – the most beautiful and confident. But the naysayers won’t have much of a leg to stand on if you tried it and decided “not for me!”
There is a ton of non-allergic Makeup out there
Ma’am, if you need your parents permission for how your wedding day is going to go down, you aren’t ready for marriage. Either pull up the big girl pants, grab that shiny new spine you just grew and INFORM everyone of how they will act and behave and what YOUR expectations are as the bride, or rethink this. You are a whole grown adult. You get to make the decisions. And on this one day you can even be petty and demand they don’t wear makeup either. Give yourself permission to be the boss of your body.
This is
NTA. Your wedding and your face. Who cares if mom doesn’t hang your photo- less money to spend on photography. That being said, there are ways to wear makeup without looking like you wear makeup. If you must concede, make sure to look for examples of “the natural look”. Congratulations!!
You dont have to wear makeup to get ready with them. Betting mom and sis dont want to look high maintenance next to a natural beauty.
NTA. Dont do it. You need to be comfortable in your own skin.
If they want to schedule a big makeup and hair session on the morning of the wedding with outside hair & makeup professionals helping each person “glam up” while sipping mimosas, they can do that. And you can be in the room without having any makeup applied.
On another note, as a nearing retirement woman (that is the polite way to say I am old), I cannot encourage you enough to find a moisturizer that you can use daily to protect your skin so it looks healthy when you get to be my age. I wish I had done so.
Why would you even ask permission to wear or not wear makeup? Stop trying to please people when it’s obvious it doesn’t even make you happy.
Your fiancé loves you the way you are and asked you to spend your life with him knowing this. He’s the only one you should care about.
Think of it this way: when you think back to your wedding day for the rest of your life, do you want the day to be tainted with disappointment that you didn’t hold to your standards and values regarding this matter?
This is YOUR wedding. You might want to change the format of things, if they can’t respect YOU and be quiet about the matter after you tell them what you will be doing.
You might want to get your own separate wedding away from your sister, so there can be no complaints on her part that you won’t be getting your makeup done together, etc. Be very free and open in telling them that this is all their fault, that they drove you to this with their lack of respect and inability to keep their mouths shut.
As a photographer and having gone to cosmetology school…once a girlfriend was going to go natural for her wedding but agreed to have me do her makeup. When the photos were produced, she and her mother were glad they agreed to my simple make-up techniques. The photos had a certain enhancement. Having said that, please consider carefully and most importantly: You do You! If you will truly not be comfortable, do not back down. Your wonderful groom has your back!
I have had an allergic reaction to every brand of makeup I have ever tried including the high end hypo allergenic ones. That said I did wear a light amount on my wedding day and washed it off part way through the reception, once pictures were done. Except for lipstick, that makes my lips crack and bleed, so I used lip gloss and just reapplied for photos. This was all my choice, my husband and our family’s didn’t have a say in the matter. Your family doesn’t have a say either, do what you want not what they want, NTA
What the helly is a double sister wedding with a 20 and 21 year old…but NTA – be yourself.
You can do a couple of very simple things that will have you glowing. First, try a hypoallergenic tinted moisturizer (Clinique makes one). Very subtle, light coverage. Second, a sweet light pink lip gloss—nothing over the top. Don’t worry about eye makeup or concealers. Your joy is what will light up your face and your photographs, and any photographer with their salt can photoshop any “eye bags.” Have a beautiful wedding and marriage!
Don’t wear makeup if you don’t want to. It’s your wedding, it’s your face.
All I’ll say is maybe a bb/cc cream or tinted moisturizer. It gives just the slightest coverage, and you can get it with spf too.
I don’t wear makeup either (more of a budget and skill issue, also I can’t handle the sensory experience If washing it off at night) but these are really nice to incorporate. I do like a nice lip, and that can make you look like you’re wearing makeup.
i didn’t wear makeup and I have no regrets–especially when it comes to the pictures! I never wear makeup and I wanted to look like myself in the photos, not some made up version of me. I also have sensitive skin and the last thing I wanted was to be distracted under the chuppah because my face was so itchy.
maybe talk with the photographer about it so they can stop using that as an excuse? but seriously- don’t give in here, it’s not just your day, it’s your body.
Tell your female relatives-“I have reactions to most makeup, I’ll agree to a light blush and a lip gloss/light color but THAT’S IT.” And I feel you, all make up starts to make my eyes swell, including ‘hypo-allergenic’ makeup.
SO girl, stand up for yourself. YTA if you don’t.
Your wedding, your call. Except it’s a double wedding.
Personally, I don’t wear makeup much in daily life. I’m talking super duper special occasions get more than just lip gloss. And even then, lip gloss is a “I want glitter” sort of once a month thing.
I made myself up with a face of natural makeup that highlighted my natural features so they’d be more obvious in photos.
So having said that, if there’s any makeup at all that you find comfortable to wear, even some basic blush where you would naturally blush will make it so your face looks less washed out in pictures.
If you do go completely zero makeup, I would recommend some blotting wipes for photo time. Will get rid of the oil and sweat that would make you look “shinier” on photos.
Having said that, again, it’s a double wedding. You aren’t the only one looking back on the photos, I would highly suggest some sort of compromise. Maybe minimalist natural looking makeup with higher end products that are less likely to leave a film or clog pores. Your mom’s opinion doesn’t mean much because she probably wasn’t thinking of your sis in the moment and it was a joint decision between you and your sister to make.
That’s what happens when there’s 2 starts of the show in any group event. They have to compromise on their wants.
Honestly, just going to be blunt here, I despise pictures of “overdone”brides who look nothing like themselves in real life. Same goes for hairstyles that the bride has not & never will again do.
A little glow up, sure…if it makes someone feel their best. In your case, this clearly would not be true. Be your true self, the one your Fiancé agrees you are. You, two, are the only people who matter at your wedding.
Be comfortable in YOUR skin on your wedding day. Makeup is not necessary.
This is a reasonable hill or pitcher’s mound to die on. NTA. You don’t want to where makeup especially wedding makeup, why should you?
Regarding bonding, if you dislike makeup and other cosmetics already, you are not bonding, just being held captive.
Not wearing makeup isn’t a pick me thing. I never wear makeup I did have some but I ended up tossing it as I never used it. I’m getting married and no I’m not wearing makeup. It’s about you and what you want don’t give into pressure. Especially with allergies you may break out.
No. And I didn’t even read all of it.
Just no. You’re not.
NTA Your wedding, your face, your choice. That’s the ultimate answer, however:
For photos, you might want a little something – not like a full face where you look so different, but just something for shine, or to accentuate certain features. Have you considered talking with a make up artist about your concerns? You need hypoallergenic stuff (me too, I get it) and you are uncomfortable in most makeup – maybe someone could do a very light, natural look for you. If you want. If not, forget it.
Your family sounds mean. Sure you want to do a double wedding? And sure you and your sister want to get married at 21 and 20? That is sooooo young, especially if you’ve mostly been long distance with your fiance.
It’s not their freaking wedding, they have no say in the manner. There are only 2 opinions that matter here: Yours, and maybe your fiancee. End of story.
“Family, listen up. I am not going to wear makeup. You all need to drop this topic. If you can’t or won’t, don’t show.”
NTA
If you want to and I mean if you want to not you should there are makeup for people with allergies. Me and my aunt both have sensitive skin and allergies. For important events I chose not to wear any makeup, but she chooses to wear the allergies kind of makeup. She says the makeup is not as good as normal makeup but it is better than nothing.
I don’t blame you OP in the slightest bit.
It feels like being suffocated with make-up on…. that’s stuff isn’t 100% comfortably breathable when it comes to those ingredients & you may be having mild allergic reaction to the makeup.
Be yourself on your wedding day.
NTA it’s your day. The only complication is the double wedding which gives your sister “a little” say about how her wedding goes but you wish she didn’t care about you having makeup on.
Have you tried explaining to them why? I can’t imagine they would want you suffering and maybe they just think you don’t care rather than you have an allergy.
If they actually know that your skin is sensitive to makeup and it makes you itch and feel terrible and they still want you to wear it well then they are the AH’s in this situation.
Either way, get married authentically looking like you really do and feeling confident in yourself and hopefully they will get over themselves.
NTA it’s your day. The only complication is the double wedding which gives your sister “a little” say about how her wedding goes but you wish she didn’t care about you having makeup on.
Have you tried explaining to them why? I can’t imagine they would want you suffering and maybe they just think you don’t care rather than you have an allergy.
If they actually know that your skin is sensitive to makeup and it makes you itch and feel terrible and they still want you to wear it well then they are the AH’s in this situation.
Either way, get married authentically looking like you really do and feeling confident in yourself and hopefully they will get over themselves.
Is anyone else picking up the red flags of a double wedding for two girls barely into adulthood
You be you. At the end of the day, it’s not your job to fulfill your sister’s and mom’s expectations for goop on your face so you look like you’re wearing a mask.
You need clarification on what “wearing makeup” means to everyone. Also have to realize that you may not look your best in the pictures if you are completely natural. Your wedding, your body, your choice.
NTA. I hate makeup as well. Makes my skin itchy. I always end up with some type of rash. Don’t do it. Pictures without makeup will be better than pictures with a swollen or irritated face.
Why did/do you keep bringing it up to them? You are initiating the conversations. Stop talking about it. Tell them you’ll look the way that will make you feel best and there’s nothing more to discuss
Bond over your makeup session?!! with your full-bloodied/full-time sisters, your siblings?
you know what, if they NEED an hr or 2 of MORE bonding time after spending a whole childhood together…then i dont think ya’ll are ever going to bond.
NTA
NTA. I hate that term “pick-me” so much–it’s come to just be a nasty way of picking on women who don’t go along with the herd. Sometimes they do that because they genuinely like or don’t like different things! That doesn’t make them a “pick-me.”
If you don’t want to wear makeup, don’t wear it. As my mom used to say about people who try to get you to do things their way: “They ain’t buyin’ me no beer.”
NTA it is your wedding day and you should be able to do whatever it is that makes you comfortable with your body that day and any other day for that matter.
I wore a ‘no makeup’ makeup look for my own wedding and every time I see my own wedding photos I cringe. Everyone else insists they can’t tell I’m wearing any, but I just want to take a washcloth to that young woman’s face. Even I think it looks pretty, but that’s not me and it doesn’t look right. I regret caving.