I (21m) had a messed up family as a kid and was made homeless when I was 16 by my mother (and I only call her that because she biologically is). There’s other background to start with. My mother had my half sister when she was 18 and she was raised by our grandparents. Then my mother married our father and had me and my brother (19m). Our father was abusive and left when I was 5. My brother could never remember him but I could never forget and the night he left is still a nightmare I have sometimes.
Our mother drank a lot and she hated me. So did our grandparents and my half sister. They all adored my brother and even though his behavior was worse, they twisted it to make it all my fault when he acted out. He broke a window? Somehow they just knew I really put him up to it or made him do it. He went crazy on sugar and broke garden furniture? Even if I wasn’t there it was because I should have been watching him. That was just the way things were.
Everyone knew our mother drank but did nothing to help. They knew when she started physically abusing me and they said it was because I was such a little demon like my father. I was told all the time I was my father’s son. My half sister would say she wished my father had k*lled me and stuff like that. She told me we weren’t brother and sister and she didn’t want to be my aunt either (she called our grandparents her parents because they basically were) but my brother was her little brother and she was so nice to him.
My brother would act super sweet to spend time with me and then when he’d do something wrong he started saying it was my fault because he knew nobody would believe me. He’d tell me boys weren’t supposed to cry after our mother had abused me and I was being a baby. Then he’d come to me when our mother was really drunk and he expected me to keep him safe. But he’d turn around and say I didn’t get him up for school and stuff like that then when he slept in my room.
I tried talking to my brother about how everyone already hated me and how him blaming me for stuff he did was only making it worse. I even told him I was being abused. He’d answer with stuff like they would never believe he did something wrong or they already hated me so why make them hate us both. Or the worst one was I didn’t need to make it (me being abused) his problem.
Before I was kicked out my grandparents had my brother sleep over for like 5/6 nights when our mother went away. They didn’t want me to come too so I was left in the house on my own until my mother got back. They called the cops on me twice, and why I never found out, but they said they were checking in and left pretty fast. Once our mother got back she was pissed that I hadn’t gone to restock our food supplies. That night she beat the crap out of me and the next morning she kicked me out because my brother was hungry and we still had no food. I went to my grandparents and to my half sister but they didn’t want me so I stayed homeless for months. When my aunt and uncle (mother’s sister and BIL) found out they came and found me and took me to live with them. They helped me with school and helped me get into college. I stay with them for summer/winter break every year and it’s nice to have people around who don’t hate me for existing.
My brother reached out to me three weeks ago, which was right after my birthday. He acted like we hadn’t talked in a week and he said he wanted to come and see me. I told him I didn’t want to see him and he pushed back and said he really wanted to see me. That he missed me and we’re brothers and I’m older so I can’t reject him like that. He said it’s not how older siblings treat younger siblings. I told him that shit doesn’t fly with me and I hadn’t missed him and this was exactly why. I said he needs to grow up and get over his spoiled little brat attitude because I was done being there for him. He got mad, I think not sure because tone is sometimes hard to pick up via written word, and told me I don’t get to blame him for shit and he deserves to have a relationship with his sibling. I told him to find our half sister since she adored him so much. Then I blocked him.
It started a shitshow and my aunt and uncle are getting crap from my grandparents because I rejected him. My aunt and uncle had them blocked but I guess my grandparents have new numbers. They say I’m still my father’s little demon like I always was. My aunt told me not to stress and that she won’t let them do this to me. But I feel bad they have to deal with the consequences of what I said.
AITA?
Comments
NTA and stay away from those monsters for good.
I wish I could give you the biggest hug.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of it. You should be incredibly proud of yourself for thriving in spite of the horrendous amounts of abuse you’ve been through.
You’re an incredibly resilient and smart young man. I hope you have a wonderful life ahead.
NTA- no one is entitled to a damn thing and your little brother just got the first taste of consequences for his actions. You are fine. Keep doing what your doing and don’t worry about any of those abusive asshole.
NTA in my opinion. Your family is a bunch of As but not you.
Look, it doesn’t even compare, but I know what it’s like to take the blame for your younger brother’s inconsequences, speaking well. You’re not the idiot, on the contrary. continue your life the way it is, you have a much better future than theirs lol
I wish you all the best, and don’t feel guilty
Nta.
You are right. Your brother need to grow. But unfortunately it won’t happen if he will stay with your grandparents and step sister.
There is not several solutions except to tell your aunt to block her parents new numbers.
Do you document yourself about legal ways for definitely block your family ?
Op, you are so strong for stand up for yourself. And your aunt and uncle too. Stay well with them and protect your mental health.
NTA, while your brother probably did some of that stuff as a child because he was more than likely encouraged to you are allowed to set your boundaries now. For me? I’d go no contact with ask of them except your aunt and uncle. I’m so sorry you had to endure this and if I could I’d give you a giant hug. If you do end up speaking to your brother again I’d say this:
While I know you are younger you were old enough by that point to know I was being treated unfairly and played into it. Mom beat me, not spanked or disciplined but actually beat me. I was thrown out at 16 and no one, not even you cared. The only people who have actually loved me and cared for me are aunt and uncle so no we aren’t brothers until you can maybe drop the entitlement you seem to have and really see what I went through. Even then I may not want a relationship with you ever again.
Op I hope you get some therapy to deal with your trauma and I wish you nothing but happiness in your future
He in trouble and needs his scapegoat. Wait and see. He’s in shit for something
Nta
NTA, block, block and block some more. This is no longer your circus or monkeys.
NTA
They all need therapy. You’re definitely not in the wrong. Stay away from all of them. Be safe.
Definitely NTA. Your brother treated you like crap and knowingly made your life worse on purpose by blaming you for things. He isn’t entitled to come and go and stomp all over you when he pleases. Your aunt and uncle seem like they got you. Keep blocking the toxic fam until kingdom come.
I’m almost 50. I am the oldest of 3 girls. I don’t speak to either of them for a lot of different reasons, and there is nobody who could ever get me to have a relationship with them. Bad people don’t get to have loving relationships with the people that they have hurt. Definitely NTA.
NTA .
BTW, I’m letting you now, its the only way he will grow so u did him a favor.
Send him a printout with what you just wrote, tell him to pound sand . If you need an older sister to defend u , I’m willing if u can stand a 54 yr old army veteran who is a crazy cat lady nerd.
NTA
Op you’re entirely justified if you want to disown them. I honestly encourage you to. Your mother has done nothing but make your life a living hell. Your grandparents furthered the abuse and are exactly as guilty. Your brother had plenty of opportunities to show you real love and support but he didn’t care because having a human shield was more important to him.
Now he’s getting to experience your mother without the human shield and absolutely is planning to ask you to talk your aunt and uncle into taking him in.
He just wants to keep taking from you. He doesn’t care about you at all.
Those people are not your family and you’re justified in severing all contact with them.
NTA
Your aunt and uncle are adults – they and deal with the grandparents.
You are under no obligation to have anything to do with people who abused you, and were complicit in your abuse. You don’t need these people on your life.
Updateme
NTA. So they can all reject and abuse you, but you can’t protect yourself and refuse a relationship? Tell them to F off. Don’t feel guilty. I’m so glad your Aunt and Uncle stepped up for you. You are a survivor. Continue to protect your peace. No one is entitled to a relationship with you. You spoke the truth. Let Aunt and Uncle handle them… they are their to protect you. Hugs