AITA for reminding my housemate to clean the bathroom and calling her out for being gross?
I (F) live with three other girls. Two of them are super friendly, but one of them never talks to us, never helps, and never cleans. We have a rotating weekend bathroom cleaning schedule, and she constantly skips her turn unless we remind her days later.
She’s also left used period-stained toilet paper on the floor twice, fake eyelashes stuck to the carpet, and her hair clogs the shower. It’s gross. She didn’t buy toilet paper or soap for months even though we all share them.
I’ve tried being nice—brought her cookies, tried small talk—but she ignores us. Last week, I texted her a reminder (polite, I thought) that it was her turn to clean, since it was already Tuesday. She freaked out, told me I’m not her mom, accused me of micromanaging, and said I’ve “elected myself leader.” I said I wouldn’t have to remind her if she just did her part, and that I’m tired of cleaning up blood, hair, and eyelashes.
Now she hates me, things are super tense, and I’m questioning if I was out of line. AITA?
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AITA for reminding my housemate to clean the bathroom and calling her out for being gross?
I (F) live with three other girls. Two of them are super friendly, but one of them never talks to us, never helps, and never cleans. We have a rotating weekend bathroom cleaning schedule, and she constantly skips her turn unless we remind her days later.
She’s also left used period-stained toilet paper on the floor twice, fake eyelashes stuck to the carpet, and her hair clogs the shower. It’s gross. She didn’t buy toilet paper or soap for months even though we all share them.
I’ve tried being nice—brought her cookies, tried small talk—but she ignores us. Last week, I texted her a reminder (polite, I thought) that it was her turn to clean, since it was already Tuesday. She freaked out, told me I’m not her mom, accused me of micromanaging, and said I’ve “elected myself leader.” I said I wouldn’t have to remind her if she just did her part, and that I’m tired of cleaning up blood, hair, and eyelashes.
Now she hates me, things are super tense, and I’m questioning if I was out of line. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I called my roommate out for leaving a mess and reminded her to clean.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Please don’t bother being nice to her, living with messy people is so exhausting.
NTA and you know that already, come on.
A person who is this gross in regard to hygiene, and this uncooperative in doing their part in a shared living situation…well, they’re not going to change no matter what you or the others say about it.
Nothing will be different until either she moves out or you do. In the interim, keep your personal supplies out of the bathroom at least.
NTA. Part of learning to live together is negotiating the differences between lifestyles. Slobby Sue apparently never learned to pick up after herself, and you see the results. But it is up to her to keep up the apartment for everyone else, too. Leaving bodily fluids on the floor is unhygienic and disgusting.
NTA
“Why do we even have a chore wheel”
NTA – when you’re older you’ll be more able to handle being disliked. It’s not fair but on the bright side, it’s not your problem. She can feel however she wants to about this but the fact is that you didn’t make unreasonable requests and you weren’t particularly salty when she accused you of micromanaging (though you’d have had the right to be Dead Sea salty about it).
You’re ok matey. Carry on
NTA.
She’s gross. That’s unhinged.
On a better note. What kind of cookies!? 🤭
NTA. But I would have written something up or come to an agreement among the three of you who are tired of dealing with her messes. You’ve put yourself on the front line when everyone is in agreement.
NTA time for a house meeting where rules and responsibilities are addressed and resolved. Just like a contract if you refuse to do your share than on the 3rd failed task accomplished they give up their room and move. Everyone agrees and signs the contract
NTA. She’s acting like a petulant child. She should be embarassed that you had to bring this up. If anything, I’d take things up a notch and mention it every day that she doesn’t clean. Mention that she has to pick up the period paper, eyelashes, hair every single time. I’m petty enough to keep TP/soap in my room instead of sharing, but it might be better to collect money for it and just buy it together instead of taking turns buying.
Lastly, you can’t be the only one suffering here. Are the other two roommates as frustrated? It might be time for a group intervention. Will she like it? Nope. She might even hate it enough to move. Yay!
NTA your not her Mum, that’s why you won’t clean up after her. Time she grew up.
NTA. She went scorched earth on you because that apparently works for her to shirk her responsibilities. Anyone that slovenly needs to live alone.
How can you possibly think you were out of line?
You already know her mom is so grateful to have her nasty daughter out of the house lol.
NTA but you need to get the other roommates to back you up and hold her accountable.
NTA. Start taking pictures of her gross stuff and keeping them in a file on your phone. You never know if you might need evidence against her word later.
If she can’t abide by basic household courtesy when sharing a space with others – she needs to leave and see what it’s like to take care of things herself. It is NOT your responsibility to be picking up after her or micromanaging her; start locking up shut she doesn’t pay for, throw her trash back in her bed. Make her mess her problem. And make it clear she is NOT welcome to stay when it’s time to reup, and that is entirely because of her behavior, attitude, and immaturity.
NTA. I once lived with two other people in college, person A was my dorm roommate and friend and person B we thought was our friend (turns out she was not). Person B did not clean. It got to the point where A and I had a sort of intervention and asked her to please clean her own dishes and sometimes the bathrooms. She said “well why would I clean the bathrooms if they never get dirty??” like she thought that was some “gotcha” moment.
A and I looked at each other in befuddlement and responded, “Yeah… they don’t get dirty… because we’ve been freaking cleaning them…???” Anyway, B never did clean, just moved all her shit into her room (including couches and dishes) and then spent most of her time at someone else’s apartment.
I think about it a lot. After she moved out I heard she destroyed her friendships with the people she moved in with, stole their cat, and called the police on them. I could go on.
You confronted a dysfunctional person with the truth. You held her accountable. That’s not permitted in dysfunction land. NTA