I (29F) am getting married this year and had to make the difficult decision to remove a friend (29F) from my bridal party. We’ve been friends for about 4 years, and after her reaction, I’m questioning if I handled it the right way—or if I should’ve just walked away completely.
There’s been a pattern over time where she crosses boundaries, creates uncomfortable situations, apologizes, but nothing really changes. My fiancé (29M) and I have tried to be patient, but it’s felt like the friendship became more about managing her ongoing personal drama than having a balanced relationship. We’ve both asked for small boundaries before, but they were usually brushed off.
The breaking point was my bachelorette party. She got too drunk, blacked out, called my brother (who she barely knows) and vented for an hour, including threatening self-harm. My brother had just finished a mental health program, so this was incredibly inappropriate. She also pulled my sister aside during the night to comfort her, taking her away from the party my sister planned. Both of my siblings were left feeling really uncomfortable.
But this wasn’t isolated:
• She shared private info about my dad’s health without asking.
• Tried to make decisions about rehearsal dinner plans without consulting us.
• Spoiled a surprise my parents planned for my engagement.
After the bachelorette, my fiancé and I agreed we couldn’t risk more unpredictability at the wedding. We spent a lot of time and emotional energy thinking through how to address it — we know she’s a good person and that her intentions aren’t malicious. So I wrote a long, thoughtful message explaining that she’d still be invited but as a guest, and that we needed to redefine our friendship. We were really careful with our wording because we wanted to be honest but respectful, and to set a clear, healthy boundary in the best way we knew how.
Instead of acknowledging anything we said, she responded by saying she felt like I was attacking her personality. She completely missed the point—that this was never about who she is, but about specific actions and the impact they’ve had over time. She told us to communicate through my fiancé going forward and declined my bridal shower invite.
We’re planning to have my fiancé send a final message, respecting her request for space and making it clear that the next step is up to her—if she’s ever ready to reconnect in a way that respects those boundaries.
Most people in my life think I’ve already been more patient than necessary and have told me I should just cut ties. I’m frustrated because we really did try to handle this maturely and kindly, but it feels like no matter how carefully we approached it, she refuses to hear anything beyond taking it as a personal attack.
So, AITA for removing her from my bridal party and setting boundaries, even though we put a lot of thought into how to communicate it and she still thinks I’m making it personal?
TL;DR: Friend repeatedly crossed boundaries. My fiancé and I put a lot of thought into setting clear, respectful boundaries and removing her from my bridal party. Instead of hearing us, she says we attacked her personality. AITA?
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Backup of the post’s body: I (29F) am getting married this year and had to make the difficult decision to remove a friend (29F) from my bridal party. We’ve been friends for about 4 years, and after her reaction, I’m questioning if I handled it the right way—or if I should’ve just walked away completely.
There’s been a pattern over time where she crosses boundaries, creates uncomfortable situations, apologizes, but nothing really changes. My fiancé (29M) and I have tried to be patient, but it’s felt like the friendship became more about managing her ongoing personal drama than having a balanced relationship. We’ve both asked for small boundaries before, but they were usually brushed off.
The breaking point was my bachelorette party. She got too drunk, blacked out, called my brother (who she barely knows) and vented for an hour, including threatening self-harm. My brother had just finished a mental health program, so this was incredibly inappropriate. She also pulled my sister aside during the night to comfort her, taking her away from the party I’d planned. Both of my siblings were left feeling really uncomfortable.
But this wasn’t isolated:
• She shared private info about my dad’s health without asking.
• Tried to make decisions about rehearsal dinner plans without consulting us.
• Spoiled a surprise my parents planned for my engagement.
After the bachelorette, my fiancé and I agreed we couldn’t risk more unpredictability at the wedding. We spent a lot of time and emotional energy thinking through how to address it — we know she’s a good person and that her intentions aren’t malicious. So I wrote a long, thoughtful message explaining that she’d still be invited but as a guest, and that we needed to redefine our friendship. We were really careful with our wording because we wanted to be honest but respectful, and to set a clear, healthy boundary in the best way we knew how.
Instead of acknowledging anything we said, she responded by saying she felt like I was attacking her personality. She completely missed the point—that this was never about who she is, but about specific actions and the impact they’ve had over time. She told us to communicate through my fiancé going forward and declined my bridal shower invite.
We’re planning to have my fiancé send a final message, respecting her request for space and making it clear that the next step is up to her—if she’s ever ready to reconnect in a way that respects those boundaries.
Most people in my life think I’ve already been more patient than necessary and have told me I should just cut ties. I’m frustrated because we really did try to handle this maturely and kindly, but it feels like no matter how carefully we approached it, she refuses to hear anything beyond taking it as a personal attack.
So, AITA for removing her from my bridal party and setting boundaries, even though we put a lot of thought into how to communicate it and she still thinks I’m making it personal?
TL;DR: Friend repeatedly crossed boundaries. My fiancé and I put a lot of thought into setting clear, respectful boundaries and removing her from my bridal party. Instead of hearing us, she says we attacked her personality. AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
NTA for this but she’s not your friend. She’s an attention seeker with zero respect towards you and your family. Her personality NEEDS to be attacked because this is who she is.
Her personality guides her actions, so maybe you are. But so what? She sounds like a headache, what do you even get out of this friendship? And at what cost?
You shouldn’t care about her response. She has demonstrated repeatedly that she doesn’t care about you. You’ve done what you could and there is no need to feel any guilt for your actions. Let her go.
NTA. Being in the wedding party is a privilege. You can still invite her to the wedding as a guest, as long as you feel comfortable with her there. It sounds like she likes to create some chaos, and you’ve been reconsidering the friendship for a long time.