My brother (35M) and I (27F) were asked by our cousin (18F) to help her move into her dorm for college. She did most of it on her own, but needed help for the heavier stuff.
My brother and SIL (30F) had plans that evening, and I even asked my brother beforehand if he wanted to skip helping since I could always bring a friend. He said he wanted to come.
SIL asked that we be back by 6:30 because they had tickets to a movie my brother really wanted to see. The school is about 3 hours away with unavoidable construction. We left at 11, finished quickly, and were on the road by 3. Around 5:30 I took toll roads to save time.
We ended up pulling in around 6:45. At 6:15, SIL had already started calling, saying I was ruining their plans and that we’d be late. I told her I was driving as fast as I safely could, but I wasn’t about to risk my license for a movie.
When we got back, she wasn’t ready to go and wouldn’t answer calls or texts. The theater is only 10 minutes away, and I offered her a ride, but she refused. She just sent my brother his ticket. He still wanted to go, so I dropped him off.
When I finally got home, she was screaming like I’d ruined her life. I was exhausted and told her to get over herself and that she’s 30 years old, not a 3 year old.
When I told my parents, my dad said I was borderline an AH, but my mom took my side.
AITA for ‘ruining’ my SIL’s night because I wouldn’t speed for her movie?
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My brother (35M) and I (27F) were asked by our cousin (18F) to help her move into her dorm for college. She did most of it on her own, but needed help for the heavier stuff.
My brother and SIL (30F) had plans that evening, and I even asked my brother beforehand if he wanted to skip helping since I could always bring a friend. He said he wanted to come.
SIL asked that we be back by 6:30 because they had tickets to a movie my brother really wanted to see. The school is about 3 hours away with unavoidable construction. We left at 11, finished quickly, and were on the road by 3. Around 5:30 I took toll roads to save time.
We ended up pulling in around 6:45. At 6:15, SIL had already started calling, saying I was ruining their plans and that we’d be late. I told her I was driving as fast as I safely could, but I wasn’t about to risk my license for a movie.
When we got back, she wasn’t ready to go and wouldn’t answer calls or texts. The theater is only 10 minutes away, and I offered her a ride, but she refused. She just sent my brother his ticket. He still wanted to go, so I dropped him off.
When I finally got home, she was screaming like I’d ruined her life. I was exhausted and told her to get over herself and that she’s 30 years old, not a 3 year old.
When I told my parents, my dad said I was borderline an AH, but my mom took my side.
AITA for ‘ruining’ my SIL’s night because I wouldn’t speed for her movie?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am the AH because I could have said it nicely to her that I’m sorry for being late and apologized for ruining her night.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – she’s being ridiculous. Especially since she wasn’t ready to go anyways!
You agreed to be back at a certain time and then broke that agreement. Excuses don’t matter – you screwed up here.
ESH, y’all need to grow up and have better time management.
You were safe, helpful, and on time. Her overreaction isn’t your fault.
ESH. Obviously she was overreacting but you guys knew it took 3 hours with additional time added for construction so you guys should’ve planned that better
NTA Unless your sister in law goes to the movies to watch a half hour of previews, she and your brother didn’t miss anything. If she wants to be upset, let her have a go at her husband who insisted on going with you to help your cousin moved after you offered to have a friend come instead because he and his wife has plans.
You drove responsibly and got everyone home safely. SIL losing it over a movie ticket is peak entitlement. Movies aren’t worth risking your license or life. She needs a reality check.
No you are not the asshole she is, case closed.
ESH. Just doesn’t make sense why she is bothering you and not your brother. Plus its a movie, you had till 7 to be there.
NTA
If she really wanted to go she would have been ready when you arrived and gone with.
NTA – has she seen a movie in the past decade or two? 6:30 is when the 30 minutes of previews start. If she was ready this wouldn’t have been an issue.
Or, if she was really worried, she’d get ready, drive herself to the theater, and you could’ve dropped your brother off directly there, saving a few minutes.
NTA. You left on time, drove safely, and even took tolls to cut the trip short. Being 15 minutes late isn’t “ruining her life,” and risking your license or safety for a movie would’ve been irresponsible. Your SIL overreacted.
Just need to get a clearer timeline
shes calls at 6:15 saying you’re ruining plans
you arrive at 6:45 and she still not ready
she “sends” your brother a ticket
you drop him off by himself?
you arrived home (parents house?) And she calls to shout at you?
ESH – you knew what time you needed to be back, plan better. It’s not like you hit unexpected traffic. Sil sucks because she wasn’t even ready to go and threw a fit.
NTA. It’s a movie. Full stop.
NTA. I think you are the only person that’s not an AH here, everyone else is though, and immature on top. You gave your brother an out, because your SIL wanted to spend the evening together. HE decided to go anyway. You actually left on time (3pm, 3h drive), but sometimes you can’t predict traffic. And why’s she calling you, when you are the one driving, and not your brother? And then HE decided to go to the theatre on his own, and left his wife standing and fuming. I understand she was frustrated, but she shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Your brother’s the culprit here, and I think the biggest AH (even more so than your SIL).
Why would anyone plan an event at 6:39 on a day they’re making a 3 hours drive each way round trip to drop off a kid at college? It seems obvious that they should have rescheduled for the following day?
She wasn’t ready to leave when you got there? NTA
Where’s the brother in this? He knew how far the drive was, you gave him an out, and he decided to go anyway. It sounds like you left at a reasonable enough time, and they were his plans – not yours.
You could have planned better, brother definitely should have planned better, but SIL is overreacting.
Light ESH, I guess, but I also think SIL’s anger is misdirected. What does your brother think?
NTA. She was petulant and what does your brother think? He should be dealing with her, not you.
I would have a long conversation with your brother about if this is really who he wants to spend his life with cause yikes
Not even remotely TAH. Your young cousin needed help and you and your brother were willing to offer it. You gave yourself time to get back but ran into unexpected traffic. You offered your brother an out to avoid there being any issues with their plans. You do not have to apologize just because someone demands it. Its enough that you rushed out after helping your cousin, I’m sure that wasn’t easy for her either.
NTA you even offered for him not to come so he wouldn’t miss it and 15 minutes is late enough to be angry about. Especially since she wasn’t ready!!! Like that’s he business but it’s audacious, imo, to get in your ass for being Kate and ruining things here she wants even ready for the thing by the time you got there.
NTA, this is on your bro and SIL for not picking a later show time or the next day. It’s in no way your problem so it’s good you didn’t get in accident and didn’t put up with her stupidity. Let it go unless dimwit brings it up, in which case I’d tell her that her inability to schedule doesn’t make your car go faster or get her ready to go.
You gave them an out. Totally NTAH. Your brother choose to come, therefore, it’s his responsibility. SIL is a child for being upset over a damn movie.
INFO: Who decided you needed to leave at 3PM?
Movies have like 45 minutes of ads and previews. NTA.
OMG. It’s a movie, not a Beatles reunion. She missed it and can watch it another time. Pay her for the tickets if you feel that guilty. But NTA.
NTA
How are you to blame? You left early enough, got there late and thats a shame but she wasnt even ready. Your brother needs to have a chat with his partner.
Its just a movie. HE chose to go when HE knew they had plans. You offered to get someone else in his place, HE chose to go.
If you had stopped to get food or took a longer route knowing it would make him late then id understand her being upset with you, but tolls are usually the quicker option in my experience.
NTA
Most movies nowadays have ~25-30 minutes of previews before the movie starts anyways. At most, she’d have missed a trailer for the new AVATAR movie coming out this Christmas. Big deal.
NTA your problems are not my problems. Your brother is an adult and is responsible for his own time commitments. Id have told the SIL to shut the fuck up
NTA Geez afew mins late and she goes nuts. If she really cared so much why didnt see go help your cousin so you can finish faster and leave earlier!
NTA, but why were you the one communicating with her. Her actual Literal husband was with you and should have been the one to deal with his wife.
This wasn’t about a movie. This was about SIL being insecure about husband’s closeness to family, and none of that is OP’s fault.
NTA she’s being ridiculous. Plus she wasn’t even ready, even though you were late?! And why would she be screaming at you, not her husband who had the plans with her? She seems very dramatic.
There’s so much wrong with this it’s pathetic.
You’re driving 3 hours but she lives 10 minutes from the theater? Is anyone else seeing this?
Get an Uber. Tell your family member who’s driving 150 miles it’s no big deal and to drive safely.
Anyone taking her side is a peas of ship.
NTA. He offered to help and likely knew beforehand what the timeline would be like. If he didnt know or care then thats on him. Any fault is solely on your brother for missing the movie. You gave him the option to not come. If I had a task to do, Im gonna do it at my pace not someone elses. He could’ve driven himself or not helped at all. But hey shit happens and sometimes we over extend ourselves. Your SIL is the AH, acting like a child and can get over it. Your dad is also an AH for enabling this behavior on any level.
NTA at all. Your brother is an adult who made the adult decision to help your cousin with the move. You left the school at a responsible time and traffic hit. Movies have a thousand previews too.
The only person SIL should be mad at is her husband and even then she is seriously overreacting unless this kind of thing happens a lot.
Nta. They literally tell you now that the start time is for the first 20/30 minutes of previews.
So she blamed it on you but wasn’t even ready to leave when you got there? Make it make sense
NTA
First of all your brother I assume knew it was 6 hours round trip and you left at 11am. Even with no traffic, that gives you 90 minutes to help her move in before you have to bail and head home. You gave him an out and a damn movie isn’t worth a ticket or worse.
NTA. Who would pay for the ticket if you get one? And worse yet, if you got into an accident because of speeding, would it have been worth it?
SIL is way over reacting. Though to be fair, she did remind everyone they had plans.
Sometimes, life just happens.
NTA. Im even willing to bet she told you 6:30 knowing there was a cushion. I’d bet the movie starts at 7 and could still have been there in time for the movie. Movies don’t even really start until 10 minutes later anyways
Nta. She’s a walking red flag though. She could have spent the time calling you getting ready instead.
Also so dangerous to keep calling when you’re driving. Your brother could have driven separately or ubered back earlier. So your brother is an asshole too for not dealing with her, esp when he still wanted to come along to help.
Lastly if cinemas are like the ones in my country, at least 15-20 min are wasted advertising, previews and telling you not to record the movie illegally. So what’s her problem.
INFO: Your SIL asked you to be back by 6:30, so what time was the movie scheduled for?
Why wasn’t she ready to go by the time you were back? Was she not planning on getting ready until her husband was back?
Why is she only blaming you? Her husband agreed to go help knowing they had plans that evening, you even asked if he wanted to not help and you’d ask a friend instead.
this is the stupidest nothing-burger.
NTA
here is a normal person in this situation: ok, I understand traffic is terrible and there is construction, I will meet you at the theater. I’ll leave a ticket for the brother, and go get the seats. And popcorn, and a 4 gallon bucket of mountain dew. See you in there.
PS screaming like Brad Pitt at the end of Seven, what’s the movie?
There’s about 30 mins of previews she would have made it fine.
Hmmm, you didn’t drive like an a$:hat and risk putting your brother’s life and others on the road at risk. You drove defensively through construction traffic and didn’t kill anyone by causing an accident. She’s upset because your thoughtfulness impacted her precious plans? Nope, you are not the AH. SIL needs to grow up.
NAH. Movies, at least where I live, have legitimately 25 minutes of trailers, commercials, reminders to silence your phone etc etc before the movie starts actually playing. Movie start times have built in buffers as is. She over reacted.
The reason I’m saying NTA is because quite frankly, this has nothing to do with you at all. This is solely between SIL and your brother. Your brother is the one who had plans with SIL, not you. You weren’t even the one who reached out to your brother to make different plans on the same day. You bear no responsibility. Your brother could have turned your cousin down; he could have taken his own car and left at whatever time he wanted if he didn’t want to rely on you or risk getting caught up in traffic or whatever; he could have (don’t know whether he did or not) kept SIL in the loop on eta, how far away you guys were, etc.
Your brother chose to help the cousin, he chose to ride with you-you did what you could to take him to the movie on time but he was the one who made an agreement with SIL, not you. It was his responsibility to ensure he could keep it, not yours.
NAH. Your SIL should learn some physics because you would have had to speed A LOT to make up the time once you noticed you were running behind due to traffic…and note that it’s literally impossible to speed when traffic and construction is what is making you late. You left with a 30 minute buffer and ended up using 45 minutes.
Also, being only 15 minutes late is really nothing when it comes to a movie since they start with a bunch of ads and previews. She should have been standing in the driveway for you to go immediately, but she CHOSE to not be ready or respond to texts so everything is on her. Plus…your brother was still able to go so clearly the plans worked fine. She was the only problem.
Tell your dad to get his head on straight. Literally nothing you could have done differently to affect the outcome when she wasn’t ready to go the minute you arrived.
>At 6:15, SIL had already started calling, saying I was ruining their plans and that we’d be late.
“Ruining their plans…” is a bit extreme. And why she called to tell you that you were running late is unnecessary, I’m sure you were aware.
>I told her I was driving as fast as I safely could, but I wasn’t about to risk my license for a movie.
Good. No movie is worth a ticket or doing anything reckless.
>We ended up pulling in around 6:45…she wasn’t ready to go and wouldn’t answer calls or texts.
So, you missed all the previews before the movie started…and it would seem she wouldn’t have been ready had you been on time. She’s unwilling to accept an ounce of responsibility for being late – but is upset with you for driving six+ hours (round trip) and getting caught in traffic.
You gave your brother an out. He didn’t take it.
Which makes me wonder: If he’d rather spend time moving furniture for a cousin 3+ hours away than going to the movies with his wife…what’s his life with her like? I think her reaction and treatment of you shines a light as to why he’d rather move furniture than spend time with her.
And NTA for calling her out on her tish.