I’m going to try keep it brief because I genuinely feel like I’m being gaslit by everyone but also maybe I’m not seeing my own role in this situation.
In uni I had a very brief sort of relationship with a guy on my course. I ended it because I felt like I needed to learn independence. I’ve never lived on my own. My mum and dad coddled me and paid for my expenses, cooked for me, did my laundry etc. He was looking to settle down and I really wasn’t. I wanted to learn to be on my own for a bit and he wanted to marry someone he could take care of. We went our separate ways, finished uni, got jobs etc.
My cousin got married the other day. This guy I was previously talking to attended with his wife. She also attended our uni and was on the same course.
I wasn’t really fussed by seeing them, they’ve clearly moved on and I’m loving life right now, having that independence I’ve been wanting. It’s all chill until his wife comes up to our table. She asked me why she didn’t see me at graduation. For context, I didn’t attend our graduation ceremony because both my grandmothers had passed away and it was their funeral. I didn’t really care about missing graduation because I’ve got horrible social anxiety anyway and the thought of being seen by that many people freaked me out.
She asked about my career. I told her that I’m in teaching now and I love it. Small pleasantries, you get it. But she randomly veered the conversation in different direction. She’s like, my husband doesn’t care about you anymore. I wasn’t bothered at all because over the few years since we were together, I started to see just how toxic he was. He was controlling and he wanted me to ask his permission before seeing my own friends.
I was not looking to start an argument at my cousins wedding so i walked away from them and sat at my other cousins table. Idk how but she found me again at some other point of the reception and it got weird. She was saying things like, you are so jealous of us. You skipped graduation because you didn’t want to see us together. (I didn’t even know they were together). I didn’t bother explaining myself. It would’ve been pointless as she’d already made up her mind about me. I just nodded along as she ranted to me. But as you’d expect, it started to take attention away from the wedding.
I decided it would probably be best to go home so I gave my gifts and left. But my cousin messaged me a few days later angry at me for starting fights at the wedding. I told her I wasn’t looking for any fights and that girl had approached me every single time. But she told me it was my fault for leading him on in the first place. I explained it was very long time ago, I was only 19 at the time and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, let alone commit to marrying a guy.
Am I being dumb or is this actually my fault? Did I ruin the wedding? There’s more I want to include but this post is limited.
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I’m going to try keep it brief because I genuinely feel like I’m being gaslit by everyone but also maybe I’m not seeing my own role in this situation.
In uni I had a very brief sort of relationship with a guy on my course. I ended it because I felt like I needed to learn independence. I’ve never lived on my own. My mum and dad coddled me and paid for my expenses, cooked for me, did my laundry etc. He was looking to settle down and I really wasn’t. I wanted to learn to be on my own for a bit and he wanted to marry someone he could take care of. We went our separate ways, finished uni, got jobs etc.
My cousin got married the other day. This guy I was previously talking to attended with his wife. She also attended our uni and was on the same course.
I wasn’t really fussed by seeing them, they’ve clearly moved on and I’m loving life right now, having that independence I’ve been wanting. It’s all chill until his wife comes up to our table. She asked me why she didn’t see me at graduation. For context, I didn’t attend our graduation ceremony because both my grandmothers had passed away and it was their funeral. I didn’t really care about missing graduation because I’ve got horrible social anxiety anyway and the thought of being seen by that many people freaked me out.
She asked about my career. I told her that I’m in teaching now and I love it. Small pleasantries, you get it. But she randomly veered the conversation in different direction. She’s like, my husband doesn’t care about you anymore. I wasn’t bothered at all because over the few years since we were together, I started to see just how toxic he was. He was controlling and he wanted me to ask his permission before seeing my own friends.
I was not looking to start an argument at my cousins wedding so i walked away from them and sat at my other cousins table. Idk how but she found me again at some other point of the reception and it got weird. She was saying things like, you are so jealous of us. You skipped graduation because you didn’t want to see us together. (I didn’t even know they were together). I didn’t bother explaining myself. It would’ve been pointless as she’d already made up her mind about me. I just nodded along as she ranted to me. But as you’d expect, it started to take attention away from the wedding.
I decided it would probably be best to go home so I gave my gifts and left. But my cousin messaged me a few days later angry at me for starting fights at the wedding. I told her I wasn’t looking for any fights and that girl had approached me every single time. But she told me it was my fault for leading him on in the first place. I explained it was very long time ago, I was only 19 at the time and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, let alone commit to marrying a guy.
Am I being dumb or is this actually my fault? Did I ruin the wedding? There’s more I want to include but this post is limited.
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> 1. Arguing at the wedding. 2. Taking attention away from the wedding.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You didn’t start the fight and you left so it wouldn’t cause commotion at the wedding nta. Is your cousin friends the with other girl? Cause it seems like she’s taking sides when she should be mad at the other girl for starting shit at her wedding.
It’s “your fault” because people are for some reason choosing to blame you. But you actually have nothing to do with anyone else’s problems or behaviors. NTA.
NTA. Sounds like the new wife is insecure and taking it out on you. And your cousin is mad that she wasn’t the center of attention as much as she wanted to be but can’t easily take it out on the wife, so she’s taking it out on you too. You’ve got some dramatic people in your life, but you’re not the problem.
NTA. Anyone blaming you is delusional.
NTA. What is wrong with these people? I’d be very firm with everyone who had something to say, “I attended my cousin’s weekend and my exs new wife behaved like an unhinged lunatic following me around. It became so uncomfortable I had to leave because SHE was causing a scene. I have nothing to apologize for.”
Sounds like neither your ex and wife nor your cousin were actually mature enough to get married. NTA.
Nah, that’s not on you. You didn’t ruin anything, his wife came looking for drama and dragged it into a wedding. You literally tried to walk away and keep it chill, and she kept pushing. Your cousin’s just mad someone caused a scene, but blaming you is easier than admitting her guest was messy. You set no fire, you just left when it got weird. NTA
NTA.
She’s insane, your cousin is nearly as insane.
NTA. Based on what you’ve written, you realized that guy wasn’t what you wanted and the relationship ended a long time ago. His wife is either very unhappy and/or very insecure in her relationship and she’s projecting, or he put her up to confronting you, or some combination of those three things. You did the right things in an awkward situation; you initially walked away, and when she attempted to continue the interaction and you realized it was drawing unwanted attention, you excused yourself and left the event. Any attention that was diverted from the bride and groom was entirely her fault, because she continuously tried to not only engage, but escalate, the situation. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Me thinks his wife protests too much. I’d put money down that “you’re the one who got away”.
I’d speak to your cousin and see what story she’s is spinning. My guess is she saying you were following them around, and she was protecting her hubby.
NTA. But why were they at your cousins wedding to begin with?
Nta. The mad, jealous wife is. And so is the bride.
NTA. Both your cousin and the guy’s wife are dumbasses.
Yeah, I’m not buying it.
NTA. There’s some serious gaslighting going on here. Although it’s also possible that this woman talked to your cousin and said it was your fault.
Based on what you’ve written, NTA. But you said yourself, there’s more to the story.
Given what you’ve explained, it seems somewhat irrational on that girl’s part to be so obsessed with you to the point of chasing you away from your own family’s wedding. That’s somewhat unhinged, unless there’s something more to the story.
Summary: You were NTA at the wedding, but there might be some history in the story where you were TA, and this is the downstream consequence of that.
NTA. Let me guess: your cousin got one side of the story only.
NTA. Guy’s wife is insecure and wanted to make sure you knew he was her man. You should have said “Great, because I don’t care about him at all and haven’t thought about him since I was 19. I’m done with this conversation about ancient history”. You didn’t lead anyone on, you dated him a long time ago. This drama is going to die down fast, just ignore it and keep loving life.
NTA. Your cousin and that guy’s wife are whack jobs. You attempted to diffuse the situation by removing yourself on multiple occasions. When it was clear the wife was not going to leave you alone, you left the reception to ensure the focus would remain on the cousin. What exactly were you supposed to do? Why isn’t your cousin going after the wife who kept initiating the conflict? Your cousin defending the wife’s actions by saying it’s because you led a guy on that you dated briefly years ago? Irrelevant and straight up bananas. You did everything right, however stop engaging with your cousin. It’s clear she has an axe to grind with you and is using this incident as her excuse. Nothing you say is going to change that for her. Drop the rope and protect your peace.
NTA Honestly, the best way to handle these is to give them what they want.
“You’re right. You won. I lost. I skipped graduation because I couldn’t bear to see you guys together. Nothing at all to do with two deaths in my family.”
If they still push it, follow up with “I’m not sure what you want. I just agreed with everything you said. Is there something more I can do for you?”
NTA it’s not your fault that she approached you and tried to intentionally cause drama. I find it weird your cousin is saying you lead him on in the first place and somehow that justifies his wife’s behavior. I read in the comments you said your cousin is friends with the wife, I think it’s clear she has been telling a very different story about what happened
Be mad at the wife because her jealousy has gotten her stuck on stupid but your cousin needs to be stood down. Get the cousin on the phone and tell her in no uncertain terms that she has been told an untrue story and if she wants a relationship with you, she needs to listen. If she doesn’t give you an opportunity to explain, then feel free to put that relationship on the backburner.
FTR, the next time the wife gets in your face, get back in hers. Being nice does not work with these people.
Your cousin is the AH here. She should be defending you.
WTF?? Even if only 50% of what you’ve relayed is true, UNLESS you did a whole lot more than nod and try to disappear into the crowd, NTA. And you’re kinda drowning in a sea of assholes rn, ngl.
What?! Leading him on? Did your cousin suffer a break from reality?
NTA. You did everything you could to avoid a fight with a psycho. Your voiding should be kissing your hand.