This happened yesterday, I (15F) don’t know if I’m overreacting? but I feel sick to my stomach thinking back on what I saw. My mom (37F) has been dating “Tom” (45M) for the past two years, and we moved in with him really early into their relationship. I’ve never really liked him as hes given me creepy vibes. He has “accidentally” walked in on me changing, joked about my body, and I feel like he’s been overly touchy in passing moments like grazing against me when passing by. I have already told my mom before how uncomfortable Tom makes me feel but she always dismisses me or says I’m overthinking things. It’s been like this ever since we all started living together.
Yesterday I couldn’t find my earbuds so I went looking for them inside Toms car since it was where i last used them. I decided to check the glove department which I wish I never did now because I can’t shake the memory off my mind. As I was moving the papers and mess he has in there, I ended up seeing something that made me double take.
I found one of my underwear that went missing last month and a photo of me in a swimsuit from a beach trip two years ago, inside a ziplock bag.
I felt so sick and confused and stood there with my thoughts racing as to why he would be hiding that?
There really isn’t any innocent explanation as to why the hell he has that?? I thought maybe I should just leave it there and pretend I never saw anything at all, but knowing how fucking weird Toms is with me, I just had to show my mom, maybe she would finally believe me.
Well, I approached my mom when we were alone. I was trying to tell her what I found when I went looking for my earbuds. I even showed it to her. I told her I feel so freaked out and uncomfortable with Tom and for her to finally believe my experiences to be true, to please leave him and get us out of here.
She just stood there with the most disgusted look on her face, then interrupted me and started yelling at me about how I am mentally ill for planting fake evidence to prove my delusions about Tom, just because I want to sabotage her relationship and happiness. She threw the ziplock bag in the trash and we had a back and forth argument until I went and locked myself in my room.
I felt like I was gonna lose my mind so I told my bestfriend if I could come over and have a last minute sleepover. I packed my backpack and snuck out last night.
Well my mom finally noticed I ran away and sent me a text about how I’m such a drama queen.
I just feel lost, I feel like I should have just pretended I never saw what I did, and maybe I was in the wrong for trying to ruin their relationship? I mean I do want my mom to be happy, I just wish it wasn’t with him. am I the asshole for how I reacted ?
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This happened yesterday, I (15F) don’t know if I’m overreacting? but I feel sick to my stomach thinking back on what I saw. My mom (37F) has been dating “Tom” (45M) for the past two years, and we moved in with him really early into their relationship. I’ve never really liked him as hes given me creepy vibes. He has “accidentally” walked in on me changing, joked about my body, and I feel like he’s been overly touchy in passing moments like grazing against me when passing by. I have already told my mom before how uncomfortable Tom makes me feel but she always dismisses me or says I’m overthinking things. It’s been like this ever since we all started living together.
Yesterday I couldn’t find my earbuds so I went looking for them inside Toms car since it was where i last used them. I decided to check the glove department which I wish I never did now because I can’t shake the memory off my mind. As I was moving the papers and mess he has in there, I ended up seeing something that made me double take.
I found one of my underwear that went missing last month and a photo of me in a swimsuit from a beach trip two years ago, inside a ziplock bag.
I felt so sick and confused and stood there with my thoughts racing as to why he would be hiding that?
There really isn’t any innocent explanation as to why the hell he has that?? I thought maybe I should just leave it there and pretend I never saw anything at all, but knowing how fucking weird Toms is with me, I just had to show my mom, maybe she would finally believe me.
Well, I approached my mom when we were alone. I was trying to tell her what I found when I went looking for my earbuds. I even showed it to her. I told her I feel so freaked out and uncomfortable with Tom and for her to finally believe my experiences to be true, to please leave him and get us out of here.
She just stood there with the most disgusted look on her face, then interrupted me and started yelling at me about how I am mentally ill for planting fake evidence to prove my delusions about Tom, just because I want to sabotage her relationship and happiness. She threw the ziplock bag in the trash and we had a back and forth argument until I went and locked myself in my room.
I felt like I was gonna lose my mind so I told my bestfriend if I could come over and have a last minute sleepover. I packed my backpack and snuck out last night.
Well my mom finally noticed I ran away and sent me a text about how I’m such a drama queen.
I just feel lost, I feel like I should have just pretended I never saw what I did, and maybe I was in the wrong for trying to ruin their relationship? I mean I do want my mom to be happy, I just wish it wasn’t with him. am I the asshole for how I reacted ?
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NTA
That guy is a creep and none of what he did is “accidental”. Your mom is putting you in danger by moving out with a man who makes you uncomfortable. There is NO innocent explanation, none.
You need to talk to an adult ASAP, someone you can trust. You’re not safe in your own house and your mom is doing nothing. Is there a family member who can help ? I would go to the police or move out with family, for your own safety.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I had a mean argument with my mom that got heated, and I ran away to my bestfriend’s house last night.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – Tom is a F-ing creep and has already stolen underwear and taken pictures of you, how many at this point who knows? Which is sickening. Also the fact that your mother is deflecting all the blame towards you to the point of saying you planted it.
This is a situation I’ve never navigated. I’d get in contact with any adult family member you can, I don’t know what jurisdiction cops would have in this case, or if they cared but that might be an idea. Tom might already be on a list of some sort and being around you could be a violation.
Is there anyone you can stay with? Another family member who might hear you out. Neither Tom’s or your moms behaviour is okay in this situation and you’re completely in the right. I urge you to find a trusted family member who you could realistically stay with until she realises her wrongs. It doesn’t seem safe for you to be in that situation right now, especially not with how ignorant she’s being.
Tell a trusted adult. They or you should call your local child protective agency. Now that school is out, rates of abuse in the US rise (it happens during every long break/holidays). It’s an awful statistic, and more protections should be put in place for minors during school breaks.
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NTA and the fact your mom is choosing a creep over her own child is disgusting. Im so sorry, Op. so there a way you could get out of there? Any family or friends you can go to?
You need to reach out to family members to see if they can/will take you in. Get ready for the smear campaign! Tom and your mom are going to try to paint you as a bad kid who don’t want to listen! Heck, maybe even a drug addicted child! Stand your ground. Call CPS, if they try to force you to come home, call the police and get it on record! Reach out to the juvenile detectives. Let them know that you are afraid to be around that man!!! The State can & will make her pick.
Hi OP,
I’m so sorry this is all happening. It’s must be so scary to have found your underwear and photo. Especially after the way Tom has leered at you and made comments about your body. You made the right decision to talk to your mom about what you found. I wish she would’ve listened to you and finally put your safety first. Unfortunately she didn’t and you made the next right decision to lean on your friends and leave. Our parents are supposed to protect us, but sometimes they are too selfish and wrapped up in their own shit. I’m sorry your mom is prioritizing having a relationship over protecting you. You deserve better.
If you can, I would advise you and your friend talking with her parents and see if you can stay with them for a while. I know you tried with your mom and it didn’t go well. But please be honest with them. Tell them what you’ve been through with Tom and what you found in his car and how your mom responded. You aren’t safe with your mom right now.
Please keep us updated. Stay safe OP, you’re doing an amazing job of keeping yourself safe. Keep trusting your gut.
Clearly NTA and dont let your Mum gaslight you into thinking overwise – Your Mum on the overhand… Also, it’s shit that you’re going through this
NTA. It’s so sad that your mother is choosing to not protect you from her pervert husband. So yes, you have to protect yourself. If it’s not too late, retrieve that ziplock bag — and do not open it, leave the finger prints inside — because some day you might have to give that to police or CPS or whatever. Just because your mother accused you of fabricating that, it is still evidence. And meanwhile, get what you need and find another place to live. You’re obviously not safe there. I’m sorry.