So me (27M), my brother (27M), his wife (26F), and her friend (25F) are on vacation right now. We’ve been planning this trip for almost a full year now and it’s come to fruition. We’re splitting the stay four ways between the four of us. My brothers wife hasn’t had a job for a month or so now but has since we started to plan this. Because we couldn’t see AirBNB rooms in person really over photos no room designations were made prior.
One location I shared a bedroom with them but was given access to no outlets while they did.
The second I was given the room with no AC while their’s did. (The country typically has no central AC so some rooms have units. We later found a hidden AC unit in my room but was still given the room when we all believed there wasn’t any).
The third location I have to climb three flights of stares while they’re on the main floor.
Since we’ve gotten here they’ve decided they get first pick of rooms. Their reasoning is because my brother alone is paying for half of the stay (2/4 splits) that they get first pick. I argued that it’s unfair they get to just discount the other two people (myself and the friend) just because they as a couple are sharing a cost. There should be more conversation to this. We are all on this trip and we’re each paying our part, just bc they’re a couple doesn’t mean they should get majority shareholder power.
My brother said I was being selfish bc he thought my argument was that they should sacrifice the better rooms for me. Which is not my argument, but that they alone don’t get to make those decisions. It’s his wife’s decision to not work (I fully support) and my brothers decision to finance both their travel expenses, that doesn’t mean my input on a trip I’m paying my share for is selfish.
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So me (27M), my brother (27M), his wife (26F), and her friend (25F) are on vacation right now. We’ve been planning this trip for almost a full year now and it’s come to fruition. We’re splitting the stay four ways between the four of us. My brothers wife hasn’t had a job for a month or so now but has since we started to plan this. Because we couldn’t see AirBNB rooms in person really over photos no room designations were made prior.
One location I shared a bedroom with them but was given access to no outlets while they did.
The second I was given the room with no AC while their’s did. (The country typically has no central AC so some rooms have units. We later found a hidden AC unit in my room but was still given the room when we all believed there wasn’t any).
The third location I have to climb three flights of stares while they’re on the main floor.
Since we’ve gotten here they’ve decided they get first pick of rooms. Their reasoning is because my brother alone is paying for half of the stay (2/4 splits) that they get first pick. I argued that it’s unfair they get to just discount the other two people (myself and the friend) just because they as a couple are sharing a cost. There should be more conversation to this. We are all on this trip and we’re each paying our part, just bc they’re a couple doesn’t mean they should get majority shareholder power.
My brother said I was being selfish bc he thought my argument was that they should sacrifice the better rooms for me. Which is not my argument, but that they alone don’t get to make those decisions. It’s his wife’s decision to not work (I fully support) and my brothers decision to finance both their travel expenses, that doesn’t mean my input on a trip I’m paying my share for is selfish.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took is arguing with my brother and his wife about the prioritization of their arraignments when it came to our shared expenses at airbnbs while on vacation. I argued that they shouldn’t get priority because they technically are paying half they shouldn’t get the best rooms when everyone is paying our share. I could be selfish in this thinking, I could be thinking about this just from my point of view bc I’m not paying half but I am paying my share. Maybe some people wouldn’t think to much about it but I argued it anyway. It might make me an asshole for not taking into consideration my brothers extra expenses in his trip here with his wife.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I think it’s fair to ask for first picks alternatively. But this problem stems deeper than a problem of rooms I feel. If this is happening to you, maybe they’re not the best people to go on a vacation with? They’re lacking the mutual respect that one should have when you go to vacation together, because I guess the point is enjoying and not worrying about such things! I feel you OP it must have been sad.
They don’t have to always get the best rooms, but at least a room that is large enough for a couple (bed size, etc). Apart from that consideration, everyone has a right to choose.
NTA, but you know that. Obviously, if properties have one double and two singles then it only makes sense for them to get the double, but otherwise you should be taking it in turns to get first choice or you and the friend will just end up resenting your brother and his wife. If they’ve had first pick for the first 3 properties, get the friend on board and have a conversation: there are 4 of you so you take it in turns. While that means that your brother and his wife will have first pick 50% of the time because that’s just the maths, you and the friend still get first pick some of the time, instead of always coming after the couple.
I usually think its fairest if the person who organized the trip (booked the accommodations, etc) chooses their room of choice. Of course, fairness is subjective and if you think their behavior is unfair its worth a discussion.
YTA. If there were three rooms and you were splitting the cost of the accommodation 3 ways, your logic would be fine and you’d be justified in complaining. But your brother and his wife are paying twice as much for their room as you are paying for yours! Of course it makes sense that they should have first pick.
> I argued that it’s unfair they get to just discount the other two people (myself and the friend) just because they as a couple are sharing a cost.
They aren’t “sharing” the cost, they’re both paying the same amount, meaning they’re paying twice as much as you. You’re being ridiculous.
> It’s his wife’s decision to not work (I fully support) and my brothers decision to finance both their travel expenses
What difference does any of this make? They’re paying twice as much as you, they get the first pick of rooms, end of story.
YTA for using her not working as some kind of justification. Whether she pays her own share or he pays it for her is irrelevant. Her share is being paid.
They are sharing a room and you are getting your own, therefore their room is costing twice as much as yours, so inevitably they will get the bigger/main bedroom.
If you were staying in a hotel and paying for your own room, you would be paying twice as much per person as them. You’re actually getting a bargain in airbnbs as your room is half the cost of theirs.
NTA in your main point, but this needed to be discussed beforehand. And, yes, you can get this info from Air bnbs.
>My brother said I was being selfish bc he thought my argument was that they should sacrifice the better rooms for me.
NTA I’d tell your brother that it’s him who is selfish wanting the best for him and his wife every single time, leaving you and the friend with the leftovers. What he is doing is creating a bad atmosphere, whereas rotating who gets the best room/conditions would leave everyone happy (as long as they didn’t want to have the best for themselves every time — hint, hint). How can he call you selfish when he is actually doing the very thing he is accusing you of wanting to do?
ETA: If I were you, I’d say that if his firm position is that he and his wife function as a block who will thereby always have VP status compared to any individual person traveling with them, then you probably won’t travel with them much anymore. It’s no fun always being relegated to second-class status while they skim the cream off everything to take for themselves as a matter of course.
Well if each financially contributing person gets 1 vote, then you get 1 and they get 2
So they would still get the same result even if everyone voted in a fair manner
Yta
I’m curious what room does the 4th person get?
They are a couple and need a room that accommodates two people
You realize that your current methodology means that your brother and his wife are effectively paying more right?
No one counts occupancy by head, we count it by room. Also, no double bedroom would be twice the cost of a single bedroom. Not even if you wanted to nitpick and calculate their double usage of the shared facilities.
What I don’t get is why is your issue with your brother rather than his wife’s friend. She’s occupying the other single room and would be your “competitor” in the scenarios you outlined. Yet she has been somehow omitted from the story.
YTA