Throw away account
I recently retired my wife mentioned a retirement party. I love to cook bbq, I have a custom built smoker it’s my passion. I said to my wife we’ll wait until summer the pool will be open and I’ll cook. I’ve done it before for our kids graduation party and her parents anniversary. I handle all the food along with a friend of mine. She said she doesn’t like the idea, she wants to do a luau with Chinese food catered. I told her I’d rather not have the party if that’s the case. AITA?
Maybe I should have said I’ve had a health issue and she says she wants me to have a break and not have to work for my own party . I believe her when she says that but cooking for people makes me happy.
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Throw away account
I recently retired my wife mentioned a retirement party. I love to cook bbq, I have a custom built smoker it’s my passion. I said to my wife we’ll wait until summer the pool will be open and I’ll cook. I’ve done it before for our kids graduation party and her parents anniversary. I handle all the food along with a friend of mine. She said she doesn’t like the idea, she wants to do a luau with Chinese food catered. I told her I’d rather not have the party if that’s the case. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Aita for not wanting a catered retirement party and wanting to do the cooking myself
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – It wouldn’t really be your retirement party if it’s all done the way she wants.
NTA- it’s your retirement you should choose what you want!! sounds like it would save moneys anyways
NTA.
It’s your retirement. The party is to celebrate you, so your wife should defer to what you want.
NTA, it’s your party and you’ll cook if you want to.
NTA.
It’s your retirement celebration, so if you don’t want to celebrate with a luau and Chinese catering, then don’t. Celebrate how you want and invite the people you want to.
Has your wife always tried to decide want you want to do for you?
NTA
The party is supposed to be for you.
Hey OP, why not both?
Give the wife her luau and then when the summer arrives, do what you want then too?
I know it’s a radical idea to both of them…
NTA
It’s a party FOR you
NTA. Your retirement, your choice.
NTA- she wants a Luau and making the excuse of your retirement. If you giving someone a party it should be what they want or it’s not about them it’s about what you want.
NTA: “Honey, thank you for offering me a retirement party. This is what I really want to do for my party. You are welcome to plan anything you want. But just know if you do the Chinese food option it is a party for you and no longer a party for me.”
Don’t say it in anger but calmly. My wife often wants to do things and tries to convert it into something for me. I tell she should do whatever she wants, but don’t turn it into something she is doing for me because I actually don’t want that. Clear communication has saved a lot of aggravation. She can still do what she wants but it removes the dance that it was somehow for me.
NTA. A party to celebrate your accomplishment, your milestone, should be one that you want and will enjoy. I’m sorry that your wife doesn’t understand that, and seems mostly interested in what she wants.
Definitely not the AH. You should do what you love. Enjoy your retirement!
Your asshole status sort of depends on how the conversation went, in my opinion. Sure, you’re NTA for not wanting a party, but it sounds a little childish to tell her if it’s not your way then it’s off. She was probably really excited about planning a party for you, and looking forward to having a lot of friends over to share the celebration. I can see why she would be really disappointed with your reaction, so I kind of think you might be TA
Awesome, two parties!
NAH.
You can have more than one party this summer. Let your wife celebrate you and your contributions to your lives.
Then throw a different bbq in the summer for something else.
As an aside how does you have a Luau with Chinese food, you have a luau with Hawaiian food, the food is part of whole thing.
NTA. My wife always suggests catering when we have a lot of people over. But like you, I enjoy smoking bbq and making food for people makes me happy. She finds cooking stressful, so I understand that she’s trying to make sure I enjoy myself.
YTA for being a stubborn old cooke. How will your poor old wife feel when you cark it mid party from a heart attack because you stubbornly had to cook. Sounds like your cooking days are behind you old boy. Deal with it.