For context, 17 years ago I got together with a guy. We were together for almost 9 years, it had ups and downs, until I eventually broke it off. We often talked about kids and I even studies to work in childcare. His biggest dream is to have kids. With time, I figured out I didn’t want kids and I told him. We were apart for 8 years and two months ago we started a relationship again. He knows I don’t want children, I even got my tubes tied.
He said multiple times, he’s accepted it. His sister got pregnant and gave birth last year. They don’t have the closest bond, so he doesn’t see his niece a lot. Now his second sister is pregnant and due in April next year. He’s had a closer bond with her throughout the years, although it’s faded. He’s hoping he can get a better bond with her kid than his other niece. Now, we were talking last night about how he wants to babysit once in a while when the baby gets here. Which I think it’s great for him. But I told him, I don’t want any part of it if we’re living together. I do not like kids and I’d rather avoid them as much as possible. He’s taken it pretty hard, which he has a right to. But now he’s questioning whether or not he wants to be with me.
I don’t want to be responsible for a kid in my home, I don’t want to play fun aunt and play with the kid.
AITA here?
Edit to add: I’m currently 32, and he’s 40. He knows he’ll never have kids.
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For context, 17 years ago I got together with a guy. We were together for almost 9 years, it had ups and downs, until I eventually broke it off. We often talked about kids and I even studies to work in childcare. His biggest dream is to have kids. With time, I figured out I didn’t want kids and I told him. We were apart for 8 years and two months ago we started a relationship again. He knows I don’t want children, I even got my tubes tied.
He said multiple times, he’s accepted it. His sister got pregnant and gave birth last year. They don’t have the closest bond, so he doesn’t see his niece a lot. Now his second sister is pregnant and due in April next year. He’s had a closer bond with her throughout the years, although it’s faded. He’s hoping he can get a better bond with her kid than his other niece. Now, we were talking last night about how he wants to babysit once in a while when the baby gets here. Which I think it’s great for him. But I told him, I don’t want any part of it if we’re living together. I do not like kids and I’d rather avoid them as much as possible. He’s taken it pretty hard, which he has a right to. But now he’s questioning whether or not he wants to be with me.
I don’t want to be responsible for a kid in my home, I don’t want to play fun aunt and play with the kid.
AITA here?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Yes
NAH. You just aren’t compatible
Not necessarily AITA, but why you want to forbid him to watch to her niece? You don’t have to do it, just let him do it. You can choose not to be there.
YTA. You two are a team now, his niece/s should also be a part of your life not just his, they maybe his family but I think it’s quite selfish of you to not even want to know his family and babysit them with your partner. Like I said you’re supposed to be a team and he’s already accepted you don’t want kids there has to be some compromise from you.
You aren’t the asshole but you know that he wants kids and you know you don’t.
At best he is going to form a strong bond with his sister’s children to scratch that itch. At worst he is hoping with exposure you will change your mind.
I get it, I am child free by choice but honestly from my experience you should only be dating people the same tk avoid these situations.
NTA
This is the thin end of the wedge and good thing you’ve seen it as such. But it sounds like you and he want different things. NAH
You’re NTA for knowing what you want, but a slight YTA for basically saying you want nothing to do with parts of his family. If you don’t want kids at all, and it was always his dream to have them, why are y’all together? Relationships do take sacrifices, but something like this is just going to cause hard feelings and possibly resentment down the road.
YTA
NTA since you’ve been upfront about not wanting anything to do with kids but I think you might be TA if you stay with him. He gets one life and, if his biggest dream is to have kids, I’d let him go and find that dream with someone else or at least let him find someone who can let him be the uncle he wants to be.
YTA. He gave in about not having his own kids to be with you. You can’t let him at least bond with his nieces by babysitting? You’re selfish.
NAH- Having kids is a big decision in a relationship, and you have every right to stand up for what YOU want. He also has that right, and if he’s realizing he wants someone to have a family with while you’re set on having no part in childcare, it’s valid to reevaluate the relationship. If you guys are wanting to head two different paths in life, it’s definitely worth a clear and heartfelt discussion. It doesn’t have to be accusatory or someone’s fault if you split either, sometimes it just doesn’t work out.
Seems like the 2 of you are incompatible. He is clearly doing his best to meet his need to have kids vicariously through his nieces. Let him go so you can both find the right person for you.
NAH – but you need to be clearer on “I want nothing to do with any of the human race until they’re x age” for him to make an informed decision about your relationship.
Not wanting your own kids and wanting to have nothing to do with any kids are two different things. It sounds like he accepted “none of your own kids” but not the extent of your boundaries related to child-related activites.
I.e – child-free but active aunties/uncles, child-free but educators, child-free but attends the birthdays of niblings and friend’s children, child-free but it’s a family member’s and only at gatherings, etc. Etc.
ESH, but him more
If his biggest dream is to have kids, you need to stop wasting his time and cut him lose. You will never be able to give him what he wants, so it’s not fair to keep him tied down.
However, I feel that one of the reasons for him wanting to babysit is the hope that you will cave when you are around children, and that is a sh*tty, underhanded, passive aggressive attempt at manipulation.
“Deciding” if he wants to stay with you is emotional blackmail- you have already been put in the role of villain.
Hmm I feel like slight YTA. Not for holding firm on not wanting kids of your own, but you’re now saying you want nothing to do with the newest addition to his family… wanting to be close to his niece is a very reasonable request…y’all aren’t compatible.
You two are not compatible. He might say he is fine with you having no kids but that doesn’t mean he will stop wanting them, and he will try to fill that void with nieces and nephews and you don’t want anything to do with them. You two should break up and find people who share the same desires and live the same lifestyle
Go your separate ways already. You aren’t compatible, and there’s no point in continuing this relationship. Your zero tolerance of any relationship with any child is just going to breed resentment for both of you.
Why did you get back into a relationship with a guy you know wants kids when you know that you don’t and have even had your tubes tied?
That’s ridiculous. You can’t be with someone who’s told you in the past their ‘biggest dream’ is to have kids and just hope for the best.
End this relationship and go your separate ways. His niece isn’t even the issue here. You’re both not on the same page about kids and you’re just wasting each others time.
YTA