After my mom died when I was 6 my dad dated around. My parents marriage was pretty bad so it wasn’t as difficult as it could have been. When I was 8 he dated a woman named Jayna for a couple of years and she and her kids even moved in with us. Us meaning me, dad and my younger sister. But things didn’t work out. My sister and I didn’t like Jayna and some of Jayna’s family didn’t like dad.
He had other relationships. We got close to his ex-fiancée but she called off the engagement because dad was a jerk to her. He led her on about having kids when he doesn’t want more. We didn’t like every woman dad was with but some we liked well enough.
My dad and Jayna reconnected at the end of 2024 and dad told us they have talked about getting back together. He wanted us to give our blessing for that to happen. I’m 16, almost 17, and my sister is 15. My sister said she’d let dad be happy however that worked. He said it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear and she shrugged. I told him I don’t want him to get back together with Jayna, but if he does because he wants to I’ll accept it and I won’t try and break them up or anything. Dad asked if there was anything that could make me feel differently about it. I told him if Jayna could basically leave me alone and treat me like a random neighborhood kid that was fine. But I didn’t want her acting like she did before. He looked a bit disappointed by that but said okay.
The next day grandma asked me what the hell that answer was to dad and why would I not give him my blessing to be with Jayna. She said I know dad loved Jayna and was heartbroken when things ended with her. She told me I might not have liked Jayna but at least she treated me as her kid even if she was forceful about lifestyle changes and could be intrusive. She said Jayna could be a lot worse. And to look at it as she’d make a good grandmother to my kids one day.
My issues with Jayna came from how strict she was about some stuff. She was vegan back then and she tried to force me and my sister to follow that when she lived with us because “no kid of hers would eat animal products”. She believed art classes were a waste of time and tried to make dad pull my sister out of them. She hated video games and she said her kids weren’t allowed video games, which included me in her opinion. My dad went against Jayna on that stuff. He still ate meat and animal products and let me play video games and kept my sister in art classes. But stuff like that was so common. They weren’t on the same page really. And I hated how she tried to make us be like her kids.
My grandma told me I needed to correct what I said to dad before it’s too late. My dad has looked bummed about it since we talked so I guess he told Jayna no to getting back together or if he didn’t he expects to lose us. It’s not that I want it to happen but I still feel how I feel about Jayna.
AITA?
Comments
NTA. You were honest but still kind, and that’s really mature tbh. It’s ok to not vibe with someone who tried to change so much about your life. Don’t let people guilt you for setting a boundary.
You’re literally just setting a boundary and being respectful about it. That’s not being an AH, that’s being emotionally mature. You’re 16 and handling this better than most adults fr.
Granny needs to butt the hell out, he acts the way he does becuase she raised him that way.
As someone who has had multiple step parents on both sides, your dad needs to do some serious thinking and going.
You’re NTA and you did the right thing by being honest.
Absolutely not the asshole. 💯
You’re 16, nearly an adult, and you expressed your feelings calmly and respectfully. You didn’t throw a tantrum, you didn’t say “it’s her or us,” and you even said you’d accept it if he chose to be with Jayna—that’s incredibly mature.
What you did ask for was boundaries. That’s not selfish—that’s healthy. Wanting someone to treat you with space and respect, especially after a tough shared history, is totally fair. Jayna tried to parent you in ways that weren’t okay, and your discomfort isn’t something to be brushed aside just to make your dad or grandma feel better.
Honestly? Your dad should be proud of how you handled it. He asked for your blessing, and you gave him honesty with kindness. If he’s bummed, that’s not your fault—it’s part of the complex emotional reality of relationships. Not everyone is going to be overjoyed, and that doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
Also, your grandma’s “she’d be a good grandmother to your kids one day” argument is just… You’re 16. You’re not making decisions based on future hypothetical grandkids. You’re trying to live your life now.
If your dad ends up back with Jayna, that’s his decision—but you’re allowed to set the terms for how you coexist with her. That’s not being difficult. That’s being real.
So no—you’re not the asshole. You’re someone with emotional intelligence and a good head on your shoulders. Don’t let anyone guilt-trip you for speaking your truth.
You still gave your blessings what more do they want from you
NTA. Jayna sounds like more than strict. She sounds like a jerk. You’re older now with more agency, but you’d still be minors living with her. I think your answer to your dad was perfect.
Treating you like a neighborhood kid is the perfect solution. She isn’t your mother. She should let your dad do the parenting.
NTA – you expressed yourself honestly. Unfortunately your grandmother cannot ever be in your shoes to understand why you feel the way you do.
As for you dad and grandmother, they shouldnt be putting this on you. Not sure what your dad tried to resolve the situation after the first break up with Jayna, but you still feel the issue. And maybe, thats something you should discuss with your dad.
But a life tip, if you and your dad dont get past this, you may have future relationship issues. Maybe ask dad if he be willing to go to counseling to help you and sister (if you want) to get through this.
NTA
You and your sister were honest about your feelings, and this is a situation where honesty and clarity is very important. I would encourage you to be as specific with your father (and your grandmother) about your concerns. The more information he has, the better he can act on that. That might mean setting specific ground rules with Jayna as they renew their relationship, or reconsidering renewing the relationship.
NTA.
And your bum ass grandma is way out of line.
NTA, honestly, your grandma’s opinion shouldn’t even matter, she’s probably just pushing her own agenda, you know how grandparents are, and frankly, you’re being really thoughtful about your dad’s happiness and your own, it’s a tricky balance, but your answer seemed perfectly reasonable, because it’s hard to know how to navigate all of that, aren’t we all just trying to do what feels right, even when it’s complicated?
NTA, seriously, it’s understandable to have reservations, I mean, Jayna sounds like a handful, and sometimes, I wish I could just tell everyone to chill out, but I guess that’s unrealistic. What do you think Dad will do next, will he take your concerns seriously, or will he just push through?
Tell your grandmother that your feelings are yours and she had no right to tell you what to feel period!! She obviously doesn’t give a damn about you or your sister. You did nothing wrong, have nothing to apologize for our change!! NTA
NTA Let Jayna be in charge of granny for a while! I would remind granny that this opinionated witch will be the one to “help” make decisions for her if she needs help later in life. She will dictate your diet, housing and the costs will impact her so you think she will give you that nice nursing home or the cheap one because hey you’ll never know the difference.
NTA
Your grandma needs to butt out.
If your dad didn’t like what he heard he should have thought better of asking a stupid question.
Tell gma to let her live there, dad can date her. She can feel free to place her rules on dad and gma.
NTA. Your grandmother is wrong. You and your sister may not have any choice in whom your father dates, but that doesn’t mean you have to welcome a woman who abused you with open arms.
Neither your grandma or your father are really acknowledging how living with Jayna impacts you and your little sister. Both of your responses were mature and reasonable. Your father should really care about how you feel instead of having high expectations of a “blessing” and acting disappointed when you’re honest. NTA.
Tell granny to think of it as youre coming into her house and youre going to throw out grannys meat, destroy her hobbies and limit contact with people because you’re the new boss in granny’s world, but don’t worry granny … it could be worse. You’re just being a good grandkid.
Nta
NTA. The truth is the truth. Good for your dad to actually respect your and your sister’s opinions. But your grandma can fuck all the way off.
NTA Your grandma sounds like an asshole who only cares about her son’s happiness. Your answered was a lot more kind than I would’ve given. Jayna sounds like a nightmare. Why should you lie to spare your father’s feelings? Your dad deserve to know the truth, especially since he asked.
I think you should meet with her again. It’s been nearly a decade. People change. Her previous behaviour was bad and you’re right to be upset by it, but she may be a different person and this may be a non issue.
Grandma needs to mind her own business this affects not at all. Jayna sounds extremely controlling and I feel sorry for her kids. NTA
NTAH
He wanted your opinion and you were honest and fair.
NTA but your Dad sure is
NTA Your dad doesn’t deserve to stay single but he also needs to consider his partner carefully to ensure it’s a good fit, based on her lifestyle and parenting choices she is not compatible with your dad and your family, it’s unfair to force either side to have to alter their lives to that degree just because two people want to be together, if that’s the case then they should wait until all the kids are grown and out of the house.
NTA at all, you were really mature about this and setting up your own boundaries. You accepted the scenario but you don’t have to change your whole life for your father’s relationship. Even your sister was mature about it. Dad can be happy in his relationship but he doesn’t and can’t expect you or your sister to buckle at his own account.
Dad is respecting children’s position. Grandma needs to butt out.
If someone wants you to feel a certain way and you just don’t feel that way… all you can do is be honest.
You can be happy for your dad, without wanting to live with Jayna, OP.
NTA. Your maturity level at seventeen years old is much greater than when you were eight. You remember what the eight year old you felt about Jayna. Since she came back in your dad’s life you aren’t vegan, you play video games as you wish and your sister has continued to take art classes. Maybe Jayna has mellowed but you should talk about house rules if she gets back with your dad. You voiced concern about her to your dad but didn’t outright veto the relationship. Let your dad know how you feel. If he cares for Jayla his life will be better if they are together. As long as you have an agreement about house rules you will be better off too.
Rather than ‘you can date her but I want nothing to do with her’, try telling your father ‘i didn’t like how she acted doing this, that and the other thing’ last time. I appreciated how you stood by us, but I don’t want to have to go through all that again. But I’ll try to stand by you if you still feel that strongly for her.
But yes, at the moment YTA.
NTA. I would have told your Dad that you would accept Janya in his life as long as she stays in her own lane. By that, it means that she is his girl friend and not a parental figure. She can parent her children as she likes but that does not include you and your sister. Entering into a relationship with her does not require that she and her children be viewed as family if you do not see them as such. Nor are you required to grant her grandparent status if you ever have children of your own.
UpdateMe!
Does this mean Jayna said no to leaving you alone? Because it doesn’t sound like you were stopping them from getting back together other than that.