I (35M) have been planning an outing with a group of friends for a while. We’re all busy so a wine tour, then dinner took some effort for scheduling.
One of our friends (30F), texted me the day before stating that she is ill and not feeling well. So she cannot attend. No real issue for the group as I ate the cost for her spot on the tour and pre-fix dinner. I responded with,
“I’m sorry to hear that. No worries, get some rest and feel better soon!”
No response. Since then, she has ghosted me when I texeted asking if she feels better.
According to mutual friends, she thought my message was callous? I currently assume she is just upset I didn’t reschedule the whole event but that seems unreasonable to me since it took months to plan.
Has the saying changed and I am unaware of it? I’m so confused.
We’ll all be meeting again as a group. I hate walking on egg shells around a person but don’t want to apologize for no reason either.
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I (35M) have been planning an outing with a group of friends for a while. We’re all busy so a wine tour, then dinner took some effort for scheduling.
One of our friends (30F), texted me the day before stating that she is ill and not feeling well. So she cannot attend. No real issue for the group as I ate the cost for her spot on the tour and pre-fix dinner. I responded with,
“I’m sorry to hear that. No worries, get some rest and feel better soon!”
No response. Since then, she has ghosted me when I texeted asking if she feels better.
According to mutual friends, she thought my message was callous? I currently assume she is just upset I didn’t reschedule the whole event but that seems unreasonable to me since it took months to plan.
Has the saying changed and I am unaware of it? I’m so confused.
We’ll all be meeting again as a group. I hate walking on egg shells around a person but don’t want to apologize for no reason either.
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NTA. I can’t see anything wrong with the message.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Had a group outing, someone couldn’t make it cause they were ill.
I said “I’m sorry to hear that” and the person took it negatively.
Am I the Asshole?
Has that saying changed?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
From what you say here you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and have actually covered the cost for her.
She should be thanking you.
NTA
That’s a perfectly normal and thoughtful message to send someone if they are not feeling well.
If she is difficult about it then point out that you covered the cost of her not attending but haven’t asked her to pay. I assume she hasn’t offered to reimburse you which says a lot about her.
NTA but I don’t think your message was that thoughtful- I think it is nicer to include something along the lines of “we’ll miss you at the event!” and “we’ll have to make up for it by grabbing drinks when you feel better” or something, so she knows she is valued as part of the group. But that doesn’t excuse her behavior.
Your message was absolutely fine . They are just kinda dumb to be honest. They clearly wanted you to dig and ask a million questions as to what exactly is wrong, find advice what medicine to take, blah blah and maybe even a “well cancel and reschedule because the trip isn’t worth going on without ya!!”
News flash to all who believe that : the world keeps turning. It doesn’t stop when ppl die, when you’re sick, when you’re depressed, everyone’s lives keep going and besides close friends checking on you and”being there” their lives also keep going on.
NTA.
She sound like a piece of work being upset over something like this.
No you are fine and (spoiler alert) she probably wasn’t sick
You are way over thinking this. Everyone is fine. Continue on.
I’m sorry to hear that” is classic kindness, not a breakup text😅 Maybe she wanted more attention or a reschedule? Just stay cool-no need to walk on eggshells over a wine tour! If she brings it up, ask what she would’ve preferred.
NTA. Sounds like she wanted more fuss and attention, but that’s a her problem, not a you problem.
NTA. She doesn’t have a reason to be upset at that message. Your messages were fine.
NTA. Of course you were not going to reschedule and your message was nice. It sounds like she doesn’t have the emotional maturity to understand that the whole world doesn’t stop because she got a cold, so in your place I would approach her at the very beginning of the next friend meeting and clear the air. Just take the high road, ask how she’s doing and say you were really sorry that she couldn’t come. If that doesn’t work ask for backup from your other friends, if they don’t want to take your side I would reconsider my friendships.
NTA- I promise you don’t need people this exhausting in your life. Don’t give a second thought to this bullshit.
Sounds like a non-refundable outing which you didn’t demand she pay for so seems like you are a decent guy and sent her well wishes knowing it would be lost money. NTA you just can’t win with some people, don’t take it personal.
Maybe she thought you’d all be so distraught about her not attending that you’d all decide to wait till she could go with you.
It seems she is miffed at missing out.
She sounds very juvenile. Ignore her.
NTA
NTA. Y’all wanted a wine tour not a whine tour!
NTA. I had a friend who was upset we didn’t cancel a brunch with several of our friends that had been in the works for weeks because she had a family emergency last minute.
Of course we wanted her there. Of course we were empathetic to her situation. But other people’s lives go on when something bad happens to you.
Anyway, this person sounds like an emotional vampire. I wouldn’t spend any more time or energy thinking about it.